Eleven Months
by thatsmuchbetter
Summary: CS AU – Seventeen year old Emma is sentenced to spend eleven months in prison for stealing the watches. She soon learns that her correctional officer is a young handsome blue eyed man named Killian Jones.
1. Intro

**Chapter 1 – Intro**

'_Eleven months'_ The two words echoed in her head. She still couldn't believe that she had found herself in that situation.

During her trial her eyes constantly searched the court room, waiting for Neal to emerge, refusing to believe that their story ended so abruptly, ended so badly.

The first few days she said to herself that it had to be a mistake, that something probably went wrong, that he did not set her up, that he did not _just leave_. She spent those first days in jail where she had to wait for her trial glancing towards the narrow hallway that led to her detention cell, every ten minutes give or take, waiting and hoping for Neal to appear from somewhere. Instead of what she should have been doing - focus on her trial, which was just around the corner.

But when her short trial ended, she began to accept that he was not coming back. Her only wish was that she could have gotten a chance to ask _why_ or even just to say goodbye and get some kind of closure.

"Emma Swan" A rugged voice interrupted her thoughts.

She looked around, realizing that the bus she was on had stopped and all of the women were already off it and aligned in front of the prison gate. The stern-faced female officer held a list in her hand and called out the names of the new inmates before she led them into the prison walls.

In the central processing area, after being thoroughly investigated and strip searched, Emma did her best to suppress the feeling of being violated, she curled up on a bench in the waiting area, just outside the investigation rooms when a another inmate took a seat beside her, same as Emma she held in her hands a neatly folded dark prison uniform and a bundle of papers on top of it "So who did you get?" The cheerful green eyed brunette asked intrigued.

"What do you mean?" Emma gave her a puzzled look.

"Who is your correctional officer?" The brunette rolled her eyes before snatching a little light blue note from the stack of papers that Emma held in her hands "Umm…" She murmured before handing the note back to Emma.

"What?" Emma asked looking in concern at the light blue piece of paper that was returned to her hands "Mr. Killian Jones" She read it out loud "Is that bad?" Her eyes widened as she looked at the brunette.

"Nah" She dismissed with her hand "It's okay, he's actually really nice, and he's easy on the eyes too" She lifted her brow suggestively as she grinned and licked her bottom lip "_But_" She paused for a brief moment "Personally, I prefer doctor Whale"

"Doctor?" Curious Emma raised her brows at the brunette.

"Apparently he has some kind of a PhD, but I think that the real reason is that he likes to play doctor with the girls" The brunette's smile spread even wider "He likes it if you call him doctor, you know when - " She leaned towards Emma, her voice going down a notch "You know what I mean" Emma's puzzled expression forcing her to elaborate "If you're willing to spread those legs - " She said bluntly, gesturing with her head towards Emma's thighs. Emma shrieked quietly as she pressed her thighs together as tight as she possibly could just at the thought "Well Jesus girl! You don't have to if you don't want to, he fucks only the ones that are interested" She exclaimed "The rest, he just fucks with his eyes" She added on a chuckle.

Emma looked at the brunette, a shock and slightly disgust expression spreading across her face "Seriously?" She asked.

"I know I know, he's kind of a perv, but what can I say" She shrugged and continued "I like it that way" She smiled happily at the thought.

"And what's the deal with this Jones?" Emma asked as she fingered the note with his name on it.

"He doesn't put out" She shrugged "never" She looked at Emma "_ever_" she emphasized shaking her head slowly from side to side "And believe me I've tried" Emma chuckled at that "What?" The brunette shrugged slightly offended "It's not like I was the only one, eventually he gets all of us women hot and bothered" She fanned herself with her hand as if she was trying to cool down "With his care, charms, good form and all of that crap" Emma's brows furrowed "Look" The brunette continued when she noticed Emma's concerned expression "He's a really decent guy and he's actually trying to help us girls, and you should be really thankful that you didn't get Ms Mills, cause she's really mean, I mean she's so mean that the inmates have a nickname for her" She looked around to see there was no officer at hearing distance before she continued "We call her the evil queen" She grimaced for a brief moment before putting a smile back on her face and reaching out her hand "I'm Ruby by the way"

"Emma" She said as she shook Ruby's hand, returned a smile and nodded slightly "I get that it's not your first time here"

"Third" Ruby chuckled and rolled her eyes "Why are you here?"

"I stole a bunch of fancy watches" Emma said casually, not wanting to get into the specifics "You?"

"Solicitation" Ruby replied as she shrugged and smiled, pretending to look innocent.

Emma chuckled and changed the subject back to the one from the beginning of their conversation "So what are we suppose to do with this correctional officer anyway?"

"You meet with him, usually twice a week, and you know, talk" She lowered her voice before she continued "In your case talk, in my case – " She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows as Emma laughed in response, admitting to herself that she found the girl in front of her quite endearing.

...

Her knock on the door was weak and hesitant "Come in" She heard the husky voice that came from inside the room as she ran a self conscious hand over her blouse, looking down at her uniform that she was not yet accustomed to wearing.

She opened the door to find him sitting at his desk, buried with paperwork before he raised his gaze to meet hers. He froze for a moment, staring at the beautiful green eyed long haired blonde in front of him.

"Come in, Come in" He said warmly as he got up from his chair and pointed her in the direction of the chair across from his before he closed the door behind them.

She surveyed her surrounding as she sat down, his office was clean and organized, besides the papers that were scattered all over his desk, everything else seemed to be neatly in its place, the books were dust free and arranged by size on two shelves behind his desk, his jacket hung on a peg by the door, the side wall was covered completely with a light wood built-in bookcase that held dozens of organized folders and binders, and the only window in the room, opposite his desk, allowed the perfect amount of light into the room.

He sat back down behind his desk as her eyes lingered on the bookcase to her right "Old school I know" She whipped her head to look at him when his voice broke the silence.

"Uh?" She raised her brows in confusion when she stared deep into his bright blue eyes thinking to herself that Ruby was completely misleading, he was not _easy_ on the eyes, quite the opposite, it was pretty damn _hard_ for her eyes to focus when his handsome face and amazingly blue eyes were staring back at her.

"Our filing system" He gestured with his hand towards the bookcase and smiled.

"Oh" She smiled back as a light blush worked its way to her cheeks.

He took a moment to take in her smile, he had no doubt that it was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, pretty white teeth, perfectly high cheekbones and a cute dimple on each side, the kind of smile that can light up an entire room.

"I'm just kidding" He finally continued "We also keep a soft copy" He said as he stacked the scattered papers on his desk into a neat pile "Emma right?" He asked as he reached his hand for the papers she held in her hand, same papers she left the processing area with.

"Yeah" She nodded as she handed him the papers.

"I'm Killian" He said as he slightly rolled his chair to his left grabbing a new binder from the bookcase "I will go through all of this by our next meeting" He used the perforator before filing the papers into the binder "In the meantime, how are you coping?" He sighed in concern after closing the binder and entwining his fingers together on top of it.

"Fine" She shifted nervously in her chair and pinched the bridge of her nose "Can I go now?" She asked impatiently as they locked eyes.

He studied her and felt that he could see right through her, he could see that she was scared and lonely, hurt and guarded. It was almost like he could read her as an open book.

He wanted to tell her that he understood, that it must have been terrifying for her to be there, that like all first time inmates she was probably feeling that she didn't belong, feeling caged and powerless, that eventually everything was going to be okay, that the world didn't just end, that it was only temporary and once she's out she will be able to get on with her life.

When she looked at him with those sad lost beautiful green eyes of hers, all he wanted to do was to reassure her, but he knew that it was too much too soon, so he lowered his gaze back to his paperwork "As you wish" He replied simply, granting her the space she so desperately wanted "See you in two days?" He asked when she got up to leave.

"Yeah" She sighed, feeling relieved, as if she managed to dodge a bullet. Talking about her feelings was something she usually preferred to refrain from doing, so she was content leaving without having to do so.

"If you need anything – " He said when she opened the door.

"Thanks" She glanced back at him and smiled politely before she left, leaving Killian to stare at the closed door for a long moment before he returned to his paperwork.


	2. Trouble

**Chapter 2 – Trouble**

"Hi" She said as she sat down in his office. It was her third day in prison and her second night in a row that she hadn't gotten any sleep.

Being sleep deprived was not something she hadn't experienced before, and she couldn't say that the bed in her cell was the worst bed she had ever slept in. And still, accommodating to life in prison turned out being harder than she thought and the latest news she received just made it worse.

"Hi" He replied warmly, a genuine smile on his face that was wiped away rather quickly when he noticed that she looked sad and exhausted. "So, how are you holding up Swan?" He asked in concern as she fidgeted in her chair, drumming her fingers on the armrest. "I get that this is probably not easy for you"

_Probably? Not easy? What was this man talking about? He clearly did not spend one night behind bars to even begin to understand how it felt_.

She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Look, I went through your file and I know it couldn't have been easy for you growing up the way you did" He said with empathy, his voice low and calm as if he was trying to soothe her.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

_Again with the easy? Was this guy for real? Why did he think that he knew anything about how she grew up?_

She was getting more and more annoyed by the second.

"Silent treatment" He stated quietly "That's okay, I am kind of used to it" He smiled trying to lighten the mood but failing, she didn't smile back or even said a word since she sat down and he was very well aware of that "Look, you don't have to talk, but I thought, given the new situation that you might want to" He said, knowing he was taking a pretty big risk bringing up her pregnancy, but taking it anyway, hoping he could reach out to her.

The moment he finished the sentence he knew it was a mistake as her eyes widened almost immediately and she leaped up from her chair.

"I don't want to talk about this with _you_" She snapped as they locked eyes.

_She only found out that she was pregnant that very morning and already he was in the know? _

The fact that he knew so much about her, that her life story was out on display for him to read was driving her insane, she hated being so visible and exposed, it made her feel vulnerable, and in her world it was a dangerous thing.

He got up from his chair and stepped towards her. She averted her gaze and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands, the exhaustion taking over her "I just want to go" She pleaded, suddenly sounding sad and insecure.

"You know where to find me" He replied softly as he opened the door for her.

"Don't hold your breath" She shot him a look as she stepped out of his office.

"Tough lass" He murmured to himself after he closed the door.

_He was definitely up for the challenge._

...

"You're going to isolation" One of the two female officers that were grabbing a resisting Emma by the arms shouted at her as they dragged her down the hall.

"Wait" Killian that was about to lock the door to his office called at them "Let me handle this" He opened the door widely and gestured with his hand for Emma to come in.

"Saved by the bell" The same angry officer said to Emma as she reluctantly released the grip on her.

"Isn't past your hours?" The nicer one asked him with a flirty smile.

"Nah, it's okay" He dismissed with a wave of his hand but politely smiled back before he followed a bruised and angry Emma into his office.

He turned the light back on and placed his bag on the floor next to the door after closing it behind them "Take a seat" He gestured with his hand towards the empty chair that was in front of his desk.

"I don't want to sit!" She shouted angrily, hands firmly closed into fists at the sides of her body, her jaw clenched tightly, her body still shaking from the struggle.

His soft eyes studied her. She had scratches and bruises all over her exposed skin, her arms, her face, her neck. It was obvious that she got into a fight with one of the other inmates.

"So what do you want to do Swan?" He asked softly. She didn't reply nor move, just stood there staring angrily at his desk. He took a step towards her and pulled the chair for her "Please sit, let's talk this – "

"I said I don't want to sit!" She cut him off as she turned to shout in his face.

"Swan, I know you're angry and probably hurt and afraid, but it's not good for you to get into fights, especially not in your condition" He took a step towards her, closing the short distance between them.

"You know _nothing_ about me" She placed both hands on his chest and violently pushed him back, the push making him stagger back a little "Go home, why didn't you go already anyway?"

He walked around towards his side of the desk "Swan, I want to help, but I can't if you don't let me" She glanced at him over her shoulder "Swan" He said quietly as he sat in his chair.

"_What?_" She whipped around to face him, crossing her arms against her chest, her green angry eyes piercing him to the core.

"Please let me help" He pleaded "I looked over at your case and I think we can plea for remission, we might be able to get them to shorten your sentence, but it means that _this_ can't happen anymo – "

"There's no _we_" She cut him off again, hesitating for a brief moment before she turned to the door "And I don't need your help"

She reached for the doorknob, pulling the door open as he quickly got up and leaned the door shut with one hand above her head "What are you doing?" She exclaimed as her eyes narrowed at him in anger.

"You can't leave" He replied calmly "Not until we figure this thing out"

"Go to hell! You can't make me"

"You know I can" He said decisively, looking sure and confident which made her anger burn even hotter, smoke coming out of her ears, her vision becoming a blur, feeling she was about to lose it and just like that she did as she slapped him hard across the face in reply.

She didn't give him a chance to respond when her hand flew again, this time not managing to reach his cheek as he caught it gently in mid air "But I won't" He said sincerely as he looked into her eyes.

If she weren't so caught up in the moment she might have been surprised to learn that even though her slap was hard enough so that a red mark was visible on his cheek, he was still unbelievably calm and he wasn't angry with her, not even one bit.

She knew that hitting an officer could get her in serious trouble, more trouble than she was already at, but she didn't seem to care. It was as if she were daring him to use it against her, as if she wanted him to report her on that, or at least that he would stop caring.

All of her life she was used to being alone, and then Neal came along. For the first time she let herself appreciate the fact that someone cared, that she wasn't alone anymore, and then in one swift shocking motion the rug was pulled from under her feet. After he betrayed her so badly she promised to herself that she will never let someone in again, coming to the conclusion that alone was in fact better.

Usually she hadn't had a problem keeping people out cause most of them just gave up and left after she had pushed them away a few times, but she sensed that he was a stubborn one and that she needed to resort to extreme measures.

She raised her free hand with intention to hit him again and he caught it too "Swan, what are you doing?" He asked softly, a slightly disappointed look on his face.

"Ugh!" She groaned in frustration as she took a step back, wrenching her hands with unnecessary force from his light grasp "Send me to isolation, I'd rather be there than here with you"

"As you wish" He replied "But I really recommend that you reconsider, you haven't been in isolation before, and I'm afraid you might have a change of heart once you do"

"I'm sure I can handle it" She said with conviction "It's probably nothing compare to some of the homes I've been in"

He studied her in silence for a long moment and when she glanced to look at him she noticed the sad expression on his face "I don't need your pity party, just send me to isolation already" She said firmly.

He opened the door widely "You can go to your cell" He said as she lingered for a moment, a surprised expression on her face.

"Just like that? No isolation?" She wondered and he shook his head in reply "Why?" She asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

"I'll make you a deal" He said and she raised her brow at him, intrigued "I want you to come by my office tomorrow after lunch"

"And what if I don't want to?" She asked crossing her arms across her chest.

"You won't have to talk, just come and sit here for twenty minutes, fair enough?"

"Ten" She bargained, her lips forming a tight line.

"Fifteen" He said, a small smile at the corner of his mouth, a bit amused with her bargaining skills.

"Fine" She rolled her eyes and slouched before leaving to her cell.


	3. Two Steps Forward

**Chapter 3 – Two Steps Forward**

Four months later.

They became quite close, spending their time together every day after lunch in his office, talking about almost everything, from serious subjects, gradually opening up to one another (even though it was completely unprofessional of him to talk with her about his personal life), to every day topics and sometimes even arguing about all kind of silly things like which band was better linkin park or muse.

They were teasing each other constantly, but in a friendly manner, laughing and joking, often playing all sorts of games like checkers, fish and rummy.

In one of the group homes she had been in, the older kids used to play Texas Hold'Em as a drinking game, so when she taught him how to play, minus the drinking of course, she was surprised to find out that he was capable of being quite the trickster despite his honest appearance and decent behavior.

In return, he taught her how to play chess, and when she proved herself to be a really fast learner (she even managed to beat him a couple of times) he acted surprised, even though he completely wasn't.

They definitely enjoyed each other's company and they both shared the feeling that it was the best part of their day, the part that they looked forward to, not that either one of them would admit it of course.

It was a slow development and it definitely took him a while to gain a little bit of her trust.

When he heard that she miscarried, two weeks after her arrival, he wondered whether him visiting her in the hospital would be a good idea, he wasn't obligated to do so but felt the need to, so eventually he decided to go.

She found his presence somewhat comforting as she had no one else in her life that could be with her during that difficult time, of course she didn't let him know that, and basically treated him like a big nuisance, but he did not waiver and she was grateful for that and for the fact that he didn't tell her _'I told you so'_.

She blamed herself for the miscarriage, she got into a fight again, actually since she arrived she got into numerous of fights even though he repeatedly told her that she needs to be careful and take care of herself and the baby.

It always started with something small and seemingly insignificant but she was ticked off in an instant, and before she knew it she was clawing, punching and fighting another girl. She had a lot of anger bottled up inside of her, anger with the new situation she found herself struggling adjusting to, anger because of Neal, anger for being gullible, anger because of her childhood and the poor hand that she was dealt, and letting out that anger on the first person in sight that slightly provoked her, deliberately or not, was the easiest way to let off some steam, at least that's what she thought.

So she was extremely grateful he didn't mention anything about it while he kept her company at the hospital, cause even though the doctor assured her that the miscarriage had nothing to do with anything she did, that the fetus had a genetic disorder and did not develop as it should, and that there was nothing she could have done to avert that faith, she still blamed herself and her reckless behavior.

She wasn't even sure why she was grieving, it was _his_ baby after all, and she had no intention of keeping it anyway, she was determined on giving the baby up for adoption despite Killian's attempt convincing her otherwise.

It was rather sweet how he took the time and trouble to pep talk her, to convince her that she was in fact capable of raising a child if that's what she decided she wants to do, but she didn't feel comfortable talking about it with him as they barely knew each other at the time, so she ended the conversation by simply saying that she didn't want the baby and that was that. He already knew better than to push any further.

One step back, two steps forward. That's how their relationship developed.

Three weeks after the miscarriage she mentioned the key that she received in an envelope from an unknown sender. Of course she knew who it was from, and she forced a chuckle when she told Killian that he probably sent it as some kind of a cruel joke.

Even though she tried her best to maintain a sense of lightness in her tone of voice he managed to see beyond her pretense, he noticed that she was hurting, that it bothered her more than she was willing to admit, and he was right.

Ever since the day she watched the officer opening the envelope and dangling the key in front of her she couldn't sleep.

She denied any connection between the key and her lack of sleep, saying to herself that it was her struggle with adjusting to the life in prison, later she told herself it was due to the miscarriage, and it was true in both cases, but that wasn't all, what also kept her awake at nights was the constant wonder if the key actually opened some kind of door.

"Give me your permission and I'll settle this issue for you once and for all" He said sincerely.

"There's no need" She shook her head.

"If you're not curious then I'm" He said so she wouldn't have to admit that she was in fact dying to know if that key she received actually came along with a car "Humor me?" He asked raising his eyebrows, waiting for her reply.

"Fine" She replied "But how are you even going to _get_ the key?" She asked concerned since she knew all of the inmates personal belongings were inventoried and stored in the property room where Mr. Gold was probably watching over them like a hawk.

"Leave it to me" A smile lifted his lips "Worst case scenario I'll owe Mr. Gold a favor, he sure loves making deals" He joked and immediately reassured "Everything will be just fine, I'll let you know right away"

And he did. The next day he gave her the news – the key open and starts a yellow little bug and it was legit, he even checked the papers. She was relieved not having to wait another ten months for the mystery to unravel, and she refused to admit it but she was also relieved to find out that it wasn't a cruel joke, that maybe Neal thought of her and even cared about her at some point of time.

And just like that Killian gained just a little bit more of her trust.

Two steps forward indeed.

…

They were sitting on the hardwood floor in the large space between his desk and the window when they just finished a game of rummy "I got you something" He said as he pushed himself up from the floor "Wait here" He motioned her to stay seated on the floor.

"What is it?" She raised an eyebrow, looking intrigued at the two boxes that he carried one on top of the other. The one on the bottom was larger, pink and decorated with a cupcake image, so she assumed it to be a bakery box. Her breath hitched in her throat when he sat down in front of her and she managed to get a closer look on the box that was on the top. It was a small purple velvet box and she felt nervous at the thought of what was inside it.

"Happy birthday Swan" He smiled as he handed her a small china plate that he grabbed from the bookcase wall, obviously he planned it in advance, and she asked herself how come she hadn't noticed it earlier, since the two plates, a knife and two small forks were sitting on the bookcase shelf beside them the entire time.

"Thanks" She swallowed hard before awkwardly smiling back as a hot blush worked its way to her cheeks, feeling embarrassed and touched at the same time. Today was her eighteen birthday and not only he remembered, he got her a cake and what seemed to be some kind of a present in that velvet box, just the thought made her stomach flutter, it was _way_ too much.

She suppressed the tears of confusion that threaten to fall, it was definitely an unfamiliar feeling for her cause even though she was spending _that_ birthday, her _eighteen_ birthday, _in prison_, so far it had been one of the better ones – cause someone actually seemed to care.

He whipped out a candle and a lighter from the pocket of his buttoned shirt, obviously he had everything covered. She allowed herself to stare and study him when she knew he wasn't looking, his eyes focused on the cake, placing and lighting the candle and she could feel a tension building up inside of her.

"Make a wish" He said, a huge toothy grin decorating his face as his eyes sparkled along. She hesitated for a brief moment, pushing down the thought about how the handsome man in front of her made her feel, instead, forcing herself to come up with a wish.

"Wanna know what I wished for?" She asked after she blew out the candle and he noticed the mischief in her eyes "I – "

"Shh" He shushed, placing his hand on her mouth and shaking his head "Don't – "

"What?" She cut him off and pushed his hand away "Afraid it won't come true?" She mocked.

"Perhaps" He replied and shrugged, the barest hint of embarrassment audible in his tone. He averted his gaze to the velvet box "Open it" He handed it to her.

She didn't know why but she felt nervous, she glimpsed up at him to discover that he seemed happy and filled with anticipation, when she hesitantly pulled on the matching purple ribbon that decorated the box. Her eyes widened immediately to the sight.

Inside the box there was a white gold bracelet with integrated six delicate gold plated letter charms that formed the word `SAVIOR`. She froze, feeling shocked and uncomfortable at the same time. The bracelet was absolutely beautiful and looked _way_ too expensive. Aside from Neal that stole the swan key-chain for her, no one had ever given her anything.

_It was too much, way too much._

"You don't like it?" He asked as she slightly opened her mouth to speak, but just looked at him silently with her big green widened eyes unable to find any words to say. He tried to ignore the silence and pretend that it wasn't awkward, but his flustered smile and the unconscious scratching behind his ear thingy probably gave him away.

"Why savior?" She finally broke the silence and even though the tension still existed he was relieved that they were talking again.

There was something so different about her from any other girl he had ever met. She managed to make him feel nervous and sometimes even insecure, she managed to intrigue him with her sassy and bold behavior, and constantly amazed him with her wisdom and beauty.

He knew he developed feelings for her ever since the first day she stood at his door with those big green beautiful eyes of hers, feelings that only grew deeper and stronger with each encounter, and he knew it was wrong, _so_ wrong, bad form at its finest.

He didn't deny that he liked her but any feelings beyond that, he was determined to push down at all costs, but when he learned that her birthday was coming up, he bought her the bracelet on an impulse and against his better judgment.

"It's a reminder that the only one that can save you is you" He said with a smile and the confused expression on her face intensified "Try it on" He insisted as he gently put it on her wrist, the sensation of his fingers grazing her skin sending shivers down her spine "Do you like it?" He asked hopefully as he lowered his head trying to catch her eyes that were fixed on the bracelet.

"Yes" She said quietly and smiled coyly as she raised her gaze to meet his. The color fitted her pale skin perfectly and the size was accurate as if he had measured her wrist, so _yes_ she liked it, she really, really liked it.

She took it off and placed it back in its velvet box, she was quite aware to the fact that the inmates were not authorized to have personal belongings of that sort "I'll save it for you to when you get out" He noticed that her face fell slightly "Who knows you might get that remission and will be out sooner than you think" He tried to reassure.

"Fuck!" Her eyes widened in distress when she glanced at the clock that was above his desk "I have to go, work resumes in two minutes, I can't be late" She jumped up from the floor and headed for the door in a rush "Sorry about the cake" Her hand stilled on the doorknob as she turned around to face him.

"No problem" He dismissed from his place on the floor "Next year!" The words slipped from his lips quicker than his mind could have processed, so a fraction of a second later, when his mind caught on, he scolded himself inwardly for the slip, luckily she didn't seem to notice or care as she mumbled 'thanks' and rushed out.

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**Reviews are always welcome.**


	4. Special

**A/N:** Thank you for the kind reviews, I read and appreciate every single one, this is a long one – hope you like it!

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**Chapter 4 – Special**

"You awake?" Mary Margaret asked as she shifted in her bed so she could face Emma.

"Yeah" Emma replied, sounding pensive.

"What's on your mind?" Mary Margaret asked and Emma thought to herself that she would really miss Mary Margaret once she leaves.

On her first day in prison she was nervous to find out who her cellmate would be, cause something she didn't want to do was adding an annoying inmate or even worse, some kind of a bully, to the list of stuff she already had to deal with.

So meeting the sweet Mary Margaret was definitely a relieving experience. She was doing time for assaulting an evil woman that hurt the man she loved, it was illegal and wrong, but in Mary Margaret's book it was completely justified.

Emma couldn't believe it at first, that this petite hopeful woman was able to harm a fly, but when she learned how passionate she could get when it came to the people she loved, it didn't seem so far-fetched anymore. She was sentenced to six months and was about to get out in two weeks' time.

"Nothing" Emma lied, before they started to talk she was thinking about Killian and the other day in his office "Just can't sleep"

"As usual you mean" Mary Margaret teased "C'mon Emma, what's going on?" She pressed.

"Yesterday was my birthday – "

"Seriously? Oh Emma, why didn't you say anything?" She jumped up from her bed "Come here" she gestured with her hand for Emma to get up before she leaned to give her a tight squeezing hug "Happy Birthday" Mary Margaret congratulated her and Emma smiled in embarrassment.

"Thanks, but this is not what I was going for" Emma sat on her bed and Mary Margaret followed and listened intently "You know Jones right?"

"Yeah" She replied softly "What about him?"

"Well he knew it was my birthday and he kind of made a big deal about it"

"Really? That's great!" Mary Margaret smiled widely "Well isn't it?" She asked when her gaze met Emma's frowny face.

"It's weird"

"_But why?_" Mary Margaret raised her brows in wonder.

"I don't know" She sighed heavily.

"It's because you're not use to it, right?"

"What?" Emma replied sharply, still frowning.

"That someone cares" Mary Margaret rolled her eyes.

"It's not that"

"Well I think it is" Mary Margaret insisted "I think that your whole life you got used to being alone, doing everything alone, celebrating, or _not_ celebrating your birthday _alone_, that yesterday made you feel out of your element. But – "

"It's not that!" Emma exclaimed and Mary Margaret's brows shot up and her eyes widened in surprise "I think I might be falling for him" She blurted out and felt the tears prick at the corner of her eyes.

"Oh" Mary Margaret said quietly as she was taken aback by Emma's sudden heartfelt confession.

"Stupid right?" She sniffled when the tears slowly started to fall.

"_No_" Mary Margaret said in conviction "It is _not_ _stupid!_" Emma looked at her in disbelief "It's not. You like him. It's okay to like him"

"Yeah, me and every other girl in this place" She forced a chuckle "So pathetic" She sniffled again and wiped the tears off her face.

"Emma" Mary Margaret said softly as she soothingly rubbed her hand against Emma's shoulder.

"I just want to go to sleep" She covered her mouth with her hand as she yawned before she lay down in her bed "Thanks for listening. See you in the morning?"

"Sure" Mary Margaret replied sympathetically as she went to lie in her own bed.

"Mary Margaret?" Emma's tired voice broke the few minutes of silence as they both lay in the semi darkness.

"Yes?"

"Good night" Emma said as she shifted in her bed, burying her head in the pillow.

"Good night" Mary Margaret replied, a soft small smile lifting her lips.

…

"Swan, Blanchard, did I just hear a conversation about men?" Ruby popped into the seat next to Mary Margaret as they were eating lunch at the cafeteria "So?" Ruby's playful smile and mischievous eyes were urging them to spill.

"_A man_" Mary Margaret replied and immediately regretted when she noticed Emma's apprehensive expression.

"Finally wanna screw Jones ha?" Ruby picked up quickly "Told you so" She grinned in triumph.

"Ruby, come on" Emma pleaded, sounding so stressed that Mary Margaret bled for her.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. I already told you, all the girls wanna bed the bloody Irish" She emphasized the last two words, trying to mimic Killian's accent. Mary Margaret rolled her eyes and Emma leaned her elbows on the table as she buried her head in her hands and groaned in embarrassment "And _you_ actually stand a chance"

"What do you mean?" Emma raised her head and lifted an intrigued eyebrow at Ruby.

"I've seen the way he looks at you, we all have, right Mary Margaret?" Ruby turned to look at her.

"What? I ah – " Mary Margaret tried to reply despite her confusion.

"See?" Emma told Ruby "It's only in your dirty mind"

"Well don't mind her" Ruby waved a dismissing hand at Mary Margaret who in reply raised her brows, seemingly offended "What?" Ruby shrugged and continued "If your man comes up to you and asks for some tacos, don't tell me that you don't actually offer him a bite to eat" The confused expression on Mary Margaret's face intensified "See?" Ruby turned to Emma and smiled in content, feeling that she had proven her point "Anyways, I've never seen Jones look at any one the way he looks at you, just thought you'd like to know, in case…well you know" Ruby shot her a wicked smile that seemed to be dripping with sin.

Emma rolled her eyes in reply "You don't know what you're talking about" She snorted "And besides, wasn't it you who went on and on about how he never puts out?"

"Well I heard that there was this one girl that he made out with, I think her name was Tink, so obviously his pluming works" Ruby laughed when Mary Margaret almost chocked on her salad.

"When is your next session with Whale? You obviously need to get laid" Emma teased.

"Well that makes two of us" Ruby replied with a smirk and Emma realized that she couldn't win that one, so she rolled her eyes and smiled wryly before she got back to eating.

…

They were in their usual spot on the hardwood floor of his office playing a game of fish. Each time his eyes were concentrated on his cards, she took the opportunity to stare and study his features. She thought he didn't notice but he did, which made him smile inwardly.

"So, do you give birthday presents to all of your inmates?" She finally worked up the courage to ask.

"No. Why?" He replied casually.

"I don't know" She shrugged "Just wondering I guess"

"You're not just another inmate Emma"

"What do you mean?" She sounded a bit surprised.

"It's kind of hard to explain" He seemed flustered for a moment, trying to find the right words "Let's just say that you're special" He smiled, content that he found a way to describe how he felt without giving too much away.

"Got fours?" She drew the attention back to the game, trying to avoid the flush of heat that had made its way to her cheeks.

"Go fish" He grinned and she rolled her eyes before she picked up a card from the pool.

"Do you have any sevens?" He asked and she grouched in displeasure.

"Here" She handed him the two cards "I just helped you get another book didn't I?"

"Yep" He placed all four sevens facing up on the floor in front of him "Your turn" He raised an eyebrow at her and grinned in triumph, completely anticipating her eye-roll response, he sure loved teasing her, seeing how serious and competitive she could get.

"How about eights?" She looked at him with concentrated eyes as he shook his head before he looked at his cards, contemplating his next move.

"Hey, I saw that" He suddenly growled.

"What?" She raised her brows in wonder, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"You took two cards from the pool" He pointed at the cards that she was holding in her hand.

"No I didn't" She said, her chuckle giving her away.

"I saw you" He rolled his eyes "No cheating" He waved a finger to scold her and she looked at him with that beautiful perfect smile of hers "Well put it back" He insisted, doing his best to ignore the warm and fuzzy feeling that came over him to the sight of her smile.

"And if I won't?" She teased and hid her hand behind her back when he tried to reach for the cards "What are you going to do? Are you going to make me?" She leaned back on her elbows, still hiding the cards behind her back and smiling widely at him. It seemed much more than a friendly tease, and if he didn't know any better he could have swore she was flirting with him.

He slowly pushed himself to his hands and knees and leaned towards her "No" He said softly "I'm simply going to take them" He reached behind her back for her hand with the cards and she quickly passed the cards to the other hand.

"Which is basically the same thing" She said as she brought her hand with the cards to the front and deliberately turned her head so her lips hovered over his stubble when he reared back "Looking for this?" She raised the cards in front of his bewildered face. He slowly reached for the cards and she pushed herself back to a straight sitting position, in the process closing the distance between their faces to only inches apart.

They stared at each other for a long moment, blue eyes looking deep into green ones, they both felt the tension building up higher, their fingers touching as they both still held onto the cards, her eyes flickering back and forth from his eyes to his lips, his eyes doing the same. He felt his breath hitch and he knew it was too much, he was afraid he won't be able to control himself, and he really needed to control himself, so he decided to pull away, but just when he started to, she dived in and crushed her lips against his.

He was momentarily taken aback, the voice in the back of his head telling him to pull away, but her lips felt _so_ good, so soft and tender that he just couldn't seem to break away, so he completely gave into the kiss and they both simultaneously dropped the cards as his hands went up to cup her face and hers tugged on the collar of his shirt pulling him as close as possible "So wrong" He whispered against her lips as he buried his hand in her hair and tilted their heads to deepen the kiss, she opened her mouth in reply, allowing him to thrust his tongue into her mouth. Their movements were hungry and desperate, tongues dancing together in unison "But it feel so right" He said softly with a smile when they both gasped for air.

She seemed happy. She felt happy. _He_ made her feel happy. She smiled back and her eyes sparkled along, although they were still flashing with a certain amount of uncertainty. He was kind and gentle, thoughtful and caring, and no wonder all the girls fell for him. His luscious lips fitted hers perfectly, as if they were made just for hers. His kisses made her feel warm and hazy, they were so intoxicating that it made her want to let her guard down and throw caution to the wind.

When their lips joined once again she moved in to straddle his lap (which caused him to fall onto the disorderly pile of cards in the process), smiling against his lips and threading her hands into his dark thick hair at the nape of his neck.

His movements stilled for a brief moment at the sudden closeness, before one hand moved in to cradle her head, the other hanging at the side of his body, fighting the urge to pull her close and wrap her in his arms. He tried to slower the pace, kissing her softly instead of hungrily as guilt started to fill his heart. She kissed his jaw line and he bit back a moan.

He didn't want it to end, he really didn't want to, but it was wrong, even though it felt so right, his mind kept on telling him that it was wrong, that he was in a position of power as her officer and he shouldn't take advantage of her, that she was fragile and vulnerable and he really really shouldn't take advantage of her.

Her lips trailed down his neck and she inhaled his scent that was a mixture of light masculine cologne and his own personal sweet scent. She ran her fingers through his crisp chest hair that in the most alluring way, always peeked out a little from the opening of his shirt. She began unbuttoning his shirt when she felt both his hands on her wrists "Wait" He said softly, a hint of an apologetic tone in his voice.

"What?" She pulled back a little, her face flushed and her eyes widened, feeling the insecurity creeping up on her.

"I uh – " He stuttered, struggling to find the words to say. He cradled the back of her neck, his agitated thumbs sliding up and down her cheeks "This is – " He smiled awkwardly.

"What?" She blinked slowly, a fearful smile lifting her lips.

She stared at his swollen red lips and in an anxious reply he leaned his forehead against hers and tightened his hold on her neck as if he was gently trying to prevent her from moving in for another kiss "You're amazing" He sighed heavily "_This_ was amazing"

_Was. What was he trying to say?_

"But this was also – " He hesitated, guilt writ large on his face.

"A mistake" She said and immediately pulled away from him, quickly pushing herself up to her feet.

"I was going to say bad form" He said when he got up to his feet as well, trying to smile at her, hoping that maybe she will smile back.

Not amused with his comment, she rubbed her face with her hand, holding back a sob as tears started to prick at the corner of her eyes that squinted in pain. She felt stupid, so stupid.

_How come he said she was special? How dared she believe him? _

She clumsily headed to the door as tears started to blur her vision.

"Emma, sweetheart" He said softly, regret creasing his face as he went after her "Wait" He pleaded, holding her shoulders gently from behind. He wanted to tell her how much he wanted her, probably way more than she'd ever want him.

"Don't touch me" She whipped around to face him.

She asked not to be touched but all he wanted to do was to back her up against the wall and kiss her senseless. He fought the urge to do so, instead raking a hand through the messy hair of his in utter frustration.

"I don't know what kind of a twisted need you have to make girls fall to your feet just so you can turn them down, but I'm tired of men who are you using me to satisfy their own needs" She said in anger and he could see the pain in her eyes.

He knew she was now putting him in the same category with Neal.

_This was bad, really really bad. What did he do? What an idiot._

"It's not like that" He said, desperation taking over his voice, his eyes pleading to regain her trust.

"Isn't it?" She asked in disbelief as she crossed her arms across her chest "I should have known better, should have known I'm just another inmate to you" She shook her head, scolding herself.

"No you're not" He took a step closer, his gaze falling to the floor when she took a step back.

"I bet you get a really good kick out of this, going home laughing with your buddies about the last fool that fell for you"

"Emma" He pleaded quietly, wishing he could have turned back time to when she smiled against his lips.

"Or is it your girlfriend that you're telling this about?"

"I think you already know that I don't have a girlfriend" He replied dryly.

_I wish you were my girlfriend._

"Wife then?" She asked as he shook his head and sighed heavily in despair. They already talked about these kinds of stuff, and she was acting like he was some stranger that she knew nothing about.

"Love please stop. I meant what I said" He said softly "You are special to me"

"I bet you say that to all of the girls" She forced a chuckle as a treacherous tear fell down her cheek.

"You're the only one, I swear" He said honestly with a hand over his heart, the look in her eyes seemed to be softening a bit "For what it's worth you're the only one in this place that I ever kissed" He smiled in slight embarrassment.

The look in her eyes hardened again when she remembered the conversation she had at lunch with Ruby and Mary Margaret "Well what about Tink?" She narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion.

"What about her? I never kissed her" He ran a frustrated hand through his hair again.

"That's not what _I_ _heard_"

"Rumors tend to get out of hand around here" He said softly as they locked eyes and she listened intently "Don't believe everything you hear love"

"So you're saying that the two of you never touched lips?"

"Not exactly" He replied and she immediately reached for the doorknob "But it wasn't like that" He tried to explain but she was already out the door. He wanted to tell her that he was caught off guard, that he did not kiss her back. He wanted to tell her that she was the only one that managed to make him lose his head and the only one that for a moment made him want to lose his values as well.

_Perhaps that's exactly what he should have done._

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**Reviews are always welcome.**


	5. Transfer

**Chapter 5 – Transfer**

He was sitting in front of his desk thinking (and beating himself up) about how everything had gone so wrong so fast. It had been three days, three whole fucking days that he hadn't seen her. He missed her, not just her soft lips and perfect smile, but also her wit and sense of humor. He missed everything about her. He missed talking with her, telling her about the latest movie he had caught on Netflix, every time secretly wishing she had been right there next to him, and each time she shared with him these amazing insights she always seemed to have, it had only made him wish it even more.

He wanted to go and look for her, but he didn't. He was trying to give her the space she needed and besides, it wasn't like he was able to march into the women's quarters whenever he pleased.

According to the prison policy the male officers were restricted to patrol only certain areas, they were banned from areas where women had an expectation of privacy, such as shower rooms and sleeping areas, an unsupervised access of male staff to female facilities was not allowed and for a very good reason.

It was a well known fact that sexual relations between an officer and an inmate were more than frowned upon, they were completely forbidden, even when consensual. It was also well known that there were male officers that did not obey the ruling and took advantage of their position, and as for the inmates, for some of them having sexual relations with a male officer meant not losing or even gaining privileges.

Killian didn't want to be one of those disgusting guys that misused their position, and that was why he decided to avoid situations like these at all costs, and until Emma came along he had no problem doing so.

Emma captivated him in every sense of the word and for the first time he had seemed to be struggling to follow his own code.

Still, in the back of his head, and when he had thought about it more clearly (which he managed to do only when she was nowhere in his sight of course), he felt certain that sticking to his code was in fact in her best interest.

So after the initial regret he had felt for turning Emma down, he knew in his heart that he had done the right thing, that if they were to ever be together it couldn't had possibly been under those circumstances.

He was hoping that she would eventually change her mind and come by his office. Every day after lunch he had been waiting for her, and with every knock on the door his heart had seized in his chest for a brief moment.

Another knock on the door, another disappointment, this time it was Whale.

"Hi Jones, what's up?" Whale asked as he stood at his door.

"Fine" Killian said from his seat, unable to hide the disappointment that creased his face, not that Whale noticed or cared.

"I need the Swan girl's file"

"What? Why?" Killian's eyes widened when he got up from his chair, a thousand thoughts and feelings running through him.

"You tell me, she asked for a transfer" He raised an intrigued eyebrow at Killian.

"I have no idea" Killian said, managing to sound believable.

"Ah-ha" Whale nodded and murmured in disbelief for a brief moment before he decided to drop it "So, can I have the file now?" He stepped in the office and reached his hand.

"Yeah" Killian replied and turned to his bookcase a tad flustered in search for the file "Here" He said and handed it to Whale.

"Well you need to let it go in order for me to take it" Whale said with a small smirk.

"Right" He smiled and scratched behind his ear when he reluctantly let go of the file.

He didn't want to let go of the file, he didn't want to let go of _her_.

…

She was sitting in his office, the drapes were drawn so it was a lot darker then Killian's, which seemed to be the intention. It was tinged with a slight scent of alcohol and some kind of pharmaceutical odor. She didn't like it. She didn't like him. He was gazing at her, examining her from head to toe, a smug smile lifting his lips, making her feel uncomfortable as she shifted in her seat.

"So why are you here Swan?"

"I'm sorry?" She replied quietly, raising her brow in wonder.

"Why did you ask for a transfer? Was there something you were not getting from your previous officer?" She was confused by his questions and couldn't bring herself to answer "Is there something that I can do for you?" He asked as he got up from his chair and stepped closer which made her tense in her seat "There's no need to fear girly, I don't bite" He leaned back against the desk in front of her and smiled "Only when asked" He licked his bottom lip and reached his hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear, she flinched at the contact and smiled awkwardly as she averted her gaze, he studied her intently before he continued "Well, I think we are about done for the day" He said as he traced his steps back to his chair.

"That's all?" She asked surprised.

"That's all" He smirked.

"So what's next?" She asked as she got up to leave.

"Next is that you come and find me when you are ready to open up" He gave her that smug smile of his again as he sat back in his chair "You know" He added and she immediately knew he wasn't talking about opening up conversation wise.

…

Ten days had passed since they locked eyes and touched lips, and his bright blue eyes still haunted her, not just in bed at night, but everywhere and at all times. She had nowhere to run from the memory of his scent, the memory of his taste, the memory of his touch, the memory of _him_. She couldn't stop thinking about him, her mind full of thoughts of him, relentless thoughts, thoughts she tried her best to scrub away, but she seemed to be failing time and time again.

She found herself in the middle of a fight again. It had been a long time since she got in trouble, four months to be exact, which made her reminisce about the first time she and Killian had had a heart to heart conversation.

"Again Swan?" He asked disappointed.

"Yes again" She replied firmly "The hag deserved everything I had to give"

"You do understand that it hurts you, hurts your chances of getting that remission, I won't be able to keep it under wraps forever" He sighed.

"Well nobody is asking you to" She shrugged her shoulders.

"You know I want to, come on, we've been over this, I'm on _your_ side, heck, I'd even punch the hag myself if I could" She chuckled at that "What did she do anyways?" He noticed that the question made her tense for some reason. He studied her with his soft eyes and continued "Remember our rule – you don't have to talk about anything you don't want to"

"I know" She replied as she pulled her knees to her chest, curling up on the chair "It's not that I don't want to, it's just weird"

"What is?" He asked and waited intently for her to reply.

"I don't know" She sighed heavily.

"That's okay" He said sympathetically "Whenever you're ready, there's no – "

"She said I was a stupid girl" She cut him off, letting the words escape her mouth without a second thought.

"That's it?" He asked surprised "That's why you sent her to the clinic?"

"I knew you wouldn't understand" She pouted as she folded her arms above her knees and rested her chin on top of them.

"Then help me" He pleaded honestly "Help me understand" She sighed and closed her eyes in weariness "Why did that word upset you so much?" He asked when she rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands before opening them once again to look at him.

"Because it's the truth" She replied dryly and he noticed the glimmer of sadness in her eyes.

After he made sure she knew that he wasn't convinced, she decide to tell him about Neal. At first just to prove her point, and then, when she realized that he was actually listening to her, without any mockery or judgment, the words continued to pour out her mouth, lifting some weight off her shoulders in the process. It was the first time she told anyone about him, she didn't even tell Mary Margaret, and much to her surprise, somehow it felt natural for her to open up to him like that.

She told him how she stupidly fell in love with Neal, how she was stupid enough to fall for his 'so called charms', how she was stupid to believe that he cared, even more stupid to trust him enough and tell him that she loved him, stupid to suggest stealing the watches for him, _and_ _then_ take the fall, she was stupid not to have given his name when asked if she had an accomplice, so very stupid to let him impregnate her, all kinds of stupid and just plain stupid.

She used the word stupid at least twenty times, so eventually he had to counter "I'll tell you something Swan, you can be _pretty_ _convincing_, and if I didn't know any better I just might have bought what you're trying to sell, but I don't, don't buy it for a second" She rolled her eyes "But" He continued "Let's say for a second that I do, let's say that you're…well… stupid" He said the word as if the idea was completely preposterous and there was nothing else that could be further than the truth "So if it is the truth why does it upset you so much that she said so? It's like she would say you have green eyes, isn't it?"

She usually had an answer for everything, but this time she remained without any witty reply, partly because she was wrapped up in the thought that he had actually noticed the color of her eyes and mainly because she knew he had a good point.

"And if you're not" He continued "Which I'm sure you'll find it hard to believe, but you're actually quite the opposite" He joked as he rolled his eyes "Then you shouldn't be upset either, cause it's like she would say – "

"I am a mermaid with wings" She cut in.

"Exactly" He smiled widely, leaning forward in enthusiasm, wagging a finger at her as he said "Told you – not stupid"

"So what you're saying is that either way I have no reason to go on a rampage" He nodded in agreement "Well, it's easier said than done" She moped.

"I know" He sighed in understanding "Let me ask you something" His voice filled with enthusiasm again "Let's say you're sitting and eating lunch, the girl next to you has got the jitters and unconsciously keeps kicking your chair" She listened intently and raised her brow in wonder "Well, what would you do?" He leaned back in his chair and crossed his hands behind his head in wait for her reply.

"I don't know" She hesitated "Suck it up? Endure it and wish for lunch to be over already?" She looked at him and knew that it wasn't the answer he was looking for, she also knew that it was not the way she really handled situations like the one he just presented, at least not since she got in prison "Fine, you're right I'd probably snap at her or punch her in the face" She admitted and he smiled in satisfaction before he leaned forward again.

"And what if that thing that was kicking your chair was some kind of pendulum? What do you think you could have done then?" He didn't have to say anything else, cause all of a sudden it all became clear to her.

_It was all in her hands. She had the choice how to react at any given situation._

"I would have moved my chair" She answered simply, his silent gaze and proud smile informing her that he knows she got it. And in the four months that followed she _chose_ to be on her best behavior.


	6. The Note

**A/N:** Thanks you all for everything (reviews, follows and favs) it really keeps me going...

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**Chapter 6 – The note**

She was waiting outside Whale's office, waiting to be scolded for her involvement in the fight. She was sitting on the floor in the hallway, her back leaning against the wall, and her eyes fixed on Killian's office door, that was right across from Whale's. She dreaded that his door would open and she would have to face his sparkling blue eyes again, the same eyes that she was trying so hard to forget. But the door didn't open and she was called to get into Whale's office.

She was sitting in his office, surveying her surroundings while he poured himself a glass of scotch. She noticed once more how different it was from Killian's office. Darker, stuffier, the content of his shelves and bookcase were unorganized to say the least, a complete mess to be exact, but for some reason his desk was completely cleared, there were no papers, no books, no folders, no binders, just a closed laptop and a phone at the edge of it.

And suddenly it dawned on her, what could possibly be the reason that he kept his desk clear, her eyes widened in horror at the thought about all the dirty things he must have been doing on that desk.

"Miss Emma Swan" His voice interrupted her thoughts and she turned her gaze from the desk back to him, watching him take a sit, a glass of scotch in hand. "So what are we going to do about you?" He asked as he shook his head to scold her.

His tone of voice was playful and a grin crept onto his face, which let her know he wasn't taking the matter very seriously "You know, there _are_ other ways to make me break a sweat" He said and she stifled a gasp, watching his intense gaze skimming over her body, making her feel as if he was undressing her with his eyes. An awkward silence filled the room for a moment before he continued "You be good, uh?" He ordered her as he took a sip from his scotch.

"So I can go?" She asked in wonder.

"Yes, you can go, I don't have time for this, but remember, if you feel like being naughty again, come find _me_ first" He lowered his voice as if he was telling a secret "Inside these four walls you can be as naughty as you want" He gestured with his hand to the walls around him, a smug smile lifting his lips which made her want to roll her eyes, but she preferred to jump at the opportunity instead and she disappeared from his office in a flash.

…

"Miss Blanchard?" Killian got up from his chair as she nodded in reply from her standing-place in the doorway of his office "Come in" He welcomed her into his office as he closed the door behind them "I see you got my message" He smiled warmly.

"Yeah" She said with her soft voice "Officer Blue told me you wanted to see me?" She raised her brows in wonder.

"Yes" He replied anxiously "Thank you so much for coming, I know it's your last day here and you probably have enough on your hands – "

"Don't worry about it" She waved a dismissing hand as they both took a seat on opposite sides of the desk "I'm just glad to get out and finally see my David" She replied emotionally, her eyes becoming moist at the thought.

He smiled warmly "Must have been tough not seeing him all these months" He said sympathetically.

"Yeah" She nodded in agreement "Well, coma patients don't get to visit their girlfriends in prison" Her face creased with distress "But the worst part has been not knowing if he's okay, not being able to be there by his bed" She said sadly as tears pricked at the corner of her eyes "But enough about me" She forced a chuckle as she sniffled and wiped away the tears with her hand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you" He said as he placed a box of tissues on the desk and slid it towards her.

"Thanks" She said as she took out a tissue and gently wiped her nose "Believe me you have nothing to do with it" She gave him a genuine smile "So? Tell me, how can I help?" She encouraged him to talk.

"Well" He hesitated for a brief moment "I wanted to talk to you about Emma"

"Uh-hm" She nodded and looked at him intently, waiting for him to continue.

"How is she holding up?" He asked, a hint of concern tone in his voice "I heard she got into a fight?"

"Yeah" She replied in disappointment as her shoulders dropped a fraction "She's going through something, I don't know what exactly" She shook her head as she went on "But it started about two weeks ago"

He averted his gaze and nervously rubbed the back of his neck, he knew it was his fault, he knew that it had been exactly two weeks since he last seen her, he felt guilty and frustrated that he hadn't been there for her, he really wanted to reach out to her, but he wasn't exactly sure how.

"So she told you nothing?" He asked on a sigh.

"I know she was determined to switch officers, I wasn't sure why, but I assumed it was because she has feelings for you" She said plainly, but she regretted her words almost immediately when she noticed (the barely noticeable) flicker of surprise that crossed his face "Oh dear god, I shouldn't have said anything" Her eyes widened in distress as she covered her mouth with her hand, as if she could have taken the words back and prevent them from going out again.

"It's okay, don't worry about it" He calmed "I won't say a word, I promise" He said as he placed a hand over his heart "Now" He pulled out a large yellow notepad and a pen from the top desk drawer "Would you do me a favor?"

"Sure" She replied without hesitation "Anything for Emma, I care about her" She kept rambling on while he scribbled down some words on the notepad "She has about six more months to spend in this hell hole, no offense" She apologized when she remembered it was _his_ work place after all. He dismissed the apology with a slight shake of the head and a wave of the pen-holding hand without raising his head as his eyes were concentrated on the notepad "I'm really worried about her, and obviously you do too" She smiled in embarrassment when she realized she was talking too much.

He tore the top sheet out of the notepad and folded the paper into two "Here" He handed it to her "Can you please give this to Emma?"

"Yes. Of course" She replied as she took the paper.

"Thank you" He exhaled on a sigh and smiled "I hope this will work"

"I do to" She said honestly as she got up to leave.

"I wish your David a speedy recovery" He got up as well and opened the door for her.

"_Thank you_" She replied emotionally as she was touched by the amount of compassion he held in his heart "From your lips to god's ears" She touched his upper arm and smiled warmly.

He looked up to the ceiling "Well, I sure hope he's listening" He said before he turned his gaze back to her and smiled kindly in return.

"I'll make sure this gets to Emma" She held up the folded piece of paper and nodded in assurance before she left.

…

Mary Margaret was gathering the few things she had in her cell, a book, some photographs of her and David and a journal when Emma suddenly entered the cell "Hi" Emma said quietly.

"Emma" Mary Margaret rushed to hug her "I'm gonna miss you" She said as they pulled apart, her hands hanging onto Emma's arms "You be strong" Mary Margaret shook her a little, a warm smile lifting her lips "Don't be sad" She looked into Emma's sad eyes that were getting moist.

"I'm not sad" She said as a sad smile lifted her lips "I'm happy for you" She wiped away a single tear that fell down her cheek as Mary Margaret looked at her unconvinced "I am" She said in response "I really really am" She said honestly and her smile no longer had a hint of sadness in it "You finally get to see David" Her smile spread as she was excited for her friend.

"Yeah" Mary Margaret smiled in gratification at the thought. She opened her journal and scribbled down her address and phone number before she tore the piece of paper and handed it to Emma "Ask Whale to authorize my number so you can call me?"

"Yeah, I doubt it, helping out is not exactly his thing" Emma replied wryly.

"Then ask Blue, she will know what to do, okay?" She asked and Emma nodded in reply "Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise" Emma smiled and rolled her eyes at her friend, thinking that the PIN number she received when she first arrived might finally come in handy. She folded the piece of paper that Mary Margaret gave her and put it in her pocket.

"Oh" Mary Margaret said as the piece of paper reminded her of a different one "With all the excitement I almost forgot" She walked over to her nightstand and returned with the folded yellow piece of paper in hand "It's from Jones" Mary Margaret said as Emma's brows shot up in surprise.

"What does he want?" She asked and crossed her arms across her chest as her surprised expression turned into a frown.

"I don't know, I didn't read it" Mary Margaret tried to hand the paper to Emma, who in reply took a step back and looked at the piece of paper in fear, as if it would bite "Emma" She said softly "Come on, he's a really decent guy, you were lucky to get him as your officer" Mary Margaret said as Emma rolled her eyes "What? I wish he was my officer instead of the evil queen that I got" They both chuckled at that "_And,_ he really cares about you" Mary Margaret said as she folded the paper into four and shoved it in Emma's hand "Take it" Emma held it reluctantly to keep her friend happy "Walk me to R&amp;R?" Mary Margaret asked as she turned to leave the cell.

"Sure" Emma replied and crumpled the yellow paper into a ball before she tossed it in the bin and followed her friend so she could walk with her one last time down the prison halls.

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**Reviews are always welcome.**


	7. Lost

**Warning**: Angst ahead

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**Chapter 7 – Lost**

She was sitting on the floor, her back leaning against her bed, her hands keep trying to smooth out the wrinkled yellow paper. She took a deep breath before she unfolded it and smoothed it twice more as her eyes focused on the words.

_Dear Emma,_

_please come and see me_

_there's something I need to tell you_

_it's important_

_I'll be waiting for you tomorrow around lunch time_

_looking forward to seeing you_

_Killian_

She wasn't sure if she wanted to see his face again. Having to face those piercing blue eyes of his once more was too much as the rejection still stung deep. But she couldn't deny that she was a little curious.

_What was the important thing he wanted to tell her? What could have possibly been so important?_

She then thought to herself that he probably used the word 'important' just to get her to come over, when in fact he just wanted to let her in on another one of his psychological bullshit again.

She felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster, as anxiety, frustration, desire, want, excitement, hurt, despair, sadness and anger were all wrapped into one big overwhelmingly confusing emotion. She only wished she had someone to talk to.

Only a day had past and she was already missing her friend, she really needed to talk with her.

On her way to breakfast she managed to approach Officer Blue and ask for help with authorizing Mary Margaret's phone number. She said it would take about an hour, so when breakfast was over she run over to the phone on the farthest corridor in hope that it won't be occupied, but it was. It seemed that inmates always occupied the phones, she even skipped work, knowing it just might get her in trouble, but she didn't care, and apparently so did the other inmate who busied the phone.

She waited impatiently, taping her foot as she sat on the floor, hoping that the money on the inmate's PIN will run out already, and after a long hour of having to listen to that inmate babble, she finally managed to get her hands on the tube, but just when she did, another inmate came along and violently pushed her to the ground before she took over the phone. Emma recognized her as 'wicked Zelena' and she knew better than to mess with that fearless woman, so she waited, _again_.

When she got a hold on the phone once more, this time she was the one who did the pushing when another inmate tried to hog it again, she felt anxious as she dialed Mary Margaret's number, and was only relieved when she heard the ringing tone at the other end, grateful that the number was indeed authorized and she was able to call her friend.

She counted in her head the number of times it rang and when there was no answer she dialed again, this time with much more anxiety rushing through her veins, as the other inmate was breathing down her neck and she was worried that she might have dialed the wrong number, but then again it was an authorized number, so she really didn't know what to think of it.

When it rang without answer _again_ she asked the impatient inmate for the time and when she replied that it was around eleven o'clock she figured that it was probably visiting hours at the hospital, meaning Mary Margaret must have went over there to visit David.

She barely managed to put the tube back in its place when the impatient inmate was already on it, casually pushing her aside in haste.

Emma walked down the hall, glancing back at the inmate who was now happily talking with whom Emma assumed was her boyfriend.

She thought about Mary Margaret, she was happy for her friend, that was finally reunited with her boyfriend, but she couldn't help feeling disappointed that she hadn't gotten a chance to talk with her, she really needed a friend to talk to, she felt nervous and insecure, she felt sad and on the verge of despair. She felt what she had always felt, and maybe what she would always feel – _lost_.

She knew Ruby wouldn't understand, thinking that she would probably be too busy asking her how come she hadn't _boned the bloody Irish already_.

…

She strolled down the halls, not knowing what exactly was she looking for, when she eventually found herself down _that_ familiar hall.

She slowed her pace when she realized where she was at, she noticed that _his_ door was wide open and she froze in place as her heart skipped a beat, the memories of the last time she had been in his office rushing back.

She finally got up the nerve and took a few more slow steps, her heart racing in her chest and her teeth nervously chewing on her bottom lip, she then cocked her head a little so she could momentarily see into his office, and there he was, standing with his back to the door, he was still oh so handsome, even from behind.

_Ugh! Why did she have to find him so damn attractive?_

He was talking to someone, she wasn't able to see whom it was, or hear exactly what he was saying as she was not close enough to hear, but her breath hitched and she could feel a chill run down her spine just at the sound of his soft husky voice.

She hated that he had this kind of effect on her. She only knew him for a few months and they only shared one kiss, yes he had the softest and sweetest lips she had ever tasted, and yes they fitted hers perfectly, but still, _it was_ _just a kiss_…So how come she never felt this way with Graham or Neal whom she had slept with? After all Graham had been her first, and Neal, well Neal was Neal, she was doing time because of him, so obviously she had loved him tremendously, and still it was different with Killian, he had a hold on her in a way that she just couldn't explain, nor did she want to, as she was determined to deny it completely.

She took a deep breath in hope to ease the light tremors that were running through her body before she took the last step that positioned her in a direct line of sight into his office. She swallowed hard as she raised her gaze and stared at him, still standing with his back to her, the sight of his dark thick hair making her hands itch with the need to bury them in it.

She managed to see a glimpse of the woman's face that he was talking to, whom she recognized as Officer Regina Mills, aka the evil queen. She felt her throat go dry as she looked at them. They were talking in a friendly manner, her hand was on his arm and they were laughing. She felt out of place, they were officers and she was an inmate, she had no business being there. She was about to retrace her tracks when she was suddenly stopped by Regina's voice, who had spotted her.

"Hey you" She called to her and Emma who panicked disappeared into Whale's office.

"Who was that?" Killian asked as he turned his head only to see Whale's office door closing shut.

"Just some inmate" She dismissed as she arched her eyebrow and huffed a breath through her nose.

…

"What are you doing barging into my office?" Whale asked as Emma leaned her back against his office door.

"I'm sorry I ah – "

"I could have been in the middle of something here" He scolded fiercely and it was the first time since she met him that she had seen him this serious.

"I'm really sorry, I assumed that if you were busy the door would be locked or something" She widened her eyes in distress to her own words when she realized what she had just said.

"Did you now?" He raised his brow and narrowed his eyes at her in dissatisfaction "Well, is there a reason to your rude appearance?" He asked as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs on top of the desk.

"I ah – " Emma stuttered, struggling to find the words to say. She didn't want him to send her back outside cause she was too afraid to face Killian, and besides she felt so lost, had no one to talk to, she missed her friend and she missed _him_, but she didn't _want_ to miss him, she wanted to forget about him, she _needed_ to forget about him "Can I just sit here for a while?" She finally asked.

"Okay" He replied as he seemed more relaxed when he dropped his legs off the desk and leaned forward "Look, you can ask for another transfer if you want, we have a new guy joining us tomorrow, Hopper, I mean _he is old_" He grimaced before he continued "But if you want" He shrugged "I won't stop –"

"No" She lightly shook her head in reply "I'm fine right here" She retorted as she felt unready to go out and face that hallway again.

"Great" He smiled widely in satisfaction "So, maybe I can offer you something to drink then?" He asked as he turned to his bottle of scotch.

"Yeah, thanks" She replied as she sat in the chair, thinking that it might just do her good, take her mind off of things.

He poured two glasses of scotch before he walked over, holding one in each hand. He leaned back against the desk in front of her when he handed her one of the glasses "Cheers" He grinned at her as he clinked their glasses together. She smiled back and gulped down her drink in one go, something that both surprised and amused Whale "Someone was thirsty" He chuckled when she leaned forward and slammed the glass down on the desk "Can I prescribe you a refill?" He asked in a playful tone as he reached his hand to toy with a lock of her hair.

This time she did not flinch at his touch, instead she nodded in agreement and murmured 'sure' without hesitation before he went to refill her glass. She leaned back in the chair and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, wishing that she would stop seeing those bright blue eyes every time she did.

He returned with the drink in hand "Here you go" His voice broke the silence and her eyes flew open as he gave her the glass before he drank from his own.

"Thanks" She gulped down half of her drink and pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth as she winced a bit at the taste. He swirled his glass and watched the ice cubes dance in the scotch before he turned his gaze back to her.

She closed her eyes and leaned back her head when she felt the alcohol starting to kick in, it had been hours since breakfast, which she barely touched anyways, so she practically drank the damn scotch on an empty stomach.

Even with her eyes closed she could feel his intent gaze on her, but she didn't seem to care anymore, she just wanted to _forget_. Forget about being in prison, forget about having to spend close to six more months there, forget about why she was there, forget about Neal, forget about Graham, forget about Killian and his damn 'good form', forget that she wasn't able to talk to her friend, forget that she didn't have any other friends, forget that she was feeling lonely and lost, forget the fact she had no home to go back to once she gets out, forget that it scared the crap out of her, forget everything, forget everyone, forget herself, just forget.

She could hear his shuffling so she wasn't surprised when his hands were suddenly rubbing her shoulders from behind "You need to relax girl" He lowered his voice "A doctor's order" He chuckled lightly as his hands moved to rub down her collarbone, his thumbs on her shoulders, his fingers digging deeper into her soft skin, slowly moving further down her chest, as if they were trying to reach her breasts. She suddenly leaped up from her chair "Something wrong?" He asked as she turned slightly and gulped down the rest of her drink.

"No, nothing" She set the glass on the desk and forced a smile when he drew near.

"Wonderful" He said and reached his hand to brush her hair back over her shoulder.

She didn't feel nervous or apprehensive anymore, she felt lightheaded and hazy while her limbs became boneless and heavy as the alcohol coursed through her veins. He backed her up against the desk as he leaned to kiss her neck.

Her initial reaction was resisting, she reached her hand up to his chest as she wanted to stay the hell away from that desk as much as she could, couldn't possibly bring herself to _do it_ on that filthy desk of his. Instead, she started unbuttoning his shirt, walking him backwards until his back hit the door.

He pulled her by the waist as he moved in to kiss her lips. It was a complete mess, his teeth and tongue were everywhere, and not in a good way, which only made her miss the last lips she had kissed even more.

He was rather handsy, his hands going up and down her body, but it wasn't the distraction she was looking for, his touch rough and demanding that failed in helping her forget about the last time she was so softly touched. She reached up to bury her hands in his hair, but it was short and thin, and stood in complete contrast to that dark thick soft hair that she so enjoyed raking her fingers through. She began to feel frustrated as even in her haze she knew that this was _definitely_ not working for her.

He turned them around so she was the one who was backed against the door as he slid his hands underneath her shirt "I ah – " She started to say as she breathed heavily "I have to go" She continued, pushing him back a little "Work resumes in a few minutes" He was flustered for a short moment before he turned to look at the clock on the wall.

"We have twenty more minutes" He said as he raised his brow at her, his eyes glazing over and burning with want.

"Right, sorry, but I got to do something first" She apologized.

"I'll be quick" He said as he leaned to kiss her neck and his hands once again found their way up her shirt.

"I really have to go" She said as she gently pushed his hands away.

"Right" He nodded as he pulled back, trying to cool off "Send Miss Ruby over when you see her, will you?" He added and gave her that smug grin of his. She suppressed a shriek and maintained her composure when she looked at him before she turned to open the door, only then, allowing her eyes to go wide in disgust as she silently mouthed the word 'jerk'.

…

He was waiting for her in his office, hoping that the note was convincing enough to make her to come over.

He glanced over at the club sandwich on whole wheat that was waiting for her on his desk, it was her favorite, and he brought it in hope that they would eat lunch together, but he was starting to lose hope as lunch time was almost over.

He got up to stand at the doorway, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe as he watched a group of inmates striding down the hall. He was thinking about getting back into his office when Whale's office door suddenly opened and Emma stepped out.

His heart immediately skipped a beat to the sight of her. She was beautiful as ever, her golden hair falling down in waves around her shoulders, she was looking down at the hem of her shirt, fixing and pulling it down.

_Why was she pulling down the hem of her shirt?_

Right before she raised her head he noticed that her skin was flushed.

_Why was her skin so flushed?_

And when her gaze met his he noticed that her lips were swollen, this time he didn't feel the need to ask himself why. It felt like a punch to the gut, he felt disappointed and sad and hurt.

_Why was he feeling hurt?_ _It wasn't like she was his girlfriend or anything of the sort_.

He rubbed the back of his neck as his eyes filled with pain, but _she_ was too dazed to notice, her own eyes looking back at him with a vacant stare. He didn't get the chance to open his mouth to speak and she was already walking away from him "Emma" He called after her but she didn't even look back.

He was just about to run after her when he heard someone calling his name. It was Mr. Sidney Glass, the prison warden, who came seeking his attention, so to his dismay he was left with no other choice than to let her go.

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**Reviews are always welcome.**


	8. Visitor

**Chapter 8 – Visitor**

The pain in Killian's eyes turned into rage in a matter of seconds, before her silhouette even left the corridor. He knew it wasn't her fault, he knew she was broken, he had seen it in her vacant stare and silent movements.

He only wished he had gotten a chance to talk with her, but he had to make himself available for Sidney. The entire conversation he kept forcing himself to nod and smile, while he was deep in thought, his mind keeps drifting elsewhere. He could feel his body tense, the rage building up inside of him with every passing second, and when Sidney finally left he acted immediately.

"Whoa Jones, what's going on?" Whale was startled in his chair when Killian stormed into his office and slammed the door shut behind him.

"You stay away from her, do you hear me?" Killian admonished as he leaned his hand on the desk, his brow shot up to his hairline and his eyes pierced angrily at Whale.

"What?" Whale asked confused as he was taken aback. This was the second time that day that someone had barged into his office, first Emma, now Killian.

_What exactly was going on with them?_

"_I said stay the hell away from her_" Killian repeated, much slower this time, accentuating every word as he clenched his fist on the desk, feeling his blood run even hotter to the sight of Whale's unbuttoned shirt and disheveled hair.

"I heard you, I just have no idea what you are talking about" Whale said innocently and shrugged.

"Oh but I think you do" Killian said, a hint of mockery in his tone of voice as his eyes narrowed at Whale.

"I honestly don't" Whale forced a chuckle as he leaned back in his chair and placed a hand over his heart.

"Swan" Killian replied impatiently "You stay away from her" Killian clenched his jaw as he crossed his arms across his chest, his eyes piercing at Whale once again.

"Well what makes you think she wants me to stay away? I didn't do anything she didn't want me to. You know me Jones, I'm all about consensual" Whale said, a smug grin taking over his face as Killian's fingers tightened hard over his crossed arms, as if he was trying to hold himself back.

"Well she's in no state to consent to anything of this sort, _none_ of these women are, the fact that they are locked up here behind bars makes consent impossible, you should know that by now" Killian scolded.

"Oh come on, cut the righteousness already" Whale replied as he leaned forward at the desk "I'm just giving her what she _needs_" Whale countered before his smug grin spread even wider "It may come as a shock to you but these ladies _do have needs_ you know"

"Don't push it Whale" Killian exclaimed, tapping his finger firmly on the desk as he spoke, emphasizing that he is far from taking the matter lightly.

"Seriously Jones, what is up with you?" Whale asked as he looked at Killian and raised his brows in wonder.

"Listen to me, cause I'm only going to say this once, you _don't_ mess with her again, you _don't_ touch another hair on her head, _do_ we understand each other?" Killian warned as he looked at Whale with a pointed stare, his eyes burning with rage.

"Look, next time I see her – "

"There won't be a next time" Killian cut him off "You transfer her to Hopper immediately" Killian ordered "Not tomorrow, not next week, you go _now_ and make sure she gets transferred immediately"

"Or what?" Whale provoked as he leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed across his chest as a smirk spread across his face.

"Or" Killian looked at Whale intently, making sure he was listening carefully before he lowered his voice a notch and continued "I will take you down, and lord knows you've done enough to be taken down for"

Whale's smirk turned into a forced and slightly nervous grin as he was a bit intimidated with Killian's behavior. In all the time they worked together he had never seen him that way.

Killian was always so pleasant, calm and collected. So Whale was in complete shock when Killian suddenly seemed truly and extremely irritated, his eyes burning with anger as if they were shooting arrows with full intent to kill "Whatever Jones, just take it easy" Whale sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes "She's just a tease anyways, I figured she asked for a transfer because you wouldn't satisfy her needs, now I get it was the other way around?"

"This is none of your business" Killian spat and huffed a breath through his nose.

"I'm just kidding Jones" Whale forced a chuckle "Seriously what's wrong with you?" He asked as he grimaced and narrowed his eyes at Killian.

"Nothing" Killian closed his eyes as he shook his head before he ran a hand through his hair and added more calmly "Just make sure she gets the transfer, she could really use someone like Hopper"

"What's that suppose to mean?" Whale asked as he raised his brows at Killian in wonder.

"I mean she could use someone that can help her to deal with her issues"

"Are you saying I'm incapable of helping her?" Whale seemed to be slightly offended before he continued "But just so we're clear - what issues exactly are we talking about?"

"See?" Killian chided as he gestured with his hand towards Whale "You haven't even read her file. What are you doing here anyway?" Killian fought the urge to roll his eyes "You know what, forget about it, just go already and make this transfer happen" He stared at Whale, not leaving before he got a nod of approval from him.

…

The influence of the alcohol began to fade, and the more that it did, the stupider she felt.

_What was she thinking? Trying to find comfort in Whale's arms? _

She knew who he was, and what he was like, she knew he didn't care about anyone but himself, she knew he had only one thing on his mind and she knew he couldn't have possibly offer her any real comfort.

She already hated herself enough as it was, her latest actions only making her loath herself even more, if that was even possible.

_What the hell was wrong with her? Why was she acting this way? _

Her self-destruct mechanism seemed to be working at full speed, and for the first time in weeks she was determined to stop it, stop behaving like a scared little girl, start taking responsibility for her actions, pull herself together, be strong and focus on doing better once she gets out, and she was going to do it all by herself, she didn't want help from anyone this time.

Two days later, while she was in the library, she heard her name being called, she turned around to see officer Blue "Emma, you have a visitor" Blue said and Emma's heart skipped a beat.

_She had a visitor? _

Since she arrived no one had come to visit her, and there wasn't anyone she could think of that would come. As she followed officer Blue down the halls she kept weighing the options, thinking who it could possibly be.

She started with Mary Margaret, who had only been away for a couple of days, and was living in Storybrooke Maine, that was thousands of miles away from the Phoenix prison, so it made absolute no sense for it to be her.

She then thought of Graham. She remembered the last time they were together, they were in her tiny bed at the group home they were both living in at the time, it was only the second time that they had slept together, she remembered being nervous around him, she remembered that when he slid inside of her it hurt a little, but he was kind and gentle, kissed her softly as he moved slowly inside of her, it ended rather quickly, after all they were both only sixteen and inexperienced, and then they cuddled together until dawn, when he snuck out of her bed and into his own.

They were only in the beginning of their relationship, only starting to develop feelings for each other when her already fragile heart got broken into a million pieces. The next morning when she was sitting at the large table with the rest of the kids as they were eating breakfast, she noticed Graham was missing, and when she heard the extremely loud knock on the door she knew it just couldn't be good, the last image she had was him packing up his stuff in a brief, before he was shipped off to juvie.

She got to say goodbye like the rest of the kids as they were standing together in the driveway, no kiss, no hug, no nothing, barely a faint wave, and he was gone for good. They never crossed paths since then, he didn't return any of her letters, and he hadn't looked for her once he got out.

_Could it possibly be him? Did he finally come looking for her? But how could he possibly know where she was at? And why now all of a sudden? _

It didn't make any sense either.

Last (and least) she thought of Neal, he was the most reasonable option. After all he had sent her the car keys so he knew exactly where she was at, _the bastard_, and he did owe her an explanation so perhaps that's what he came there to do. She wasn't sure she was ready to see him, after being hurt so badly by him, to meet with him when she felt so small, being locked up in that place, without any real free choice. But she had to, she had to face him and be as strong as she possibly could.

So before officer Blue opened the door to the visitors room she took a deep breath, reminding herself that she can do it, that she didn't care about him anymore, that he no longer held her heart in his hands, that he wasn't able to hurt her anymore cause she stopped loving him the moment she realized that all of it was real, that it wasn't just a bad dream, that he literally left her to rot in prison. She might have been angry with him but she was sure as hell that she didn't feel anything more.

_So she won't cry, she will look him in the eyes without fear and she will be strong. _

There wasn't a doubt in her mind that she was completely over him.

And then the door opened and everything she had just told herself evaporated into the thin air. Her heart seized in her chest at the sight of him, he was sitting at the furthest table, waiting for her, she was suddenly nervous and anxious and flustered, and her legs betrayed her as they seemed to be glued to the floor, he raised his gaze and their eyes met, and that was that, she was a _complete_ mess. She could feel a lump in her throat which made her swallow hard as she stared into his eyes.

_It wasn't Neal. It wasn't Graham either._

It was _him_ staring back at her with his bright blue eyes and hopeful smile of his. She didn't see _that_ coming, and she was sure as hell wasn't prepared. All day she had been telling herself to be strong, to pull herself together, to do better and stop being such an emotional train-wreck, and then it was all gone, there he was and she just knew she couldn't handle it.

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**Thanks to each and every one who read / followed / favorited and reviewed!**


	9. Failing

**Thanks again for all your support with this story. It really means a lot!**

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**Chapter 9 – Failing**

Killian was sitting at the table in the corner of the visitors room, looking out the window, thinking about the strange feeling that was coming there, dressed in his daily clothes, a simple blue T-shirt and a pair of dark jeans, no uniform, no authority, just an ordinary visitor that had to schedule a visit like everyone else, that had to go through a pat down search before he was allowed to get into the visitors hall, just like everyone else.

He was feeling anxious and hopeful to see her, wondering how she would react once she saw it was him.

_Was she hoping it would be someone else? Would she be disappointed that it was him? Would she even agree to talk with him? Or maybe she would run away from him again? _

He had so many things he wanted to tell her so he was really hoping that she wouldn't.

While he was waiting he heard the door open several times.

The first time a big family of color entered the room, one grown man, two woman and three small children between the ages five to two. They came to visit an inmate who seemed to be the women's mother and the children's grandmother, the women and the inmate were emotional when they hugged each other, and the latter looked with great fond at the children that immediately ran to the play area.

Later he witnessed a couple's happy reunion, he couldn't help scratching behind his ear as he averted his gaze to the window when the two shamelessly shared a passionate kiss, as if they were the only ones in the room, reasoning to himself that he would probably do the same if only things were different between Emma and him.

And then the door opened once more and it took him a short moment before he looked towards the door, towards _her_. It had been only two days since he saw her outside Whale's office, and just above two weeks since they last spoke, since they last touched, kissed and inhaled each other's scent, and still it seemed _much much _longer, it seemed like _forever_.

She was beautiful as always, her golden hair falling down in waves around her shoulders, her green eyes staring back at him from across the room, he could feel his stomach flutter, he smiled at her, a hopeful and nervous smile, oh how he missed her, how he missed their talks, he couldn't wait for her to come over already, couldn't wait to hear her voice again, to see her up close, and maybe even see her smile, he was afraid she was about to turn around and leave, but she didn't, after a short pause at the doorway she started to walk towards him, and with that, something inside of him started to ease.

"Were you hoping it'd be me?" He asked when she sat down across from him, her silent response making him regret his words. _She already thought he was so full of himself, what was he thinking asking her that? Idiot_ "I'll take it as a no" He scratched behind his ear and forced a smile.

"I didn't say that" She said simply as she averted her gaze from the window back to him "I guess I'm just surprised" She shrugged "Why here?" She asked intrigued and when he gave her a puzzled look she elaborated "I mean why here and not there?" She gestured slightly towards the door with her thumb "And why are you dressed like that?" She asked when her eyes skimmed over his body.

"I take it that you don't approve my choice of clothes" He said and smiled after he noticed that he managed to cause her lips curve up a little "Well I guess you have your work cut out for you then" He sighed dramatically as he leaned back in his chair, resting his arm on the back of the chair next to him, his smile spreading even wider.

"Me?" She asked surprised and raised her brows in wonder.

"As you can see I have absolutely no fashion sense whatsoever" He joked as he slightly shook his head while glancing down at his clothes to prove his point.

"I don't see what's that got anything to do with me, and besides, you said it, not me" She said and to her own surprise she found herself smiling back, thinking to herself that he was _so_ _bullshitting her_ since he looked pretty damn handsome in that blue v-neck T that brought out his eyes, exposed just a bit of his chest hair and hugged his biceps perfectly "Well?"

"Well what?" He asked flustered as he was too distracted, secretly admiring her beautiful smile, not entirely paying attention to the conversation.

"Well why here?" She repeated her question.

"Didn't you get my note?" He changed the subject when her question jolted him back to reality, suddenly reminding him what he wanted to tell her when he had waited for her in his office two days ago.

"What note?" She asked as she tensed, pretending she didn't know what he was talking about, her eyes flickering nervously back to the window.

"The one – " His brow furrowed as he started to explain but then decided to let it go "Never mind" He waved a dismissing hand and forced a smile.

"Well?" She raised her brows at him, waiting for him to answer her previous question.

"I resigned" He finally blurted out.

"What?" She asked confused.

"I resigned from my job" He explained "I don't work here anymore"

"What? Why?" Her eyes widened in complete surprise.

His mind drifted to the day he decided to quit, it happened three days after she stormed out of his office, Whale just came to take her file, letting him know that she asked for a transfer, he already missed her and now he wasn't even going to get a chance to see her and explain himself, but he knew that in some way she was right, that he cannot be her officer anymore, not as long as they have such strong feelings for each other and definitely not if they were going to act on those feelings, so he went to Sidney and submitted his resignation on the spot.

He was obligated to give a two weeks' notice and that worked out well with his desire to meet his replacement, whom to his surprise turned out to be Hopper.

He was thrilled to meet with someone who shared his passion for the profession, and he spent a few days showing him the ropes, going through the inmates' files with him, making sure he won't miss anything or anyone, so he was able to leave feeling in peace with himself, feeling that he was leaving his inmates in good hands.

And then he just had to see her before he was about to leave, so he asked her cellmate to pass her the note, in hope that she would come and they could talk on his very last day.

He envisioned that as a blissful reunion, he was going to tell her that he couldn't stop thinking about her, that he wants to be with her more than anything, that he quit his job so they can be together, that he would come and visit her every day until she got out, he envisioned her happy, allowing him to kiss her passionately, to caress her soft skin, to wrap her in his embrace, cause it was his last fucking day and he was sure as hell wasn't going to hold back any longer.

He envisioned that day as nothing less than pure perfection, but she _didn't_ _come_ and instead what he got is to see her walking out of Whale's office, looking completely broken, her eyes hollow and her silence speaks volumes, and then to top all of that Sidney came along, he only came to wish him well and say goodbye, but it made Killian miss his chance to talk with her before leaving.

"I guess it was time for a change" He lied when he finally answered.

He loved his job, he loved helping the inmates, he loved seeing them coming to terms with their situation and making the best of it, he loved watching them get out full of hope and belief in themselves, he was fulfilled by his job and he wouldn't leave it on any other circumstances, but he would leave it for _her_, he would do anything for her.

_So why was he lying? Why wasn't he telling her the truth? Why wasn't he telling her how he feels?_

He knew that he really wanted to, but he felt that the skyrocket wall of hers keeps holding him back.

"Yeah, I get that, this place can get really depressing" She forced a chuckle when she averted her gaze towards the playing children. He could see in her sad eyes that what she had just said was her simple truth, it was what that place made her feel "So where to?" She asked nonchalantly as she gazed at him once again.

"Boston" He tensed when he replied because he felt that he was being such an ass.

Boston was thousands of miles away from Phoenix, and he was basically saying that he was leaving her behind. His stupid self obviously hadn't thought everything through.

When he resigned he wasn't sure what he was about to do next, besides knowing he wants to be with her he didn't know anything else.

It was a well known fact that you shouldn't resign from a job until you have an official job offer in hand, but he resigned when he was in an emotional turmoil and without any second thought, so when he started looking for a new job it turned out that there weren't a lot of suitable offers out there.

And then an old friend had contacted him and told him about a job opening that was back in his hometown, he offered him to come back and work for the Boston PD as a social worker, a job that suited his education and qualifications perfectly, so after contemplating, and coming to the realization that he had no other better offers, he went for it.

"Oh" She replied, suppressing her surprise that turned into anger in a matter of seconds, anger she wasn't exactly able to suppress "Good luck then" She said dryly and got up to leave.

"Wait" He pleaded as his body cocked, ready to leap up from his chair. _Damn it! What was going on? How did it get to this? He left the job to be with her, and now it comes out as if he was leaving her? What an idiot._

"What?" She turned around and crossed her arms across her chest, her eyes piercing at him with anger "I really don't get you Jones, what exactly _is it_ that you want from me? What did you come here for? Say goodbye?" She paused and looked at him, his mouth agape and his eyes flickering everywhere "Goodbye then" She spat out, doing her best not to raise her voice, not to draw the attention of the other inmates and their families before she walked away from him and towards the door.

He leaped up from his chair and run after her "Hood don't let her out" He called at the officer that was standing by the door.

She stopped in her tracks at his words, right before he caught up with her and faced her once again.

"Everything okay Jones?" Robin asked and Killian glanced over his shoulder towards him and nodded in reply.

"What is this?" She asked sarcastically "Some kind of a gang rape?" She continued as he sighed in despair and blinked heavily "Can't do it without your buddy?" She mocked as she stared at him when he took a deep breath.

"Emma – " He started to say softly as he blinked heavily again.

"No. I mean what?" She said in an angry tone of voice, still fighting the urge to raise her voice "You're going to force me to stay here and listen to you – "

"I'm not forcing, I'm begging" He cut her off "You can leave whenever you want, but please, I'm only asking you to hear me out, just give me ten minutes" He pleaded as he gestured with his hand towards the table before running a nervous hand through his hair.

"Five" She said firmly before she turned around and walked back to table and it reminded him one of their first encounters when she bargained with him, it reminded him why he fell in love with that stubborn woman in the first place "So what was so important?" She asked as they sat back down.

"What makes you say that?" He asked surprised and narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion.

"What do you mean?" She asked in wonder.

"Important. What makes you say important?"

"I don't know, _you_ said it was important" She insisted as she began to shift nervously in her chair.

"No I didn't" He slightly shook his head "You've read my note" He chided slowly, raising a single brow at her and eyeing her carefully.

"I _did not_ read your note" She lied, rolling her eyes at him, but the look in his eyes revealed that despite her best efforts there was no way in hell that he was going to believe her "Fine, so what if I did?" She asked defensively as she crossed her hands across her chest and shrugged.

"Why didn't you come then?" He asked slightly offended, remembering how he anxiously awaited her arrival.

"I don't know" She shrugged and averted her gaze to the window "I wanted to" She continued as she kept staring out the window.

"Then why didn't you?" He asked as he studied her, noticing that for some reason she was avoiding his gaze.

"It doesn't matter now" She replied, a hint of pain and regret in her tone of voice as she looked back at him with her sad eyes.

_What could she possibly tell him? That she was too afraid to look him in the eyes? That she was afraid that it would hurt even more than it already did? That she was afraid that he'd reject her again? What would she tell him? That she missed him? That she wanted to see him? That she panicked when Regina had spotted her? That she felt intimidated by that woman? Lord knows that woman could be rather daunting, and she knew that a fellow inmate would understand, but would he? Could he understand? After all he was an officer same as Regina, and even if he would, how could she possibly explain that she came to see him but eventually, to her own stupidity, chose to get drunk and make out with Whale instead? _

There wasn't anything she could possibly think to say that actually made sense in her head.

"I wanted – " He hesitated for a brief moment "I wanted to ask you what are your thoughts on the idea" He said nervously.

"What idea?" She asked and her face creased with confusion.

"The moving idea" He replied simply.

_He felt as if he was failing, failing to get through to her, failing to reach out to her, what had happened to him? He had managed to break down her wall once before, why wasn't it working this time?_

"What's that got to do with me?" She asked impatiently, her leg fidgeting under the table.

"I thought maybe you'd like to come with?" He asked hopefully as he chewed on his bottom lip, his eyes studying her in suspense.

"What's that suppose to mean?" She was taken aback for a brief moment.

"It means that I'm asking if you would you like to come with me" He said softly and smiled.

"Why?" She asked as she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest once more.

"_Why?_" He repeated slowly, gaining time to think of a good response "I thought that we could – "

"Well you thought wrong" She cut him off "You really need to get over yourself, so I kissed you, so freaking what? I kissed Whale too, does that means that I'm going to follow him around? I'm not _some trinket_ you can wear around your neck and take along you know" She said firmly.

"I didn't say that you were" He replied defensively as he was shocked by her reaction "Why would I say that? Why would I even think that?" He said as he felt sick just at the thought.

"Give me a break" She snapped, feeling the anger building up inside of her "Assuming I will follow you across the state like a love sick puppy isn't thinking that?" She kept ranting without giving him a chance to counter "What? Because I have nothing or nobody you assumed I will jump at the opportunity? Who exactly do you think I am? Some needy girl that will desperately cling to you and fall to your feet whenever you please?" She continued as her voice began to crack "Well think again – "

"Stop it" He cut her off decisively and she was taken aback for a moment "Please stop putting words in my mouth" He said and noticed she was holding back the tears "I don't think that, I don't think any of those things" She raised her moist eyes to meet his gaze for a brief moment before she averted her gaze to the floor, avoiding his eyes and wiping away a traitorous tear with her hand "Emma, look at me" He said softly and waited for her to raise her gaze "I want to be with you" He continued when she met his gaze "I think I would be the luckiest man alive if you'd come"

"What a cliche" She dismissed, huffing a breath through her nose and he was immediately insulted by her words, he said it with honesty and sincerity, he really meant it, he truly felt it, and she was mocking him, mocking his feelings.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence, he gazed at the happy couple from time to time, she sniffled a few times and inhaled deeply until she completely calmed down.

"Can I come tomorrow and visit you again?" He asked as he reached for her hand that was resting on the table, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Why?" She slowly pulled her hand away from his and back to her lap.

"Cause I want to see you" He replied, feeling the desperation taking over him as he gazed at the hard look in her eyes.

"Aren't you kind of busy with all of the moving arrangements?"

"No, not really" He replied without thought, cause he didn't care if he was, he only cared about being able to see her "So, can I?" He asked and a gleam of hope lit inside of him once more as they were talking about the possibility of meeting again.

"I really don't see the point" She shrugged and glanced impatiently at the clock on the wall behind him "And I'd rather that you don't" She added, her voice dry and her gaze distant. His heart sank, he could tell that she meant every word of it, that she really doesn't want to see him anymore "You're leaving anyways, in what?" She asked coldly "Remind me again? When did you say you were leaving?" She continued as she narrowed her eyes at him in fake interest.

"I didn't say" He blinked slowly and swallowed hard before he glanced at the window and continued "In ten days" It was the first time since she stepped into the room that he averted his gaze from her, he felt she was doing her best to push him away, not caring she was hurting him in the process, he took a deep breath before he continued "Regardless, I will be here tomorrow" He said softly as they both got up from their seats.

"Save your breath" Were her last words before she turned around and left him aching in the middle of the visitors room, his only hope is that he would do better tomorrow.

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**A/N:** I had in mind a certain progress for this chapter, but their conversation got really long so I decided to save it for the next one. Sorry about that.


	10. Awakening

**As always - thanks to all of you who read / favorited / followed and of course commented!**

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**Chapter 10 – Awakening **

Killian gazed in anticipation at the door of the visitors room when officer Blue stuck her head through the door, shaking her head at him, an apologetic look in her eyes. He rested his elbows on the table with a thump as his hands rubbed his skull back and forth in despair.

It was the fifth day in a row that he came to visit the empty table and he was beginning to lose hope.

If he only knew that his first visit would be the last he wouldn't have held back, he would have told her the real reason he quit his job, he would have told her that the Boston job was not nearly as important as her, that he would still come and visit as much as he can even though it's miles away (after all what planes are for), that once she gets out they can live wherever her heart desires, that she was all that matters and that he was not leaving her and given the chance he never will.

But he didn't say all those things and now he was left with the regret of missing that chance.

...

"Emma" Emma turned her head towards the entrance of the library to the sound of officer Blue's voice calling her name.

"What?" Emma raised her brows in wonder.

"You know what" Blue said as she closed the distance between them "The poor guy" She continued quietly "It's the sixth day in a row, when are you going to cut him some slack? When do you intend to go and see him?"

"I don't" She shrugged "And it won't be long until he stops showing up anyway, just three more days and he's out of here, probably without even looking back"

"He really cares about you" Blue said softly.

"What makes you say that?" Emma asked a bit intrigued.

"I've never seen him this way, not since his wife left him" Blue slightly shook her head and looked at Emma in concern.

"His wife?" Emma's eyes widened in shock.

_How come he never told her he had a wife? They talked about almost everything, he told her about his family, his parents, his brother, his life as a child, moving from Ireland to Boston at the age of nine, the struggle of fitting in, losing his parents to a fatal accident just a few years later, living in the foster system for a few years, holding on to his brother all those years, his brother's decision to go back to Ireland almost five years ago, his decision of moving to Phoenix a short while afterwards, his everyday routine of studying and working, and even some of his future plans. _

She enjoyed hearing him talk about his personal life, it allowed her to see him as more of a real person instead of just another officer, it was what made them connect, what made her feel more comfortable with opening up to him, and probably part of what made her fall for him.

_Then how come he never told her he had a wife? He had more than one chance to do so, he could have told her after she told him about Neal, or after the kiss when she angrily asked him if he was going to tell about this to his wife, then why hadn't he? _

Now that she was replaying that moment in her mind she remembered that he glanced down to his left hand before he sighed and shook his head as he looked at her without saying a word about it, apparently because he was too busy pleading her to understand, pleading her to stay.

"You didn't know" Blue apologized "I'm sorry I assumed you were on a friendly basis, with him insisting on visiting you and all"

"Well we're not" Emma spat "We're not on any basis"

"I see" Blue replied softly "Well that's a pity"

"'And I'm sure you're going to tell me why" Emma crossed her arms across her chest and frowned.

"And I'm sure there won't be any novelty in what I'm about to say" Blue inhaled "But I'm going to say it anyway" She continued and Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes "The world is full of people, but those who care about you are rare and should be cherished"

"You have no idea how rare" Emma murmured.

"What?" Blue asked confused.

"Nothing" Emma said and smiled in slight embarrassment.

"So what do I tell him?" Blue asked and Emma shrugged indifferently in reply "Same as yesterday?" She continued and Emma nodded "Which is basically nothing" Blue sighed as Emma began to feel uncomfortable, fidgeting in her standing place "Okay" Blue said as her shoulders dropped a fraction before she turned to leave "Just think of what I said" She said when she stopped in her tracks and turned to face Emma again "Maybe tomorrow you'll have a change of heart?" She half-asked, half-stated, and Emma thought to herself that it was highly unlikely "You never know" Blue added and shrugged before she left.

...

A few minutes later she was sitting in Killian's former office, waiting for her session with Archie, surveying her surroundings, noting the changes in her mind.

The two shelves behind the desk were now free of books, instead there were two small flowerpots with plastic plants, a radio clock and a few dalmatians ceramic dolls on top of them, Killian's black leather jacket that usually hung on the peg by the door was now replaced by a black umbrella with curved wooden handle, the room was a tad darker and the space between the desk and the window, _their space_, was now occupied with two armchairs and a small round coffee table between them.

She thought to herself that it was just like being a kid and watching your favorite playground being replaced with an office building. But there was nothing that the room was missing more than his scent, that mixture of his light masculine cologne that blended so well with his own sweet personal scent, every time she was in that room she really loved taking in that scent, _his scent_.

"Sorry to keep you waiting" Archie said when he entered the room "I have good news and I just had to go and bring the papers from administration" He continued after he closed the door as he sat down in his chair and smiled kindly at her. Emma looked at him intrigued, _what could possibly be considered as good news around here?_

It reminded her of a different 'good news' conversation she had with Killian almost five months earlier, a short while after her return from the hospital.

"Good news Swan, it's official, you now work at the library, starting tomorrow" Killian smiled at her, a big toothy smile as he seemed to be very happy and excited for her.

"Really?" She raised her brows in surprise.

"Yeah, I know how much you hate working at the laundry, and I _did say_ I'll do my best to change that for you, I just hope you don't mind me using the latest events as a catalyst to make it happen" He said and grimaced a bit as he was dreading her reaction.

"Seriously?" She asked sarcastically as she chuckled "You pulled out the pity card?"

"You can say that" He blinked and smiled coyly "Do you mind?" He raised his brow at her and drew his bottom lip in between his teeth in anticipation for her reply.

"No, not really, I'm just glad I won't have to work there anymore" She said as they both sighed in relief, she was relieved that she didn't have to go back to the laundry, and he was relieved that she wasn't angry with him for interfering, something she accused him of doing many times before.

_So now that she already had the 'job of her dreams' considering the other available jobs they had in that place, what else could possibly be considered as good news?_

"Well what is it?" She urged Archie. The calm old man sometimes seemed to be working in a different, much slower pace than the rest of the world.

"Your application for remission was approved" He smiled and nodded before he continued "So you'll be out sooner than expected"

"Seriously?" She asked and narrowed her eyes in suspicion "You're not just messing with me?"

"No, not at all" He replied a bit flustered as he skimmed the papers that were in front of him in search for something in particular "Here" He tapped his finger on the paper "It says you need to complete six months of your sentence" He then opened her file and rifled through the pages "So you only have – "

"Twelve days left?" She asked as she raised her brows in disbelief.

"Yes" He nodded eagerly "Just twelve more days"

"Get out!" Her eyes widened in complete shock.

_She couldn't believe her ears, twelve more days and she's out of there, just twelve more days and she will finally be able to go on with her life_

"I just can't believe it" She shook her head as she covered her mouth with her hand, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.

"Well believe it Emma" He said as he smiled happily at her "You did good" He added as he handed her the notification papers to see for herself.

"I'm in loss of words" She said as she held the paper and stared at the words when a single tear found its way onto the paper "I don't know what to say" She sniffled and handed him back the papers, before she will soak them completely with her tears of joy "You don't know how happy this makes me, you have no idea what this means to me" She shook her head before wiping away the tears from her cheeks with her hand "I don't know how can I ever thank you for this"

"It's not me you need to thank, I didn't do anything, it was all Jones" He said and her heart skipped a beat to the mention of his name "He really pressed this issue, I've seen the emails exchange, I read your statement and I read his report, and I must say he did an excellent job with this one, he was an outstanding officer"

"Yeah" She murmured and gazed at Archie as he continued praising him, talking about how good he was at his job and what a shame it was that he had to leave, but his voice was muffled and her vision a blur as her mind drifted away.

_He had done so much for her and here she was being this ungrateful bitch,_ _so what if he had rejected her or didn't want to be with her? He didn't have to want to be with her, in fact he didn't have to do any of the things he had done for her, being by her side at the hospital, arranging for her to work at the library, applying the request for remission, helping her adjust, listening, caring…he didn't have to do any of those things, but he had, and she hadn't shown him any kind of appreciation. __She felt like a complete fool, whether he wanted to be with her or not and despite the fact that he was leaving, she could have at least appreciate what he had done for her, he owed her __nothing__, and he had done __plenty__, so she could have at least thank him._

"Can I go now?" She suddenly cut Archie off "There's something I got to do" She said and when Archie nodded in reply and murmured 'sure' she was already out the door.

She ran all the way to the visitors room in hope that something had detained him, maybe he stayed to talk with Robin or another friend, she didn't even stop or turn her head towards Regina who shouted 'No running' when she crossed past her down the hall, she just kept running, panting heavily, sweat beading on her forehead, without stopping for a second, not even to think about what she was going to say, but apparently there was no need to, cause after she opened the door of the visitors room in a haste and scanned the room with her eyes for the fourth time she realized he was already gone.

"Something wrong?" Robin asked as he looked at her in concern.

"No" She answered quietly as she slightly shook her head, forcing a smile, but her eyes full of disappointment, and her heart full of regret, regret of being so ungrateful, regret of being so stubborn and unappreciative, so she promised to herself that tomorrow she will repair that, tomorrow she will go and see him, tomorrow she will finally thank him.

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**Reviews are more than welcome.**


	11. Out

**I must say you blew me away with the reviews that I just had to update ASAP, so here it is, and thanks again to all of you!**

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**Chapter 11 – Out**

"Morning Miss Swan" Whale said from his place by the door to her cell.

"What do _you_ want?" She frowned at him as she got up to sit on her bed "What are you even doing here? Aren't you banned from the women's quarters? You know, being _a man_ and all" She said, a hint of mockery in her tone of voice.

"Yeah I am, but you know how much I like to bend the rules" He replied with a smirk as he reached his hand up to lean against the lintel

"Well what do you want?" She grimaced and arched an impatient eyebrow at him.

"Just came to let you know I'll be waiting for you in R&amp;R" He said as he crossed his arms across his chest, now leaning his shoulder against the lintel.

"Why?" She asked in suspicion.

"Hopper is on sick leave so I guess you're stuck with me" He raised his brow and shrugged.

"I guess I am" She said as she got up from her bed and quickly pulled her hair up into a half-assed ponytail.

"Well don't look so disappointed" He said sarcastically "In a few hours you'll be out just the same"

"Yeah" She said dryly.

"Come on, it's the day of your release and you're not going to smile? Not even just a little bit?" He said as his eyes searched hers.

"Whatever" She rolled her eyes at him as a smile escaped her lips.

"That's more like it" He smiled back in triumph "So I'll see you there" He said and gave her a nod of encouragement.

After he left she averted her gaze from him back to the room as she started to gather up her things, remembering that not long ago Mary Margaret had done the same, remembering it was the day that she had handed her the note, thinking that if only she had gone to see Killian the day that followed Mary Margaret's release she wouldn't have spent her last days in prison dwelling on the past and drowning in regret.

Over the remaining three days that were left until Killian's departure she had been looking forward to his visit, practically sitting on the edge of her seat, waiting for him in anticipation and desperately seeking Blue out, just to hear that he hadn't come, each time her heart sinking in her chest a bit more. _Oh how the tables had turned, now she had been the one who had waited his arrival, and he had been the one who had failed to show up, probably got discouraged with her, serves her right! Who wouldn't be? She treated him horribly, pushing him away and ignoring his visits, no wonder he stopped showing up altogether._

She and Ruby said their goodbyes, and Emma found herself a bit surprised by Ruby's display of emotion, since the girl that always seemed to be so giddy and lightheaded, all of a sudden seemed to be struggling to let go, even though she herself had no more than two months until her own release. They hugged for a long moment, promising to each other to stay in touch, even long after they will both go on with their lives outside those walls.

She then went, for the last time, to find Blue, in hope that she will be able to help her in obtaining Killian's phone number, cause even though she was tremendously disappointed that he had given up on her, she knew she had absolutely no right to be, and she knew she still owed him some kind of gratitude, even if it will only be over the phone.

Unfortunately, the too honest for her own good of a woman was of no help, saying she was not allowed to give that kind of information about a former employee. She was almost about to give up as her mind began to scramble, thinking of another way to obtain his number, and then it came to her, she remembered all too well who it was that shamelessly relished on bending the rules – Whale.

...

She was sitting on a bench in the receiving and release area staring at the hard cardboard box by her side. It was basically her life in a box, as it contained the swan keychain in addition to all of her belongings she had with her at the time of her arrest. Her cell phone, the key she used to wear around her neck, her black bag and its contents, her black frame clear lens glasses she used to wear only as a fashion statement, her black boots and her clothes, which were a pair of black tights, a long black and white striped sweater and her white wool collar grey cardigan.

It was way too hot in the season for her to wear her autumn clothes, but she had no choice, cause unlike the other inmates who were also being released that day, no one had sent her clothes to the R&amp;R department beforehand.

She got dressed and even though it was rather hot in those boots and sweater, she just had to admit to herself that it was a nice change from those dark prison uniforms.

"Preparing for the winter?" Whale asked sarcastically as he entered the room with some papers in hand "You _do_ know it's like a hundred degrees out there"

"Ha-ha, it's what I came with" She answered half-sarcastically, half-defensively.

"Here" He ignored her reply as he handed her the papers and a pen "You need to fill out these release forms"

"Okay" She nodded and watched as he turned to leave "Wait" She called at him and swallowed hard.

"Yes?" He asked as he slowly turned to face her again, his arms crossed across his chest and a curious expression creasing his face.

"I wanted to ask you something" She hesitated.

"Well ask away" He said as he gestured with his hand, urging her to talk "Well girl?" He continued impatiently "I don't have all day you know" Emma rolled her eyes inwardly, thinking that he was being his usual 'charming' self, _what exactly had crossed her mind when she thought about asking that man for anything?_ But she had no better choice, and she really wanted to get that number. It was obvious that he was about to lose his patience any second now, so she decided to give it a try.

"Can you find someone's number for me?" She finally asked, a hint of insecurity in her tone of voice.

"Miss Swan, are you asking me for a favor?" He raised his brow at her, a smug grin taking over his face.

"I guess I am" She replied reluctantly as she shifted nervously on the bench.

"And what's in it for me?" He asked in a playful tone as he took a step closer, closing the distance between them.

"What do you mean?" She raised her brows, pretending not to understand.

"I mean, what are _you_ going to do for_ me_ in return for that favor?" He said slowly as he placed one foot on the bench and rested his arm above the bent knee, his body leaning forward to stare at her up close, his smug grin spreading even wider, making her feel uncomfortable.

"Well what do you want? " She asked sharply as she slightly backed away, tired and disgust from his constant sly innuendos, her lips forming a tight line. _That sleazy, sorry excuse of a person. _

"Relax girl, I'm just messing with you" He laughed "Well who's number is it that you need?" He asked and she raised her brows in surprise.

"Jones" She cleared her throat, trying to sound nonchalantly as possible.

"Okay, just fill out the forms in the meantime" He replied simply and she was extremely surprised when he left without any other sarcastic remark or innuendo.

...

"Here" He handed her a piece of paper with some numbers on it "Now what about the forms?"

"All done" She grabbed them from the bench and handed them to him.

"Good girl" He said in a playful tone of voice and grinned before he turned to leave.

"Thanks" She called after him and he turned to face her "For this" She fingered the paper he gave her.

"Sure" He dismissed before he turned to leave only to stop in his tracks one more time "Oh, and good luck" He said genuinely and gave her a nod as he faced her for the last time.

"Thanks" She said slowly and blinked heavily in disbelief. _Could it be that he wasn't so bad after all?_

_..._

She stood outside the gate, adjusting her bag across her body, her cardigan hanging over it, the swan keychain in one hand, the gate money, 200$ in cash that she received, in the other. She couldn't believe that she was really out, free at last, she can do whatever she pleases, no one picking on her, no one bossing her around anymore.

She took in the fresh air, not that she lacked air inside the prison walls, they had plenty of time in the prison yard, but still _this air_ was different, she felt different taking it in, an exhilarating feeling taking over her body as she did, there was no doubt that this air had something special about it, it was tinged with something special, it was tinged with the scent of _freedom_.

She stuck the money in her bag and started walking towards the visitors parking lot in search of her yellow bug. It still felt weird referring to that bug as her own, after all it was his car, Neal's car. She hesitated for a moment as she stopped in the middle of the parking lot, looking down at the keychain in her hand before raising her head, her eyes scanning the parking lot, and it only took her a few seconds to spot the car, after all it was a bright yellow, easy to spot kind of a car.

She hurried towards it, couldn't wait to get in that car and get the hell away from that place, she only hoped that the car would start and that it had enough gas, cause she sure as hell didn't want to get stuck anywhere near that place.

She thought that some of her clothes might still be in that car, maybe she could find something lighter to wear, she continued thinking about what she was hoping to find in the car when she suddenly stopped in her tracks, stopped to the sight of _him_.

Her breath hitched in her throat and her heart skipped a beat as she stared at Killian. He was sitting on the ground, his back leaning against the yellow bug as he was playing with his phone. He was handsome as usual, his dark hair combed to one side, wearing an untucked light blue polo shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans.

Her head was reeling with questions. _What was he doing there? Was she really the one he was waiting for? Did it mean that he was not angry with her? How did he even know that it was the day of her release? And how come he wasn't in Boston?_

"Hey" He said as he leaped up from the ground and took the earphones out of his ears, hanging the cord around his neck and sticking the phone in his back pocket, seemingly nervous and excited at the same time.

"Hey" She continued to walk towards the car, towards him, her throat dry and her heart racing in her chest "What are you doing here?" She wondered, the words slipping from her lips without a second thought "I mean – " She swallowed hard before she slightly shook her head in confusion "Aren't you suppose to be in Boston by now?" She asked and tilted her head to one side, the sun making her eyes squint. She reached a hand up to her forehead, trying to block the sun, as her green eyes flickered nervously back and forth from his face to a spot behind him.

"I am" He sounded a bit flustered himself "I'm sorry I didn't come to visit you on those last days, it was just that I rebooked my flight to get to Boston a few days earlier – "

"Seriously?" She smiled widely at him as she lowered her hand back down, her eyes beginning to relax as a big cloud was now blocking the sun "You're apologizing for not coming to visit an empty table?" She asked amazed. _Was this guy for real?_

"So it seems" He chuckled in embarrassment as he glanced down and scratched behind his ear "Anyway" He looked back up at her "I wanted to get to Boston ahead of time to complete the training so I could take this week off"

"Why?" She asked as her eyes widened in wonder.

"Well, Hopper informed me that your remission was approved" He said as he took a step closer, closing the distance between them "And I wanted to be here when you get out, I – ".

"About that" She cut him off "I wanted to thank you Killian – " She said softly as her hand unconsciously reached for his arm. He swallowed hard at the touch as he fought the urge to look down at her hand, his eyes softening, slowly filling with love and desire.

"No need" He didn't let her finish as he shook his head and smiled "I'm just glad you're finally out and – "

"Actually there is" She cut him off again as her hand let go of his arm and she gestured with both of her hands for him to listen "Please let me thank you properly, you've done so much for me, and I want you to know that I appreciate it, really appreciate it, all of it, even though sometimes it didn't look that way" She raised one eyebrow and twisted her mouth to one side "Well not sometimes, more like all the time, I'm really sorry about that, I didn't mean to be such a – " She lowered her gaze to the ground and chuckled in embarrassment "Well you know, I was mean and you didn't deserved that, I know you were trying to help, but I was a mess, well I'm still kind of a mess, but at least now I'm out and I'm free, thanks to you, which was actually the point to all this rambling" She grimaced at herself for missing the point before she took a deep breath and continued "Thank you" She said slowly as she stared deep into his bright blue eyes "I really mean it, I don't think that words are enough to repay you, so if there's anything I can do, please, just say the word"

"I already told you that you can be quite persuasive" He smiled at her, a big toothy smile.

"Yeah, you did" She smiled in embarrassment as she looked at the ground, gently kicking at the gravel with her boot.

"Well there is this one thing" He said, a mischievous smile lifting his lips as she raised her gaze to meet his.

"Well, what did you have in mind?" She asked in a playful tone as a flush of heat made its way up to her cheeks.

"It's nothing like that" He said, a bit flustered "Although I can't say that I'd mind" He added in slight embarrassment "But it is something else"

"Okay, well name it" She said without hesitation, trying not to look disappointed.

"Are you still heading to Maine like you planned?" He asked and her brow immediately shot up to her hairline as his question took her by surprise.

"Yes" She nodded. _He remembered? She knew she wanted to go and visit Mary Margaret once she gets out, but she barely mentioned it to him once._

"Then perhaps you can give me a ride? Back to Boston I mean" He asked, drawing his bottom lip in between his lips in anticipation for her reply.

"Sure" She was quick to reply, without thinking about the implications, which meant being alone in a car with him for over forty hours of driving.

"Great" He said as a big smile spread across his face "So what now?"

"There's this one thing that I'm just dying to do, basically ever since I got in that place"

"Well what is it?" He asked as he leaned his back against her car, crossing his legs at the ankles.

"Take a shower. _In private_. Without anybody breathing down my neck, without another inmate yelling at me, or worse, threatening me, not to use all the hot water" She slouched and rolled her eyes.

"I figured you'd say that" He said confidently.

"You did?" She wondered. _Did she forget he used to work there? He knew all too well what the inmates' problems were._

"Yeah, that's why I allowed myself to book us a room" He said, again taking her by surprise.

"Well aren't you an optimistic" She smiled and raised one brow suggestively.

"I meant, book you a room" He corrected himself as he gestured with his hand towards her "Come on, let's go, it's not far from here"

"Wait, I have to do something first" She said as she went over to the front of the car and opened the trunk, smiling widely to the sight of her suitcase. She opened it and took out a simple floral spring dress before closing the trunk back "I have to change, you wait here" She eyed him carefully before she entered the car and moved to the back seat.

"Nothing I've never seen before you know" He chuckled at her as he took a peek at the side mirror, catching a glimpse of her bra. The man might have been decent and honest but he was no saint.

"Haha, you are a funny man Jones" She called from the back seat as she pulled down the hem of her dress "Come on let's go" She said after she moved back to driver's seat.

"Well that's much better" He said as his eyes skimmed her body when he got into the car, smiling widely at her.

"Oh shut up" She said and rolled her eyes before she started the car and they began to drive away, the image of the prison in the back view mirror becoming smaller and smaller.

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**Reviews are more than welcome.**


	12. A promise well kept

**Warning:** fluff overdose ahead

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**Chapter 12 – A promise well kept**

They walked into a nice boutique hotel. Killian walked over to the reception while Emma stayed in the lobby, surveying her surroundings. The hotel had a cozy warm atmosphere to it, the lighting was pleasantly dimmed, the lobby was furnished with polished antiques, decorated with rich fabrics and historic paintings, and it looked way too expensive, at least by her standards as she was accustomed to live in the car and crash motel rooms in between guests.

"Swan" He returned with the keycard in hand as she turned to face him "Here, you go ahead" He handed her the keycard "Unless you need help with those bags" He gestured with his hand to her black side bag that hung across her body and to the suitcase by her feet.

"I don't need help, but what about you? Aren't you coming?" She raised her brow in wonder.

"I'll wait here" He gestured with his hand at the direction of the seating area in the lounge.

"I believe it will take a while, I have a lot of making up to do" She chuckled as she reached for her suitcase "Besides, didn't you say that your battery is like on three percent or something?"

"Yeah, actually it just died, but I'm sure I can find an outlet here somewhere" He replied casually, his gaze sweeping around the lobby while his hands lightly held on to his backpack straps.

"Don't be silly, come up with me" She said as she gestured with her head towards the elevator.

"I don't want to crash your bath" He said, slightly shaking his head "Well, at least not this time" He whispered in a playful tone as he smiled mischievously at her and wiggled his eyebrows.

"You're not crashing anything, so don't get any ideas in your head" She scolded as she narrowed her eyes at him before a small smile escaped her lips.

"Didn't you say that you wanted some privacy?"

"Well, judging by the looks of this place" She said as her eyes swept the lobby "I'm pretty sure there is going to be a door to the bathroom, and that's about all the privacy I need" She continued as she averted her gaze back to him "I can tell you one thing, it will sure be one hell of an upgrade from the prison showers" She smiled and noticed that he was still reserved, a hint of hesitation in his eyes "Come on let's go" She urged, giving his shoulder a nudge before they both started to walk over to the elevator.

...

He was sprawled across the bed, lying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows, fiddling with his phone, that was connect by the charger to the outlet above the nightstand.

"What are you doing?" She asked when she got out of the bathroom. He raised his gaze from the phone to her, his mouth agape as he blinked twice, taking in her beauty. She stood at the doorway, a robe wrapped around her body, her gorgeous pale skin shining from the shower, her beautiful green eyes beaming and her damp hair falling down her shoulders.

"Cancelling my flight" He swallowed hard and glanced at the phone in his hand, jolting himself back to reality.

"I see you are not so optimistic after all" She joked, a smile slowly spreading across her face "You doubted that I'd agree to give you a ride?"

"I can never know with you Swan" He shook his head as he set the phone on the nightstand "You _can_ be quite unpredictable" He pushed himself up to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Am I?" She teased, raising one eyebrow, leaning her shoulder against the door frame and crossing her arms across her chest, a small mischievous smile curving up her lips. _What was she doing? Was she flirting with him?  
_

"Quite" He replied as he got up, slowly walking over to her, his intense, consuming gaze fixed on hers and she could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest "Like right now" He said slowly as he drew near, his soft husky voice just above a whisper "I'm kinda having trouble figuring it out, so why don't you tell me love, do you want me to kiss you or not?"

"What do _you_ want?" She asked softly, having to raise her gaze to stare back at him, as without the additional height of her boots she was much shorter than him. His blue eyes skimming over her face as he gently backed her up against the door frame, leaning over her, reaching one arm near her head and leaning it against the door frame.

"What do you think?" He whispered in a seductive tone as his other hand reached for her cheek, gently raising her chin up with his thumb. They stared deep into each other's eyes, both feeling the tension building up inside of them, blinking slowly, sharing a breath, sharing a pulse, her stomach flutter, his eyes burning with desire. His hand moved to stroke the back of her neck and her eyes fluttered shut as she leaned her head back to the touch "I missed this" His stubble ghosting over her cheek as he whispered in her ear before his hand moved to caress her cheek again, her eyes fluttering open to look at him, his eyes soft and loving, hers glazing with want.

He slowly parted his lips as they locked eyes, and she mirrored his movement by parting her own, his thumb slowly trailing down her cheek to the corner of her mouth, tenderly grazing her bottom lip as the tip of his tongue darts out to moist his lips. He leaned in, his lips ghosting over hers when she suddenly pushed him back a little, slowly ducking under his arm that leaned against the door frame, leaving him to stare in confusion at the now vacant wooden door frame, his eyes wide and his mouth agape before he turned to face her "See? I just never know with you" He shook his head and forced a chuckle.

"Your phone is ringing" She drew his attention to the vibrating sound and he glanced over to the nightstand.

"I don't care" He shrugged as he took a step in her direction.

"You go get that" She put her hand on his chest, gently pushing him back "I'm going to blow dry my hair" She said before she disappeared into the bathroom.

...

"So who was that?" She asked when she got out of the bathroom again, her hair now dried straight and she was wearing a pair of black jeans and a simple grey tank top.

"A friend from work" He replied from where he was seated on the edge of the bed, cocking his head to one side so he could look at her as she reached for her suitcase that was rested on the bed.

"Already making friends, are we?" She smiled at him as she put the floral dress back in the suitcase and closed it.

"I liked the dress, I like the jeans too" He stared at her, trying to catch her gaze that was still fixed on the suitcase.

"Anything better than those horrifying uniforms uh?" She stated as she grimaced in disgust at the memory.

"I didn't mind" He slightly shook his head as he got up and she averted her gaze from the suitcase to him "You are beautiful in anything" He said softly as he smiled and took a step in her direction.

"Come on let's go" She rolled her eyes and smiled in embarrassment as she pulled the suitcase to the floor "We have a long way ahead of us and I prefer driving during the day" She picked up her bag, pulling the strap over her head and settling the bag against her hip before she dragged the suitcase and headed for the door.

"Wait" He called after her.

"What?" She asked as she halted two steps away from the door and turned around. He reached for his backpack and took something from the front pouch before he walked over to her with the thing in hand, hidden behind his back.

"I promised you something" He said as he reached for her hand, taking it in his and turning it palm up "And I always keep my promises" He placed the small purple velvet box in her hand as she stared at it before she raised her gaze to meet his "What?" He asked when he looked at the shocked expression on her face, her eyes wide, her mouth agape, just like the first time he gave it to her "It's yours, I only saved it for you remember?"

"Yeah" She blinked heavily.

"Allow me to put it on?" He asked and opened the box when she nodded in reply, taking out the bracelet and placing the box on the hall console that stood against the wall. She stared at him when he lowered his gaze to look at the bracelet as he fumbled with the clasp "Give me your hand" He reached for her hand and glanced up at her, the sight of his blue eyes looking at her making her heart beat fast in her chest, the sensation of his fingers grazing her skin making her breath hitch in her throat.

"It's really pretty" She said quietly as she glanced down at the bracelet on her wrist before she raised her gaze and blinked heavily again "I love it" She said as her eyes fixed on the wide smile that spread across his face, making her smile in embarrassment "Thank you" She swallowed hard as she stared deep into his eyes.

"You already thanked me"

"Now" She said softly.

"Now what?" He asked as he looked at her in confusion, a confusion that vanished the moment he noticed that her eyes were flickering back and forth from his eyes to his lips.

He took the last step that separated their bodies, both of his hands reaching to cradle the back of her neck, this time not wasting any time and diving straight into the kiss, forcefully yet tenderly pressing his lips to hers. She moaned softly against his lips "You have no idea how much I missed these lips" He whispered when he broke away for a moment before his lips once again crushed against hers, burying one hand at her hair, the other reaching for her waist, slowly guiding her backwards, their lips parting only for a brief moment when he pulled the strap of her bag over her head and dropped it on the floor as he kept walking her backwards, his lips and hands returning to their previous positions, until his hand at her hair hit the door.

Her hands anchored at his waist, her fingers threading through his belt loops, tugging and hauling him closer as his hand tugged gently on her hair, tilting their heads to deepen the kiss, she opened her mouth, granting him permission to thrust his tongue into her mouth, she could feel a chill running down her spine as their tongues danced together in unison, the perfect sensation making her flushed with warmth and haziness.

Her hands began to trail underneath his shirt and up his back, his skin smooth and soft, as his hand moved from her waist to her shoulder, making her shudder at the touch over her bare skin, his fingers sliding slowly down her arm, reaching for her hand, intertwining their fingers together as he gently pinned her hand against the door by her head.

He relished her taste, her scent, her warmth, kissing her again and again, deeper and deeper, barely breathing, as the insatiable craving for her mouth took over him completely, her lips soft and tender, her mouth warm and sweet.

"Killian?" She moaned softly against his lips.

"What is it love?" He whispered as he kept devouring her lips.

"Nothing" She murmured and reached up her hands, threading them into his dark thick hair at the nape of his neck as his hands anchored at her waist. His lips broke from hers as they moved to kiss her jaw line, giving her the opportunity to gasp for air as she breathed heavily. He then trailed kisses down her neck as his hands tightened their grip on her waist, gently pining her against the door "Killian?" She moaned again as her hands tugged on his hair, pulling him back up.

"What?" He looked at her breathless.

"We really need to go" She said reluctantly.

"Not yet" He pleaded as he leaned to kiss her lips "Let's stay" She tugged on his hair again, slightly pulling him back so their eyes could meet.

"I don't want to go either" She whispered softly, her lips swollen, her skin flushed and her eyes glazing with want "But we have a long road ahead of us, and this day is already half gone" She swallowed hard, slightly shaking her head, jolting herself back to reality.

"We can go tomorrow" He reached his hand to caress her cheek and smiled slightly as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"And _tomorrow_ we will say tomorrow" She said as they locked eyes, sharing the desire to stay, sharing the understanding that they need to go.

"Point taken" He said as he nodded and smiled. She averted her gaze for a moment in embarrassment before she looked at him again, returning a smile as her eyes sparkled along "So where are we headed?" He asked before he gave her one last short loving kiss on the lips before he pulled away, fetching her bag for her.

"Since we only have a few hours until it gets dark I say that Albuquerque can be our next stop" She pulled the strap of her bag over her head as he went to get his backpack, slinging it over his shoulders.

"Albuquerque it is" He nodded and grabbed her suitcase as she took the velvet box in her hand.

"Thanks again" She said as she fingered the box before placing it inside her bag and a sad smile lifted her lips "You surprised me that day, but I thought that after everything that followed – "

"I was merely trying to protect you" He cut her off to explain "You really think that I can say no to this?" He asked softly as he reached his hand to brush her hair back over her shoulder.

"But you did" She said quietly.

"And you can bet those pretty eyes of yours that I will _never_ do that mistake again" He buried his hand in her hair and gently pulled her for a kiss, feeling her lips curving up against his.

"So you're basically saying that your ass is mine?" She asked mischievously, smiling against his lips.

"Pretty much" He replied softly, staring at her lips as he nodded before he kissed her lips once more, causing her smile to spread even wider.

_She sure loved that ass_.

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**Reviews are more than welcome.**


	13. Road Trip

**Chapter 13 – Road Trip**

"Pull over" Killian Said ten minutes into the drive.

"Why? What happened?" Emma glanced at him in wonder.

"It's urgent, just pull over" He said decisively as he unfastened his seatbelt.

Emma slowed the car and stopped at the side of the road, pulling on the parking brake as she turned to face him "What was so – " She began asking only to be cut off by his lips on hers, propped on one knee, leaning towards her, his hand in her hair, he pressed his lips to hers. His hand moved to stroke the back of her neck as he tilted his head, his lips hovering over hers, his tongue darts out to lick her lips, waiting for her permission to invade her mouth "Really?" She reared back slightly so she could look him in the eyes as she raised her brows at him in wonder "This is the reason you wanted me to pull over?" She jokingly scolded.

"Yes" He said as he leaned further still awaiting her approval, his mesmerizing blue eyes fixed on her lips, his mouth hungry for hers "Told you it's urgent" He whispered as he grazed his lips against hers, his hand tugging gently on her hair "There's no telling what I would have done if you didn't pull over" His tongue ran along her bottom lip before she finally complied, burying her hands in his hair, opening her mouth, granting his tongue permission to dance with hers, moaning softly into his mouth "You taste so good" He whispered when he pulled back for air.

"We'll get nowhere if we keep stopping every ten minutes" She smiled against his lips when he was about to dive in for another kiss.

"You're right" He nodded and stared at her lips "Just one more I promise" He said before he attacked her lips again, kissing her one last hot lingering kiss, leaving her flushed and breathless as he pulled away "Now you can go" He licked his bottom lip as he fastened his seatbelt and she smiled in embarrassment "You need a minute?" He mocked, smiling wickedly at her as she was trying to regain her composure, running her hands through her disheveled hair.

"Very funny" She rolled her eyes as she started the car "Sometimes you just need to know when to shut up" She glanced at his chuckling face before she got back to driving.

…

Over seven hours had passed and they were just about to reach Albuquerque "Take the next exit" He said as he glanced at his phone "It says the parq central is less than 2 miles off the interstate"

"You don't have to spend your money on hotels, we can sleep in the car you know" She glanced at him.

"I want to, and like you said we have a long road ahead of us, meaning we'll need a good night sleep, besides, you just saved me some flight money, remember?" He smiled at her and she glanced his way to give him a smile in return.

A few minutes later she parked outside this luxurious hotel, staring at it without turning off the car "Swan, the motor is still running" He pointed out.

"Yeah, we're not staying here, give me your phone" She said as she grabbed his phone without a second thought, browsing it for a while before she held it up in front of his face "We'll go there"

"Seriously? What's wrong with this one?" He protested.

"It's too expensive, the holiday inn will do just fine, it is also near the interstate and half the price" She said decisively as, to his dismay, she started driving away from his fancy hotel.

After they checked into the hotel that was an all suits hotel, clean, comfortable and at a reasonable price, she was the first to hit the shower, exhausted from the long intense day.

"You need something from me before I get in?" He asked warmly when she got out of the shower.

"No thanks, I really need to rearrange my suitcase" She answered dryly without looking at him as she turned to her suitcase "Neal left such a mess, he wasn't exactly the tidiest person in the world, and all my clothes are getting wrinkled" She said, a hint of annoyance in her tone of voice.

He noticed the change in her mood, assuming that the she had time to reflect on a few obviously painful memories while she was in the shower "Are you sure you're okay?" He asked softly as he looked at her in concern.

"Yeah, go ahead, I'm fine" She glanced at him and smiled slightly before she turned to the suitcase again.

…

He got out of the shower, wearing a simple T and shorts, towel in hand, watching her in wonder. Some of her clothes were scattered all over the bed as she was frantically searching for something in her suitcase "Swan, what are you doing?" He asked as he ruffled his hair with the towel, in attempt to dry it. She turned around to glance at him and he noticed that her eyes were moist and her face was red, it was obvious that she was on the verge of crying "What's wrong?" His face fell, asking in concern as he let go of the towel, letting it fall to the floor when he stepped in her direction, closing the distance between them.

"I can't find my shells" She kept tossing her clothes all over the bed.

"Your what?"

"My shells" She spat "I had a small bag with a few seashells in it and now I can't find it" She said in frustration "Son of a bitch" She clenched her jaw, holding back the tears.

"Love, what's going on?" He asked softly as his hand reached her back, stroking it gently.

"He probably took it" She said angrily "That's what's going on"

"They are just shells" He said carefully, not trying to disrespect.

"They are not _just_ shells, I've had them with me since I was eleven"

"Then will just have to pick up new ones" He tried to reassure.

"We can't" She insisted.

"Why not?" He looked into her sad eyes as his hand stilled on the back of her neck, only his fingers moving, slowly grazing her skin.

"We can, but it won't be the same, I picked them up when I was at a beach for the first time"

She reflected on that memory, she was finally pulled out from the group home she had been staying at and was moved to stay with this foster family that had been living near the beach. It was the first time that her eyes laid sight on the ocean from up close, she marveled the sense of freedom it presented, the sky was clear, the sea was enormous and amazingly beautiful, she couldn't stop watching the waves lap along the coast, listening to the slow noise they made as they did, breathing in the fresh ocean air, her nervousness fading away with every breath until her body relaxed completely.

She loved their home and at first she wished she could live there forever, until she didn't, until she was given a reason to stop wishing that, when the father of the family kept glancing at her in a disturbing manner, shooting devious looks her way, looks that despite her young age she knew all too well, so she did what she had always done the moment she realized that something wasn't quite right with the home she had been placed at, she ran away, collecting a few shells on the road, a reminder to that mesmerizing vision that was called the ocean, a reminder that she too wished to have a home of her own one day, preferably near a beach.

She cringed in pain to the empty promise Neal had made her, the promise of a home, a home near a beach, the home she always dreamed of, just so he can turn around and leave her with a broken promise and a bleeding heart.

"Love" He said softly when his hand moved along her back, his voice and touch jolting her back to reality "You had a really long day, we forget that it was only this morning that you got out, it's a lot to process in less than twelve hours, you're probably overwhelmed – "

"Don't" She cut him off, seemingly on the verge of crying again.

"I just want to make you feel better" He said defensively.

"I don't think you can" Her voice began to crack as tears welled in her eyes "I don't think you get it"

"What is it? Tell me, what am I missing?"

"He took it from me" She said in pain as she broke down, her voice shaking through the tears she could no longer hold back as they streamed uncontrollably down her cheeks "He took the shells just like he took everything else from me, his love, his promise, my future, _my freedom_, he just went away and took it all with him"

"Come here" He said with a soft voice as he pulled her into his embrace "Everything will be okay, you're with me now" _Was she really?_

He held her close, rubbing soothing circles along her back and she suddenly searched for his comfort as she buried her head in his chest, allowing herself to sob against it, allowing herself to mourn the events that led to her time in prison. He already knew all about Neal, and still it took him a little bit by surprise. She mentioned him more than once back in prison, but back then she seemed pissed more than anything else, and now she seemed broken, it seemed that she used to care for him more than he realized, and he couldn't help but wonder if she'd ever get over him, if she'd ever give _him_ a chance to mend that broken heart of hers.

"Let's just go to sleep love" He said softly as he kissed the top of her head when her sobbing voice and shaky breath finally silenced.

"I don't feel like sleeping" She looked up at him with her green puffy eyes.

"Then what do you want to do?" He asked as his hand gently stroked her hair.

"I don't know" She said on a sigh.

"I have an idea" His voice filled with slight enthusiasm as he pulled away and went over to his backpack that rested on the armchair by the bed "What do you say?" He smiled as he took out a deck of cards and dangled it in front of her "Feel like a game of fish?"

"Sure" She blinked slowly, a small smile lifting her lips.

…

He woke up to her delicious scent and warm body, her back pressed against his chest, his hand wrapped around her body, his face buried in her hair and his eyes closed as he nuzzled her hair, taking a deep breath, inhaling her scent as if it was an energy shot coursing through his veins before his eyes flew open to meet the look of the room.

A quick glance at the radio clock, revealing it was 4:14 AM, before his eyes continued scanning the messy room, the cards were scattered on the corner of the bed, next to her feet, her suitcase was open and practically empty, tossed aside against the wall, her clothes were everywhere, some on the bed, a few on the armchair, others on the nightstand and the rest on the floor.

He wrenched himself carefully from her warm body as he silently bustled around the room, picking stuff up, gathering the cards, folding the scattered clothes, eventually getting dressed and taking a seat on the armchair next to the bed, fiddling with his phone and glancing her way every now and then when she breathed heavily in her sleep.

She woke up about an hour later, it was still early and the room was semi-dark "Morning beautiful" He said quietly as he came to sit on the bed, leaning to kiss her softly on the lips.

"Morning" She yawned and stretched when a satisfied smile spread across her face "I guess we fell asleep" She said as she pushed herself to sit up on the bed.

"Yeah" He smiled and nodded.

"Thanks for last night" She said softly.

"Don't mention it" He waved a dismissing hand.

"I know you let me win" She continued as a guilty smile gave him away "I know you were trying to cheer me up"

"Did it work?" He took her hand in his, stroking her palm gently with his thumb.

"Yes" She smiled and her eyes sparkled along before she leaned to kiss his lips "It did" She nodded as her lips hovered over his before she pressed them to his once more.

"I'm glad" He smiled as he caressed her cheek "Now we need to get going, if we are to keep up with that tight schedule of yours" He gave her a nod of acceptance as she chuckled before she got up and her eyes met the two neatly folded piles of clothes that rested in her suitcase.

"You really know how to charm a girl" She joked when she stepped in the direction of the suitcase, suddenly stopping in her tracks, her mouth agape as she stared at the small plastic bag on top of one of the piles "You found it" She looked at him before she took the final step and reached for the bag, looking at it and fingering the shells before she turned to look at him again.

"I think it was in one of the pockets of your denim jacket, cause it fell when I picked it up"

"Thanks" She smiled and blinked heavily when he came closer.

"Come on, let's grab breakfast and hit the road, you know how strict our tour guide can get, and we wouldn't want to rub her the wrong way" He said as his hand reached for her shoulder, pressing her body towards his and giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"No" She shook her head "We wouldn't want that" She reached for his hand on her shoulder, tugging on it as she leaned up on her tiptoes to kiss his lips.

…

It was their second day on the road together and she was getting used to the fact that he was this touchy kind of guy, his hands constantly finding their way to her. On the first day she was a bit surprised to discover that this guy, who had seemed to be so reserved back in prison as he had been avoiding any kind of touch, and seemingly at all costs, suddenly wasn't able to keep his hands to himself, wasn't able to get his hands off of her.

As much as she had tried to deny the things his touch did to her body she just couldn't, and she gradually allowed herself to welcome his touch and take pleasure in the sensations it brought her, his different kinds of touch stimulating different sensations.

Sometimes, when his hand had found its way to the back of her neck to stroke it gently or when it toyed with a lock of her hair she smiled inwardly, finding comfort in it as her heart slowly filled with joy. Other times, when his hand had slid along her arm it sent shivers down her spine, and when it had found its way to her thigh she found herself getting aroused in a matter of seconds, as tremors of desire coursed through her.

So about three and a half hours after they had left Albuquerque, when he somehow managed to place both hands on her, one anchored at the back of her neck, the other slowly sliding up her inner thigh, shooting sparks between her legs, she pulled over at the side of the road.

"Okay, this has to stop" She swallowed hard as a flush of heat made its way to her cheeks.

"What are you talking about?" He wondered, his hands still on her.

"You know what I'm talking about, the touching and stuff" She said, trying not to sound too embarrassed "I can't concentrate like that, I can get us both killed" She continued, managing to sound coherent thanks to his hand leaving her thigh to unbuckle his seatbelt.

"It's a good thing you pulled over then" He raised his brows suggestively as he leaned to kiss her lips, his hand sliding up her inner thigh again, extracting a moan out of her lips as she could feel the tension building up inside of her, involuntarily causing her thighs to spread slightly and imagine what it would feel like to have him inside of her "Still want me to stop?" He asked against her lips, his hand tightens around her thigh, fingers digging deep into the denim fabric of her pants.

"Yes" She whispered unaware to her own words as she licked her lips, her eyes closing and rolling to the back of her head, feeling herself getting wet.

"Okay" He whispered as he slightly reared back.

"Okay?" She asked surprised as her eyes flew open to meet his.

"I'll stop if that's what you want" He said slowly as his fingers toyed with her belt loops, slowly threading through and tugging on them, encouraging her to come closer.

"What are you doing?" She panted on a smile as she obliged, climbing on top of him as she moved to straddle his lap.

"I don't know, what are _you_ doing?" He replied mischievously as his hands anchored at her hips, pulling her closer, pressing her core against his bulge as his lips found their way to hers.

"Oh that's just not fair" She broke away from his lips and breathed heavily when his hands began rocking her hips against his.

"Give me your lips" He said when he buried one of his hands in her hair, tilting their heads and invading her mouth, relishing the sweet taste of her, his other hand on her hip, rocking her back and forth, grinding her sensitive fabric covered core against his throbbing bulge.

"What are you doing to me?" She asked when she gasped for air.

"I can ask the same of you" He whispered when his hand tugged gently on her hair pulling her head back, exposing more of her throat as his mouth trailed down, kissing her neck softly, licking slowly as his mouth searched for the sweet spot where shoulder meets neck, then sucking on it, at first gently then hungrily as she buried her hands in his dark thick hair and moaned with pleasure.

"Killian" She said softly as her hands trailed nervously along his broad shoulders. _She wanted him, she wanted more of him, more touch, more contact, more skin and flesh, and it made her feel a bit nervous cause she was not used to want a man this way._

"What is it love?" He asked when he dropped his mouth to the vulnerable hollow of her throat, inhaling her scent.

"I want to feel you" She leaned to whisper in his ear when her hands anchored at his waist, trailing up his shirt, eager to reach his chiseled chest, eager to run her fingers through his crisp chest hair.

"Me too" He said, feeling his erect length hardening even more at the thought "But I guess for now this will just have to do" He said with his husky voice as his hands trailed up her thighs and reached her buttocks, pulling her closer as his hips bucked slightly, pressing his strained erection in between her legs.

"Now that's just being mean" She said seductively as she nibbled on his bottom lip and rocked along with his hands on her, desperate for more friction.

"We can't possibly risk getting arrested for indecent exposure or sexual misconduct, can we?" He said and she whimpered silently as she nodded reluctantly against his lips "I'll make it up to you tonight" He whispered enticingly and smiled against her lips "That's if you'll be up for it" His hand tugged on her hair pulling her back a little so his eyes could meet hers as he raised one brow suggestively and smiled in mischief before pulling her back for a kiss, not giving her the chance to respond, already picking up the pace, moving underneath her, one hand rocking her hips and grinding her heat against his rock hard length, the other trailing up her shirt, stroking up and down her back then moving to graze her flat stomach, slowly sliding up her waist, his fingers running along her smooth skin, reaching her bra line, gently slipping underneath, anchoring at the side of her breast as his thumb slowly trailed along her breast, grazing her nipple, causing the tension between her legs grow tenfold as her body grew hotter, aching for release.

Her mouth broke away from his lips as she gasped for air and his mouth moved to lick the shell of her ear before he whispered hotly in her ear "And tomorrow you can wear that dress of yours" Just the mere thought of her sliding down on him, feeling him inside of her, taking him deeper and deeper, sent her over the edge when everything tightened inside of her, burying her head in his neck, her lips hovering over his collarbone, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as an audible moan escaped her mouth. His hand kept grazing her breast while the other held her close, pressing her down on him, helping her ride out her orgasm.

It took her a minute to catch her breath, her chest rising and falling rhythmically, her hands trailing underneath his sleeves, sliding up his shoulder blades and anchoring at the top of his shoulders, her fingers grazing his skin as he slowly drew back his hand from her bra, reaching it up to cup the back of her head, pressing a kiss to her forehead before leaning it against his own, glancing at her flushed cheeks and smiling closed eyes.

"Should we get going?" He said softly when her body lazed and her breath evened out, his soft husky voice waking her from her haze.

_What the hell?_ She was completely overwhelmed as she never climaxed being naked in bed with a man before, let alone being fully clothed.

"Yeah" She said when her body suddenly tensed against his and she ran a nervous hand through her hair, smiling in slight embarrassment before she began to pull away, trying to lift herself back to her seat.

"Come here" He stopped her, holding her by the waist, pulling her back as one hand reached to caress her cheek and they locked eyes. The three little words on the tip of his tongue as he bit them back, afraid it would scare her away. _I love you._ His bright blue eyes screamed the words, unable to prevent them from doing so when he pulled her in for a lingering toe-curling kiss, a kiss they both seemed to be struggling to break away from "Let me drive" He said softly when their lips eventually parted.

"Killian, it's fine" She slightly shook her head after she moved back to the driver's seat.

"Well you can't possibly drive for fourteen hours straight, so if you still want us to get to Memphis tonight you're going to have to let me drive eventually" He raised his brow at her in question "I think that now will be a good time, don't you think?"

"Yeah" She run her hands through her long ruffled golden hair and breathed "I guess it is" She glanced at him and smiled in slight embarrassment before he got out of the car and walked over to the driver's seat while she moved to the passenger's side "Just stay on the I-40" She instructed in earnest as he got in, her voice shifting back to work-mode "Straight to Memphis" She gave him a nod as she gestured with her hand to the road "And don't get tempted to take any side roads" She warned.

"Aye Capitan" He gave her a nod of approval before he smiled mischievously, winking at her as he started the car and she just couldn't help the big smile that weaseled its way onto her lips.


	14. Memphis

**A/N:** This chapter took forever to write, as many events needed to be squeezed into it, so it makes it the longest chapter I have written to date. Enjoy and let me know what you think!

BTW - For those of you who need stronger visualization, the dress Emma is wearing (when the chapter progresses) resembles the one she wore on 2x06 when she first met Neal.

* * *

**Chapter 14 – Memphis**

Emma's eyes flew open, suddenly waking up from her slumber when Killian parked the car outside the river inn "Must have dozed off" She said as she rubbed her eyes with her palms and yawned "Where are we?" She looked around in the dim street light, her eyes landing on the inn's sign, briefly looking at the three-story impressive building before she turned to look at him again "Seriously?"

"What?" He replied defensively "It has a great location, only a mile off the interstate, besides you chose the last one, so it's my turn now. Sometimes you'll just have to compromise Swan – "

"Fine" She cut him off "It's your money anyways" She shrugged "I just don't get what's your deal with these fancy hotels, a bed is a bed, isn't it?"

He answered her question with a coy smile before he continued "Come on, let's get in, it's almost midnight" He got out of the car, taking out their bags from the backseat.

They were greeted with two glasses of wine at the reception before the receptionist turned to the back room, leaving them alone in the quiet space "You're not twenty one just yet" Killian said as he tipped down her glass before she managed to take a sip.

"Really?" She raised her brows at him in wonder, studying him "Come on, don't be so preachy Jones" She smiled as she looked into his striking bright blue eyes, her eyes flickering from his eyes to his hand on her glass, waiting for him to let go.

"Okay" He let go of the glass and smiled in defeat as she took a mouthful before she smiled widely at him and put down her glass on the reception desk. The receptionist returned with the keycards in hand, wished them a pleasant stay as they turned to leave, not before Emma gulped down the rest of her drink in one go, looking at Killian over the rim of her glass as she did, which followed by a toothy grin of triumph that spread across her face "Are you sure you're even eighteen?" He asked when they walked towards the elevator and she wrapped one arm around his, licking a drop of wine off her lips "Cause you kinda act like a five year old" He teased.

"I do not" She protested.

"Yeah, you just proved my point" He chuckled when she let go of his arm and gave his shoulder a nudge.

...

Emma's eyes widened the moment they entered the door. It was a large suite that was furnished like a southern mansion, there was a luxury bedroom with a king size bed, an elegant spacious sitting room with a fireplace and a wet bar, and the general atmosphere was relaxing as the room had the most breathtaking view to the banks of the Mississippi "Seriously Jones, what's with you and these upscale hotels? Are you like loaded or something?" She joked.

"No" He replied hesitantly "But let's just say that I don't have any student debts, even though I rather that I did" His face grimaced slightly "Since I paid the tuition with some of the money my brother Liam and I got from our parents life insurance" He said as his gaze and mind seemed to be drifting away, reflecting on his parents memory.

_Crap! Apparently she was the one who needed to know when to shut up._

"I'm sorry" She apologized as her face creased with regret "I didn't mean to pry" She took a step in his direction, resting her hand on his arm.

"It's okay" He reassured, pushing her hair back over her shoulder in a loving gesture "We're learning more about each other, so I'd say that's a good thing" He smiled warmly at her "So" He continued, his voice cheering up "You wanna hit the shower first?"

"Nah" She shook her head "Today it's your turn to go first, compromise remember?" She raised one brow as she tilted her head to one side and smiled flirtatiously.

"Always the quick learner" He said as he leaned to kiss her softly on the lips "Well, if you change your mind, you know what to do" He raised his brows suggestively.

"Haha, keep dreaming buddy" She chuckled as she pushed him towards the shower.

When he got out she was already sound asleep, the light of the TV illuminating the porcelain skin of her peaceful face. He wandered around the room, turning off the TV and closing the drapes before he slipped into the bed behind her warm body, pulling the covers over them both as he nuzzled her neck, inhaling her scent like a sweet drug, before his breath evened out against her skin as he sank into a deep sleep as well.

...

She woke up to the semi darkness, stretching in bed before her eyes landed on Killian who was sitting in the armchair across the bed, bending down and lacing his shoes "What are you doing?" His head whipped up when her voice suddenly filled the room, a soft smile pulling at his lips as he finished lacing his shoes. He got up and walked over to her when she pushed herself to sit up in the bed, her back leaning against the headboard "What time is it anyway?" She asked when he sat on the bed before her.

"It's almost ten" He said, his eyes squinting and his body cringing as he dreaded her reaction a bit "Please don't get upset"

"You closed the blinds so we'll sleep till late" She stated in slight shock. _Sneaky bastard!_

"I did" He replied and she grimaced at him "Look, thanks to your crazy schedule we're only two days away from Boston, so I thought that maybe we could take this day easy?" He asked hopefully.

She rolled her eyes at him and nodded reluctantly before he gave her a soft kiss on the lips and smiled as he got up "Where are you going?" She wondered.

"Breakfast closes at ten, so I'll go down and save us a table, see you there?"

"Sure" She replied on a smile before he turned to leave.

...

Twenty minutes later she entered the hotel's restaurant, after a quick shower, dressed in a sleeveless grid printed wool-blend dress, in shades of grey and dark red, with a square neck and above the knee circle skirt. It took her a minute to spot him, he was sitting at a relatively secluded booth table near a window with a view to the oak tree lane along the Mississippi river.

He got up when he saw her approaching the table, she didn't notice before in the semidarkness how unbelievably handsome he was, wearing a short sleeve, light blue, thin vertical striped button up shirt, tucked into a pair of dark jeans and a black thick belt, that matched his black sneakers. His dark hair combed to one side, his stubble was precise and neatly trimmed, and his sparkling blue eyes when he smiled at her made her stomach flutter.

She returned a coy smile as she took a seat across from his. He on the other hand, instead of sitting back in his seat, followed and sat next to her, his hand reaching to stroke lovingly at the back of her neck when her eyes skimmed the menu, without actually reading it as she was too distracted by his touch, feeling a tension building up inside of her as she inhaled the scent of his light masculine cologne.

The breakfast included a large variety of plates, fresh fruits, cereal, granola, Irish oatmeal, honey yogurt, muffins, croissants, selection of bread and continental breakfast, but they both preferred to focus on their blubbery pancakes, he took it with a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice and she with a cup of hot chocolate, with cinnamon on top.

"These pancakes are to die for" She said with a mouthful, covering her mouth with her hand when she reconsidered her lack of manners. He smiled inwardly as he found her table manners (or lack of) quite endearing, having already heard the story about the big kids that used to swipe things off her plate if she wasn't eating fast enough. She swallowed and added "And this view is absolutely breathtaking, I – "

"It's not nearly as breathtaking as you" He cut her off on a smile as he pushed her hair back over her shoulder, his fingers slowly grazing the side of her neck, before his voice dropped a notch "And I bet you taste sweeter than these pancakes" He said suggestively as he licked the chocolate syrup off his lips and looked into her eyes, his hungry eyes making her swallow hard as she felt a flush of heat making its way to her cheeks.

"You're such a smooth talker" She rolled her eyes slightly as she turned to face him "Are you trying to get me in bed Jones?" She asked, her voice just above a whisper as she raised one brow and looked at him.

"I am" He leaned to whisper in her ear, his voice low and seductive, shooting sparks between her thighs "How am I doing?"

"I'd say you're about half way there" She endeavored to maintain her composure "So… " Her voice trailed off when he suddenly scooted closer, his lips hovering over her neck as his hand found its way to the bare skin of her inner thigh "Damn" She bit back a moan as her eyes fluttered shut, rolling to the back of her head.

"Wanna move this upstairs?" He whispered hotly in her ear.

"Uh hum" She nodded eagerly and he responded in an instant, taking her hand in his as he got up, beckoning her to follow. He intertwined their fingers together as he pressed the back of her hand to his chest, his free hand signing and tipping quickly at the checkout before they hurried towards the elevator. They glanced at each other when they waited for the elevator as he pressed the button a few times impatiently, which made her smile coyly as she glanced at the floor in slight embarrassment.

As soon as they were inside the elevator and the doors closed behind them he let go of her hand and pounced on her, his hands anchoring at her waist, pinning her against the mirrored wall as his lips attacked hers "Emma" He whispered hungrily against her lips when one hand reached to bury in her hair at the back of her head "You're driving me crazy" He tugged on her hair, tilting their heads and invading her mouth, her maple syrup mixing with his chocolate as their tongues clashed and danced together in unison.

"Wait" She whispered when she soundly tore her lips from his and gasped, gently pushing him back, trying to catch her breath as she licked her lips, relishing the taste of him "The doors can open any second now"

"You're right" He said as he exhaled heavily and smiled, pulling away from her, his hands reaching behind his back to lean on the rail of the mirrored wall as he lowered his head, gazing at his foot tapping anxiously against the floor, impatiently waiting for the doors to open, briefly cocking his head to one side as he glanced her way and they exchanged beaming smiles.

The elevator doors opened and he gestured with his hand for her to go out first before he followed, gradually regaining his composure as he paced behind her down the hall. She inserted the keycard in the slot above the handle, glancing and smiling at him as she did.

She opened the door and he closed it behind them, his hand still on the knob as he leaned his back and one foot against the door, looking at her as she kicked off her boots and turned to face him, his eyes skimming over her body, over the exposed skin of her long legs, up to the dress that complimented her youthful figure, to her golden hair that fell in waves around her shoulders and to her beautiful face, the sparkling green eyes of hers, her high cheekbones and her perfect smile that managed to wash his body with a warm and fuzzy feeling every time.

They locked eyes, standing only three steps apart, staring at each other in silence.

She was the first to tear away her gaze, smiling a bit nervously as her eyes wandered around the room "Come here" He said softly with his husky voice as he pushed himself from the door, taking a step in her direction, beckoning for her to do the same.

She obliged and they closed the distance, her hands anchoring at his waist as his hands reached to cradle her neck, his thumbs gently trailing her jaw line before he leaned to kiss her softly on the lips, again biting back the three little words that were on the tip of his tongue. She tilted her head to deepen the kiss and he responded immediately, his kisses turning more heated and consuming, one hand buried in her hair, the other stroking gently the bare skin of her arm. She felt a burning desire to feel him inside as her body grew hotter and her hands trailed up to his chest, moaning softly into his mouth.

Her hands tugged at the sides of his shirt, yanking it out of his pants before she began unbuttoning his shirt, slowly revealing more of his pecs and abs, her fingers trailing his muscles lines as her lips trailed kisses along his neck, extracting a deep moan out of his mouth as he threw his head back. She walked him backwards until his back hit the door with a thump "Damn" He growled, her sudden dominance taking him by surprise.

Her hands moved to unbuckle his belt as she went down to her knees in intention to do exactly what Neal had taught her, what he had told her a woman should do to turn a man on. She raised her gaze, her eyes meeting his as she slowly pulled his belt off his pants, knocking it to the floor.

Killian leaned down to pull her back up, before her hands even reached his fly "Believe me when I say that there's no need for that" He said as he attacked her lips once more, turning them around, one hand anchoring at her waist, pressing her against the door, the other at the back of her head as he forcefully pressed his lips to hers, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, his kisses full of lust and want, his hands reaching for the back of her thighs, hoisting her up and pinning her against the door, letting her feel his bulge pressing in between her legs, letting her know that he meant what he said.

She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck, raking her fingers through his dark thick hair at the nape of his neck as he carried her into the bedroom.

Two steps away from the bed she groaned against his lips in frustration when she tried and failed to slide his shirt off his shoulders as it was stuck between their bodies "Let me get that"' He said when he gently put her down to stand before him, sliding the shirt off and pulling away to rest it on the armchair in a slow movement as he looked at her.

She was so beautiful, breathing heavily, her lips red and swollen from the kisses, the skin of her face flushed from the friction of his stubble and her green eyes glazing with want.

He got closer again as she looked at him, staring at his bare chest, drawing her bottom lip in between her teeth and batting her eyes in anticipation.

His hands trailed slowly up her arms, reaching her shoulders as he leaned in, his lips tantalizing, hovering over her sweet spot where shoulder meets neck only so he can reach the zipper at the back of her dress, one hand sweeping her hair to one side as the other found its way to the zipper, slowly sliding it down.

She shivered when she felt her dress loosen, his fingers slowly grazing the bare skin of her back when his other hand let go of her hair, letting it fall down around her shoulders as it moved to slid underneath her dress and up her thigh, his lips grazing her neck, making her throw her head back as she bit back a moan, the slow pace maddening her senses as she craved more touch, craved feeling him inside.

His hands reached for the hem of her dress, pulling it over her head, making her shudder in anticipation as he leaned forward, placing it neatly on the edge of the bed "We'll need it for later" His seductive husky voice broke the silence as he looked at her, raising one brow suggestively as they both knew that he was talking about having sex in the car.

She smiled shyly when they locked eyes "God you're beautiful" He said as he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer, pressing her black lace bra to his chest when his lips found their way to hers, his hand caressing the back of her neck as his tongue danced with hers, kissing her softly and lovingly.

Her hands reached to unbutton his pants, pushing the material down as he released himself from his shoes and stepped out of his pants, her fingers toyed with the waistline of his boxers, feeling the tension between her legs grow even more.

_She still couldn't believe that he was standing half naked there with her, that maybe, just maybe he really wanted her. All these months back in prison she toyed with the idea of ripping his uniform off of him, an idea she always dismissed in a heartbeat, thinking that he was way too handsome to ever notice her, knowing that he can get every woman he desired. _

She tugged gently on the hem of his boxers, lifting herself to the bed, beckoning for him to do the same as she positioned herself in the middle of the huge comfy bed.

He climbed to the bed after her, looking at her, admiring her beauty as she lay before him in a black lace bra and matching panties, her long golden hair was ruffled, her cheeks were flushed and she had the prettiest little smile on her face, slowly positioning himself between her legs, reaching for one of her thighs and hooking it over his hip "You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?" He said, his voice just above a whisper as he leaned on his forearms and kissed her passionately on the lips "I intend to mend that" He murmured in between kisses "That is if you'd let me" He continued as she ran her hand through his chest hair and gasped when she felt his hard length pressing against her core, only two layers of fabric between them, thinking that if he continues grinding this way she might come undone before they'd even manage to take the rest of their clothes off.

Her hands reached for his boxers in attempt to pull them down "We'll get to that" He whispered when he stopped her, reaching for her hands, lacing their fingers together and pressing her hands into the mattress at both sides of her head. He leaned in, nuzzling her neck before he sucked on the spot where shoulder meets neck, making her writhe with pleasure beneath him, the pressure between her thighs as his mouth explored her neck doing wonderful things to her body.

He slowly released his grip on her hands, unlacing their fingers and sensually running his hands down her arms as his lips roamed down her chest, planting soft kisses when he crawled down her body, at the top of her breasts, down her flat stomach, lingering at her navel, adding a tongue to the mix before he tugged on her panties as he looked up at her and she lifted her hips in response so he was able take them off.

She expected him to come back up and bury himself inside of her, but he didn't, instead he trailed kisses up her inner thigh "What are you doing?" She asked, her voice a bit scratchy when he nuzzled her core.

"I'm pleasuring you love" He replied, his voice husky and full of lust.

"Well that tickles – " She started with a giggle and ended on a gasp when his tongue worked its magic on her bundle of nerves. The extremely pleasant sensation was unfamiliar to her as a man never went down on her before. She moaned softly and her eyes fluttered shut, rolling to the back of her head as everything turned white.

"Does it still tickles?" He asked from his position between her thighs.

"No" She replied on a whimper, aching for him to continue, aching for release.

"Good" He replied as he got back to ravishing her, lapping her folds and circling her clit vigorously, her moans becoming deeper and louder, her hips bucking involuntarily, her fingers clenching the sheets until her knuckles turned white.

"Killian stop" She begged, feeling herself on the edge of no return "I want to feel you inside"

"Uh hum" He nodded slowly as he moved to kiss her stomach "I knew you'd taste sweeter than these pancakes" He glanced at her with a smirk as her eyes widened.

_This was not what she thought he meant when he said it over breakfast, apparently his mind was dirtier than she'd thought. She was already completely naked before him so how was it possible that a few words and a piercing smirk made her blush so hard? _

He made his way up to her, lingering at her chest, nuzzling the top of her breasts when his hand slid underneath her back, unhooking the clasp of her bra, slowly sliding the straps off her shoulders and down her arms, revealing her perfect soft breasts as his lips wrapped around her nipple, licking and sucking gently until it hardened then moving to her other breast, giving it the same devoted attention.

She buried her hands in his hair, gently tugging on it, pulling and urging him to come up to her, he obliged and their lips joined in a desperate heated kiss as he rubbed the back of her neck "You're a vision, you know that?" He whispered when his face hovered over hers and they locked eyes as he caressed her cheek.

"Killian?" She blinked heavily.

"What is it love?"

"Nothing" She slightly shook her head, averting her gaze and smiling coyly, her perfect smile making his face light up in a flash. He trailed kisses down her neck and chest, intending to make his way back down to her heat "Don't" She pleaded.

"Why not?" He asked as he ravished her breast and glanced at her.

"I want to feel you inside" She repeated.

"And you will" He went back up to kiss her softly on the lips "I promise" He added before he crawled down her body and positioned himself between her thighs again, gently pushing one thigh up as his tongue resumed its previous activity.

"Killian"

"What?" He asked, his voice muffled against her core.

"I don't think I will be able to wait" She moaned, arching her back with pleasure.

"Then don't"

"But I want to come with you inside me" She barely managed to say the words as she was too hazed, feeling the tension inside of her on the verge of being released.

"Then will just have to go again" He said as he kissed her inner thigh "Just let go" He reassured when his hand reached up to knead her nipple and his tongue worked her clit relentlessly as he added more pressure, within seconds sending her over the edge with a strangled sob that sounded like his name. He didn't relieve the pressure of his tongue against her bundle of nerves until he heard her exhale loudly when her body relaxed as it stopped spasming.

He waited patiently, kissing her inner thighs softly, as she went down from her high before he pulled away from between her legs and lay down beside her, propped on one elbow as his other hand reached for her cheek, his thumb grazing her lips before he leaned to kiss them softly.

The soft kisses turned heated when he tilted his head so he could invade her mouth with his tongue, she welcomed the invasion, her tongue dancing with his, her relaxed body turning to face his as she reached a weary hand up to bury it in his dark thick disheveled hair.

His hand roamed down the side of her body, her arm, her waist, her hip, her thigh, making her moan softly into his mouth at the touch as she tried to move her drowsy body closer to his and he pulled her by the waist in response, pressing her to him, pulling her leg over his hip and pressing his thigh in between her legs.

She felt the familiar tension rebuilding inside of her as his hand reached to graze her breast before he leaned in, his mouth on hers pushing her gently to her back, his lips trailing from her mouth to her jaw line, down her neck, stopping at her shoulder, nibbling on it as his hand slowly slid down her waist and in between her thighs, slipping one finger inside of her, extracting a heavier moan out of her lips, her body reviving as she felt it filling with desire again.

"Gods Emma" He exclaimed as she felt so wet and tight, making him lick his lips in anticipation to feel her around him.

He moved back to kiss her lips and she groaned against his lips when he thrust his finger in and out a few times before he added another finger in attempt to stretch her just a bit more before slipping his hard length inside of her.

He quickly got rid of his boxers and positioned himself between her legs. They locked eyes, hers full of anticipation, his dark and glazing with want. He threw one of her legs over his hip as he leaned in, forcefully yet softly pressing his lips to hers as she felt his tip at her entrance, reaching her hands to tug hard on his hair when he thrust gently into her, stretching her slowly, until he was buried in her completely.

He stilled inside of her, letting her adjust to his size. Her eyes grew wide and her breath caught in her throat when she felt how big he was, filling her completely, grateful that she was already dripping wet so she was able to fit him all inside of her.

"God you feel so good" He said when he broke away from her lips, his voice hoarse and hot in her ear as he began moving inside of her, leaning and anchoring his forearms underneath her shoulders, his body sheltering hers as if she was fragile, his hands gently caressing the top of her head in a loving gesture as he moved in a very slow steady rhythm.

"You can go harder" She said in a faint voice as she looked at him, a hint of insecurity in her eyes when they met his "I won't break" She said on a small smile as she reached her hands to his waist, encouraging him to thrust harder.

He gave her a kiss on the lips before he slowly picked up the pace, matching his thrusts to her shaky breaths, his chest hair grazing her nipples, his hips rolling in waves, teasing her clit, making her moan shamelessly underneath him as it did deliciously sinful things to her body, her hands tightening around his biceps, clawing at them when she arched her back in attempt to get closer to him, making him still inside of her in response, pulling her with him to straddle his lap, wrapping his arms around her, holding her body close to his, the new position making her feel even more full and stretched by him, anchoring her hands at the nape of his neck.

He pushed her hair back over her shoulder and kissed her softly on the lips, his hand reaching her cheek, his thumb trailing up and down her jaw line as he admired her beauty, staring deep into her beautiful green eyes before she averted her gaze as she began moving on top of him "I love you" The three little words escaped his lips. It wasn't how he planned to say them, but the pure closeness caused his heart swell in his chest that he just couldn't help himself, and since the words were already in the air he had no choice but wait for her to respond, wait for her to run away, but she seemed as if she didn't notice as she kept moving, only that she did, but she already knew better than to pay attention to what a man says during sex.

He kissed her passionately on the lips when she rocked her hips against his, taking him deeper with each movement, making him growl against her lips, he tugged gently on her hair, pulling her head back, exposing more of her throat as he nibbled his way down her neck and sucked on the sweet spot, where shoulder meets neck, his hands rocking along with her hips, encouraging her to move faster until he couldn't take it anymore, needing control, moving them to their previous positions, his body hovering over hers as he thrust in and out in a frantic pace, his thumb circling at where they were joined, driving her mad with pleasure, driving her mad with want. Her back suddenly bowed off the bed as she gasped for air, her body trembling when the waves of pleasure washed over her again, her walls cramping around him, pulling him with her over the edge.

It took him a minute to catch his breath, her hands roaming the lean muscles of his sweaty back, their foreheads touching as his warm heavy breaths puffed out against her lips before he rolled them over, pulling her into his embrace.

They lay in silence for a few minutes, her head resting on his chest, not minding the slick feel of the sweat against her cheek as her fingers toyed with his chest hair.

"Where are you going?" He asked when she suddenly pulled away from his embrace.

"To take a shower, we really need to get going"

"What's the rush?" He reached for her hand, beckoning for her to come back to bed.

"If we are ever to get you to Boston – "

"Trying to get rid of me already?" He asked, only half joking, as he raised his brows at her when they locked eyes, noticing that the question making her feel a tad uncomfortable "Come on, stay with me" He pleaded as he tugged on her hand, urging her to come back to him, wanting to pull her in for a kiss "Let's stay one more night, the room is already paid for"

"Really?" Her eyes widened in surprise "You were that sure of yourself that you'll manage to get me into bed?"

"Of course not" He smiled and gave her a look she couldn't quite figure out, couldn't read if he was telling the truth. She crawled back to bed when he looked at her with his alluring blue eyes, melting her in a heartbeat, his lips too tempting to pass, effortlessly drawing hers back to them as she buried her hands in his ruffled sex hair, caving into the kiss, caving into him.

_Ugh! Why did he have such a hold on her? She refused to admit it, but he already captivated her with his charms and good looks, and now it turns out that he was also some kind of a sex god that knew to play her body like an instrument? She knew right there and then that if she'd ever let him fully in her walls that she'd be gone for good, he would become her addiction and she will never be able to wean herself off of him._

_..._

They spent the rest of the day together in pure bliss. They grabbed sandwiches for the road as they went for a stroll along the oak tree lane, picnicking on the grass as they embraced the river breeze from the mighty Mississippi, ending with a hot make-out session. Later, they played fish and rummy in bed as she asked for a rematch, knowing he had purposely forfeited the night before, wanting to prove she can win without his help, and she did, part of the times at least.

Dinner mimicked breakfast, as they were flirting more than dining, ditching the restaurant in favor of the cozy room and comfy bed, repeating their morning activities, setting a new record as she reached her peak five times that night. They fell asleep exhausted but sated as he held her in his embrace.

In the morning he woke up first, as he always did, finding himself tangled up in her, inhaling her scent deep into his lungs, taking in the energy shot he so desperately needed before he leaped out of bed, readying himself for the day ahead.

They checked out early in the morning, leaving the beautiful inn as they headed for the parking lot. She gazed at the Mississippi river when he put their bags in the car, a hint of sadness in her expression.

"Ready love?" He asked, his voice waking her up from her haze.

"Yeah" She averted her gaze from the river to him "I guess we'll always have Memphis" She said with a soft sad smile.

"What's that suppose to mean?" He studied her.

"Nothing" She smiled in embarrassment as she shook her head, her eyes flickering everywhere "I just love gone with the wind"

He smiled softly at her, refusing to read too much into it, too scared to know what was really on her mind "We'll always have Memphis" He repeated before he leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips. The sound of his thoughts muffled by the soft sound of the Mississippi river water.

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**Reviews are more than welcome.**


	15. Demons from the past

**Thanks to all of you lovelies who read / favorited / followed and of course reviewd!**

I really enjoyed writing this chapter so I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

**Fair Warning:** Very smutty chapter

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**Chapter 15 – Demons from the past**

"Damnit lass" He panted, his hot breath on her neck as he was sprawled on the back seat with her on top of him "Are you trying to kill me?"

"What?" She teased, slightly pulling back, breathing heavily and batting her eyes down at him, her dress scrunched at her waist, giving him a full view of her perfect breasts as she licked her lips, a vicious smile at the corner of her mouth.

_Damn. She was in fact trying to kill him. There goes his attempt to keep them from being arrested for sexual misconduct. Not that anyone could have seen anything through the windows that were completely foggy from their heated activity._

She was always good in bed, had no problem to satisfy her man, but now that she was actually enjoying it, in more ways than one, something inside of her _unleashed_, she was like an animal, an animal that was set free, wild and untamed.

And he was no better, couldn't keep his hands or mouth off of her. Seemingly in constant need to feel her in one way or another.

He pulled her back to his embrace "Wanna go again?" She asked with a greedy smile against his chest, both still trying to catch their breaths from their recent highs.

"What happened to getting to Boston?"

"Since when do you care about that?" She looked up at him in wonder "Are you looking for an excuse cause you can't handle it?" She teased as she propped herself on one hand against his chest, looking down at him, the same vicious smile curving up her lips again.

"Perhaps you are the one who can't handle it" He said when he pushed himself up and flipped them over, making her shriek in excitement as he pressed her back to the seat before he went down to bury his face between her thighs, making her body burn from the inside out when his tongue and fingers worked her relentlessly until she couldn't hold back her soft cries anymore, swearing and screaming his name when she fell over the edge once more.

...

He averted his gaze from the road for a brief moment, glancing at her when she fiddled with his phone, which made him smile inwardly, cause it was such a girlfriendly thing to do "What are you looking there for Swan?" He asked when she stuck the earphones in her ears.

"I wanna see what kind of music you have here" She replied loudly, barely hearing herself over the music.

"Really?" She asked after a few minutes as she took one earphone out of her ear and looked at him "You are listening to Ed Sheeran?"

"Why not?" He glanced at her "You don't like ballads?"

"I guess" She shrugged "Do you like ballads?"

"Not all ballads" He replied "Just a few"

"So what's so special about this one?" She wondered.

"Kiss me?" He chuckled to disguise his embarrassment and she nodded, an intrigued expression on her face "Well isn't it obvious?" He slowly parted his lips and gave her a look full of lust, his tongue darting out to moist his lips.

"I guess it kind of is" She looked at him with enchanted eyes as she giggled in reply.

"So, what about the other songs? Do you approve my taste in music?"

"I do" She replied on a soft toothless smile, her eyes blinking heavily as she glanced at him, drops of Jupiter beginning to play in her ear.

_She really liked his taste in music, she liked his taste in clothes and fragrance too, so far she liked everything about him. God she was so screwed._

_..._

They stopped for gas. Killian grabbed his credit card from his wallet, tossing the wallet on the seat when he got out to fuel up the car. Emma looked at the wallet and her fingers itched with the need to take it in her hand.

_But that would be wrong. Complete violation of privacy. Rude even. She really shouldn't._

But she did.

He said he was going into the seven eleven to fetch them drinks and some gum.

_Of course he needed gum. He had to have something to occupy that insatiable mouth of his. Otherwise he'd be all over her again._

She watched him walk towards the store and the moment he was in she took the wallet in her hand. She stared at it for a brief moment. Saying to herself that she wasn't being nosy, she just wanted to check his date of birth so she could surprise him on his birthday the same way he had surprised her.

She unfolded the wallet and looked at the driver's license.

_Damn he looked good in that photo. Even at the age of seventeen, with a boyish smile and same piercing blue eyes. _

According to the date of birth he would turn twenty four in less than two months. She noted the date in her head as she slipped the license out of the id window, wanting to take a closer look at his photo.

She held the license in her hand and her breath caught in her throat as she stared at the photo that was left in the id window. Apparently he was keeping a photo of him and his wife hidden behind the license.

She was pretty. Very pretty. Long dark hair, pale skin and big gray eyes. And he? He seemed happy. Very happy. He had his arm around her shoulder squeezing her tight to his chest and his face radiated pure joy. She didn't think she had ever seen him this way, she didn't think she had ever seen him this happy.

For some reason she felt a small pang in her chest.

_Was she jealous? She couldn't possibly be jealous. It wasn't like he was her boyfriend. And besides it was a long time ago. Wasn't it? _

She didn't really know, didn't know much about his wife. All she knew was what Blue had told her, that he had a wife and that she left him. That was it.

She slipped the license back to its place and put the wallet back to where it was as she watched him walking back towards the car, a paper cup holder with two cups in it and a small plastic bag in hand.

He got in, smiled widely at her, gum in mouth as he handed her the drink "With cinnamon on top" He leaned to give her a quick kiss on the lips before he took a sip from his own drink and started the car, not noticing the barely distinct disturbed expression on her face.

...

"So when are you going to tell me about this wife of yours?" The words escaped her lips over lunch at a local diner in Knoxville. He froze for a brief moment, held the bite in his mouth as he stopped chewing, the fork in his hand stilled on the pasta as he raised his gaze to meet hers "Blue told me" She explained when she noticed the surprised expression on his face.

He swallowed the bite, his face softening "You mean _ex_ wife" He put down his fork as he emphasized the fact they were no longer married "Well, what do you want to know?" He looked at her, gesturing with his hand for her to ask away before he folded his arms on the table.

"I don't know" She shrugged and averted her gaze towards the table across from theirs "How come you never told me about her?" She asked as she averted her gaze back to him, looking at him in wonder "I mean, all those times when we were at your office, when I ranted on and on about Neal, never thought about saying something?"

"The thought had crossed my mind"

"And?" She asked as her brow furrowed, feeling herself starting to get upset.

_Why was she getting upset? He didn't owe her any explanations. Back then they were on an inmate-officer relationship basis so it did make sense that he wouldn't tell her about his wife, well, ex-wife._

"I don't know, I guess I just wanted to forget" He replied simply as he picked up his fork and took a bite from his pasta, hoping she would drop the subject.

Only that she didn't.

"Why?" She asked.

"Let's say that it didn't end well" He replied as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair, meeting her eyes that were pleading for him to tell her more.

_He didn't want to tell her more. And he knew exactly why. Telling her would be a bad idea. If he told her he might lose her, but the look in her eyes that seemed to be drifting away told him that he might lose her either way._

"Okay" She replied dryly, a bit offended that he refused to share his story with her as she resumed nibbling on the salad in front of her, trying to look nonchalant as possible.

_She couldn't possibly show him that she cared. Nothing good ever came out of doing that._

He hesitated, afraid that if she knew the truth she would leave him the same way that Milah did, but looking at her, suddenly all closed up, he felt he had no choice "We met in college" His voice broke the silence "She was a sophomore, I was a junior" He said, both putting down their forks at the same time as she leaned forward and listened intently "We took one class together, we barely spoke until the year almost ended when we were paired to do the final assignment together" His face softened when he reflected on the memory, but his eyes revealed that it was a bitter-sweet memory "We fell in love and on our six months anniversary I proposed"

He so anticipated the overwhelmed reaction, it was as if he was reliving the moment they told their friends.

"Fast I know" He said in understanding.

"I didn't say anything" She said, her eyes still wide and overwhelmed.

"You didn't have to" He forced a smile, obviously not feeling comfortable talking about it "Everyone we told had the same look in their eyes, the look of utter shock, like we lost our minds"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean – "

"It's okay" He waved a dismissing hand "Even when I called my brother he told me I had lost my mind, that I'm rushing into it, that it's what I always do" He sighed heavily "And I guess they were all right, cause four months after we got married she filed for annulment" He continued, rubbing the back of his neck in discomfort "Annulment" He said firmly, his hand leaving the back of his neck in an abrupt motion "Not divorce, _annulment_, like we never existed"

"I'm sorry" She slightly shook her head as she reached for his hand, seeing how much he was hurting, regretting she brought up the subject in the first place.

"It's not your fault" He said, a soft sad smile pulling at his lips, his thumb nervously rubbing the back of her hand, knowing he would probably need to finish what he began, knowing he would probably need to tell her the rest of the story, knowing he would probably need to tell her the part that he wasn't sure he wanted her to know.

"So what went wrong?" She asked carefully.

_Just like clockwork! He knew she would ask._

The inevitable question clung to the air, taking his breath along with it.

He clenched his jaw, his fingers leaving her hand to rake nervously through his hair as he exhaled "It was at the end of my senior year when I started to work at the prison. One day I came back from work and I found her really upset, packing up her clothes, in the process taking out mine and throwing them in my face, I'm telling you she just lost it, started punching me, pushing me back in anger, accusing me that I was fooling around" He said as she looked at him, unable to suppress the twitch of surprise that flashed over her face "Nothing I said helped calm her down and the next thing I knew she was gone"

"And did you?" She asked intrigued, the bewildered expression on his face forcing her to elaborate "Fooled around?"

"No" He protested, mildly insulted, but not surprised that the thought had crossed her mind, after all, no one had believed him back then either.

"Then how come she was convinced that you did?" She raised her brow in wonder.

"She heard a bunch of stuff that weren't true, well most of them" He said flustered.

_Fuck! Most of them? Why did he have to go and say that? Why was he starting to doubt his own innocence? _

He pushed the disturbing thoughts to the back of his head when he continued "I even stalked her around campus and outside her friend's house, not my finest hour, I know" He forced a chuckle as he continued "But I did it because I had to make her listen, I had to make it right, and she wouldn't hear me out, just said that the evidence were piling up against me" He shook his head as if he still couldn't believe it "I can understand why she thought so, and if she would have just heard me out I could have explained, well most of it" He exhaled nervously.

_Again? Fuck! Why? What was wrong with him? Why was he beginning to sound shady even to himself? Now she would probably think that his story was completely bogus. Now she won't believe him either and he wouldn't blame her. Hearing himself talk he wasn't sure he believed himself._

"I guess you can say she is stubborn and hot headed like…" His voice trailed off when his hands nervously raked through his hair.

It made her reflect on that day in his office when she asked him about Tink, and he sounded completely flustered just like now, back then she was convinced that he was playing her. There was no doubt he was an extremely attractive man that had no problem getting it on with the ladies, and the fact that he was so damn good in bed was probably not from lack of experience.

_What if he was in fact a player? She didn't want to believe that he was, but she couldn't deny the fear that was creeping up on her again. What if he winds up hurting her? Can she subject herself to such a risk?_

"You believe me right?" His voice jolted her back to reality.

"What?"

"You believe me? That I did not cheat?" He repeated as he looked at her with pleading eyes.

"Yeah" She said quietly on a sigh.

_She wasn't sure that she did._

_He was sure that she didn't._

_..._

They stopped for an overnight at Morgantown, near _Cheat_ Lake, probably with a different meaning but still it was spelled the same, and he just couldn't ignore the irony. The awkward silence that filled the car now followed them into the hotel room. He put down their bags, giving her a silent glance before he sat down on the armchair to take off his shoes.

"You can use the shower first" She said quietly.

"No, today is your turn" He replied in the same quiet tone as hers.

"That's okay, I don't mind" She said when they locked eyes "You seem like you need it" She looked at his messy hair and haunted eyes.

_He needed it alright._

"Are you sure?" He asked and she nodded in reply "Thanks"

"Don't mention it" She smiled softly and she felt a lump in her throat when he forced a smile in return.

_What happened to the outgoing strong-willed man she had grown to know? He seemed introverted and she didn't like it, she didn't like the invisible line of tension that formed between them, invisible line that was keeping them apart. She enjoyed his company inside the bed and out, and this was not how she wanted their last stop to go down, she didn't want to spend that night on separate sides of the bed, this was not how she wanted to remember their road trip._

He was standing in the shower, letting the water fall down his body, rubbing his face and skull vigorously as if he was trying to wash away the memory along with the shampoo when he felt her hands on the small of his back, sliding sideways to his stomach, wrapping his body, her breasts pressed to his back as she rested her head between the lean muscles of his shoulder blades. He inhaled, his eyes fluttering shut, feeling her lips planting soft kisses against his shoulder, a sense of relief washing over his body.

_God! How he hated being away from her, the last few hours were absolute torture. Finally. The Emma drug was coursing through his veins again._

He turned to look at her, his hands cradling her face, his eyes flickering back and forth from her lips to her beautiful green eyes, studying her gaze, searching approval. She ran her fingers through his damp hair at the back of his head, her hands slowly closing into fists as she gently tugged on it, hauling him against her as they both dived into the kiss at the same time, lips full of passion meeting, hands closing with lust over flesh, fingers digging deep, tongues clashing in hungry and heated movements as water ran down their faces and seeped into their mouths.

She broke away from the kiss as she panted heavily, one hand reaching to his chest, giving him a shove, a malicious smile at the corner of her mouth when she pushed him against the tile wall and they locked eyes, her face flushed, her green eyes full of intent.

He threw his head back when her lips hovered over his earlobe, her tongue darting out to lick it, taking it in her mouth, sucking gently, her tongue slowly toying with his earring, making him growl at the contact. Her teeth scraping her way down his neck "You're driving me crazy" He grunted, his voice low and husky when her lips moved to kiss her way down his chest and stomach "You don't have to do this" He said with a shaky voice when she went down to her knees.

"I want to" She said in a seductive tone of voice as she stared up at him, lips and tongue running up his thigh, she could see his already erect length at the corner of her eye, the water running down her long golden hair as she moved in, her tongue slowly lapping from base to tip as she smiled up at him, a big smile that was dripping with sin.

"Gods lass!" He exclaimed, his bright blue eyes growing dark, glancing at her as she swirled her tongue around his tip, her hand gripping his hip "What are you trying to do to me?" He growled as his head flew back in a thump when she took him in her mouth. She sucked gently, feeling him hard, thick and smooth against her tongue, slowly picking up the pace as her other hand worked along with her mouth.

_Of course she had to use her hand. There was no fucking way she could have fit him all inside her mouth._

But she tried, she really really tried, relaxing her jaw as she took him as deep as she could, causing him to writhe in her grip and shout her name aloud, almost sending him over the edge.

"Enough with that" She said before her tongue slowly lapped him twice more, lingering at the tip, tasting his pre-cum.

She pushed herself back to her feet, running her finger over her mouth as she gathered traitorous drops "Mmm" She moaned softly as she sucked on her finger, putting on an entire show for him of how much she relished his taste, her head tilting back, her eyes fluttering shut, a sinful smile curving up her lips.

"Jesus lass" He cried out as he pulled her by the waist, hauling her body to his, leaning in, trying to catch her lips with his.

"Ah-ah" she scolded as she shook her head, her hand on his chest stopping him from getting closer. He looked at her, his eyes dark, glazed with want and bewilderment, flickering to her lips, his mouth open and hungry for hers when she turned around, turning her back to him.

"Damnit Emma" He grunted hoarsely when she looked at him over her shoulder as she pressed her ass against his length, waiting for him to bury himself inside of her. He leaned in, wrapping his arms around her body, one kneading her breast, the other sliding down her stomach and reaching in between her thighs, slipping one finger inside of her, making her gasp softly "God you're so wet" He whispered hotly in her ear before his mouth trailed down to suck on the sweet spot, where shoulder meets neck, making her moan with pleasure when he slid his finger in and out, slowly drawing her arousal along her folds.

He entered her again, slipping two fingers this time "Killian" She whined when his fingers worked her, in and out, up and down her folds, circling her clit before he slipped them back inside, doing the whole damn thing again and again, all this time making her moan and writhe in his embrace.

"Turn around" He slid his fingers out as his hand moved to tug gently on her hair at the back of her head, tilting her head when his lips caught hers in a searing kiss "I want to see that beautiful face of yours" He whispered against her lips when he slowly turned her around so she was facing him, his lips moving to graze her jaw line before they caught hers in another kiss, turning them around, guiding her to the tile wall, his hands reaching to the back of her thighs as he leaned down to hoist her up, pinning her back against the wall as she wrapped her arms around his neck "Ready love?" He asked softly when he looked into her eyes, aligning himself at her entrance.

"Yeah" She replied as she nodded eagerly and breathed heavily, her cheeks flushed and her eyes beaming with anticipation. He pressed his lips to hers when he slid her body down his length "Oh god" She moaned against his lips, feeling herself getting so damn full when he buried himself inside of her in one long decisive thrust.

"You feel so good" He growled as he stilled inside of her, giving her time to adjust to his size.

"Yes" She hissed when he began thrusting slowly, her arms tightening their grip on his neck, hauling his upper body closer to hers, her breasts pressed against his chest, her mouth hovering over his shoulder "More" She pleaded when she opened her mouth to suck on his shoulder, muffling the soft cry she let out with each thrust.

"Hold on to me" He whispered softly in her ear, encouraging her to tighten her arms around his neck even more as well as wrapping her legs around his waist, and when he was sure that she was holding tight enough he released one hand that supported her buttocks, licking his thumb before he moved it to where they were joined.

"Fuck" She exclaimed when his thumb met her clit, feeling the tension building up fast, her hips rocking against his, her body growing hotter with each thrust, within seconds being sent over the edge "Oh god fuck yes" Her head fell back as her eyes rolled to the back of her head and everything turned white when the waves of pleasure washed over her "Come with me" She pleaded, her body keeps rocking against his as she panted heavily. His hand released her clit and moved to close on the flesh of her hip, both hands tightening their grip on her as he pounded into her, following her a few thrusts later as his own release caught up with him and he came groaning her name under his heavy breath.

"You're bloody amazing" He said, still trying to catch his breath as he leaned his forehead against hers, his hot breath puffing against her lips.

"You're not so bad yourself" She joked on a smile before she leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the lips, his eyes studying her when she pulled away.

_Did it mean that she believed him? Looking into her eyes he still wasn't able to tell. He sure hoped that she did._


	16. Everything has to come to an end

**A/N: **First of all I want to clarify that Emma is in fact on birth control and I will address this issue in an upcoming chapter, big shout out to all of you who took notice and interest in the matter!

Second, don't be mistaken by the title of this chapter, it holds many good moments despite its title, so read away, there's no reason to fear, plus it's smut free ;)

That's it, done rambling.

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**Chapter 16 – Everything has to come to an end**

They arrived to Boston on a Saturday night. They just entered the city when her mind ran wild with thoughts, thoughts about what will happen next, thoughts about what she wanted and what she was going to do.

It had been five intense days since she got out of prison and as much as she enjoyed Killian's company she needed time to figure things out on her own.

_Where was she going to live? Did she even intended to settle in one place or was she going to go back to roaming the roads like she used to do with Neal prior her arrest? How was she going to support herself? How was she going to get money for food and other stuff? Not to mention rent. She obviously couldn't go back to stealing, wouldn't put her freedom at such a risk, never ever again._

She felt like she didn't have to deal with those questions for the past five days because she was too focused on paying her debt to Killian, too focused on bringing him home.

_Home. A four letter word that held the world. She never dreamt of a big house with a white picket fence, to her it was almost the same as dreaming of touching the stars. She only wished for something small and simple, a one bedroom or even a studio apartment that she could call her own, that she could call a home._

"What are you thinking there love?" His soft voice interrupted her thoughts as he glanced at her, averting his gaze from the road for a brief moment.

"Nothing really" She looked at him, her lips lifting slowly with a small sad smile "Why?"

"I don't know, you seem preoccupied" He glanced at her again, noticing her sad expression "Is everything okay?" He asked calmly, his voice tinged with a hint of concern.

"Yeah" She sighed "Everything is fine"

"Are you sure?" He squinted his eyes, studying her for a brief moment.

"I'm sure" She blinked heavily and gave him a reassuring smile, trying her best to sound believable, to sound peaceful and his face softened in reply.

"We never talked about..." His voice trailed off as he couldn't find the right words.

"What?" She asked, raising her brow in wonder "Talked about what?"

"When does Mary Margaret expecting you?" He suddenly changed the subject.

"I told her I'd arrive tonight" She replied simply.

"Tonight?" His eyes widened as his brow shot up to his hairline.

_He wasn't expecting this. He wasn't expecting her to leave him so soon. He hoped that they would have at least one more day together, heck! He would have settled for only one more night. He just needed a chance to say all the right words, a chance to whisper in her ear what he hadn't dared vocalize these past few days, these past few months._

"Tonight" She repeated when they stopped at a traffic light.

"You can't go there tonight" He exclaimed, his hands leaving the wheel as he turned to look at her.

"Why not?" She asked, looking at him in wonder.

"Because there's something that – " He started saying but was cut off by a loud sound when the driver behind them honked his horn, both of them glancing at the traffic light, noticing it turned green.

...

"Emma" He said softly when he parked the car outside the apartment building he was living at "Why don't you go tomorrow love?" He asked as he turned to look at her.

_She knew exactly what he was offering her. She knew he wanted her to spend the night in his apartment and she wasn't sure if she was ready for that. She wasn't sure if she was ready entering his life in that way. Sharing a bed in a hotel room was one thing, but sharing his bed, the one he goes to sleep in every night, that was a complete different story, that would be breaking the distance between them, the distance that existed despite the physical intimacy, the distance between two hearts, each wrapped in an armor, keeping it safe and guarded._

"I promised Mary Margaret – "

"I'm sure she'll understand" He cut her off, working on his persuasive tone of voice "Besides, it's a four hour drive, so you won't make it there before midnight and Mary Margaret would probably want to go to sleep by then"

"She said it would be fine" She replied in a quiet, self-reassuring voice.

"Didn't you say that you hate driving at night?"

"I did, but – "

"No buts" He cut her off decisively "Come on, stay the night and tomorrow morning you'll be out on your way again"

"I don't think that it's such a good idea" She replied, a hint of guilt distinct in her eyes.

"How come?" He asked as he looked at her and she could feel his gaze piercing into her soul, making her shift nervously in her seat.

_Why was he looking at her like that? Why was he looking at her with those hopeful eyes of his? Why was a soft anticipating smile pulling at the corner of his mouth?_

She found it so hard to say no to him, to let him down, but she had no choice, going up to his apartment was not an option, well, it was an option, but it was a bad one.

"Killian" She said hesitantly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear in a nervous gesture "I can't stay"

"Why not?" He asked with a firm voice and a pointed stare as his lips formed a tight line.

"I just can't"

"Well that's no excuse, at least not a reasonable one" He slightly shook his head "So what is it?" He asked when he locked eyes with her, his gaze so intense that she feared he might drill a hole in her head "Why are you so scared of staying?" He asked, his voice may be soft, but his eyes digging deep into her soul, searching for answers.

"I'm not scared" She forced a chuckle as she averted her gaze, couldn't possibly bring herself to look him in the eyes, feeling her heart racing, her hands sweating and her skin getting flushed from anxiety.

_Why was she nervous? Why was she feeling as if she was sitting in the defendant's chair? Leaving him shouldn't have been so damn hard._

"Then stay" He said softly when he reached his hand to anchor at the back of her neck, encouraging her to avert her gaze back to him "Please stay" He pleaded when they locked eyes, his eyes studying her, pleading her "Is this going to be a regular thing now?" He asked, a small smile just at the corner of his mouth, his eyes still fixed on hers.

"What is?" She asked quietly, her eyelids fluttering nervously, her eyes revealing vulnerability as they flickered everywhere and she found it hard to breathe every single time they met his.

"You making me beg" He leaned in, his hand at her neck pulling her closer so there was just a breath between their faces "Just so I know" He whispered as his lips grazed hers, his voice changing its tone to something velvety yet challenging, something seductive that sounded like an invitation to a world full of pleasure.

_Ugh! He was not making it easy for her, those lips, oh God those lips. The slightest touch and she was already waving the white flag, feeling herself melting into his arms, her lips surrendering, her body caving, feeling it powerless to resist, her mind clearing completely from all reasonable thoughts, instead filling with thoughts of him, with thoughts of his touch and the sheer impact it had on her body._

She gently pressed her lips to his, tilting her head as she murmured 'okay' against his lips before they deepened the kiss, a soft desperate moan leaving her lips when tongue met tongue, lips parting and closing in unison as they relished each other's taste.

"Okay?" He asked as he broke away from the kiss, leaning his forehead against hers, wanting to make sure he heard correctly.

"Okay" She nodded as she stared at his lips, feeling her body craving his, her mouth hungry for more, the voice of reason was long gone. She buried her hand in his hair at the back of his head, pulling his lips back to hers, her tongue flicks out to lick his bottom lip, seeking an opening before their mouths joined once more in a happy reunion as a joyful smile lifted both of their lips.

...

She handed him back his phone once she finished filling Mary Margaret in with the change of plans. They entered his one bedroom apartment and she was not surprised to learn that it was as clean and organized as his office used to be. Aside from three brown carton boxes, that were set one on top of the other, next to the wall by the door, everything else seemed to be neatly in its place. He guided her to take a seat on the sofa as he turned to the kitchen to fetch them something to drink. She looked around, her eyes landing on the TV cabinet, recognizing the books that used to occupy the two shelves in his office, triggering a wave of memories that washed her body and mind.

_How weird was it? Suddenly sitting on her officer's sofa? _

She fingered the bracelet on her wrist, twirling two fingers between her skin and the bracelet as she immersed in deep thoughts.

_She liked him. A lot. Probably more than liked, if she was being honest. How could she not? He was thoughtful and caring, smart, funny and sexy as hell. He was able to light up her day with nothing but a smile, could fill her stomach with millions of fluttering butterflies with nothing but a stare. But who was she kidding? They were not in a relationship of any kind, they were two people that crossed paths, and it was time for them to continue on their separate ways, cause like the quote says, everything has to come to an end. _

"Emma" His firm voice woke her from her daze as her head shot up to meet his gaze, her eyes wide in surprise and bewilderment "Is everything okay?" He asked in concern when he handed her the mug of hot cocoa.

"Yes why?" She asked, her head shaking slightly for a brief moment, as if she was trying to shake the thoughts off of her mind.

"Cause I called you a few times and you didn't answer" He said when he sat beside her with his cup of coffee, a soft smile pulling at his lips, his eyes caressing her face with tender and loving movements.

"Sorry" She smiled awkwardly "I guess – "

"You're probably tired" He cut her off as he reached his hand to push her hair back over her shoulder, his fingers lingering to toy with a strand of her hair.

"Yeah" She smiled in slight embarrassment "I guess I am"

"You want to shower first or straight to bed?" He asked casually.

_Both options felt weird. It was too much being in his apartment, now she had to choose between his bedroom and his bathroom? She wasn't feeling comfortable with either one of the two choices._

"Why don't I just sleep here?" She suggested in a quiet voice as her hand gestured to the sofa they were sitting on.

"Is that a joke?" He asked honestly with a big smile that was wiping away slowly as his eyes met hers, noticing the hint of insecurity in them.

_Why was she pulling away from him? What had happened that caused her to close up this way? Perhaps it had something to do with his ex-wife? Maybe she didn't believe him after all? He needed to come clean, to tell her everything, he couldn't possibly let her pull away from him this way, and for what? A misunderstanding?_

"I want to tell you about Tink and about my friend Elsa – " He said when she took a sip from her cocoa, raising her brow as she looked at him over the rim of her mug.

"No need" She shook her head, cutting him off as she swallowed.

_Who was this Elsa? He was probably referring to the woman his wife accused him of fooling around with. She didn't need to hear that, cause what was the point?_

"I want you to know – " He tried to explain.

"Killian" She cut him off again, placing a hand on his forearm, drawing his attention "Really, there's no need"

_How come she didn't want to hear what he had to say? Has she already made up her mind about him? Or maybe she just didn't care?_

"Your looks gets you in trouble, I get that" She said on a smile and he gave her a sheepish grin in return as he exhaled in relief.

"Wait here" He said as he placed his cup on the coffee table and walked over to the bathroom.

"What are you up to?" She cried towards the hall in amusement, but he didn't answer. She could hear him bustling around the apartment, as he went in and out of the bathroom a few times before he got back to her.

"Come" He extended his hand, waiting for her to take it.

"You are up to something" She studied him on a small smile, narrowing her eyes at him in suspicion when she took his hand and got up. He smiled back as he guided her towards the bathroom, stopping at the hall when they reached the bathroom as he placed both of his hands on her shoulders, positioning her in front of the closed door as he stood behind her, covering her eyes with one hand, opening the door with the other.

A sensual citrus scent of soap tickled at her nose before he uncovered her eyes "So what do you think?" He asked when her eyes met the look of the room. The room was steamy as a hot bubble bath awaited her, and it had a warm glow of flickering lights as burning candles were scattered all around, giving a calm and romantic feel to it.

"What's this?" She asked in wonder as her eyes scanned the room and his hands found their way back to her shoulders, giving them a light rub.

"You're tense" He said softly as he continued to rub her shoulders gently, his head leaning in and pushing her hair back over her shoulder "You need to unwind" He whispered as he nuzzled her neck before he gave her a soft kiss on the skin below the ear "Do you prefer with music or without?"

"With" She said as she tilted her head back so she could look up at him, her eyes studying him.

_Why was he doing this? How come he was being so nice? What did he want with her?_

"Always a preference of mine too" He said as his hands stilled on her waist, guiding her into the bathroom as he took out his phone from his back pocket and fiddled with it before he set it down on top of the vanity unit, soft soothing music starting to play in the background "Take your time" He gave her a soft quick kiss on the cheek before he turned to leave.

"Thanks" She said quietly as her hand reached for his arm, stopping him at the door when she looked at him, opening her mouth to speak only to close it a moment later in wordless silence.

"Sure" He leaned in to give her another soft quick kiss, on the lips this time.

...

"Killian?" She asked hesitantly as she got out of the bathroom and stepped into the hall.

"In here love" He called from the bedroom and she paced slowly, even hesitantly, towards the room, hearing him turning off the TV, the flashing lights from the TV no longer illuminating the hall. She stood at the doorway with nothing but a long simple T and panties, crossing her arms across her chest as she leaned her shoulder against the doorframe. Her eyes skimmed the semi-dark room before they landed on him as he was lying in the queen sized bed, the city lights shining through the large window and illuminating his features "Are you just going to stand there?" He teased as he patted on the bed, beckoning her to join him. She smiled coyly, lingering for a moment longer before she crawled onto the bed and slipped under the covers beside him. He scooted to the middle of the bed as he pulled her to him, pressing her back against his chest, wrapping one arm around her and nuzzling her neck as he inhaled her intoxicating scent "You smell like heaven" He whispered when he kissed her neck, then her cheek and temple "Emma love?"

"Yes?" She raised her brow in wonder as she turned slightly, just enough so she could meet his eyes.

"I'm glad I got your attention" He propped himself on one elbow as he looked deep into her eyes, his hand reaching to caress her hair at the top of her head. She moved her head to one side, avoiding his gaze as a shy smile took over her lips, feeling his eyes still on her, feeling the heat of his stare burning her skin.

_Why was he staring at her? Why was he looking at her like that? He had to stop. It was too much, just too much. _

"Emma?" He whispered and she reluctantly averted her gaze back to him as he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand "I love you" He said in a tender voice when their eyes met again, a soft smile pulling at his lips.

_It was definitely way too much._

She felt her body threatening to shudder and she pulled him in for a kiss, anything to break away from his gaze, to break away from the intensity of his words, unable to say the words back, unable to look him in the eyes, worried he might see right through her, read her like an open book, something he was very good at doing and she couldn't risk it, she couldn't risk him knowing that she felt the same, especially since she didn't know if he really meant what he had just said. She leaned her body towards his, her hand reaching to the hem of his shorts, tugging on it, trying to push the material down when she felt his hand reaching for hers.

"It's not why I said it" He whispered against her lips, slowly lacing his fingers in hers as he pulled back just a little so their eyes could meet again "I love you Emma" He said softly, his eyes caressing her face "Not just your body, all of you" He leaned to nuzzle her neck as he pulled her once again into his arms, pressing her back to his chest as their laced-fingers arms wrapped her body and she could feel his soft smile against her neck.

_Of course he was smiling. He was delighted that he finally managed to get the words out like he wanted. He didn't care that she hadn't said them back. He was more than happy just to be able to love her, to be able to hold her and breathe her. He didn't care if at that moment she didn't love him back, eventually he will win her heart._

Her breath hitched in her throat, and she felt as if there was a knife in her windpipe, finding herself unable to breathe, unable to move in his arms, his words still hanging in the air, still echoing in her head as she felt the tears pricking at the corner of her eyes.

_She didn't want this. She didn't want him to love her. It was too complicated, too overwhelming. He probably didn't really love her anyway, why would he? He just thought that he did, obviously it was an infatuation, nothing more, he just didn't know it yet._

She felt his warm breath on her neck and she listened as it evened out, letting her know that he was sound asleep. She finally dared to let out a heavy breath as she exhaled, followed by a few deep breaths that she took straight into her lungs, as if she was being pulled out of the sea after almost drowning.

She carefully wrenched her hand from his, unlacing their fingers before she slowly turned around in his arms, turned around to face him. She looked at him, looked at his face, his blue eyes now closed and his expression was so peaceful, it seemed as if the smile he fell asleep with still lingered on his lips. Her moist eyes studied his face, memorizing his features, reaching a hesitating hand, not touching, only hovering. She drew her hand back when his lips suddenly parted, the peaceful expression not leaving his face, letting her know that he was still in deep sleep so she reached her hand again, finally daring to push back the lock of hair that fell over his forehead, her hand moving to caress his cheek so lightly, barely touching, her thumb trailing his stubble as she felt unable to hold back the tears anymore and they began to stream silently down her cheeks "I love you too" She whispered, her mouth trembling as her hand stilled on his cheek, gently pressing her lips to his, tasting her salty tears against his lips, not moving, wanting to freeze the moment, to freeze their joined lips together forever, reluctantly pulling away from his lips and arms as she feared to wake him up when her silent tears turned into uncontrolled sobs.

...

She eventually fell asleep and when she woke up she could have swore that she felt him pulling her back to his embrace in the middle of the night, but she had no evidence to prove her right since he was already gone from the room as she looked around the big bed.

"Morning beautiful" He said when she stepped into the kitchen "How do you like your eggs?"

"How did you know I'm here?" She asked in wonder as he was still standing over the sink with his back to her.

_He was such a morning person, already dressed and combed, and probably already been to the store for groceries._

"I can smell your scent" He glanced at her over his shoulder, shooting a devilish smile her way "So how do you want your eggs?" He asked when he slid a mug of hot cocoa across the counter.

"Like my life" She replied as she took a seat on the bar stool, reaching for the mug and blowing on the hot drink.

"Sunny side up?" He asked as he turned around, pan in hand.

"Scrambled" She groaned as a frown creased her face "I don't know what the hell I'm doing" She sighed as he set down the pan.

"Don't worry" He walked around the counter "You'll figure it out" He said as he caressed the back of her neck.

"You think so?" She looked up at him from the corner of her eye, a flirtatious smile lifting her lips as her hand held the edge of the counter and she twirled back and forth on the stool.

"I know so" He moved closer, reaching his hand to her seat, stopping it from spinning as he settled himself between her legs when he leaned to kiss her softly on the lips "Morning" He whispered and smiled against her lips.

"Morning" She said as she tilted her head back and a smile spread across her face.

_Good thing she was already sitting as she felt her knees getting weak and her head began spinning even though she already stopped twirling on the stool._

"Scrambled it is" He said before he tried to pull away, her hand closing on his wrist, pulling him back to her lips as her other hand anchored at his waist, tugging on his belt, hauling his body to hers.

"I have another breakfast in mind" She said in mischief.

"Did you now?" He asked in a seductive tone of voice when his hands found their way to the bare skin of her thighs.

"Uh-hum" She moaned softly as her head flew back and her eyes rolled to the back of her head.

"And where do we get to eat this kind of breakfast?" He asked before he leaned in, burying his hand in her hair and pulling her into a searing kiss.

"Wherever you want" She looked at him breathless when they pulled for air, her eyes beaming with intent.

"I like the sound of that" He raised one brow suggestively before he picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder, making her giggle in excitement when he carried her to the bedroom.

...

After they finished with the actual breakfast he walked her over to her car. Not ready to say goodbye just yet, but he knew better than to pressure her to something more than he already did.

"Send my regards to Mary Margaret and her David" He said when he placed her bags in the car.

"I will" She nodded.

"And don't forget to call me once you get there"

"I will" She reassured.

"And reactivate your phone already, so I can call you" He put his hands on her shoulders as he looked into her eyes, making sure she was listening.

"Yes daddy" She mocked as she rolled her eyes.

"Ewww" He immediately pulled his hands from her as his face grimaced in disgust.

"Do you prefer officer?" She teased with a hand on her waist as she arched one brow at him.

"Killian will do" He said on a smile as he huffed a breath through his nose, his eyes rolling slightly "Just don't say things like that again" He added as he gestured with his hand for her to stop as if he was trying to block the image that she so successfully managed to imprint in his mind.

"Then stop talking to me like I'm a child" She scolded as she tilted her head to one side and glared up at him.

"Fine" He replied and she smiled in triumph as she turned and reached for the car door "Wait" He called after her.

"What?" She asked as she turned to face him once more and he took a step in her direction, closing the distance between them.

"Just two more things" He said and gestured two fingers for a brief moment before he continued "First, how are you going to call me if I haven't given you my number?"

"I have your number" She said as she reached for her bag, taking out a small note with some numbers on it "See?" She held the piece of paper in front of his face.

"Who gave you that?" He asked in wonder.

"Whale, why?" She asked when she noticed he was still looking at the piece of paper, his face creasing with something that looked like a frown.

"Cause that's not my number" He said as he slightly shook his head, his eyes flickering back and forth from her eyes to the note.

"Really?" She asked in disappointment when her brow shot up to her hairline "Then whose number did he give me?"

"Let me see" He took the note in his hand and yanked his phone from his back pocket, going through his contact list "Well it's his"

"What?" She exclaimed in shock.

"It's Whale's" He repeated.

"Son of a bitch!" She shouted as her face reddened with anger "I cannot believe him. That jerk! He is one sorry excuse of a – "

"He is an ass, no doubt about that" He cut her off "But don't let him get you down, love" He said softly as his hands ran up and down her upper arms, soothing her with slow movements "Now give me a pen" He said and she obeyed, taking a pen out of her bag and handing it to him. He crossed Whale's number and scribbled down his own "Here you go"

"Thanks" She said as she put the pen and note back in her bag "I still can't believe he tricked me into think that he gave me your number"

"I know" He said softly as he nodded in understanding.

"So what's number two?" She suddenly changed the subject as she remembered there were two things he wanted to tell her.

"Goodbye kiss" He said as his face lit up and a big toothy smile spread across his face "I can't let you go without one"

"Is that so?" She asked on a smile in a seductive tone of voice.

"Uh-ha" He murmured and nodded as he stared at her lips, his hands reaching to cradle her face "Are you going to miss me?" He asked rhetorically, more joking than looking for an answer before he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips.

"I'll call you" She reassured with a smile against his lips.

"Then I'll be waiting" He replied as he pulled away and they locked eyes.

"Good" She said as she got in the car and they exchanged one last lingering look before she drove away. His eyes following the yellow bug until it disappeared from his sight.

* * *

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**It turned out a bit fluffier and longer than intended...**

**Just wanted to say thanks again for all your support, you guys are awesome!**

**Reviews?**


	17. Welcome to Storybrooke

**Chapter 17 – Welcome to Storybrooke**

'_Welcome to Storybrooke' _Emma read the sign when she sailed with her bug into the small town. She roamed the roads in search of her friend's apartment, her eyes studying her surroundings. She drove through the main street, her gaze landing on some of the stores that occupied it, noticing the bizarre looking clock tower that was right above the town library.

_What a weird looking town, unlike anywhere she had ever been before. But it did have a special vibe to it, special vibe that she just couldn't place. It seemed quiet and peaceful. As if time was standing still._

She eventually found the wanted address and after she parked the car she went up the stairs that led to her friend's apartment.

"Emma" Mary Margaret greeted her warmly when she opened the door, a genuine joyful smile spreading across her face.

"Hey" Emma barely managed to get the word out of her mouth before Mary Margaret jumped to give her a tight squeezing hug, the warm display of affection causing Emma to smile in embarrassment.

_Emma was never really the touchy person. After all she did grow up within the foster care system, without any constant adult figure to shower her with love or at least teach her what affection was all about. _

"So how have you been?" Mary Margaret asked when she gestured with her hand for Emma to come in before she closed the door behind them.

"Okay I guess" She replied as she followed her friend into the kitchen.

"Okay?" Mary Margaret shot her a look when she glanced at Emma over her shoulder, before she took the kettle off the stove, preparing them some tea and biscuits "Just okay?" She whipped around to face Emma, leaning forward against the kitchen counter "Well what about Jones?"

"What about him?" Emma asked nonchalantly and shrugged.

"Come on Emma" She countered as she grabbed the two cups, handing one over to Emma, before she took the plate of biscuits in her free hand and walked over to the table at the other end of the living room "Yesterday you called me to say you were spending the night at his place, and now you're going to pretend like nothing happened?"

"I didn't say that nothing happened" Emma said as the two women sat across from each other around the table "Far from it" She continued as a smile crept onto her lips just at the memory.

"Emma" Mary Margaret smiled softly at her friend.

"I'm just not sure that it should ever happen again" Emma said when her face suddenly fell, and Mary Margaret instantly mirrored her expression.

"Why?" She asked as she looked at Emma in wonder, a trace of concern in her tone of voice "What happened?"

"Nothing really" Emma shrugged as she took a sip from her tea, her friend doing the same "I don't think that…" Her voice trailed off when she couldn't find the right words, looking at her friend in confusion, not knowing how to explain what was holding her back "Oh I don't know" Emma finally continued "It just can't"

"Sounds to me that you don't have a true reason for that, but I'll let it go" Mary Margaret said as she picked up a biscuit "For now" She added on a smile before she took a bite from her biscuit, sliding the plate across the table towards her friend, who was still reflecting on the subject of their conversation, still thinking of _him_.

"Thanks" Emma said as her brow furrowed for a brief moment and she slightly pushed the plate back to the center of the table "But I just remembered that I gotta make a call, can I borrow your phone?" She asked her friend.

"Sure" Mary Margaret pointed Emma to the direction of her phone, which was resting on the kitchen counter.

"Thanks" She smiled at her friend before she pulled out the note from her bag and headed towards the kitchen.

...

She wasn't feeling even a bit nervous when she dialed his number and listened to the ringing tone, but when she heard his husky voice at the other end of the line, her heart suddenly skipped a beat.

"Hello love" He said softly, his voice sending shivers down her spine, a coy smile slowly taking over her face.

"How did you know it was me?" She asked, the smile on her lips distinct in her tone of voice which made him smile as well.

"Well who else could be calling me from Maine?" He answered with a question.

"Right" She smiled in embarrassment, inwardly cursing herself for being so distracted that she asked that stupid question to begin with.

"And who else could be calling me four hours…" He stalled, stretching the last word as he glanced at the clock above his kitchen cabinet "And thirty seven minutes after you left me out in the cold" He moped jokingly as he took a seat on the bar stool, same stool she sat on that very morning.

"Don't say that" She said softly, her voice going down a notch "Besides, it's hardly cold out there, so don't you try to bullshit me" She said on a chuckle.

"I miss you" He said sincerely, his tone of voice soft and completely earnest, causing the blood in her veins to freeze on the spot, her light chuckle immediately fading away, the only sound left between them was the sound of their dissonant breaths.

_She wanted to say it back. The words on the tip of her tongue. So why wasn't she able to let them out? She obviously felt it too, having thought about him all the way from Boston to Maine. So why couldn't she bring herself to just say it? What was she afraid of?_

"When are you coming back?" His voice finally broke the silence.

_Was she coming back?_

"My bed misses you too" He said with a playful tone in a successful attempt to lighten the mood as the smile returned to her lips.

"Well I did just get here" She said as she turned around, glancing at Mary Margaret who was still sitting at the table "And I'm kind of ditching my friend here, so I'll talk to you later?"

"You know I'll be waiting"

"Yeah" She replied, her eyelids fluttering, feeling a bit awkward and unease with his straightforwardness "Bye" She said softly.

"Take care love" He replied, his tender voice caressing her ear, making her miss him more than she cared for.

"You too" She said honestly but in sort of a haste, wanting to get off the phone, afraid the conversation will get even more emotional than it already did.

...

"So tell me more about David" Emma said when she sat back down across from her friend "Last time we talked you told me he had woken up a short while after you got back"

"Yes, he did"

"This is amazing" Emma's eyes widened as she picked up her cup, taking a sip from her tea "I still can't believe it" She said as she swallowed, setting her cup back down.

"Love is a powerful thing you know" Mary Margaret said in her soft calm voice as she looked at her friend "You don't believe it?" She asked, raising her brows in wonder when she noticed the skeptical expression on Emma's face.

"I didn't say that" Emma said as she ran a nervous hand through her hair "And I'm really glad for you two, but it just doesn't work like that for everybody, that's all"

"I think that it could" Mary Margaret said as she searched for Emma's wandering eyes "Emma" She said softly, seeking her attention and Emma averted her gaze back to her friend "It can, you just need to believe, eventually it all starts with hope"

Emma didn't reply. She just smiled at her friend, a flicker of sadness crossing her gaze as she couldn't help thinking about all the bad things that had happened to her when she had dared to put her heart in someone else's hands, when she had dared to love, when she had dared to _hope_.

"You know you arrived just in time?" Mary Margaret's voice broke the silence, waking Emma up from her reverie.

"In time for what?" Emma looked intrigued as she stared at her friend.

"For David's return from the hospital, they're discharging him tomorrow" Mary Margaret said on a big toothy smile when a wave of pure joy flashed through her eyes "After laying around for months he needs to get his muscles back into shape, so he will still need to visit the hospital every day for a physical therapy session, but finally" She stopped to exhale in relief "He will be able to sleep in his own bed"

"In your bed you mean" Emma leaned in, tilting her head to one side as she quirked a suggestive eyebrow.

"Emma!" Poor innocent Mary Margaret exclaimed as her eyes went wide and a flush of heat made its way to her cheeks.

"What?" Emma chuckled at her friend "You have nothing to be ashamed of, you're not the only two people in the world that are doing it"

"Well we're not" Mary Margaret said in a small embarrassed voice.

"You're not what?" Emma asked, looking at her friend in bewilderment.

"Doing it" She whispered, barely letting the words out from between her clenched teeth, as if she was revealing some dark secret.

"You can't be serious" Emma said in astonishment, reaching for her cup of tea, holding it in front of her mouth, can't bring herself to drink from it, as her mouth remained agape and her eyes remained wide and fixed on her friend.

"I am" Mary Margaret said before she took a long sip from her tea "I'm saving myself for marriage"

"Wow, that's great" Emma said amazed, appreciating her friend's brave decision.

_In a world that was moving in an insanely rapid pace it wasn't easy to just take your time and wait. Wait for the right moment, wait for the right place, wait for the right person. Maybe if she had had the courage to do the same she wouldn't have had her heart broken into a million pieces. Twice._

"I'm glad you think so" Mary Margaret smiled at her friend "I'm so embarrassed to talk about it, but you're like a sister to me, you know? The sister I never had"

"Just as you are mine" Emma said genuinely as she returned a smile, her eyes beaming with warmth as she looked at her friend.

_How lucky was she? Out of all the inmates getting this kind hearted woman as her cellmate? _

"Wait, so how come you're living together?" Emma suddenly asked when she realized that the pieces of the puzzle didn't quite fit in her head.

"We didn't, but since David was in a coma for the last few months, obviously not working _or_ paying rent, he got kicked out of the house he was living at"

"Woah, that's harsh" Emma's face grimaced before she put a whole biscuit in her mouth.

"Yeah, but we're past that, I moved all of his stuff here and he's very excited that we're moving in together" Mary Margaret smiled happily at the thought of her boyfriend excited lit-up face when she asked his permission to move his belongings into her apartment "Will you help me throw him a welcome home party?"

"Sure" Emma smiled widely at her friend's happiness.

...

The next day went by really fast as Emma helped Mary Margaret to arrange the house for David's arrival. Afterwards Mary Margaret dragged Emma around the town, making sure nobody will forget to show up at the party that afternoon, ending their town tour at the local store when they picked up some groceries for the upcoming party.

When all was set, the drinks and the refreshments, the welcome home banner and the balloons, Mary Margaret drove to the hospital in David's truck, leaving Emma alone in the apartment for a few moments before the guests begin to arrive.

Emma looked around, taking out a few more glasses, rearranging the refreshments bowls, feeling a bit nervous as if it was her own party, before it dawned on her that she hadn't called Killian all day. She closed her eyes shut as her hand reached to rub her forehead in vexation, scolding herself for forgetting to wish him good luck on his first day at work.

"This is Jones, you know what to do" She heard his voice just before the beep of his voicemail.

"Killian, hey" She breathed anxiously "It's Emma, sorry I didn't call sooner, I got caught up in here, I'm helping Mary Margaret out, David is coming home today and – " She didn't manage to finish when she heard another beep, letting her know her time was up.

"It's me again" She said as she called once more, deciding to get to the point this time, talking as fast as her mind was able to think "Anyways, I hope you are having a good first day at work, I wanna hear all about it, and a bunch of people are just about to arrive so I'll call again afterwards, talk to you later, bye" She just managed to finish the sentence when she heard the beep again, hanging up this time, staring at the phone when she heard a loud knock at the door.

"Emma right?" The short man at the door asked when she opened the door.

"Yes" Emma smiled politely as she stretched out her hand.

"Aren't you a pretty one" He murmured on a smile before he pulled himself together, taking Emma's stretched out hand and shaking it "I'm Leroy" He said in his raspy voice before he gestured with his thumb at the other short man beside him "And this is – "

"Walter" The other man cut him off as he stretched out his hand to shake Emma's as well "I can talk for myself you know" He seethed Leroy's way.

"Don't mind him" Leroy rolled his eyes at his friend's remark as he smiled at Emma "We work at the hospital" Leroy began to explain "And Mary Margaret just arrived and woke him up as she shooed us away"

"Oh I see" Emma nodded in understanding "Well I don't like to be woken up either" She leaned in as she cocked her head to one side and smiled at Walter.

"Yeah, but my bet is that you don't sleep on the job" Leroy grumped as he glanced at his friend, narrowing his eyes at Walter.

"Well it's not like I have a job to sleep on" She murmured and chuckled to herself "Anyways, nice to meet you Leroy and Walter" She said as she gave them a nod, opening the door widely, gesturing for them to come in.

"Nice to meet you Emma" Leroy replied and Walter settled on giving her a nod back, both stepping into the apartment "Mary Margaret said that we should help you around" Leroy said when she closed the door behind them.

"Well everything is practically set" She replied as she looked around the apartment "So I don't think that there's much for you to do" She continued when she walked over to the kitchen for some final arrangements "Why don't you take a seat and – " She began to say but was cut off by another knock on the door "Or maybe you can just get that?" She shot them a nervous smile over her shoulder when she took the dips out of the fridge.

"No problem" Leroy was quick to reply as he looked at Walter "Well don't just stand there" He scolded "Go get that" Leroy ordered at Walter, who rolled his eyes at his friend in reply before he obeyed and went to open the door.

Emma looked around the apartment that filled up rather quickly with some familiar and unfamiliar faces, some she met that very morning, some she had never seen before. She couldn't wait for her friend to arrive already, as she was feeling a bit out of place.

"You seem like a natural" The old lady who Emma recognized as Granny from the diner said as she approached her, looking at Emma beyond her glasses.

"Uh?" Emma turned her head to look at her as she raised her brow in wonder, holding a tray of refreshments in hand.

"Care for a job?" The old lady asked.

"What?" Emma asked as she looked at her in confusion.

"Do you want to come and work at the diner?" Granny asked, directing her gaze to Emma.

"Oh, I'm not from around here" Emma replied as she shook her head in some sort of a nervous apology.

"I know, it's a small town and I'm not that old, so I'm pretty sure that I'd remember if you were" Granny replied, obviously joking but a smile not lifting her lips for even the briefest moment "So where are you from?"

"Ehh – " Emma began to stutter, not knowing what to say, cause where was she from really? Everywhere and nowhere? It's not like she ever felt belonged anywhere, it's not like she had a home to go back to.

"Shhh…they're coming" Leroy suddenly howled at everyone, shushing them when he glanced out the window, watching David and Mary Margaret getting out of the truck.

"Well if you change your mind" Granny said quietly as she winked at Emma when the two went to stand next to the rest of the group a few feet from the door, Emma returning a small grateful smile as they did.

"Leroy, I don't think it's suppose to be a surprise party" The red headed who Emma recognized as Ariel from the diner said sarcastically, right before the happy couple, David and Mary Margaret opened the apartment door.

"Welcome home" Emma along with the other guests cried in unison when the two stepped into the apartment, shooting bursting-with-joy smiles all over the room.

Two old ladies hurried to approach the couple. One of them seemed to be shivering with emotion as she wrapped David in a tight hug, the other gave his girlfriend a warm reassuring hug.

"Emma" Mary Margaret called her way, waving her hand for her to come over.

Emma went over to her friend, a shy smile lifting her lips.

"Johana, this is Emma, a really good friend of mine" Mary Margaret said to the woman by her side that nodded and smiled at Emma "Emma, this is my aunt Johanna, she took care of me since my mother passed away" Mary Margaret said as she looked warmly at Johanna, her eyes speaking gratitude before she turned her gaze to her boyfriend and the emotional woman by his side "Meet Ruth" Mary Margaret continued as the pleasant woman extended her hand to shake Emma's hand "She's David's mother" Mary Margaret added as the two women shook hands and exchanged smiles "And this is" Mary Margaret looked up at her boyfriend, who wrapped his arm around her shoulder, looking back at her, a warm and loving smile on his lips.

"David" Emma completed for her friend "Nice to finally meet you" Emma said as she reached to shake his hand.

"Nice to meet you too Emma" David shot a charming grin her way, his eyes sparkling as he let go of her hand "Mary Margaret told me so much about you"

"Really?" Emma smiled in embarrassment, thinking what her friend could possibly tell her boyfriend about her that wasn't completely shameful, they did meet in prison after all, which was not exactly her finest hour.

"Only good things" David reassured as Mary Margaret linked her arm with Emma's, pulling her away from the two women and her boyfriend.

''Come" Mary Margaret said to Emma "There are other people I want you to meet"

Mary Margaret introduced Emma to Marco, a nice old man who was the town handyman, if there was anything you needed to get fixed, he was definitely the man to go.

Afterwards she introduced her to Sean and Ashley, beaming newlyweds, and to the recently engaged happy couple, Phillip and Aurora.

Just when Emma thought to herself that it couldn't get any more awkward with all the happy couples that surrounded her, Aurora suddenly took Mary Margaret's hand in hers "Is that a new rock?" Aurora asked in excitement as her eyes widened to the sight of the new ring on Mary Margaret's finger.

"It is" Mary Margaret replied as she felt the emotions starting to well up inside of her "He surprised me on the way here, I should have guessed he was up to something when he wanted to stop at the toll bridge"

"He proposed at the toll bridge?" Aurora asked when Ashley took Mary Margaret's hand, seemingly excited as she checked out her ring as well.

"He did" Mary Margaret replied, tears of joy pricking at the corner of her eyes "It's our spot, and he was so romantic…" Her voice trailed off when she gazed at her fiancé and they exchanged secret smiles.

Ashley and Aurora hugged Mary Margaret as they congratulated her, right before David clinked with a spoon on his glass of sparkling water, wanting to get everyone's attention.

"Mary Margaret" He said as he set the glass down on the table, stepping in her direction, beckoning for her to do the same before they met in the middle of the room and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder.

Mary Margaret glanced at the floor when her cheeks changed their color to light red, a coy smile lifting her lips, embarrassed from being at the center of attention as all their friends and family kept quiet and looked at them.

"I just wanted to thank you all for coming on this day" David began speaking in the authoritative voice of his "You have no idea how grateful I am to finally get out of the hospital, don't think I would have survived another one of those jellos" He said on a smile and the crowed chuckled "I'm so glad you're all here, cause this day just got even more special when Mary Margaret, obviously in a moment of weakness, agreed to Marry this fool" He gestured at himself as he placed a hand on his chest, the other hand tightening on Mary Margaret's shoulder, pulling her even closer to his embrace.

Emma along with everyone else took turns in congratulating the happy couple, about an hour before the apartment cleared from all the guests, leaving Emma, Mary Margaret and David to do the clean ups.

...

While David was already sound asleep in the bed that was on the living room floor, Emma and Mary Margaret went upstairs, sharing the twin bed.

"So?" Emma asked, the bed dipping as she shifted to the side so she could face Mary Margaret "How does it feel?"

"What?" Mary Margaret pressed her palms together, sliding them underneath her neck as she burrowed into the bed, her eyes beaming with joy as she looked at her friend "Being engaged?" She asked as a smiled spread across her face "It is what I wanted since we met, but I didn't think it would happen so fast"

"Why not?" Emma asked intrigued.

"I guess I thought his mind would be too busy with the rehabilitation"

"As I see it his mind is busy with only one thing" Emma pointed out on a smile.

"Emma" Mary Margaret exclaimed softly.

"What?" She chuckled "I didn't mean it like that" She rolled her eyes at Mary Margaret "Now who's got the dirty mind?" Emma laughed at her friend before she continued "I meant that you're obviously the only thing on his mind, you guys are so in love that it's actually kinda sickening" Emma joked as she shifted to lie on her back.

"So what about you?" Mary Margaret asked as she propped herself on one elbow, resting her cheek against her palm.

"I have no idea what I'm doing" Emma said, staring at the ceiling, her hands resting on her stomach "I don't even know where I'm going to live"

"Well what about Killian?" Mary Margaret asked carefully.

"I don't know" Emma sighed before she continued "He has his own life, I can't just tag along, it's not me, it's not what I do, and it won't work, it never works" She said as she thought of the last time she tagged along after a man "I need to be able to support myself, you know what I mean?"

"I get you" Mary Margaret said in understanding "You need to feel independent"

"Exactly" Emma said, the back of her hand hitting the mattress, relieved that her friend understood her "The problem is that I don't see how I can get a job, especially now that I have a criminal record"

"Granny told me – "

"She offered me a job at the diner" Emma cut her off "But she doesn't know I was in prison, does she?"

"She doesn't" Mary Margaret reassured "But I assure you that she won't mind"

"I don't know" Emma said in hesitation "It will mean that I'll have to find a place around here, and I'm not sure I'll be able to afford – "

"Stay with us" Mary Margaret said excited.

"What?" Emma exclaimed "I can't possibly stay with you and your husband to be, you need your privacy"

"Well, we're not married just yet, and I'll be more than glad to share my bed with you, that is until we do of course" She smiled widely at Emma "But I don't want to be the one keeping you away from Killian, if you feel that you prefer living in Boston – "

"I already told you, I shouldn't lean on him" Emma cut her off, her tone of voice sad and aching, feeling her heart clench at the thought of leaning on him, just to get the rug pulled out from under her feet once again.

_She just couldn't go through that pain again. Of course she had feelings for him. Deep feelings. Which only complicated the situation even more. Only endangered her heart even more. And she couldn't risk her heart that way. Not again. This time she was going to do it differently. This time she was going to depend on herself, and if she was going to be with him they were going to do it as equals._

"It's settled then" Mary Margaret said, laying back down, pulling the covers above her shoulders "Tomorrow morning before I get to work you're coming with me to Granny's"

"Fine" Emma said in defeat, covering her mouth as she yawned, obviously tired from the long day.

"I feel so bad for ditching the kids today" Mary Margaret said, regretting she took a day off from her teaching job at the school.

"They'll be fine" Emma said as she yawned once more "You're allowed to take a day off"

"Yes but – "

"What will you do when you'll need to take care of all the wedding arrangements?" Emma asked in some sort of a statement, not looking for an answer "You'll have to take some days off, so you might as well get used to it"

"Ah – " Mary Margaret opened her mouth to speak, but Emma didn't gave her a chance to counter as she continued.

"And when you'll have kids, and god forbids they'll get sick with the flu, or the chicken pox, you'll have – "

"We are not even married yet" Mary Margaret protested.

"Yes, but you will, and then you'll have mind blowing sex, and then you'll have kids, and then your life basically goes to shit, cause you'll be too fat and exhausted to do anything"

"Oh my goodness" Mary Margaret buried her head in the mattress, listening to her friend talk "Can you not?" She pleaded when she turned to lie on her back, both women staring at the ceiling.

"I'm so tired, you know I talk shit when I'm tired" Emma said in a drowsy apologetic tone.

"Fine. Let's go to sleep"

"Goodnight" Emma barely managed to get the word out of her mouth, falling asleep a fraction of a moment later.

"Goodnight" Mary Margaret replied quietly in her tender voice, the thought of her marrying her prince charming bringing a soft smile to her lips as she turned to lie on her side, burying her head in the pillow and allowing the sleep wash over her like a soothing wave.

* * *

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**A/N:** So sorry, I know there were not enough Emma/Killian scenes, but I had to write this chapter so the plot could progress, I promise to make it up to you on the next chapter ;)


	18. No going back

**A/N : **Delivered as promised – lots and lots of Emma/Killian – hope you enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 18 – No going back**

It was late in the afternoon on a Wednesday when a tall dark handsome blue eyed man walked into Granny's diner.

"Hello there stranger" He was greeted by a beautiful long-haired red headed waitress, who smiled flirtatiously at him "What can I get you?" She took a step closer, invading his personal space, making him feel uncomfortable as he took half a step back, giving her an awkward smile in return.

"Is Emma around here?" He asked, looking over her shoulder, his eyes searching the diner.

"Yes, she is" The red headed answered, her hazel eyes skimming him from head to toe.

"And you are...?" She licked her bottom lip, her voice trailing off when she looked at him with her hungry eyes, as if she wanted to eat him alive with her stare.

"Killian" He forced a smile, his eyes keep sweeping the room in search for his beautiful swan.

"I'm Ariel" She reached her hand and he nodded when he took it into a shake.

"Nice to meet you Ariel" He replied politely.

"Nice to meet you too Killian" She said his name in a low teasing voice, which caused him to scratch behind his ear in a nervous gesture.

"So who are you to Emma?" She asked intrigued "She never mentioned there's this handsome man in her life" She said boldly, looking straight into his eyes, not blinking for a second.

He smiled in slight embarrassment "I'm her - "

_What was he really to her? Her boyfriend?_

"Killian" Emma cried in surprise when she emerged from the kitchen, dressed in the tight waitress outfit, the white shirt flattering her pale skin, the red skirt revealing her smooth long legs.

She was beautiful as he remembered. It had only been three days since she left but he missed her so much that he couldn't stay away for a moment longer.

"What are you doing here?"She asked when she set the tray in her hand on the counter and stepped in his direction, his eyes not leaving her, as if she was the only one in the room.

Ariel, who noticed the longing gaze he sent the blonde's way, rolled her eyes in disappointment and turned to the kitchen.

"Well since we kept missing each other's calls…" His voice trailed off when he shoved his hands in his back pockets, restraining himself from reaching to touch her in public, in her place of work "And as much as I love listening to you talk, I do wish to have the possibility to counter" He said on a smile and she gave him a shy smile in return "When do you get off?" He asked as he looked around the diner.

"In three hours" She replied, glancing back at the clock above the counter "I work opening till closing" She grimaced, feeling bad that he came all the way and she couldn't even make time for them to talk "I'm sorry"

"Don't be" He shook his head "It's okay, I can wait" He said as his soft gaze sent encouragement her way.

"Great" She replied, a soft smile at the corner of her mouth.

"I'll just take a seat right there" He gestured with his head towards the inside of the diner "That is if you don't mind having a secret admirer ogling at you for the next three hours"

"You make it sound more like a creepy stalker" She said as they both chuckled "But no, I don't mind" She smiled at him and her eyes sparkled along.

...

"Here's your coffee Sir" She teased when she brought him a cup of coffee, just the way he liked it, black, no sugar, no cream.

"Thanks, but I don't want you to wait on me" He replied as he looked up at her.

"Well I am the waitress" She said with a hand on her waist as she smiled down at him.

"Oh really? Cause you seem more like a princess to me"

"Princess ha?" She crossed her arms across her chest "Can I offer you a pill to go along with that coffee Sir?" She asked in mockery "Since you're obviously delusional" She said as she rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm fine thanks" He gave her a tight smile in return.

"I can send Ariel over if you're not feeling comfortable being served by a princess"

"No" He exclaimed, opposing to the idea immediately.

"Something wrong?" She asked when she fell to the seat across from his.

"Nope" He shook his head "Nothing"

_What would he tell her? That since he got there the red headed kept sending teasing glances his way? That she deliberately bent over the table across from his, giving him a full view up her skirt? Emma had enough to deal with as it was, he didn't need to bother her with that nonsense._

"She's actually kinda nice, showing me the ropes around here" Emma said and turned her head as they both glanced at Ariel "I'm her replacement, she's starting next week to work at the bed and breakfast"

"I see" He replied in disinterest, preferring to avoid talking about Ariel, instead reaching his hand to hers "So how have you been love?" He smiled softly at her, his thumb caressing her knuckles.

"Tired" She replied on a sigh "It's only my second day and I'm already exhausted. Let me tell you something" She leaned in, her voice going down a notch as she glanced around, looking that no one was within earshot "_Stealing,_ is much easier than working fourteen hours a day" She said jokingly, but he wasn't laughing, only looked at her in concern.

"Why do you exert yourself love?" He looked into her green eyes as she began shifting nervously in her seat, the smile immediately wiping off her face.

_Why did he come there? To take pity on her? He was doing it since she met him and she absolutely hated it._

"I need the money Killian" She spat when she drew her hand and averted her gaze from him "I gotta get back to work" She said as she got up.

"Wait" He swallowed hard.

_Idiot. What an idiot. He wanted to take care of her, he wanted to be with her, but she obviously didn't want to come live with him, otherwise she wouldn't have taken a job four hours drive away from him. So what else could he have possibly offer her? Money?_

He knew her all too well to offer her anything like that, he knew that she was hot headed and will immediately bite his head off for offering, probably giving him a piece of her mind of what it would imply if she was to take his money.

"I'm sorry" He said, trying to hide the desperation that took over his voice when he got up as well.

"It's okay" She shrugged, brushing it off as she avoided his gaze "I really need to get back to work" She said as she glanced down at her hand which he took in his.

"Emma – " He began to say softly.

"Now is not a good time" She replied quietly "Just be patient will you?" She glanced at him before she took a step back, their held hands extending.

"Of course" He nodded, slowly letting go of her hand when she pulled away.

...

It was closing time and the last of the customers just left when Killian got up, approaching the table Emma was clearing "Can I help around here?" He asked softly.

"I think that you might be a tad overqualified to bus tables" She joked as she glanced at him, a pile of plates in each one of her hands.

It was suppose to be some kind of a joke or maybe a compliment but he could see the insecurity in her eyes. Ever since she met him she looked at him in the same way, like he was better than her and she was inferior to him. He hated it, he hated that she thought so little of herself, he hated that she didn't see in herself what he saw in her.

"I'll never be overqualified to help you" He said when he grabbed one of the piles from her hand.

"Thanks" She stared at him for a moment, studying him, feeling that his eyes as usual had the ability to look into her soul so she tore her gaze away and headed to the counter as he followed.

"That's it" She called at Granny as she set down the plates on the kitchen window, Killian doing the same.

Granny peeked through the window, eyeing Killian before she thanked Emma and wished them goodnight.

"Goodnight" They called before they got out of the diner.

"So? Do you need a ride again?" She sent a small nervous smile his way when they walked towards her car.

_Here it goes again. That familiar dance of push and pull. Why was she pulling away from him this time? God only knows. It was definitely a mystery to him. But he was sure as hell wasn't going to give up without a fight. Cause like his father always used to say, a man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets. And what he wanted was her._

"I have a couple more hours until my flight leaves" He reached for her arm, stopping her in the middle of the empty street as he whirled her around to face him "I missed you" He said when they locked eyes, blue eyes staring deep into green ones for a long quiet moment before he broke the silence as he said with passion "I love you" And without any notice he took the last step that separated them and attacked her lips. She hesitated for a brief moment before she allowed herself to cave into the kiss, to melt into his arms, his hand reaching to bury in her hair, hers reaching to his waist as she pulled his body close to hers, the kiss heating more and more with each second, as heads, lips and tongues all danced in unison.

"You know we have available rooms" Granny shouted their way as they broke away from the kiss, both of their faces flushed when they turned to smile at her in slight embarrassment.

"Goodnight" Emma shouted Granny's way as she rolled her eyes.

"Come, I know a really nice spot in this weird forsaken town" She said to Killian as she pulled him by the arm towards her car.

...

They reached a secluded beautiful spot that had an amazing town view "Great view right?" She asked when she parked the car in between the trees.

"Yes, but the view inside the car is much better" He replied, his voice low and hoarse as he directed his gaze to her "much much better" He whispered as he leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips, his hand reaching to caress her cheek before it moved to anchor at the back of her neck "Come here" His hand encouraged her to move to his lap. She hesitated, opening her mouth to speak but closing it in wordless silence against his lips as their mouths joined once more and she slowly lifted herself from her seat, moving to kneel before him as her hands reached to his belt "What are you doing?" He soundly broke away from her lips, his hands reaching for hers.

"I'm pleasuring you love" She said teasingly as she smiled up at him.

"Come back up" He pleaded.

"Not yet" She said as she pushed his hands away, reaching to fumble with his belt again "Not until – "

"Emma" He cut her off as she looked up at him in wonder and he repeated "Come back up"

"Well it's my time of month, so this is the best you're going to get" She exclaimed, mildly annoyed as she drew her hands to her lap.

"Come back up" He repeated for the third time, slowly and in a commanding voice as he accentuated every word.

"Why?" She asked on a frown when she rose and he scooped her to sit sideways on his lap, her feet landing on the driver's seat as she stretched her legs, crossing them at the ankles.

"I didn't come here for a booty call" He said softly as he stroked her thigh affectionately "I came here because I wanted to see you, I missed you" His other hand reached to caress the back of her neck when they locked eyes.

Looking into his eyes from up close she realized that she had missed him in more ways than she was willing to admit, her hand reaching to his cheek, her fingertips trailing his stubble oh so lightly as she pressed her lips to his, the gesture saying that she had missed him too.

_She was never really good with words._

He smiled softly at her, his eyes blinking slowly, affirming he heard what she hadn't said as he caressed her hair, gently pulling her head to rest on his shoulder.

They sat there for a long while, her head resting on his shoulder, his cheek leaning against the top of her head, his hand toying with a lock of her hair as her fingers slowly raked through his chest hair that peeked from the opening of his shirt, both listening to the only sound in the car, the gentle sound of their soft breaths.

...

"So how's working at the Boston police department?" She asked when they arrived to Mary Margaret's apartment.

"Work's fine, the past three days I think I've seen something like twenty victims or so" He replied, his voice changing its tone to something that fitted the severity of the matter "Who am I kidding, it's not fine, it's awful, I mean I'm glad I can be there to help, but it's just horrible seeing all those suffering souls knowingly other people are the ones who are responsible for their suffering" He shook his head at the thought "But let's not talk about that" He said as they reached the top of the stairs, standing outside the apartment door "I want to hear more about you" He smiled at her, his tone cheering up again "How's staying with Mary Margaret?"

"She's been such a good friend" She replied, her voice filling with enthusiasm talking about her friend "She's really great, David too, they are absolutely perfect for each other, you really should meet them"

"Well it is getting late, I have a plane to catch and you really should get some sleep"

"Next time then?" She asked when they locked eyes.

"Next time?" He asked on a surprised smile "I don't remember you asking"

She glanced at the floor when she smiled coyly before she directed her gaze back to him and asked "Will you come and see me again?"

He leaned to kiss her softly on the lips "I already booked a flight for Friday" He whispered against her lips.

"Always the optimistic" She said on a smile as she arched an eyebrow, wrapping her arms around his neck as she leaned up to kiss him again.

"See you on the weekend?" He asked as he placed both hands on her waist, slightly bending at the knees so he could meet her eyes.

"Yeah" She blinked heavily, a flirtatious smile spreading across her face as she turned to the door "Goodnight Killian" She glanced at him over her shoulder.

"Goodnight" He smiled back as he watched her getting inside the apartment.

...

It was Friday afternoon of their second weekend together in Storybrooke and Emma waited impatiently for Killian to arrive, gazing up at the clock as she neared the end of her shift.

"Hello love" His voice suddenly came from behind, her face lighting up in a flash as she turned to face him.

"Hey" She jumped and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning to nuzzle his neck for a brief moment as an excuse to inhale the intoxicating scent of him, always the same mixture of his light masculine cologne and his own sweet personal scent.

"No fooling around on the job" Granny's voice came from the kitchen window as Emma rolled her eyes and they both took half a step back, their bodies separating before Granny added "We have rooms for that you know"

"Speaking of which" Killian said when he ran his hands over his backpack straps "I'm gonna get one and I'll be right back to wait here with you"

"No need" She said and he raised his brows in wonder "You can just wait there"

_Why didn't she want him to wait with her?_

"I asked not to close today" She said, her voice low and teasing.

"Did you now?" He asked, raising a brow, a smile just at the corner of his mouth.

"Yes" She replied on a playful smile "So why don't you go and make yourself comfortable and I'll be there in a bit?"

"Sure" He said, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, his eyes catching fire when they met her burning gaze "You know I'll be waiting" He said hoarsely, the gentle stroke of his hand along her arm sending shivers down her spine.

"Good" She swallowed hard and licked her lips before she left to the kitchen.

...

"Idiot" He murmured to himself, pacing nervously back and forth down the hall at Granny's bed and breakfast.

"What are you doing?" Emma's chuckling voice suddenly came from behind as she climbed up the stairs.

"Fuck" He exclaimed, his hand reaching to rub at his stubble in a nervous gesture as she looked at him in wonder "Ariel is naked in my bed" He blurted out, gesturing with his hand towards the closed door of his room as he directed his gaze to her, dreading her reaction.

"What?" She asked in disbelief, her eyes popping out in shock.

"You have to believe me when I say I didn't want this" He started to explain, his hand reaching to rub nervously at the back of his neck "She gave me the room then told me to wait for a few minutes outside cause she needed to change the sheets or something" He continued all flustered "And when I got back into the room, there she was, lying on the bed in her birthday suit" His eyes widened at the image in his mind when he averted his gaze towards a spot on the wall, not noticing the smile that crept onto her face "And I'm pretty sure that I was clear with her, so she can't say that I might have misled her or stringed her along" He averted his gaze back to her when he heard her rolling laughter "You find this funny?" He raised his brow in wonder.

"You should see yourself" She said, trying to restrain her laughter and catch her breath.

"I'm glad this amuses you" He said, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth when he crossed his arms across his chest and studied her.

"Look, I don't care that she's naked in your bed"

"You don't?" He asked, his brow shooting up to his hairline in utter surprise.

_Was he supposed to feel insulted or relieved?_

"I don't" She shrugged before she stepped in his direction, closing the distance between them "Just as long as you're not naked in there with her" She said in mischief, her voice going down a notch "Cause then I won't be laughing" She ran her hands over his upper arms, his crossed arms loosening and falling to the sides of his body when she rose on her tiptoes to graze his lips with hers "Not even a little bit" She whispered against his lips as some kind of a warning.

He reached his hand to tug on her hair, catching her lips with his, tilting their heads, not waiting for permission before he forcefully invaded her mouth with his tongue, swallowing the soft moan that escaped her mouth. She placed both hands on his chest, guiding him backwards, pushing him into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind them with her foot, her hand reaching back, turning the lock before she soundly tore her mouth from his, a mischievous smile full of intent lifting her lips.

"I've waited patiently for almost two weeks now" She said as she took off her shirt, letting it fall to the floor "And if recall correctly" Her hands reached to fumble with his belt "Your ass is mine Jones" She drew her bottom lip in between her teeth, sliding his belt off and tossing it to the floor "And, as much as I enjoyed tasting you last weekend..." She said in a seductive tone as he groaned at the memory of her sweet warm mouth around him "...I just can't wait to feel you inside" Her hand reached to rub his bulge "God your jeans are so tight!" She exclaimed, her head flying back when she began to work on his resisting fly "This" She glanced up at him as she violently unbuttoned his jeans "This is what gets you in trouble mister"

"My jeans are getting me in trouble?"

"That's right" She said as she licked her lips "Your _very_ _tight_ jeans. And – " She paused for a second, her hand reaching to his nape, pulling him down so she could whisper hotly in his ear "What's inside of them…" Her voice trailed off when she reached her hand into the opening of his boxers and freed his already erect length, beginning to stroke it "Not everybody needs to know the size of your package" She said on a vicious smile as she eagerly pushed him down to sit on top of the closed toilet seat.

"So this is why you are with me?" He asked as he watched her discarding her panties on the floor.

She stood astride his body, her hands leaning on his shoulders, his sliding up her skirt and anchoring at her hips when he raised his head up, stretching himself so he could catch her lips with his "Among other things" She said against his lips when she sank down onto him, sheathing his length within her warmth in one long slow motion as a gasp escaped both of their lips.

"Yesss" She hissed, taking him in even deeper as she threw her head back, her hands moving to anchor at the back of his neck.

_Oh how she missed feeling him in that way. So close. Joined. As if they were one._

"What other things?" He held her tight, suddenly moving them to lie on the floor, she on her back, he on top of her as he wanted control.

"I'm not sure I should tell you" She said on a playful smile "Wouldn't want to further boost your _already_ overly inflated ego"

"Is that so?" He whispered as his lips slowly trailed soft kisses down her neck.

"Uhh hmm" She murmured, her hands pulling him by the waist, trying to make him move back and forth inside of her, realizing that for some reason he wasn't cooperating "Why aren't you moving?" She grabbed him by the chin, drawing his face to look at her.

"I will once you tell me" He said as he quirked an eyebrow, a wicked smile taking over his lips.

"Forget about it" She said mildly annoyed, slightly pushing him away as she tried to push her upper body off the floor.

"Are you sure?" He asked, stopping her midway, her body leaning on her elbows as he ran his hands up the bare skin of her inner thighs, his thumbs anchoring and massaging so close to her core, shooting sparks of desire all over her body.

_Ugh! She won't let him get the satisfaction in watching her cave._

_Fuck him and that magical touch of his. Knowing exactly how to drive her mad with want and need._

_Fuck him and that devilish smile that was spread all over his handsome face. Knowing exactly what he was doing to her. _

"As you wish" He said as he began rearing back, slowly pulling his length out of her heat, her hands instantly reaching to his waist, reaching to stop him, signaling him to come back and fill her.

They locked eyes and he reached his hands to the back of her knees, gently spreading her legs further apart, making more room for his body when he pushed himself to the hilt of her softness in one long decisive thrust.

"Fuck" She exclaimed loudly, her body falling back to the floor, her eyes rolling to the back of her head, feeling the devastating effect he had on her body.

"Come on love, just admit it" He whispered, his tantalizing lips over hers, not kissing, not touching, just hovering.

"Move" She ordered in frustration, feeling his length buried inside of her in an achingly stillness, her hands raking through his hair, closing into tight fists, tugging on his hair with uncalled for brutality as she was determined to pull his teasing lips to hers in an insatiable hunger, as if they were oxygen in an airless world.

"Then tell me" He whispered against her lips between heated kisses "What other things?" He reached his hand to her waist, slowly sliding it up her body and under her bra, kneading one of her breasts.

"God! You're so mean" She whimpered when her eyes fluttered shut and all she could think of is how she wanted him to move already, to stroke in and out in those precise movements of his, movements that knew exactly how to hit the center of her yearning, taking her sailing with him on a wild sea of pleasure.

"One motion for each thing you tell me" He lowered his head to suck on her sweet spot, where shoulder meets neck, surely to leave a mark for the days to come.

"You can't be serious"

"Oh I'm serious" He lifted his head back to look at her as he nodded.

"Fine" She cried as she rolled her eyes at him, deciding to play along "Your eyes"

"What about them?"

"Their color is..." Her voice trailed off as she searched for the word to describe it, staring into the depths of his blue as a bright sky eyes, feeling herself getting lost in them "Mesmerizing" She averted her gaze and smiled coyly when he began to pull back, leaving just the tip of him inside of her, waiting until she locked eyes with his again as he slowly slid back into her wetness, extracting a long grateful moan out of her lips, before he stilled inside of her once again.

"Come on" She grouched as her hands reached underneath his shirt, her fingertips scraping the lean muscles of his back in anxious circles.

"You can still quit if you want" He said in his husky voice as his thumb anchored at the dent in her chin and he gazed into the green sea of her eyes.

_She couldn't possibly quit now. Not when her body was so hungry with need that felt like a gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach. _

Her eyes fixed on his lips "Your lips, they're so soft and they taste like heav -" She didn't manage to finish the sentence as he swallowed the last word with the passionate open mouth kiss he planted on her, muffling her soft cry when he pulled just to slam back into her again.

"Go on" He whispered against her lips, resisting the need to stroke in and out, determined to contain himself as he was feeling equally eager to move inside of her.

_Good thing he was gifted with lots of self control._

"I actually can't decide what I love more, your lips _or_ your eyes" She said as her eyes flickered back and forth from his lips to his eyes "Good thing I don't have to choose then uh?" She smiled and directed her gaze to him, her shyness suddenly fading away, realizing that naming his merits was not so hard after all, discovering that it was even surprisingly enjoyable.

"That doesn't really count, since you've already said both things, but" He paused to drive out "I do appreciate the effort" He said in a strained voice when he drove hard back into her, eliciting a loud moan out of her.

"You can be surprising" She widened her eyes at him in reply to his latest action, right before he thrust again, making her eyes flutter shut as she moaned in surprise once more.

"You're funny" Long slow thrust followed by a long deep moan.

"And smart" Smooth decisive thrust. Soft desperate moan.

"You're kind, just not right now"

"Definitely not right now" He repeated when he slammed so hard that she practically shrieked.

"Killian what the fuck?" She snapped.

"Don't stop" He whispered in some sort of a plea, his lips hovering over her jaw line, his hand moving to anchor at the back of her neck as his thumb caressed her cheek "I'll be gentler this time"

_She wasn't sure that she wanted him to be gentle, she only knew that she wanted him to delve into her again and again and again._

She swallowed hard before she continued "Your hair" She reached her hands to his hair "I absolutely adore this hair" She ran her fingers from the nape to the top, ruffling his hair with a vicious smile on her lips, a smile that was wiped away the moment he drove into her again.

"You know how to pleasure a woman"

"Don't say _a _woman" He whispered as he looked into her eyes, slightly shaking his head.

"Me, you know how to pleasure me" She corrected herself in a soft voice, the words like music to his ears.

"Exactly" He said decisively, pushing her knees up, gently sinking deep until he reached the hilt of her warmth "Only you" He whispered against the top of her soft breast, pushing down the cup of her bra, wrapping his lips around her nipple, making her feel the tension between her legs grow even more.

"Damnit" She writhed underneath him "Killian, come on, haven't I suffered enough already?" Her mouth and body begging him at the same time.

"You know what I want to hear" He trailed kisses up her body, her collarbone, her neck, her face, catching her lips in a long searing kiss.

She tried to catch her breath when he finally released her lips from his captivity "Your mouth is just..." She breathed heavily "…Intoxicating"

"Not that" He shook his head before he thrust.

"You're the best I ever had" She said, her head still dizzy from the kiss.

"Not that either" Shook his head again, thrust again.

_Then what the heck was it that he wanted to hear?_

"I love everything about you"

"Nice try" He said, pulling and sliding back in, slowly this time "You're getting close love"

"I'm pretty sure I'm not getting close"

"Oh, you're getting close alright" He whispered hoarsely in her ear when his thumb drew her arousal along her folds, drawing circles around her bundle of nerves.

"God!" She cried, feeling herself so close to the edge, a few more thrusts along with that touch and she was going to fall to oblivion "Fine" She said when his thumb let go "I'm getting close, but I still have no idea what it is that you're talking about"

"I think you do" He said as he locked eyes with her, his eyes whispering the words he wanted to hear, her eyes inhaling the words deep into her lungs, locking them inside in a held breath as they stared at each other for a very long moment.

"Fine you win" She said, finally giving in, finally caving, can't bear the stillness anymore.

He kept staring deep into her eyes, listening to the sound of her breath, waiting intently for the words to come out as she wrapped her arms around his neck and said "I'm with you because I love you, you fool" A soft smile curving up her lips as he looked at her beautiful flushed face for a moment longer, drinking in her words as if they were water to a man in the desert, savoring the moment before he plunged in to kiss her mouth, needing to taste the words on her tongue as he hooked one of her legs on his hip and began stroking in and out in a steady pace, each stroke causing her to let the air out of her lungs in a delighted long moan that was like a big thank you, full of relief and gratitude.

_Finally. _

He leaned all of his upper body weight on one elbow, one hand reaching to her breast, the other to where they were joined, his mind set on giving her body what it needed, what it longed for.

They climbed to the peak together, sweat beading down his forehead, the shirt sticking to his back, his hips bucking, meeting hers, again and again, his tongue and lips kissing her to drunkenness, his thumb drawing fast and accurate circles, his fingers closing on her nipple as he worked her relentlessly until she cried out her release, her walls cramping around him, pulling him over the edge with her as the waves of pleasure washed them both.

"Oh my god" She said as she panted, a big sated smile taking over her lips when she looked at his wrecked face that was literally dripping with sweat "You're a crazy person"

He flipped them over, still trying to catch his breath when he lay on his back with her sprawled on top of him, rubbing soothing circles on her aching bruised back "I prefer dashing rapscallion" He said on a breathless smile, wiping the sweat off his face before he leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead "And I love you too" He said softly, a startling realization hitting her like a ton of bricks as she gazed up into his beaming eyes.

_She had said the words and there was no going back._

* * *

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**So….I've noticed that lately the chapters are getting longer and longer, please let me know if that's a problem, so I'll split them up if it is.**

**As always, big thanks to each and everyone of you who read / favorited / followed and reviewed! You guys are amazing!**

**And till next time, have a great ONCE day tomorrow ;)**


	19. Déjà vu

**A/N:** You probably knew it was coming all along so I hope you prepared your souls, cause the angst is coming your way…

* * *

**Chapter 19 – Déjà vu **

Monday. 4AM.

She woke to the jingling sound of his belt, her eyes squinting in the semi dark room at Granny's, watching him as he finished putting on his clothes and doing his belt "Come back to bed" She said in a scratchy barely awake voice.

"I've got a plane to catch" He leaned to press a kiss on her forehead "Go back to sleep"

"Wait" She tugged on his upper arm, pulling him back to her "Don't think I haven't noticed what you're wearing" She said in a low teasing voice.

"This?" He looked down at his uniform.

"Ah-uh" She nodded, her fingers toying with the button of his shirt "You can't leave now" She whispered, pulling his lips to hers.

"If I won't then I'd miss my flight" He said against her lips "I have no choice, I have to go"

"Well that's just not fair, where have you been hiding these uniforms all weekend? How come you remembered to wear them only now?"

"Didn't know it turned you on" He replied on a chuckle.

"First you don't let me tear off your prison officer uniform, and now this?" She pouted.

"I'll make it up to you" He said as he caressed her hair, pressing a soft kiss on her lips.

"Promise?" She smiled and he nodded slowly in reply "And do you have any cuffs to go along with that rig?"

"Nope" He replied simply "No cuffs. No gun. I'm a social worker not a police officer, and I'm not even obligated to wear the uniform"

"Then why do you?"

"Researches prove that victims tend to feel safe and secure in the presence of an officer in a uniform, and they're also more likely to cooperate"

"Yeah, I get that" She said on a mischievous smile "This really makes me want to cooperate" She said seductively as she slowly ran her hands down his body.

"Damnit Emma" He groaned "Why are you doing this to me now?"

"Why _are you_ doing this to me now?" She teased, her hands reaching for his belt.

"No seriously love, I will miss my flight, we can't do this now"

"Ugh" She grumped in frustration "Fine. Go"

He looked into her eyes, lingering for a moment before he asked "Are you mad?"

"I'm not mad" She shook her head as her voice softened "You're right, you should go, we wouldn't want you to miss your flight, otherwise you'd be late for work"

He kissed her softly on the lips before he pushed himself off the bed and said "You know there's a way to end all of this misery"

"Really?" She asked in wonder, watching him as he sling his backpack over his shoulders "And what would that be?"

"You can settle down with me" He said earnestly as he paused to look at her.

_Silence._

"Killian – " She began to say, sounding like she was trying to come up with an excuse to dismiss the idea.

"I'm serious Emma" He said when he sat on the bed "Don't you wanna?"

_Why did it sound so oddly familiar?_

"Where? Boston?" She asked.

"Wherever you pick"

_Familiar. Why so damn familiar?_

"Here, Boston, somewhere else, perhaps near a beach?" He said as he smiled at her, knowing she loved the beach.

_Fuck! Neal. That was why._

Neal had promised her the exact same thing just seven months ago. He promised her a home. A promise that he so mercilessly broke. She trusted Killian but it was just too strange, he practically used the same words, the only thing that was missing was him taking out a map and letting her point, and then it would have been a complete déjà vu.

_And it was one moment she didn't want to relive._

"Killian, I ah – " She began to stutter.

"You don't have to give me an answer right now, just say that you'll think about it?"

"Okay" She said as she nodded fiercely, trying to disguise the hesitation in her eyes.

"Wonderful" He took her hand, pressing his lips against her palm "See you Friday"

"Yeah" She replied, watching him as he headed for the door.

"I love you" He said as he glanced at her before he turned the knob and got out, not waiting for her response, something she was actually quite grateful for as she hadn't dared to repeat those three little words since she had first said them.

…

"How was work?" Mary Margaret asked when both women got into bed, slipping under the covers.

"Okay I guess" Emma replied.

"Still exhausting?"

"Yeah" She sighed "I know I shouldn't complain, I'm only serving food and drinks, it's not suppose to be so hard, it's not like I have to handle a bunch of little brats like you"

Mary Margaret chuckled "You work long hours, it's exhausting just the same"

"I feel like I'm going nowhere" Emma said, a hint of despair in her tone of voice "This job is getting me nowhere, it's not paying nearly enough for me to be able to rent a place"

"You'll find something else eventually, it's just a matter of time"

"I know, you're right" Emma replied on a sigh.

The two women shifted in the bed, each trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in.

"Killian wants us to live together" Emma said quietly, her voice just above a whisper.

"That's great" Mary Margaret said in enthusiasm "_He_ is great, you know David and I are very fond of him"

"I know"

"Then how come you don't sound thrilled?" Mary Margaret asked in wonder.

She already knew all about Emma and her walls, but seeing a wonderful guy like Killian, seeing how much he cared for her friend, seeing him coming all the way from Boston the past two weekends just so they could spend time together, seeing over Sunday lunches how much they were in love, she just wanted them to be able to make it work, she wanted Emma to be happy, she wanted what was best for her.

"I don't know" Emma replied as she yawned, the weariness taking over her body "I guess I'm not the settle down kind of girl"

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"I've never stayed in one place for more than six months"

"I think it's because you're scared" Mary Margaret stated.

"I'm not scared" Emma snorted, dismissing her friend's statement.

_She wasn't scared. She was absolutely terrified._

It was only seven months ago that she blindly put her heart in someone else's hands just to get it crushed into dust, and the memory still stung.

"Whatever" Mary Margaret said "You will come around eventually"

"Maybe" Emma replied, too tired to resist the pleasant thoughts that crept into her mind, thoughts of her and Killian getting their happy ending.

…

It was Friday again and she just had the worst day. Work was really beginning to wear her down, she spilled drinks three times that day, thankfully only one time out of the three was on a furious customer, she also mixed up the orders more times than she got them right, it wasn't like her, it just wasn't her day, so she couldn't be more happy when Killian arrived, her sweet sign that her shift was about to end.

She barely managed to close the door of the room at Granny's and he was already pinning her against the wall, attacking the exposed skin of her neck and collarbone with his lips, his hands reaching under her skirt, tugging on her panties, eagerly pushing the material down as he moved to open his pants.

"Easy tiger" She breathed heavily and before she managed to get another word out of her mouth she was already up in the air with him buried inside of her "Gods Killian!" She cried as her eyes widened in surprise.

"I missed you" He said desperately, kissing her lips as if they were a drug and he was a junkie in a bad need for a fix "We can't keep on doing this, a week is just too damn long" He whispered between hungry kisses "And you not reactivating your phone makes phone sex impossible"

It didn't take him long before he succeeded to pull her in with him, making her forget all about the shitty day she had had as he had her crying in pleasure when he played her body like only he knew how, first against the wall, then moving them to the bed, discarding her shirt and bra on the way, pulling his own shirt over his head once they landed on the bed, wanting to feel the warmth that radiated from her body, wanting to feel her skin against his, to feel her heart beating against his chest, wrapping her in his arms, putting all his love into every kiss, every move, every touch, every whisper. Telling her again and again how much he loved her, how much he wanted her, how much he needed her. Taking in her smile as if it were the sun on a rainy day, worshiping her body like the goddess she was to him as he found himself getting lost in the moment, getting completely lost in her.

…

It was Sunday noon when Emma came to pick Killian up for their usual Sunday launch at Mary Margaret's.

She walked into the bed and breakfast to find him engaging in a friendly chat with Ariel, he was leaning forward on the reception desk, his eyes fixed on Ariel, a smile lifting his lips as she laughed and batted her eyes at something he had said, her signature flirty smile plastered across her face.

Walking past them Emma climbed up the stairs storming into his room with him right on her tracks.

"What's going on?" He asked in bewilderment.

"You tell me" She said in anger, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Come on, you know there's nothing going on between Ariel and me" He explained "She simply needed an ear"

"This"

"What?" He asked in confusion.

"This is the real reason that you find yourself in these situations" She exclaimed "You are an emotional cheater"

"You can't mean that, it's my job, it's what I do, it's who I am, I'm a listener, you know that" He countered when she gave him a pointed stare "Do you really expect me to turn my back on someone in distress?"

"She didn't seem distressed to me"

"Well she is. She's going through a tough time, but why do I have the feeling that this has nothing to do with it?" He narrowed his eyes trying to read her and she averted her gaze in response, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes "There's more to this than just Ariel, isn't there?"

_There was._

"Love, what's really going on?" He asked softly when he took a step in her direction.

"I forgot to take the pills" She blurted out when silent tears began to stream down her cheeks.

"Missing one pill can't get you pregnant" He said on a light chuckle, relieved to discover that that was the reason she was upset.

"Yes it can" She exclaimed.

_And she would know. It already happened to her once before._

"Besides it's not just one pill, I finished the last package of pills that they gave me in prison two weeks ago, I was suppose to go and get a prescription but between work and life – " She buried her head in her hands "I just can't believe I forgot" She widened her eyes in shock to her own words, to her on actions.

_What was happening to her? Why was she doing that same mistake? She was losing her head over a guy again. That was why._

"Why don't you let me take care of protection?"

"I think it's a little bit too late for that" She replied in sarcasm as she began pacing nervously back and forth in the small room.

"Emma calm down, it still doesn't necessary mean that you're pregnant"

"I'm probably ovulating as we speak" She exclaimed angrily "If I wasn't already while you were fucking me against the wall, or maybe it was the bed, or the shower, I don't really know anymore" She said when snapshots from their sexual activities in the last couple of days rushed through her mind.

"Don't say fucking. Why do you say fucking?" He grimaced, his tone of voice firm and annoyed as he resented the term "I'm not fucking you, I'm loving you, there's a big difference so please don't say I'm fucking you, cause that sounds just plain wrong"

"You're missing the point" She looked at him in frustration "I can't have a baby"

"Why do you say I? We're in this together"

"Fine. _We_ can't have a baby"

"Why not?" He asked simply as her jaw dropped, taken aback by his question.

"I think I'm gonna go now since you've obviously lost your mind" She looked at him in astonishment before she headed for the door.

"Why not?" He asked again, more firmly this time, as if he were demanding an answer when her hand froze on the doorknob.

She whipped around to face him, her eyes wide in shock, her face red with anger as she exclaimed loudly "I don't want a baby. I'm eighteen for god sake" She looked at him, refusing to believe that he was being serious, only his eyes telling her that he was "I can't keep doing this with you" She shook her head "It's obvious that we want different things, you want a new wife, and now apparently a baby as well "

"It's not what I want" He cut her off.

"Then what do you want?" She crossed her arms across her chest again as she waited intently for his words to come out.

"What I really want is you"

_Boom. Déjà vu._

She looked at him as if he had cursed her, tears quickly filling her eyes, blurring her vision when her face cringed in pain and she stormed out of the room.

_It was happening again. All over again. The memory still oh so fresh in her mind, the memory of her wrapping her arms around Neal's neck when he had said those exact same words. 'What I really want is you'. What a joke._

…

"Where's Killian?" David asked when Emma stepped into the apartment.

"He's not coming"

"Why?" David asked as his eyes met the sad expression on her face "Something happened?"

She couldn't form a word, choking on her own breath, biting back the sobs that threatened to burst.

"Emma what's wrong?" Mary Margaret asked when she left the kitchen in favor of standing next to her husband to be.

Emma just shook her head, her face reddening from strangled emotions, silent tears falling down her cheeks as Mary Margaret leaped to pull her into a hug, drawing soothing circles on her back.

After she calmed down they sat at the kitchen and she told Mary Margaret about the pills. Mary Margaret bled for her, knowing how hard she took it when she found out she was pregnant back in prison, knowing how badly she was affected by the miscarriage, knowing how much Emma felt incapable of taking care of herself let alone a child. She tried to comfort her when the nosy yet endearing David interfered.

"You know you can take the morning after pill" He intervened even though nobody asked for his opinion. The two women turned to listen intently "You take it after you, well you know" He smiled in embarrassment "Anyway, it's suppose to be really effective"

"Well aren't you quite the expert" Mary Margaret gave him a half surprised, half suspicious look "Where would you know?"

"I didn't grow up in a farm you know" He crossed his arms across his chest, pretending to be offended "I actually hear things" He shrugged when Mary Margaret smiled at him warmly.

"It's settled then" Mary Margaret got up "You stay here while David and I will go get you those pills"

"Thanks" Emma blinked heavily when the two left the apartment.

She was left alone in the empty space, just her and her thoughts. Knowing that the pills might put an end to the possibility of a pregnancy, but they wouldn't really fix what happened, cause it wasn't the fact that it happened that truly bothered her, it was _why_ it happened.

She knew why, she recognized that feeling, she experienced it before, and it was ten times worse this time, she knew she was so wrapped up in her love for Killian that she was beginning to lose herself, slowly giving herself to him, piece by piece.

And he kept wanting more and more, not settling for what she had to give, pushing and pressing for her to give him _her all_.

But she couldn't.

Every time she had thought about giving her all she panicked, feeling an ache in her chest, feeling like she couldn't breathe, feeling as if she was drowning.

She just couldn't handle it anymore, she couldn't handle her feelings for him, she couldn't handle her work anymore, she couldn't handle staying in one place, and it was time for her to do what she had always done. Run.

…

"Swan open up" Killian's voice along with a few loud knocks came from the other side of the door.

"Please don't tell him I'm here" Emma pleaded to Mary Margaret.

"I don't feel comfortable lying to him" Mary Margaret said softly, her eyes apologizing "And besides, don't you think it's better for the two of you to talk?"

"I'll handle this" David interfered.

"Thanks" Emma said quietly before she went upstairs.

David waited for Emma to disappear from sight before he walked towards the door.

"Hey mate" Killian said when David opened the door.

"Emma is not here" David replied, trying to look believable as possible.

"Her car is just outside" Killian said, his hand gesturing towards the stairs.

"Yeah" David kept a straight face "She went for a walk"

Killian studied David for a moment, his gut telling him he was lying as he decided to step into the apartment, slightly pushing David aside in the process.

"Swan" He called towards the upstairs room "I know you are up there" He said in conviction, didn't seem to care that David and Mary Margaret were exchanging looks and shooting all kinds of awkward glances his way "You can't shut me out for something that didn't even happen" He waited for a long quiet moment before he sighed and added "Okay. I'm gonna go now, but I expect you to come and talk to me, you know I'll be waiting"

And he was out the door.

…

He couldn't sleep, kept glancing at the clock, the hours not passing by when a heavy feeling settled in his chest. He knew he had pushed too hard, wanting her to confess her feelings for him, asking her to settle down with him and god forbid mentioning the possibility of her having a family with him. He knew it was too much, he had seen it on her face, and he knew he shouldn't have pressed the way that he did but he just couldn't help himself.

That was it. In a few hours he was about to leave for the airport and he didn't get the chance to talk to her one more time.

Every little sound from the hall or the street making him tense in anticipation, in hope that she might have changed her mind, that she might have decided to come and see him.

_Only that she didn't._

The last two hours he couldn't stand lying in bed anymore and he went to sit outside the building, taking in the fresh air straight into his lungs, trying to ease the ache in his chest with the deep breaths.

_Only it didn't help._

He waited until the very last minute in hope that she'd have a change of heart.

_But she didn't._

…

He got out of the cab, his eyes following the plane in the sky, the noise too loud, too disturbing as he reached for his backpack, thinking to himself that he really should find those _god damn earphones_ _already_ when the cab drove away and his eyes landed on Emma.

_Relief. She came to see him before he was leaving._

His face lit up in an instance as he hurried to cross the crosswalk and get over to her "Emma" He called when he was closer, a big smile spread across his face "I'm so glad you decided to come, I would have hated to leave without – " He began to say but was cut short by the grim expression on her face.

_Tense. She didn't come to kiss and make up._

"Killian" She said quietly in an apologetic tone, her eyes avoiding his.

_Pain. She came to say goodbye._

"Don't do this" He shook his head, taking a step closer "Let's talk this out" He reached for her arm only to stumble upon her walls, her gaze cold and distant as she took a step back, leaving him to look at his hand in midair as he closed it into a fist, drawing it back.

"You have a plane to catch"

_Did she do it on purpose? Coming in the last minute knowing they won't have time to talk?_

"I'll call in sick" He said without a thought.

_He never called in sick._

"Please, let's talk about this" He pleaded, the desperation starting to take over his voice to the sight of her walls soaring higher and higher with each second that was passing by, as if they were trying to reach to the throne of god.

"There's nothing to talk about"

"So this is it?" He asked firmly, his blue eyes piercing her green ones "You've already made up your mind and I have absolutely no say in this?"

_Silence._

"Is this your way of getting back at me?" He asked as she gave him a puzzled look "For turning you down to begin with?"

_He was desperate, didn't know what to think anymore._

"What? No" She said in determination.

"Then how come you are doing this?" He demanded an answer, the pain distinct in his voice.

"Killian" She swallowed hard "It's not you it's me"

He let out a bitter chuckle "Please don't tell me you are actually using that line on me" He said, directing his gaze to her, trying to catch her wandering eyes as he took a deep breath to calm himself down before he said softly "Emma love – "

"Look it was too soon" She cut him off.

"What was?"

"This. Us. It was too soon. We practically met two weeks after I got out of a relationship, I didn't even get the chance – "

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" He asked in disbelief, his eyes studying her frantically as he refused to believe his ears.

"What?"

"Are you implying I am your rebound?" He asked in a strangled voice.

"That's not what I said, I simply said that it was bad timing, I was in an emotional turmoil when we met and I barely managed to process the ending of my previous relationship"

"That is the _definition_ of a rebound" He exclaimed in frustration as his hands tightened on the straps of his backpack "You've been waiting to do this all along, haven't you?"

"What?"

"Push me away. You were just looking for a reason, and this. Whatever you think this is, is not a real reason" He exhaled before he continued "I just don't get you, one minute you're saying you love me the next you're going cold on me?"

"You _made_ me say it" She spat, the words slipping from her lips without a thought.

_Did she really just say that?_

The image of her wrapping her arms around his neck, smiling at him as she whispered those three little words, now tainted forever in his mind.

_Her words were like a knife, pressing against his chest, sliding all the way in, splitting his heart without a drop of mercy, leaving him desperately gasping for air as the knife twisted inside his chest in excruciating pain._

He really should have left right there and then, the pain was already too much to bear, but the glimpse of hope, or maybe it was the masochist in him that just had to ask.

"You lied then? You don't love me?" He asked when they locked eyes, his eyes desperate for an answer, trying to find it in hers, the overwhelming pain just too damn distracting as he failed to keep his gaze and it fell to the ground.

_Her wordless silence took the knife out of his chest, leaving him to bleed out on the pavement, until there wasn't a drop of blood left in his body, the light in his eyes fading away, the smile on his lips long gone, only a shadow of his once happy self left to stand alone outside the terminal, his aching blue eyes watching her as she walked away when another plane lowered its wheels, preparing to land._

_Only this time he wasn't able to hear a thing._

* * *

.

.

.

**Please don't kill me, blame it on Rumple, he made me do it :P**

**Happy ONCE day, I hope tonight's episode will make up for the pain I might have caused you…**


	20. Rock bottom

**Chapter 20 – Rock bottom**

_Of course she loved him._

There wasn't a doubt in her mind, soul or body that she loved him.

It killed her to walk away from him the way that she did. Leaving his question unanswered, letting him think that she didn't love him, but she had felt as if she had no other choice.

When she came to see him outside the airport her mind had already been set on leaving Storybrooke, on going out on the road again. She had already quit her job and said her goodbyes to Mary Margaret and David, and the last thing she had to do was say goodbye to Killian, knowing that had he had known just how much she loved him, he would have never let her go.

So she had said nothing, and when he lowered his gaze the tears she held back the entire conversation suddenly had a mind of their own as they began to stream silently down her cheeks, leaving her with no other choice than to turn around and walk away.

It broke her heart, her already damaged no good of a heart, only this time it was her own doing, and she had no one else to blame but herself.

All along, during all the time that she and Killian had spent together, she felt unworthy of neither him nor his love.

The years she had spent as an orphan in the foster care system really took their toll on her, burning her self esteem to the ground, and Neal's slap in the face was just the last nail in that coffin, leaving her to believe that she was anything but love worthy.

So when Killian came along, besides the fear that history might repeat itself, besides the fear of being hurt and abundant by him, she just couldn't believe that he was genuinely interested in her, that he really cared about her, that he _truly loved her_.

Right from the start Killian basically didn't stand a chance, it was as if he were fighting a lost battle as she had already been too damaged and scarred to accept his love and let him in.

And it wasn't because of something that he had or hadn't done. It was her, all her and the fact that she had spent eighteen fucking years without anybody making her feel that she was worth enough to be loved.

When she was a six months old baby that began teething no one soothed her or calmed her down, so she just cried out the pain to the point of exhaustion, one of her first lessons that she just wasn't important enough for someone to care.

And when she was a one year old who just learned her first words and walked her first steps no one smiled at her, cheered or clapped in enthusiasm. She never had someone to caress and lullaby her to sleep let alone to take her to 'mommy and me' classes. When she was six and learned how to read and write no one patted her on the shoulder, saying 'way to go Emma'. At that age her eyes were already full of insecurities as she had been proven time and time again that she was just not worth anybody's time. She had no one that could come to her first dance recital, her first play at school, her first debate. When she was picked on at school she had no shoulder to cry on or hands to embrace her. She was just tossed around from home to home, never staying more than six months in one place, never really having a bed let alone a room of her own.

She wasn't used to someone putting her first, so when Killian kept saying that he loved her, when he whispered it in her ear over and over again, she didn't believe him, she couldn't believe him, she was_ afraid to believe him_, she just kept waiting for someone to bring down the curtain, saying the show was over.

…

Almost five months had passed since he had last seen her.

A few days after she had left him aching outside the airport, he found out that she had left Storybrooke and he had been searching for her ever since. Running her social security number and her plate number through national databases for the tiniest piece of information that might rise to the surface, calling Mary Margaret on a weekly basis, hoping that maybe she had heard something from Emma, and even calling Ruby, knowing they were good friends back in prison.

But nothing.

For almost five months he had found nothing. Until one day he found something, a tiny trail that just might lead him to Emma.

He stormed out of his office, hurrying down the station's halls, happy to find William Smee, the officer on duty at the front desk.

Smee was an old friend from high school, same friend who had told him about the job opening at the department when he quit his job at the prison.

Killian patted on the desk, getting Smee's attention before he said "Please tell the chief I'll be gone for a couple of days"

"Hey what's going on? Did you find anything?" Smee asked in curiosity.

"I did" Killian replied excited "She got a parking ticket three days ago in Tallahassee, I'm gonna go down there, so can you...?" His voice trailed off when he headed to the door.

"Sure, no problem" Smee nodded.

"Great thanks" Killian said in haste, one hand on the handle, the other sending a wave at Smee.

"Good luck" He called at Killian who was already out the door of the station.

...

He took a flight to Tallahassee, which was the fastest way getting over there, not wanting to waste any time, not wanting to miss out on the opportunity of seeing her again. He drove around the blocks in his rental, surrounding the address of where she got the ticket, again and again, until he spotted the yellow bug outside a local coffee shop.

His heart skipped a beat to the possibility of seeing her again and he took a deep breath right before he walked into that coffee shop, noticing her long golden hair the moment he stepped through that door.

She was leaning against the counter as she waited for her order, her sleeves rolled up, so a quick glance at her bare wrists could have easily let him know that she wasn't wearing his bracelet anymore.

"Large latte coming up" The worker sing-sang as he handed Emma the large cup to go.

"Latte?" He asked and she jumped when his voice suddenly came from behind, having no doubt to whom it belonged as she was able to recognize his husky yet soft voice anywhere, the voice that used to whisper love and praise in her ear, the voice that in the most beautiful of mornings was the first sound she had heard, the voice that knew how to sooth her with just a word "What happened to cocoa with cinnamon?" He smiled softly as she turned around to face him, her big green eyes widening in shock to the sight of him.

_What was he doing there?_

"Killian" She murmured before she cleared her throat and said "It's not mine" She shook her head, a small smile quickly being replaced by a grimace as she shifted nervously, glancing back over her shoulder a couple of times, as if she were waiting for someone.

"What happened?" He asked in concern when he noticed the cut she had on her cheek, his thumb hovering over it.

She tensed at the sight of his hand getting so close to her face, the ghosting thumb driving her insane as she fought the urge to flutter her eyes shut and fall directly into his touch, directly into his arms.

_God she missed him so much that every bone in her body screamed out his name._

"Nothing" She said as a sad smile lifted her lips, letting him know that she was lying "What are you doing here?" She asked and before he had a chance to respond a tall brown haired, blue eyed man popped by her side.

"Thanks babe" The man said as he took the latte out of her hand, leaning his other arm on her shoulder as he took a sip.

_Babe? What the hell?_

Both Killian and Emma tensed, each of his own reasons.

Killian studied the possessive way the man leaned his arm on Emma's shoulder, as if she were his property. Needless to say that Killian didn't like the gesture or the man one bit.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce us?" The man asked as he grinned, eyeing Killian as he took another sip of his drink.

"Right" Emma said nervously, forcing a smile as she gestured with her hand towards Killian "Jefferson, Killian Jones. Killian, Jefferson Hatter" She introduced in a perfunctory manner, and she looked as if her pants were on fire, feeling that she just couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Jefferson passed the cup to his other hand so he could take Killian's hand into a shake as Killian gave him a nod and faked a smile.

"So what is it that you do Jones?" Jefferson asked Killian, who despite the awkward situation managed to maintain his coolness.

"I'm a social worker at the Boston PD, you?"

"I own a hat factory" Jefferson replied shortly "Boston ha? So what brings you here?"

Killian noticed that Emma tensed at the question, not that she wasn't tense before, but something about that question made her tense even more as her jaw clenched and her eyes that kept avoiding his gaze suddenly locked on his in anticipation, or maybe it was anxiety, for his words to come out.

…

Of course she was tense. Countless of thoughts ran through her mind.

_What was he doing there? Was it a coincidence that their paths crossed again or maybe he had come looking for her? How did he even know where to find her? And why would he even want to?_

She wasn't sure what answer she was wishing to hear.

A part of her hoped that he did come looking for her, that he had missed her as much as she had missed him. The other part wished that he didn't, that it was just a coincidence. After all she ran for a reason, she wanted to escape from her life, from him, from herself. So yes, a part of her did wish he would just go away without stirring unnecessary drama.

"I came to see an old friend" Killian replied simply, his gaze not leaving hers, watching as her sad eyes softened and whispered gratitude before she averted her gaze to Jefferson.

"Come on let's go" She said as she patted with her hand on Jefferson's chest, urging him to leave.

"See you around Jones" Jefferson said, grinning to himself, as if some kind of a realization was dawning on him.

Emma and Jefferson turned to leave, his arm still leaning on her shoulder as they left Killian to watch them as they headed for the door.

_She wasn't going to look back. She really really wasn't going to look back._

She looked back.

Just when they reached the door she couldn't fight the urge anymore as she turned her head to glance at him over her shoulder, meeting those piercing blue eyes for even the briefest of moments bringing tears to her eyes.

_Fuck. She missed him._

…

"Killian" Her eyes widened in surprise when she opened the door of the apartment "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?" He asked as he stepped with determination into the apartment, not waiting for her response.

"How did you know where…?" Her voice trailed off when she looked in confusion at the hall, then at him and back at the hall when she reluctantly closed the door behind them.

"How did I know where to find you?" He completed the question for her.

"Yeah"

"Well there is only one hat factory in this damned city, so locating your boyfriend's address wasn't too difficult of a task" He said plainly, but the bitterness at the word boyfriend was distinct in his tone of voice.

"He's not my boyfriend" She stated, a nervous small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Denying as usual" He murmured as he fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"I'm sorry?" She raised her brow, even though she had heard him perfectly fine.

"What are you doing with this piece of shit anyway?" He exclaimed, directing his gaze to her as she was taken aback by his choice of words "He doesn't deserve you"

"You don't know him" She shot back.

"I know that he hurt you" He said, his voice thick with emotion as he gestured with his hand towards her cheek.

"It wasn't like that" She dismissed, huffing a breath through her nose as she crossed her arms across her chest, her body getting into defense mode "It was an accident"

The memory of Jefferson's ring nicking her cheek when he slapped her across the face with the back of his hand was still fresh in her mind.

"What a lovely tale" He said, a hint of sarcasm in his tone of voice as he looked at her for a long moment, his eyes letting her know that he wasn't buying it for a second.

"Well I hit him first" She finally admitted "So it's not like I didn't provoke him, and he did say he was sorry"

"Don't see your point there" He said unconvinced as he shook his head "Look Swan, I've seen enough cases of abuse, you don't want – "

"So now I'm one of your cases again?" She asked annoyed, raising her brow "Should I remind you that you're not my officer anymore?"

"You're right, I'm not" He said as his tone began to soften "But I am someone who cares about you"

_Cares. Love was just too painful of a word._

He looked at her for a long moment, her gaze avoiding his as it wandered around the room.

His first intention had been coming there and confronting her for leaving him, for hurting him, for being a coward and running away from him, but when he saw the life she had chosen for herself all he wanted to do was talk some sense into her. It wasn't about him anymore, it wasn't about them either, it was about _her_.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He asked, his eyes revealing true concern "What is it that makes you feel so _worthless_?"

She directed her gaze to him, the word getting her attention as it hit too close to home "I don't know what you're talking about"

"Would you stop with the denial already?" He asked in frustration.

"You stop!" She exclaimed as her eyes flamed with anger "Stop psychoanalyzing me, you don't know me – "

"I know you better than you know yourself" He cut her off decisively as they locked eyes.

_Silence._

"You need to go" She finally said, her voice changing its tone as she suddenly sounded sad and insecure "Jefferson is about to come any minute now"

"I don't care"

"Well I do" She said firmly.

"Fine, if that's what you want then I'll go, but not before you tell me what happened to the bracelet I gave you" He suddenly gestured with his head to her hand, his question taking her by surprise as she lingered for a moment, looking at him, her eyes penetrating his, before she walked past him, his gaze following her as she grabbed her bag from the couch and took out the purple velvet box, walking back to hand it to him.

_So that was the reason he came? To take back his bracelet?_

Her mind drifted to the day he had given it to her, it had been on her eighteen birthday, and she remembered looking at the six delicate gold plated letter charms that formed the word savior, the word that couldn't be further than what she had felt back then and surprisingly even more so at that very moment.

_Apparently she has just reached a new low._

She looked at him as he took the bracelet out of the box and reached for her hand without saying a word.

Before he got the chance to take her hand she drew it back as if she had been burned, moving it behind her back to anchor at her elbow "You should keep it, or pawn it or whatever, it's yours" She said quietly.

"That is your mistake right there. It's yours, not mine"

"Well I don't want it" She said without a thought "And I could have mailed it to you or something" She looked into his eyes, noticing that her words were hurting him as he blinked heavily.

_Fuck. Not again. She couldn't do it anymore, she just couldn't hurt him again, couldn't watch the pain in his eyes, he didn't deserve that._

"I'm no savior" She blurted out, a sour smile twitching her lips, knowing that her confession was putting her in a vulnerable position, but it was better than the alternative which was hurting him with her lies "More like a failure" She chuckled at herself in self-contempt.

"I already told you, the only who can save you is you" He said softly, reaching for her hand again "And one day you will" He said as he took her hand in his, the touch sending shivers down her spine, reminding her just how much she had been missing him, making her feel the pain she had been trying so hard to numb, the pain of longing that took residence in her heart, that refused to vanish, refused to go away as it was sharp, vivid and raw than ever. He averted his gaze from the bracelet to her, their eyes locking for a brief moment, his mesmerizing blue eyes soft and loving, full of belief in her "That's much better" He said when he finished putting it on and smiled at her.

She returned a small sad smile, feeling the tears sting at the back of her eyes. She wanted to ask him to wait, ask him to stay, but the lump in her throat prevented her from saying a word, knowing that if she would to open her mouth she would break down and cry, so when he turned to leave and his hand reached for the doorknob, she said nothing.

"Remember, even the best fall down sometimes" Were his last words when he looked at her over his shoulder before he stepped out, closing the door behind him, leaving her with the words stuck in her throat, unable to let them out, unable to plead him to stay, unable to even say as much as a thank you.

She looked at the closed door before she closed her eyes, tears falling down her cheeks as she took the deepest breath she had ever taken in her entire life, wanting to inhale every bit of his scent that lingered in the room.

…

"Who were you talking to?" Jefferson startled her as his voice suddenly filled the room.

He had this weird habit (one in many) in which he occasionally got up the fire escape and entered the apartment through the window.

"No one" She tried to wipe the guilt along with her tears off her face before she turned to face him.

"Come here" He beckoned her to come closer, sticking his head out the window as she walked over to him, closing the distance between them "Jones isn't it?" He asked, turning to face her when his hand reached to bury in her hair, slowly closing it into a fist as he pulled her to look out the window.

"You're hurting me" She cried.

"Sorry babe" He released his grip, his hand caressing the back of her head with intention to sooth at where he had hurt her a moment earlier "What was he doing here?" He asked in suspicion as they both turned their gaze from Killian, who was crossing the street, back to each other.

"Nothing" She said innocently and shrugged.

"So what you're saying is that he came here to do nothing?" He asked in sarcasm, his tone of voice indicating that he was irritated with her attempt to brush him off as he raised his brow and directed his gaze to hers.

He started walking slowly, each step of his forcing her to take a step back until she stumbled on the bed behind her. He crawled on top of her, leaving her no choice but to lay back, his hand moving to stroke her throat as his eyes locked with hers and he said firmly "I think he came here so you can _screw_ him in my apartment"

"What? No!" She said decisively as she shook her head "I didn't _screw_ him, nor do I want to"

"You mean _not yet_" He said, drawing his bottom lip in between his teeth as a wicked grin spread across his face.

"Okay this is insane, you don't know what you're talking about" She protested nervously and Jefferson who was particularly sensitive to the mad innuendo tightened his fingers around her throat as he slowly compressed her windpipe and caused the intake of air to be nearly impossible.

"You're lying, I'm just not sure whether you're lying to me about screwing him or you're lying to yourself about wanting to, so which one is it?" He narrowed his eyes at her.

"I can't breathe" She barely managed to let the words out of her mouth, her face turning red from exertion as she placed both of her hands on his right one, her delicate fingers trying and failing to release his grip on her.

"I guess I'll have to see for myself" He said before he slid his other hand down her pants as she writhe underneath him, still struggling to breathe "Lying to yourself then" He said with a sneer as he released her and pushed himself off the bed.

She didn't waste any time, not even waiting a fraction of a second to catch her breath before she got up and slapped him hard across the face "You piece of shit" She shouted angrily, her voice coming out breathy and croaky from the struggle as Killian's words poured out of her mouth "You don't deserve me"

Jefferson looked at her, seemingly unbothered with the fact that her hand left a red mark on his cheek as he laughed "Yeah, you keep telling yourself that"

"What's that suppose to mean?" She asked, her eyes piercing his with anger.

"You don't need me telling you" He said when he began walking towards the kitchen, her hand reaching for her throat, trying to sooth the burning skin as he continued "You know exactly who you are and where you came from, no bracelet is ever going to change that"

Her eyes widened in shock when her hand stilled on her throat.

_That sharp bastard. Nothing got past him._

She had two choices, stay or leave.

Two options, believe Jefferson (and herself for that matter) or believe Killian and in his faith in her.

_Second option it was._

She reached for her bag as she began to pack up her stuff. She only lived there for six weeks and didn't have a lot of things in his apartment, some clothes, a pair of spare boots, hairbrush, toothbrush, a book and her favorite handless glass. Being homeless for so long she got used to pack light and leave most of her stuff in her car.

"No make up sex then?" He joked as he watched her bustling around the apartment gathering her stuff.

She rolled her eyes inwardly.

For the mad man that he was the sex with him was rather dull. It was obvious that he knew the techniques, but something was severely missing, and even in those make up sex sessions, which were the best of them all, she still preferred to close her eyes and imagine it was Killian who was moving inside of her, who was touching her body and making her come.

The one thing she absolutely couldn't bring herself to imagine was his lips. Jefferson was a good kisser, but not as nearly as good as Killian, no one could have competed with Killian's intoxicating mouth, with the way his lips fitted perfectly to hers, with his tongue that knew exactly how to dance around inside her mouth, every movement making her feel so high, making her feel like she was flying, making her feel _loved_.

She ignored Jefferson completely as she finished gathering her stuff and headed for the door.

"Babe" He blocked the door, as he leaned his back against it "Don't go" He said in a soft voice as she glared at him, giving him a pointed stare "I'm sorry"

"You keep saying that" She said, her tone harsh and unforgiving as she put down her stuff and crossed her arms across her chest.

"You know I didn't mean it, I was having a jealous fit, just look at you, can you blame me?" He smiled at her, his blue eyes trying to soften her as his hand pushed her hair back over her shoulder "Come on" He reached his hand to her waist, hauling her body to his, his lips hovering over hers, watching as her eyes softened a bit. He caressed her throat with his hand, the same hand that chocked her just moments before "I'm sorry" He whispered, grazing her lips with his "Come on, let's just fuck and make up"

Her eyes immediately hardened back as she pushed him away "You really are an ass, you know that?" She said as she picked up her stuff.

"What?" He chuckled in confusion as he shrugged "What did I say?"

She just rolled her eyes at him before she slammed the door behind her.

…

Jefferson got up from his place on the couch to the sound of a knock on the door "She's not here" He said as he walked back into his apartment, leaving Killian to stand in front of the opened door.

"Do you know where can I find her?" Killian asked as Jefferson lay back on the couch, leaning his legs on the coffee table, crossing them at the ankles.

"I assumed she was with you" Jefferson stated but Killian who was confused couldn't tell if Jefferson was being serious since he was sitting with his back to him "Didn't she went running straight to you when she left yesterday?" Jefferson asked, this time looking over his shoulder to study Killian's reaction.

Killian didn't reply, he just stood there at the doorway, his eyes wide in surprise and confusion and his mouth slightly open as if he were searching for the words to say.

"I'll take it as a no" Jefferson said when he turned his head back "I always said she was one weird chick" He picked up the remote and turned on the TV "See yourself out, will you Jones?"

The mention of his name made Killian snap out of his haze mode as he turned to leave, closing the door behind him when he did.

_Was he supposed to be glad or disappointed? _

He wasn't sure.

A part of him was really glad and relieved that she had left that scum, the other part was disappointed that she hadn't come looking for him, then again he still didn't know if she had been missing him as much as he had been missing her, if she even wanted to be with him, if she still loved him, or more accurately if she had ever loved him.

_Will he ever know?_


	21. 3 years, 8 months, 4 days

**A/N: **So we have a bit of a time jump here, hope you'd enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 21 – 3 years, 8 months, 4 days**

It was on Killian's twenty eighth birthday when the strangest thing happened.

He was just about to leave work as he stepped out of his office and walked down the station's halls, and he could have sworn that he had felt a gentle breeze caressing his face.

In all the four years he had been working at the Boston police department he had never felt anything like it, a strong feeling in the pit of his stomach telling him that_ his life was about to change_.

His hand reached into the pocket of his leather jacket, fingering the velvet ring box, thinking that the strange feeling must had something to do with his evening plans.

But then he stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes fell on her and everything became a blur.

_Emma._

He hadn't dared say her name for years, not even in his own mind.

He felt as though all the air had been sucked out of his lungs. She was absolutely breathtaking, even more beautiful than he had remembered.

_He really didn't want to remember. _

She was leaning against the front desk wearing a smoking hot tight pink dress that was just asking to be ripped off, the heels making her gorgeous legs look even longer, and her long luxuriant golden hair falling in waves around her shoulders.

_Bloody hell. What was she doing there? Why now? Why ever?_

He had looked for her for almost two years, eventually coming to terms with the fact that she just didn't want to be found.

_Didn't want to be found by him._

And against his heart's desire he decided to do his best and try to forget about her.

It had been almost impossible as his heart had been relentless, filling his mind with thoughts about her, about her beautiful smile, her sparkling green eyes, her rolling laughter.

_He had missed her so much, and it ached, every second like pure torture._

He had spent many nights lying awake wishing that she'd come back to him.

_But she never did. At least not until that moment._

He walked the last steps as he approached the front desk, where Emma had been chatting with the lady officer on the shift. They were talking about the guy who tried to skip bail that Emma had just brought in, and the officer laughed when Emma referred to her dress as a way to lure any scumbag out of his hiding place.

"Of all the stations in the world you had to walk into mine?" He joked when the twenty two year old Emma turned to face him, a big beautiful smile revealing her perfect white teeth.

_Ah, that smile..._

He hadn't seen her smile for years, at least nowhere other than in his dreams.

_The years had definitely done her some good. She seemed different, more mature, strong and confident. _

…

_Fuck. She felt so nervous and insecure. As if she hadn't changed one bit and she was the same seventeen year old that he had met almost five years ago._

She took a moment to appreciate his looks.

_And damn he looked good._

He was wearing a button up dress shirt in navy blue with a contrast inner collar and placket that made her hands itch with the need to unbutton it and reveal more of his chest hair. The shirt was tucked into a pair of dark skinny jeans, and even though she couldn't see she just knew that they were hugging his ass perfectly. His dark thick hair was combed as usual to one side and the lapels of his leather jacket were just begging for her to grab them and pull his body to hers.

_God she missed him so much._

Over the years, the thought of picking up the phone and call him had crossed her mind countless of times, same as the thought of showing up at his door, but she had always been quick to dismiss the idea, always excusing, saying to herself that it was bad timing, that she needed more time to get a hold on her life, to be financially independent, to prove to him and herself that she was capable of being his equal.

And in those extremely tough days, when she had been on the verge of falling apart, she wouldn't deny that she had thought of running to him, asking of him to take her under his wing, and even though she had known that he would have done it in a heartbeat, she couldn't bring herself to take that leap, knowing deep down that she had had to make it on her own.

In her mind it had been the only way to really empower herself, to take control of her life, to become strong and independent.

And she had. She had finally found something that she was good at doing and actually paid her rent. She had finally had a home, well sort of, if she considered a one bedroom apartment in Boston a home.

For her, being able to pay for a one bedroom had been beyond her wildest dreams. There were days when she had settled for living anywhere that hadn't been her car. And when she had finally done it, when she had finally been able to meet the income requirements and get her own place she couldn't have been more proud of herself. But unfortunately the feeling hadn't lasted long as soon after she realized that the four walls were just not enough, they didn't feel as what she had expected a home to feel like, she felt that something had been severely missing.

_Him. _

So there she was, staring into his mesmerizing blue eyes, blinking a few times as she was sure they have gotten even bluer over the years.

_Were they really always that blue?_

She felt her heart pounding so hard in her chest that she was sure everyone around her was able to hear "Long time" She managed to let out of her mouth as she smiled nervously.

"Yeah" He replied as he smiled back "How long has it been? Three and a half years?"

_Three years, eight months and four days._

She knew exactly how long but she just nodded and murmured 'yeah' as her eyes wandered around the station before they fixed on him again "Killian, can we – " She was just about to ask when two uniformed officers suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"When are we leaving birthday boy?" One of them, a tall dark blue eyed man, asked teasingly.

"Why don't I just meet you guys there?" Killian replied shortly.

"We wouldn't want you to wait for miss late-is-my-middle-name alone on your birthday"

"You're just slandering cause she didn't give you the time of day" Killian shot back and Emma raised her brow in wonder as it was obvious that there was some rivalry going on there.

"You just beat me to the punch, right Smee?" The blue eyed officer turned to the officer beside him.

"Right" Smee nodded.

"Smee" Killian scolded in disappointment.

"Sorry captain"

"Captain?" Emma asked intrigued, a playful smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Long story" Killian replied, shaking his head.

"Actually not that long" The handsome blue eyed officer cut in "Birthday boy here was the captain of the debate team in high school"

"Debate team ha?" She quirked an eyebrow "Why I am not surprised?" She gave Killian a playful smile and Killian scratched behind his ear as he averted his gaze and suppressed a smile.

"So what do we have here?" The officer said, approaching Emma as his eyes skimmed over her body shamelessly "Is she your birthday present?" He asked Killian "When was it that Belle got so liberated?"

"_She_" Emma cut in "Has a mouth"

_And who the fuck was Belle?_

"I like you already" The officer smirked as Killian fought the urge to roll his eyes "And what would be _she's_ name?"

"Emma Swan" She reached her hand for a shake, seemingly unaffected by the heavy flirting.

"You're Emma Emma?" Smee asked in surprise and Killian shot him a glare, grateful that nobody seemed to notice.

"I'm August" The blue eyed officer said slowly as he took Emma's hand into a shake "August W Booth"

"Really? With the middle initial?" She laughed as a petite brunette suddenly stepped through the station door.

"Hey, sorry I'm late" The accented brunette said in an apologetic tone, the sharp clicking sound of her six inch heels filling the space as she made a beeline for Killian, a huge smile spread across her face "Happy birthday" She said as she wrapped one arm around his neck, pulling him down to her lips. He turned his head so her kiss landed on his cheek, and she smiled and rubbed her lipstick off his cheek as he smiled in slight embarrassment, his eyes flickering everywhere, eventually landing on Emma who averted her gaze from the happy couple.

_Oh dear god. What was she thinking coming there? Did she really think he would sit and wait for her all those years?_

She just couldn't get out of there fast enough. She turned to the lady officer behind the desk and asked "Are we all done here?" She looked at the officer who handed her some papers.

"Yeah" The officer replied "I just need you to sign these"

"Great thanks" Emma replied as she hurried to sign the papers.

"Marian, aren't you joining us?" August asked the lady officer who was behind the desk.

"Not tonight, I gotta get back to my boy" Marian replied as she waited for Emma to finish signing the papers.

"And how about you Emma?" August asked as Emma's hand stilled on the pen.

_Fuck. She needed to find an excuse. Fast._

"I eh – " Emma began saying before she turned around "I had a really long day"

"That's okay, we're just having a drink to celebrate this idiot's birthday and then these two love birds are taking flight anyway" August replied before he turned to the brunette "Belle, what is it exactly that you've got planned for our boy here?"

"Actually Killian planned the evening" Belle said on a smile as Emma caught a glimpse of her features for the first time.

_Damn she was a beauty. And with Killian by her side they looked as if they were a power couple that had just descended on the red carpet. And they even had matching striking blue eyes. Jesus. They'd probably make the cutest blue eyed babies to ever live the planet._

She felt her stomach turning upside down and her strength ebbing away as if she were going to swoon.

She leaned back against the desk in a desperate attempt to support her feet that threatened to betray her body as she forced a smile towards the group of people that kept on talking, getting immersed in her own thoughts she barely listened until something had caught her attention and her ears pricked up.

"I wanted to give you something as special as the bracelet you gave me" Belle said as she smiled lovingly at Killian.

_Bracelet? What the hell?_

Unable to hide her interest Emma's eyes were immediately drawn towards Belle's wrist.

_A bracelet was bad enough. What was it? Like his thing or something? But if he had given Belle the exact same bracelet as hers then she was sure to die on the spot._

Luckily it was a different bracelet, no less beautiful, but not as special.

"I'll give you your present at home" Belle said playfully as Emma fought the urge to roll her eyes.

_Oh dear god here we go again. It was bad enough to come to knowledge that he was in a relationship, now she also knew that they had been living together, and to top all of that she couldn't take the image of Belle's sexy lingerie out of her head._

Little did she know that belle wasn't that type of girl, and that it wasn't the present that she had prepared for him, but it didn't stop Emma's mind from running wild with tormenting thoughts of them having sex, again and again and again, all over the apartment.

_Fuck. Even in the bed that she and Killian had had sex._

_But then again, what was she thinking? That he hadn't had sex for more than four years? Stupid her._

She was losing it, feeling completely done with the whole weird painful situation as she couldn't wait to flee for her life while she still had some dignity left.

"Are we going to leave this place or what?" August suddenly asked and the group began to move towards the door "Coming Emma?"

Emma opened her mouth to decline as Smee cut in "Yeah you really should come" He said, gaining another glare from Killian.

"Yes please come with us, the more the merrier, and it is just around the corner" Belle said in a friendly manner as she smiled at Emma.

…

_Great. Now they were all against him. _

All eyes were on Killian waiting for him to convince his friend to join them, his hand reached to rub his chin before he said "Well it is my birthday so you can't really say no"

They locked eyes for a moment as Emma studied the sincerity of his invitation, unable to tell, she finally relented as she made her way to the door as well.

_Fuck. How on earth he was going to survive that?_

Being in her presence for the past half an hour had been torture enough as he barely managed to hold himself back from leering at her, and now watching her walk in that dress he wished that someone would just pluck his eyes out.

When they arrived at the bar he thanked god that the torture of watching the way her hips had swayed from side to side with each step that she had taken was finally over.

They joined a table of a few fellow officers that had already been there, and to his misfortune, faith intervened and he got to sit across from Emma, who sat next to no other than his precious Belle.

_God what was wrong with him? _

He had this beautiful amazing girlfriend for over ten months now, and he had planned to propose that evening over dinner, telling her that her _yes_ would be the best present that she could ever give him for his birthday, but now he couldn't get a certain blonde out of his head, and the fact that that blonde was sitting in front of him didn't help as he had to conduct a brutal battle against his eyes that couldn't help but to be drawn to her.

A glance to her lips when she had talked or smiled filled his head with thoughts of bruising them with his, kissing them again and again, invading her mouth with his tongue, tasting the martini she had ordered on his tongue, letting go of her mouth for just a second so he could hear her pant and beg for more.

The adorable freckles on her cheeks made him want to run his thumb over them, and the exposed skin of her neck and shoulder screamed for his mouth to devour it, picturing his hand slowly sliding the strap of her dress off her shoulder.

The dress neckline revealed just enough of her cleavage for him to imagine her soft breasts pressed against his chest, how his eyes would lock with her sparkling green ones and he would slowly slip inside of her, watching her eyes fluttering shut and her mouth opening to moan out his name.

_Bloody hell. He really needed to get a grip on himself._

_What he needed was to get out of there. Fast._

...

For her, sitting across from him hadn't been that bad. It had actually felt kind of nice being close to him again, to be able to see him smile when the entire table, she included, held their glasses before they drank in his honor.

But afterwards he suddenly excused himself from the table and she just hoped that it wasn't because of something she had said or done.

Belle picked up a conversation with her, so the two women found themselves delving into a long chat.

_Damn she liked her. Why did she have to be so nice?_

Belle took a real interest in Emma's life as a bail bonds person, so Emma opened up a little and told her about it. She then told Emma about her job at the city library and about the animal shelter she had been volunteering at over the weekends, which caused Emma to blink heavily, thinking that Killian really deserved someone as kindhearted as her.

"Ready to go love?" His soft husky voice suddenly came from behind as both women turned around.

_No way. Did she just turn around?_

Her eyes met his for a brief moment before her head whipped back as she stared at her glass, then closed her eyes, cursing herself inwardly, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her whole.

_What was she thinking? She wasn't his love. Not anymore anyway._

Belle got up, nestling herself under his arm as the couple were ready to part from everyone, who wished goodnight, happy birthday and more of the sort.

"Goodnight Emma" Belle said kindly and she had no other choice than to turn around again, her heart sinking in her chest even more to the sight of Belle's head resting against Killian's chest "It was nice meeting you"

"You too" Emma said, her voice coming out too small for her liking, making her clear her throat before she added "Goodnight"

"Goodnight" Killian said softly as they locked eyes for a brief moment before he and Belle turned to leave and Emma turned back to her drink, gulping down the rest of it in one go as she licked her lips.

_Fuck. It tasted lonely as hell._

She got up and ran her hands over her dress, smoothing invisible wrinkles and pulling down the hem of her skirt, she then ran her fingers through her hair, fluffing it before she picked up the toothpick out of her glass and popped the olive into her mouth, ready to call it a night thinking that she had really messed this one up.

_But it wasn't over. Not just yet._

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As always thank you all so much for reading / following / favoriting and of course reviewing!

**I wish you all a Happy New Year!**

See you in 2015 ;)


	22. The thin line between love and hate

**Chapter 22 – The thin line between love and hate**

_God he hated her._

_She had ruined him and his evening._

Unable to get her off his mind for even the briefest of moments since he had laid eyes on her, he spent the entire evening brooding, which caused Belle to ask him at least five times over dinner if he was okay, and he lied, every single time.

He and Belle had an open, honest relationship, a relationship that was built on mutual respect and trust, he had never lied to her before, and he hated himself for going down that road.

Belle didn't know Emma was an old flame of his, she assumed Emma was an old friend, nothing more, so he didn't set her straight, and she didn't pry.

He was well aware that Belle had noticed that something was bothering him, telling him that he looked _'as if he had seen a ghost'_.

He agonized over the fact that he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth, couldn't share with her what was really on his mind, the way they had always used to do.

He felt horrible not being able to concentrate on her, not being able to enjoy his evening with her and give her the attention she deserved.

And it was all because of _her_.

_God he hated her._

When he got out of the shower and slipped under the covers he hoped that Belle would already be asleep, but she wasn't. She turned around to face him, a soft smile lifting her lips as her gentle hand reached to caress his cheek. He gazed into the calm blue sky of her eyes, but his mind kept playing tricks on him as all he could see was a wild green sea reflecting back at him.

And when Belle's lips touched his, he found himself fluttering his eyes shut as other pair of lips haunted his thoughts.

But it was Belle's body pressed against his what sent him back to that week from hell, a little bit over a year after Emma had disappeared on him for the second time.

That week when he had completely lost it, when he had suddenly broke down, when he had lost all hope to ever see her again, when he had missed her so much that he feared his soul might leave his body in search for hers, in hope to reunite with hers somehow, when all he had been able to think of was her smile, her eyes, her lips against his, their intertwined fingers when they had made love.

His body needed hers, his eyes longed to see her, his heart beat her name. He had felt that the longings were making him lose his mind, and something inside of him had snapped as he found himself doing the unthinkable, using random girls in a desperate attempt to numb his pain. Not that the girls had minded, but he had, it was such an out of character thing for him to do and he was anything but proud of it. Every night that week he had visited a different bar, picked up a different long-haired blonde, jumped at the first opportunity given, and found creative ways to make her turn around so he wouldn't have to see her face when he fucked her, wouldn't have to see that she hadn't been the blonde that his whole being had been aching for.

Lord knows he hated himself for doing that and he hated _her_ for having such a devastating effect on him.

He didn't want to do to Belle what he had done to those girls, he didn't want to make love to her pretending she was somebody else, so he pulled her into his embrace as he whispered in her ear 'let's just go to sleep love'.

And so they did.

…

Stepping into his office as he got back from lunch he realized that the velvet ring box was still inside the pocket of his jacket. He took it out and threw it into the drawer in utter frustration as more emotions surged his body, and he wasn't sure which one to focus on first, eventually he plumped into the chair, burying his head in his hands as self-reproach took over him.

He hated himself for letting Emma divert him from his course, hated that she had such an impact on him that he couldn't bring himself to propose the way he had planned.

And once again his dream of a family had been crushed.

A family. He wanted one since he had lost his parents at the age of fifteen, and that desire only grew when his brother left the states and he was left completely alone.

Meeting Milah a few years later had awarded him front-row tickets to the premiere screening of his dream demolition, starring his heart that had been tragically killed halfway through the movie.

Then Emma had been the one to slam that door in his face when she had made it perfectly clear that it hadn't been something she wished to have.

_Not with him? Not ever? He really didn't know. Not that it mattered anymore._

And now, he was so close to his dream he could almost reach out and touch it.

He loved Belle, he cared about her. True, it hadn't been love at first sight, and he had never been _madly in love_ with her, but she was good to him as he to her. She was sane and collected, much like him. They barely had ups and downs during the ten months they had spent together, they never fought, which was a bit weird but he reckoned that would be a good thing once they'd have kids.

He smacked the drawer shut, thinking that he could wait two more months to propose on their one year anniversary, thinking that by then the Emma storm would probably die down.

_She never had the tendency to stay too long at one place anyway._

"You seem preoccupied"

_A soft thunder letting him know that the sky just split open and he was going to get soaked to the bone._

He raised his gaze to find Emma standing at his doorway with a medium sized decorative cardboard box in her hands.

"I won't bother you, I just wanted to give you this" She gestured with the box.

They locked eyes, their mouths wordless, their bodies motionless, the air in the room getting thicker by the second until one could probably cut it with a knife.

_Why did she come?_

…

She could feel herself burning under his intense gaze. At that moment he didn't seem like the laid-back and lively person she had used to know, he seemed tense, suspicious and guarded.

"Well what is it?" He finally asked, breaking the breathtaking silence.

_Thank god. She could breathe again._

She smiled nervously, her movements hesitant and unsure as she closed the door and approached his desk.

He got up and walked around his chair, leaning his hands on top of the backrest, basically using the chair like a shield as he wanted to put as much distance between them as he possibly could.

"It's for your birthday" She said when she set the box down on his desk "I was going to give it to you yesterday, but you can say that the evening took an unexpected turn…" She raised a brow and smiled, trying to look amused with the whole painful situation until they locked eyes again and the nervousness returned to her flickering eyes as she swallowed hard "So…I'm gonna go now" She said as she rubbed her hands on the denim fabric of her tights in a nervous gesture before she turned to leave.

He pushed himself off the chair and hurried to open the door for her.

_Always the gentleman._

Halfway through, wanting to get past her and get to the door he took a step to the left as she took one to the right, almost bumping heads they smiled awkwardly at each other. He then took a step to the other side and she mirrored his movement, his whole body tensing when he realized she was doing it on purpose, doing it with intention to block his way.

…

"What are you doing?" He tensed even more when her hands reached to cup his neck, his hands reaching for her wrists.

"I missed you" She whispered in some sort of a plea, her words cutting him deep down to the very soul.

_She was the one who left, she was the one to put him through the hell of longing. She missed him? That lass got some nerve._

"Don't" He whispered, slightly shaking his head as he gazed at the floor for a long moment before he lifted his gaze back to her "Don't" He whispered again when they locked eyes, hers pleading, his full of torment.

Her bottom lip began to tremble and her eyes welled up with tears as she anticipated the rejection when he gently tore her hands away from his neck, his hands not letting go of her wrists, feeling the cold metal of her bracelet under his fingers as he stared deep into the green sea of her eyes, the sea that threatened to flood her cheeks, the sea that he hadn't stopped dreaming of at nights, his hands tightening around her wrists even more as he whispered firmly "Damn you Emma" His hands suddenly pulling hers to wrap his neck, a sob of relief escaping her lips when his lips crashed against hers, his hands reaching to the back of her thighs to hoist her up to his waist.

She wrapped her arms and legs around him so tight as if her life depended on it, wanting to feel his masculine body as close as possible when he carried her and pinned her hard against the wall.

"I hate you" He whispered, pressing his forehead against hers before his hand reached to bury in her hair, tilting her head so he could dive into a deeper kiss, invading her mouth with his tongue, sliding it along hers, tasting the few salty tears that seeped into her mouth.

…

_God she missed him, she missed tasting his intoxicating mouth, inhaling his sweet scent, breathing him, just being close enough to feel him._

She moaned softly into his mouth right before she pulled back for air "You hate me?" She asked breathless, staring at his swollen lips as she drew her thumb along them.

"I do" He whispered against her thumb before he pressed his lips back to hers, her fingers moving to trail his stubble.

"You have a funny way of showing it" She said on a small smile against his lips.

"I know" He replied, sounding completely wrecked before he deepened the kiss, their lips, tongues and heads all dancing in unison, finishing each move at the exact same time, moving to the next in perfect coordination, one leads as the other follows and vice-versa, as if they were professional dance partners for years, as if they had never spent a moment apart.

"I missed you" She said, her voice thick with emotion as her hand cradled the back of his head, relishing the sensation of his soft thick hair under her fingers as her lips trailed soft kisses down his neck, holding herself back from sucking too hard, careful not to leave a mark, well aware _he was not hers to brand_.

_Damn. It hurt. _

But she was determined to shoo away the thought, refusing to let it ruin the moment, he was in her arms again and that was the only thing that mattered.

He dug his body into hers, pressing her between him and the wall so hard she was sure she'd eventually lose consciousness, but she didn't care.

_He could have his way with her. She'd let him do whatever he pleased._

"Emma" He whispered her name like a prayer as his hand closed on her jaw, his teeth biting her bottom lip just to that tipping point between pleasure and pain before he released her mouth from his captivity, but only for a moment as he caught her lips into a long searing kiss a second later.

They were completely immersed in one another when a knock on the door startled them both and he barely managed to set her down when the door opened.

_Shit._

"Killian eh – " Marian began to say as her eyes flew back and forth from Killian to Emma, both of their faces flushed from the hot make-out session, their lips swollen, their hair a mess and their eyes radiating _pure guilt_.

"What is it Marian?" He asked, managing to regain his composure as he rubbed his chin.

"The darlings are here, they asked to see you"

"Can you tell them that I'd see them in a few?" He asked politely.

"Sure" Marian replied as she turned to leave, but not before she glanced at Emma once more.

The door closed and Emma's smile reappeared only to be wiped away a moment later when her gaze met the severe expression on his face "What's wrong?" She asked in concern "Is she friends with…" Her voice trailed off, unable to say _her name_.

"No" He said, running his fingers on his lips as regret crept up his spine.

"Then what?" Her eyes studied him in search for answers, unable to read him as he looked disoriented, as if he had lost touch with the world, lost touch with her.

…

The look in Marian's eyes stayed with him long after the door had closed, it was the same look he had gained from his friends, from Milah, when she had accused him of being a cheater, only now _he really was one_.

_She made him one. God he hated her._

He hated her for showing up all of a sudden, for being so goddamn irresistible, for making him weak and powerless, for making him kiss her again and again, for making him a cheat and a liar, for making him hurt someone he loved, someone he cared about, someone who had been nothing but good to him, someone that didn't deserve any of it.

_Why did she come back? What did she want from him?_

As far as he knew, she only came to play with his heart again, the heart he had worked so hard to put together in some miraculous way.

"Killian" Her voice rattled him out of his thoughts.

"What?" He asked sharply as he directed his gaze to her.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she took a step in his direction and he began to pace back and forth in the spacious office.

"I can't do this" He shook his head before he ran a hand through his hair "We can't do this"

"Well we just did"

"Well we shouldn't have" He said in frustration "I shouldn't have"

"So you...'re basically saying it was a mistake" She said, finishing with a hint of anger in her tone of voice as she crossed her arms across her chest "Just like you said the first time"

"You have no right being mad here" He exclaimed in anger "Need I remind you that you were the one who left me? You were the one who disappeared without a trace, without even as much as a phone call, as far as I knew you could have been dead, you _don't_ do that" He scolded harshly, a hint of pain in his tone of voice as he directed his fierce gaze to her "You just don't"

_God he hated her._

He hated her for coming back, for stepping back into his life and screwing them up again, for messing the life he had worked so hard to get back on track. He hated her for hurting him, for making him bleed, for making him miss her so much, but most of all he hated her for _leaving him in the first place_.

_Who was he kidding? It still ached as the day that it happened._

…

"You're right, and I'm sorry" She said honestly, the desperation distinct in her voice, not that he had noticed as he was too self-absorbed at that moment "But I'm here now and – "

"I'm with someone" He cut her off.

"I know but – "

"But what?" He exclaimed once more as all he could see was red "What did you think that would happen? That you'd barge into my life and I would just drop everything and everyone?"

_She did. She really did. _

"That you'd magically snap your fingers and we'd sail off into the sunset?"

She just shook her head, tears pricking at the corner of her eyes as his sharp words pierced her heart and the fire in his eyes burned her soul. She looked at him, drawing her bottom lip in between her teeth as she bit back a sob.

…

She was never the one to get down on her knees and beg, not for anyone, not for anything. It was just not her style.

But she didn't want to lose him forever, she didn't want to live in a world where she wasn't able to touch him ever again, she wanted him more than anything.

He wasn't just a missing piece of a puzzle, _he was the puzzle_, he was _everything_.

She wanted to tell him how she felt, she needed him to know how much he meant to her, how he occupied her thoughts and heart all those years.

_Damnit. She was never good with words._

"Killian please" She pleaded him in a shaky voice, unable to see that he was long gone as the tears blurred her vision "Please just give me a chance"

Her pleas fell on ears deafened by wasted years and endless torment, years he had spent drowning in pain, agony and longing.

"I'm afraid time for second chances is done" He said quietly, his tone calm but sad "Just as I am done with you"

"Killian" She said in a strangled voice, barely hearing herself over the sound of her heart shattering into a million pieces, scattering all over the floor, her eyes aching, pleading, trying to reach out to him, but stumbling on his distant gaze as he opened the door for her.

She didn't even bother to wipe away the tears when she scrambled her way out of the station, her inner light slowly fading away that by the time she reached the front door everything went black and she felt completely dead inside.

Of all the scenarios that had ran through her mind, none one of them had had him react in that way, with so much hatred.

_That was it. _

The one person she deep down allowed herself to believe that truly loved her, now hated her, and with every bone in his body, she had seen the hatred in his eyes, the hatred that left no room for the faith he once had had in her, the faith that had kept her going all those years was now gone forever, and she didn't even have the memory of his love to lean on as it became blurred by the fresh memory of his hatred.

_That really was it._

…

When his work day came to an end he just sat and stared at the box Emma had brought him, thinking that he shouldn't open it since they were, as he said so himself – _done_.

He changed his clothes, discarding the uniform in favor of his daily clothes, as he had always done at the end of a day, glancing at the box as he put on his jacket.

He then headed for the door as his hand stilled on the doorknob and he cursed himself inwardly for what he was about to do.

Inside the box there were five books of his favorite suspense thrillers author. He took the first one out as he sat back down in his chair, leafing through the pages, realizing that it was a signed copy as he stumbled on the author's inscription:

_Dear Killian,  
Happy 24th Birthday!  
Wishing you many more to come.  
Sincerely yours,  
Yen Sid_

The date of his 24th birthday had been added in her hand writing at the top of the page, and the two books that followed were pretty much the same, with similar inscriptions for his 25th and 26th birthdays.

But the inscription on the fourth was what caught his attention and caused a lump to form in his throat:

_Another year, another birthday.  
I feel like I already know you.  
Happy 27th Birthday Killian!  
Your gal here just stood four hours in the freezing cold to get you this signed copy.  
I highly hope you appreciate her. She's definitely a keeper.  
Sincerely yours,  
Yen Sid_

A single tear fell onto the paper, staining the signature as he pictured her every year following the author across the country to attend the book signing event, adding another book to the collection, keeping the books with her, carrying them around wherever she went and it made him realize that all those years she had thought of him too, that she had always known that someday she'd come back to him.

_God he loved her._

* * *

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**A/N:** I know I know, another painful chapter, what can I say other than….sorry?


	23. Moving on, sort of

**Chapter 23 – Moving on, sort of**

First it was the floor.

She welcomed the cool sensation of the hardwood floor against her cheek, wishing it would have been even colder, wishing her entire apartment could have turned into a freaking ice cave.

_Then maybe the tears would freeze on her cheek, and maybe her heart would freeze in her chest, so maybe it would just stop hurting so damn much._

After a few hours, drowning in her own tears, she didn't know where the floor ended and where she began, not recognizing herself anymore, not knowing who was that woman in her apartment that couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop hurting.

_What was happening to her? She had had her share of heart aches, but it had never felt like that, never. _

And it was not like they had ever been an official couple. They only shared one road trip and spent a few crazy weekends together, not to mention that it had been _years ago_.

_So why couldn't she stop grieving? Why was she feeling as if someone had died on her? As if the world just ended?_

…

Second it was the bathtub.

After she forced herself to scrape her body off the floor, she turned to the bathroom, slowly peeling the clothes off her body, each item of clothing that she shed was followed by an uncontrolled sob that burst out of her chest.

She curled up into a ball in the bathtub, pressing her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, fluttering her eyes shut, letting the water pound down on her head and wash away the tears.

_But not the pain. It couldn't wash away the pain. Nothing could._

She sat like that for an hour, the hot water gradually running out, turning colder by the minute, her whole body shivering under the running water, the sobs making room for chattering teeth, the sharp pain in her heart being momentarily dulled by the freezing sensation that took over her entire body.

She gazed at the mirror, meeting her reflection, not recognizing the broken woman before her, staring at her face, everything so red and puffy, her cheeks, her lips, her nose, even her eyelids, that she could barely see the color of her _dead _eyes.

She wore that face for three whole days.

…

Then it was the couch.

Ignoring the world she spent her days on the couch, watching every sad movie her cable had to offer, aching and crying along with the characters, binging on ice cream, which was basically her breakfast, lunch and dinner.

The single time she left her apartment during those days was when her freezer ran out of rocky road, so she forced herself to get dressed before she dragged her ass down to the store, hiding the pain in her eyes behind a pair of shades.

The song that played in the background as she stepped into the store caused her to make a sharp U-turn and retrace her steps. It reminded her of _him_. It was one of the songs on his phone's playlist that she had loved listening to, so she got back to her apartment empty handed, with tears in her eyes and a hole in her chest.

_What was going on with her? It had been so long ago, years ago. Then why now?_

She realized that all those years they had spent apart, all those years when she had concentrated on pulling her life together she had secretly held on to the thought that one day she'd show up at his doorway and they'd get their happy ending.

_What a joke. What did she think? That she'd magically snap her fingers and they'd sail off into the sunset?_

His words were now hers.

It was time for her to let go of that dream, time to erase forever from her mind the idea of him, the idea of them.

_Damn it was hard. And damn it hurt. _

She loved him so damn much, even after he had cut her down to the very soul with his words, even after all those years she still loved him more than she had loved anyone else in her life and she didn't want to let go of that love, she couldn't let go of that love.

_She wouldn't let go of that love._

_..._

But she did have to go on with her life, she was not that young lost girl anymore, she had stopped being self-destructive years ago, not long after she had left Jefferson's apartment, realizing that she needed to depend on herself and herself only. She had not crashed another man's place ever again.

She had lived in her car for about a year, moving from place to place, from job to job, taking a shower wherever she had gotten a chance to, at a friend's place, at a cheap motel that charged by the hour. Later she had found a job at a small inn, which paid crap, but it meant she had had a roof over her head and that was enough at least for a while. Then it was a decent hotel which paid better and she had actually been able to save a significant amount of money.

On that last job she had met a good friend, Lily was her name, who had gotten into some trouble and found herself behind bars, and when she hadn't been able to pay her own bail Emma had come to the rescue, put down her saved up money, which had been returned to her a few weeks later when Lily patched things with her father, plus interest and an idea.

Looking for her biological parents during her teenage years had made her familiar with searching people techniques, add that to her fiery spirit and her saved up money and she had found herself a new occupation as a bail bonds person.

She had worked really hard to pull her life together and she had no intention of letting it go down the drain. She had every intention to go on even with that huge hole in her chest, so after two weeks of grieving alone in her apartment she stepped out back to the world, back to her job, thankful that no one had tried to skip bail during her absence.

…

Two more weeks had passed and she was already wrapped up in her work again. Meeting with family members who had turned to her in request to help them bail their loved ones, keeping track with the court dates of those she had already bailed out, and making sure they were going to show up for their trial.

She just left the station after meeting with one of her customers and she ran into August.

"Emma Swan" He said on a smile, running a hand through his dark wavy hair "I've been meaning to bump into you"

She smiled back, shoving her hands in her back pockets "August…" Her voice trailed off, trying to recall his full name.

"W Booth" He completed for her and she raised a questioning brow at him. He leaned back against the hood of the police car, crossing his legs at the ankles as he added "W is for Wayne"

She gave him a nod on a smile, and he noticed her eyes wandering towards the police car, he turned his head back, glancing at the car before he averted his gaze back to her and asked "Ever been in one?"

"What?" She asked when his voice rattled her out of her thoughts.

"Have you ever been inside a cruiser?"

"Yeah, but it was a long time ago" She replied when she remembered getting arrested for stealing the watches "And I was actually sitting in the back..."

"You've been a naughty girl?" He chuckled.

_Good thing she was in a position to laugh about it now._

"You can say that" She smiled mischievously, slightly rocking her body from side to side, her hands still in her back pockets.

"How about another ride?" He asked as he pushed himself off the car, closing the distance between them as he said in a low teasing voice "In the front this time"

"Uhmm…" She stalled, smiling coyly.

"I'd even let you turn on the siren and everything" He said and she chuckled in amusement "But you'll need to buy me a drink first"

"Is that you asking me out?" She challenged, arching a brow at him.

"Well if putting a label on it makes you more comfortable, sure" He said when a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth "Let's call it a date"

She contemplated her answer. She was sure as hell that she wasn't ready for any kind of a romantic relationship, doubting if she'd ever be.

_But maybe a one night stand? _

She could use the distraction and she wouldn't deny that she found August attractive, with those mischievous blue eyes, the dark stubble that made him look so manly, and that playful smile that always seemed to tug at the corner of his mouth.

_And there was also that added bonus of a man in a uniform…_

In the last few years one night stands had been as far as she had ever gone, and she hadn't had a lot of those either, her last one had been over a year ago, and ended in an absolute disaster.

_Walsh. _

He was an attractive man, tall, dark, handsome, a real smooth talker, and he was very good in bed too, not Killian-good, but still very good. They hit it off right from the start, the sexual chemistry was insane, and their bodies connected immediately, but it didn't end as good as it started, in the midst of her third orgasm, just like in the movies, a woman barged into the room to find her husband being ridden by a young sexy blonde. Apparently the jerk took off his ring and pretended to be single. Emma had known nothing about it so she had been surprised as much as the wife.

_That bastard, sexy bastard, but still a bastard._

"I have a policy, I won't go out with men who are already married" She said, turning on her lie-detector as she studied August under her piercing gaze.

"There goes your reason for not meeting me here after work" August said, pointing at where they were at before he turned towards the station "Sixish?" He asked when he started climbing up the few stairs that led to the station front door.

"Actually" She said as she took a step closer, not wanting to raise her voice "Why don't I just meet you there?"

She was well aware that six was the hour that Killian used to get off work.

_Not that she had stalked him or anything. Nope. Not at all._

She had just happened to be there, four out of five days a week for the past weeks, watching him from afar as he hopped on his bike before she had called it a night.

_She was not a stalker. Not. A. Stalker._

"Sure" August replied "Meet me at the bar around the corner" He said and she nodded in reply, watching him send a smile her way before he got into the station.

_That was definitely going to be a different way to spend her evening._

…

She got out of her car, dressed in a black sleeveless pleated chiffon dress, and even though it wasn't too revealing, barely showing cleavage and just above the knee length, she still turned heads the moment she stepped into the bar, Killian's included.

He looked at her with awe, thinking she looked absolutely stunning, radiating and lighting up the entire room with her beautiful smile.

He hadn't seen her for over a month, since he had sent her crying out of his office.

_Damnit he was so mean to her. Yes he was mad at her, he had every right to be, heck he was still mad at her, but he was also still in love with her._

He regretted his lashing reaction. He felt that he could have chosen to react differently.

_He could have at least listened, he could have asked her what she had gone through all of those years, if someone had dared to wrong her, and if she was okay now. _

_God he still loved her and he still cared, and he hadn't shown it one bit._

Before he even got the chance to wonder what she was doing there, August excused himself from the table as he gulped down the rest of his beer.

The place was a bit crowded so Emma hadn't noticed Killian nor the group of officers he was sitting with, her eyes searching for August, feeling relieved and glad when she saw him making his way to her.

August and Emma exchanged smiles and some words before they went to sit at the other end of the bar.

_Wonderful. The only available table in that damned place was giving him a full view to watch their budding romance._

_Damnit what was she doing with him? Why him of all people?_

Killian spent almost an entire hour watching them drinking and talking as they sat close to one another.

_Fuck. August was even close enough to inhale her scent._

He wished he could have inhaled her scent, instead he had to watch her from afar, watch them laughing, flirting, smiling to one another as their eyes sparkled along.

He stared at his glass of rum, every now and then raising his gaze, glancing their way, feeling he just might burn them with his gaze, feeling another pang in his chest each time August scooted even closer, each time she gave him another one of her breathtaking smiles, each time he leaned to whisper something in her ear and she threw her head back laughing, wishing he was close enough to hear her rolling laughter, wishing he was the one who made her laugh.

_But no. He was the one who had made her cry. Remember?_

He watched as she brought her glass to her lips, taking a slow sip, looking at August over the rim of her glass, her eyes full of intent. He recognized that look too well and his stomach turned upside down at the thought of August moving inside of his Swan.

_His Swan? Was she really?_

She hadn't been his for years, and after he realized she had thought of him all those years, he wouldn't deny that he thought of making her his again, he thought of showing up at her door with an apology on his lips and forgiveness in his heart. But it was too soon and he was still too angry. Besides, he still didn't know if she was really committed to the idea of being with him.

It seemed that he wasn't able to tear his gaze from her, his fingers itching with the need to caress her soft golden hair when he watched her tuck a strand behind her ear, and his mouth burning with the desire to taste hers whenever she set down her glass and licked her lips.

No amount of rum could have prevented from his throat going dry when he watched August whispering something in her ear, his mouth then trailing down her jaw line, hovering over it, slowly making its way to her lips as Emma's hand reached to his cheek.

_Fuck. He couldn't watch that. He couldn't watch him press his lips to hers, couldn't watch him tilt his head to invade her mouth, bury his hand in her hair, slide his tongue along hers and taste her mouth._

Thankfully he didn't get to watch that as she gently pressed her thumb against August's lips, preventing them from touching hers as she whispered something on a smile, her face only inches from his, a huge grin spreading across August's face as she got up, their beaming eyes locked before she headed for the ladies room and August hurried to take care of the check.

_Great. They were just moving their private party elsewhere._

_Moment of truth. He could hold on to his anger or fucking do something._

His move.

* * *

.

.

.

**A/N:** I know there are some loose ends on Killian's part and it was done intentionally, next chapter will uncover some of those details. Regarding Killian's move, or lack of (I'm not telling) it's already written, so you can't change my mind :P

**As always...Thank you so much for the favs, follows and reviews, you really know how to make my day, thank you!**


	24. One night stand

**Chapter 24 – One night stand**

Emma got out of the ladies room, wincing and taking a step back when her face slammed against someone's chest.

"Don't leave with him" A too familiar voice said as she raised her gaze to see Killian standing in front of her.

Unaware he had even been at the bar, his presence took her by complete surprise and yet she was quick to reply "Why do you care? I thought you were done with me" She said dryly when she tried to walk past him, his hand reaching to lean against the wall, stopping her from doing so.

He gazed down at her, waiting patiently for her to avert her gaze back to him. They locked eyes, the confusion distinct in hers as he ignored her question and just repeated "Don't leave with him"

"Why not?" She asked a bit annoyed, crossing her arms across her chest as her lips formed a tight line.

"Cause he's a pathological liar, and he'd only wind up breaking your heart"

_Look who was talking. He didn't seem to care about her heart a month ago when he had her banished out of his life._

"You just don't like the guy"

"Guilty" He said with a hand over his heart as he shrugged "I don't like him, but that doesn't make him any less of a liar. Besides, August does_ not_ do relationships" He added thinking and dreading that Emma could definitely be the one to change August's mind about that.

"Well that's fine by me, since I'm not looking for one"

_Why on earth was she talking about that with him? _

"Then what are you looking for Swan?" He asked, raising his brow intrigued.

"Not something that you'd understand"

"Try me" He challenged, directing his gaze to her.

She looked at him, studying him, contemplating her words, noticing the anticipation for her response in his eyes, and she wondered why he was so interested all of a sudden.

"Casual sex" She finally blurted out, deciding to go with truth.

"You're right, I don't understand" He said, his voice going down a notch "Maybe that's because there's nothing _casual_ about you"

_What the…? Was he trying to sweet-talk her?_

She assumed he was simply mocking her, unable to believe that his sudden found interest in her was true.

"You know what I mean, meaningless sex"

"Yeah…you…meaningless…don't see it" His mouth and hands said theatrically, gaining an eye-roll from her as she turned to leave "Wait" He grabbed her by the arm and she turned around, her eyes widening, looking at his hand on her arm in surprise, before she looked up at him "I'll do it"

"Do what?" She asked confused.

"Sex"

"With..me..?" She half stated – half asked, looking at him in disbelief and confusion as she watched him nodding slowly in reply "And who said I was offering?" She crossed her arms across her chest again.

_Who was she kidding? Of course she was offering. If he was willing to take, she was willing to offer._

"If you're not offering then I am" He said as he took a step closer, invading her space, his face hovering over hers, the proximity making her swallow hard, his hot breath on her ear sending shivers down her spine as he whispered "Why would you want to explore an unknown land when you can have your pleasure guaranteed?"

_He had a really good point right there, being the best sex she had ever had. But wait. What was going on with him? Last time she checked he had a girlfriend._

"And wouldn't your girlfriend mind?" She asked, her question sending him one week back to the conversation he had had with Belle…

…

It had been after three sexless weeks with Belle that they had finally had _the talk_. There hadn't been a doubt in his heart that he was still in love with Emma, and that he'd probably always will. He didn't want to be in love with the one who left him broken and bleeding, but he couldn't help it, the feelings were just too deep to grasp and too strong to ignore. It had been hard for him to admit that to Belle, he didn't want to hurt her, and he didn't want her to think that he didn't love her.

At first the conversation had been charged with heavy emotions, both of them had cried, both of them had wanted to make it work, both of them had known that it wouldn't.

After a couple of days Belle admitted that she was too still in love with someone else, an older guy, whom she had secretly loved for years, whom she had known her parents would never approve of.

Killian encouraged her to follow her heart, and she returned a favor and encouraged him to do the same. It was a bitter-sweet goodbye, they loved each other, they had shared a lot of beautiful moments in the time that they had spent together, and above all, they were really good friends, so it was hard to let that go. They did promise to stay in touch, but both of them knew that they had already turned a page as they were about to write the next chapter of their life, separately.

…

"We parted ways" Killian replied simply, remembering that only two days had passed since Belle had left his apartment.

"I'm sorry"

"No you're not" He replied in conviction and her eyes widened as she blinked heavily, slightly offended.

"You might find it hard to believe but I am" She said honestly "She seemed really nice and – "

"Are we going to keep standing here and talk about my ex?" He cut her off as he leaned one hand against the wall behind her, the other hand running down her bare arm, goose bumps prickling her skin as she raised her gaze, her eyes flickering from his mouth to his eyes when he whispered "Or are we going to ditch this place in favor of some more enjoyable activities?" He gestured with his head towards the exit of the bar.

She swallowed hard, her mind filling with thoughts of his naked body on top of hers, thoughts of him touching her in all the right places, their shared sex scenes flashing in front of her eyes, how good her body felt pressed against his, how he had made her come again and again, and she couldn't help her tongue from darting out to lick her lips.

"I'll meet you outside in five" She said in a tight voice, directing her gaze to him as he watched her green eyes growing darker in front of his eyes.

"Great" He grinned in triumph and quirked an eyebrow before he pushed himself off the wall and turned to leave the bar.

She glanced at him, watching him exiting the bar before she leaned back against the wall, the back of her head hitting the wall with a thump.

_What did she just get herself into?_

…

She turned the key inside the lock, opening her apartment door with Killian right behind her, his hands roaming around her waist as she smiled coyly. She stepped in, turning on the light, setting her keys and purse on the kitchen counter when he pulled her to him, his back leaning against the closed door, his hands reaching to cradle her neck, his eyes fixed on her lips, and before he managed to dive in for a kiss she lowered her gaze and began fumbling with his belt.

_Sex. It was just sex. She couldn't possibly let herself fall under the spell of his intoxicating mouth. She couldn't possibly let herself believe that there was something more to it than just sex. For all she knew he was just using her to take his mind off his girlfriend._

She was quick to unbutton his jeans and when she was halfway down to her knees he pulled her up and turned them around, pressing her against the door "I once told you there's no need for that" He said huskily when they locked eyes "Have you seen how the entire bar stood still when you walked in?" He said on a soft smile, reaching his hand to her cheek "That's how beautiful you are" Her eyes studied him for a brief moment before she leaned to kiss his neck, avoiding his lips once again.

_Oh fuck. She was so screwed, even his scent had a lethal effect on her, making her feel dizzy and lightheaded that she almost missed what he had just said, almost…_

The fact he had admitted to have been at the bar the entire time hadn't escaped her, thinking he had probably watched her flirting with August, thinking that maybe he was just using her to settle some kind of a score with him.

_He did hate him after all. Or was it her whom he hated?_

Pushing away the thought, she began unbuttoning his shirt "So how about a tour first?" He suddenly asked, running his hands gently down her bare arms, his fingers lingering for a second to fiddle with her bracelet as he surveyed his surroundings.

"The only tour you're getting is of the bedroom" She said on a mischievous smile, giving a light tug on the collar of his shirt, beckoning him to follow her.

_What tour was he talking about? It was just sex. Sex. That's all. Just. Sex._

…

Walking into the bedroom, she stepped out of her heels, his hands wrapping her from behind as he leaned to nuzzle her neck.

_God it felt so good breathing her again._

Trailing soft kisses behind her ear and down her cheek, he reached one hand to her chin, gently turning her head to him as he slowly and hesitantly pressed a soft but short kiss to her lips. Their eyes locking the moment their lips broke apart and both of them froze, standing motionless as they studied with uncertainty each other's gaze.

_Did she want him to kiss her again?_

He had noticed that for some reason she had been avoiding his lips, so he wasn't sure whether he should kiss her again or not, and her piercing gaze revealed nothing. Still holding that thought and the moment was lost, as she already turned her head away, pulling her hair up, exposing the zipper at the back of her dress, waiting for him to slide it down.

He freed her from the dress, sliding the material off her shoulders and down her body, letting it fall to the floor, revealing her gorgeous body in a sexy black tulle and lace g-string and matching bustier bra.

_Bloody hell. Did she wear it for…? _

_Thank God she took him home instead._

"God Swan you're gorgeous" He said, desire coursing through his body when she kicked the dress aside and he leaned to wrap her in his arms again, pressing her to him, his chest hair tickling her back as his hand slowly slid down her flat stomach and into her panties, making her gasp when he slipped one finger inside of her "Jesus you're so hot in there" He growled in her ear, slipping another finger, making her gasp again, his other arm pinioning her to his body, holding her tight so she wouldn't move when he pulled to thrust again, drawing her arousal along her folds and around her clit.

She moaned softly and writhed in his tight embrace as he thrust one finger inside of her again, then two, pulling out and thrusting again, pulling and slowly making his way up to her clit, circling lazily a few times before he did the whole damn thing again. And again. And again. The whole time his mouth alternating between devouring her exposed skin and whispering words of praise in her ear, telling her how beautiful, sexy and amazing she was as his fingers kept working her. His other hand reaching inside her bra, the mere graze of his thumb against her nipple sending her to oblivion, making her cry out her release, his relentless touch prolonging her orgasm as she came undone in his arms.

He kept holding her until she came down from her high, her hands on his as she panted, still trying to catch her breath. She then took his hands, moving them to her waist, her hands reaching back to his hips as she pressed her ass against his hardness, slightly bending over when she glanced at him over her shoulder and said in a sultry tone of voice "Take me"

He stared wide-eyed at her fine ass for a brief moment before he leaned in, his hands still on her waist as he whispered in her ear "if you want me to take you then you'd have to turn around cause you know I don't like taking…"

_You. God help. Only you._

"…a beautiful woman from behind" He gently pulled her up and turned her around to face him "I wanna see this pretty face of yours when you come with me inside you" He whispered, his face only inches from hers, his hand reaching to brush her hair back over her shoulder, continuing the motion and caressing her shoulder blade as his eyes bored into hers.

_How he loved getting lost in that wild green sea of her eyes._

…

_Fuck. Too close. Too intimate. Too much._

She smiled a bit nervous "Then we need to get you out of these clothes" She said in a seductive low tone, trying to shake off her nervousness, her hands reaching to strip him from his opened shirt and pants as he stepped out of his shoes and socks, leaving him with nothing but a pair of boxers. She pulled him to her, one hand on his chest, the other burying at the hair at the nape of his neck when she rose on her tiptoes to trail open mouth kisses up his neck.

_God she missed feeling that fit toned body of his. She missed digging her fingernails into his biceps, sucking on one of his broad shoulders, tracing his lean back muscles with her fingers, and gliding her hands all over his lightly hair covered perfect pecs. _

"Your lips are so soft" He groaned, stopping himself a second later as his hands reached to hold her upper arms when he pulled back a little "Wait" He looked into her eyes "I don't have protection"

They stared at each other for a long moment, both thinking the same, both minds being sent more than four years back to that moment when she thought he had gotten her pregnant, to that moment when everything between them had began to crumble.

"I have some here" She averted her gaze towards her nightstand drawer, remembering she had some condoms in there "But I ah…" Her voice trailed off as she hesitated.

_So fucking awkward. _

"What?" He looked at her in bewilderment.

"It's just that they are regular size" She said embarrassed.

_Oh God why did she have to go and say that? _

…

_Bloody hell. Why was she telling him that? He didn't want to think of other guys in her bed._

They looked at each other in silence for a short moment.

"Forget about it" She suddenly said, shaking her head "You probably won't be comfortable and I'm on the pill anyway"

"Give it to me" He said determined, gesturing with his hand for her to bring it.

_No way in hell he was going to do that same mistake twice._

She opened the drawer taking one foil out and handing it to him "Now that we got that out of the way" He said when he threw the foil on the bed "Let me taste you" He gave her a devilish smile, quirking a suggestive brow as he picked her up bridal style and threw her onto the middle of the bed.

…

She was on her back, in the midst of her second orgasm, after his tongue worked its magic, and her walls hadn't even stopped cramping when she already heard the foil ripping, followed by the feeling of him at her entrance and his warm hands at the back of her knees as he slowly pushed himself into her warmth. She let out a groan, biting on her bottom lip as her eyes fluttered shut.

_Fuck. She forgot how big he was. _

Her body seemed to forget too as she felt a tad uncomfortable like she was being forcefully stretched, and he had yet to fill her completely.

"Having second thoughts?" He asked and her eyes flew open to meet his "You wanna stop?"

She just shook her head, feeling too nervous to talk.

_Why was she feeling so damn nervous?_

He thrust again and she let out another groan of complaint, her hands unconsciously gripping the sheets at her sides as her eyes closed once again.

"Are you sure about this?" He questioned as he stilled inside of her and she just nodded in reply. He slowly pushed himself into her again, gazing at her as she clenched her jaw and bit back any sound that made its way up her throat "What is it love?" He asked softly when he gently let go of her legs.

_Love. He called her love._

_She thought she'd never get to hear him say that again. Not to her anyway._

Her heart began racing, tears stinging at the back of her eyes as a knot began to form in her throat.

_Oh fuck. She was not going to cry! She was reading way too much into it. They were just having sex. Just sex. Sex. She had to snap out of it. Snap out._

"Nothing" She swallowed hard, her voice just above a whisper.

"Then how come you're so tight?"

_God. What could she possibly tell him? That she had spent the last month grieving she'd never get to touch him again? That now that she was able to it hurt even more? That it hurt being with him without really being with him? That she kept hearing his voice in her head saying just how much he hated her?_

"I don't know, I guess it's been a while…" She replied quietly, her voice trailing off as she averted her gaze from him and a nervous small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

_That was such a bad idea. She shouldn't have agreed to it. She should have just gone home alone._

"Come here" He said on a soft smile, his eyes tender and loving as he slid one hand under her back, wrapping her body, pressing it against his, the other hand gently caressing the hair at the top of her head when he leaned in to kiss her lips. She hesitated for a moment, looking at his closed eyes when he kissed her softly, her hands slowly and hesitantly letting go of the sheets and making their way up, only her fingertips daring to the touch the sides of his body so lightly as her eyes fluttered shut and she began kissing him back.

_Damn it felt good. So good. Heaven. Sky. Stars. Good. _

Lips parting and closing, heads tilting left and right, mouths diving and uniting, tongues clashing and tasting, the rum on his tongue mixing with the martini on hers as they kissed, again and again and again. Slowly, tenderly, lovingly as he started to move slowly inside of her, her body completely relaxing under his, her walls expanding for him, allowing him to move smoothly inside of her, her mind clearing from any nervous thoughts as all she could think of was how good and right it felt to have him inside of her again.

_God she loved feeling him. _

The soft slow kisses turned intense and heated, the lazy shallow thrusts turned deep and passionate, their bodies worked in sync, hips meeting thrust for thrust, hands roaming over skin, fingers digging into flesh, mouths sucking and kissing, teeth scraping and biting, tongues licking and teasing as they began climbing to the peak together.

_How was it possible that after all those years they still fit so well together? The way their hands touched, the way their mouths kissed, the way their bodies moved, it was as if they were perfectly molded for each other._

She pushed him to his back, switching places with him, his chest hair under her fingers as she rode him, sinking down onto him again and again while his hands explored her naked curves "Jesus lass" He lifted his head to look at her, his face already wrecked as he threw his head back to the bed. Suddenly, and as if something had gotten into him he pushed his upper body off the bed, wrapping one arm around her waist and moving them, still joined, to the edge of the bed, his feet touching the floor when he pulled her by the hips, pressing her body close to his "Give me your mouth" He demanded, one hand at the small of her back, the other gently rubbing the back of her neck, her long golden hair enveloping them both as she leaned to press her lips to his. She began moving slowly on top of him, his hands moving to anchor at her hips, joining her body movements, hers wrapping his neck as she gradually picked up the pace. The more the kiss heated, the quicker she moved.

It was one of the many things she loved about him, he had always known how to make her feel loved, always wrapping her in his arms, keeping her body close to his when they had had sex.

_Only that it didn't feel like sex back then, and it didn't feel like sex now. It felt like lo….Stop. She really needed to stop with that nonsense, of course it was just sex. Just sex. She shouldn't delude herself to thinking there was something more. It was just sex. Sex. Just. Sex. _

He flipped them over again, throwing her gently on her back, pouncing on her and hooking one of her legs around his waist "Killian" She breathed heavily and her eyes flung open as she gazed into his mesmerizing blue eyes, watching them grow darker, watching them burning with want "The things you're doing to my body" She panted when his thumb met her clit, running her hands in his thick soft hair, pulling his mouth to hers, not giving him time to breathe, moaning into his mouth after each thrust, feeling the fire coursing through her body, feeling the tension in her core building higher and higher with each thrust, with each touch, with each kiss.

"You're so beautiful Emma" He whispered, his voice low and hoarse before his mouth plunged to devour hers once more, his thumb circling her clit relentlessly as he continued to take her with deep long strokes, hitting that spot inside of her, her mind beginning to spin, and her walls beginning to quiver as he soundly tore his mouth from hers "And you feel so damn good" He growled, his thick accented voice sending her over the edge as she crumbled around him, the tension inside of her releasing so violently that her back arched, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and all she could see was white as if she had just knocked on the doors of heaven.

"Killian I ah – " She said breathless.

_God she wanted to tell him that she loved him. But what if he didn't feel the same? What if he still hated her? What if he was not capable of loving her again? What if she told him and he'd send her away like last time? Or worse, what if he pushed her out of his life for good? How was she going to survive that?_

Instead she pulled his mouth to hers, thinking that if it were to be a one time thing at least she'd take full advantage of his intoxicating mouth.

…

She tried to slow her breathing, her hands reaching to his hips, encouraging him to thrust even harder as she spread her legs wider, pulled her knees up higher and took him as deep as she possibly could.

"Gods Emma" He growled loudly as he sank deep until the hilt of her warmth, his breath becoming erratic, one hand pressing hers into the mattress, intertwining their fingers together, the other sliding under her buttocks, pulling her to him as he drove into her again and again, chasing his own release, finding it a few thrusts later when he froze inside of her and called out her name under his heavy breath.

_Emma. Gods Emma. She was real and she was with him again. He still couldn't believe it._

_God he wanted to tell her that he still loved her. But what if sex was in fact all that she wanted from him? What if she still wouldn't love him back? Or worse, what if she ended up leaving him again? What if this time she disappeared from his life and never came back? How his heart would ever recover from that?_

Their foreheads pressed together, sated grins spread across both of their faces as they looked at each other through hooded eyes, still trying to catch their uneven breaths.

Bodies joined, but hearts miles apart.

As all remained unsaid, unheard, unknown.

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**A/N:** Just an enormous thank you! You guys are the best!


	25. Unobtainable heart

**Chapter 25 – Unobtainable heart**

Brushing her teeth, Emma gazed at her reflection in the mirror, her hand reaching to her love-bite covered neck, Killian's love-bites.

She wished she could have been happy about them, but they only reminded her of how the night had ended, and how far they were from being okay, let alone being together.

Grabbing the black and white checkered blouse out of her closet she glanced at the bed.

_Damn it felt good being with him again. And damn her for not knowing when to shut up._

She pulled a black stocking up each leg, his question still echoing in her head.

'_Now what?'_

She flopped onto the bed, lying back and burying her head in her hands at the memory, the memory of him rolling off of her, propping himself on one elbow as he looked at her and asked _'now what?'_

He had obviously noticed her confusion and after a long moment of silence he gave her his most dazzling smile as he added to ask _'what happens after the casual sex?'_

She remembered being too distracted by the fact that he hadn't pulled her to his embrace like he had always done (_years ago_), too distracted by the tension of unspoken words that began to fill her bedroom, too distracted that she was too quick to assume and too quick to reply.

Not sure what he had meant by that question she assumed that he was asking her a general question, that he was asking what usually happens after the casual sex part.

_Seriously? What was she thinking? Why would he ask that? It wasn't like he was two hundred or something, of course he knew what casual sex was all about._

But that was what she had thought at that very moment and she was just too quick to joke about it.

_Damn her._

She bounced up from the bed, taking the hairbrush out of her nightstand drawer, rolling her eyes at the few condoms she had gotten at the clinic and never used (_well at least not until the previous night_), beginning to brush her hair vigorously as she reflected on that moment, that moment after the words had slipped out of her mouth and there was no taking them back, that fraction of a second when their eyes were still locked and she watched how the wrinkles around his eyes evaporated along with his smile as her words floated around the room.

'_This is the part when you go home'_

_God. She still couldn't believe she had said that._

It was only a joke, she was only trying to ease the tension, but he of course took her words seriously and before she managed to form a word he was already out the door.

_She was such an idiot. She didn't want him to go. She really really didn't want him to go._

She ran her hands over her black skirt, smoothing the material as she stepped into her heels with one coherent thought on her mind.

_She had to make it right, no matter what._

He had made love to her and she knew it, even though she had tried to deny it, she eventually couldn't ignore that it had felt more than just sex, but she was still not sure if it meant to him as much as it meant to her (_it meant the world to her_).

He was gentle and caring (_God she missed that_), and his kisses spoke volumes, she had felt his love in each and every one (_could it be that he still loved her?)_,she was afraid that she had imagined it all (_she must have imagined it..._), but for a long blissful moment it felt as if nothing between them had changed, as if she had never left, and as if he had never stopped loving her.

_Never in her life had she wished so hard for something to be true._

Believing in even the possibility of them getting back together ignited a fire inside of her. She just wasn't sure what to do with that fire. The first time around he gave her his heart so easily, without asking for anything in return, and now she had no idea how to win his heart back (_if it was even possible_).

_The way to a man's heart is through his stomach…yeah, good luck with that…_

She was a terrible cook, living off of take-out and tv dinners, there was no way in hell that she could prepare a homemade dinner without setting her kitchen on fire.

_But maybe there was another way…how about his groin?_

"The way to a man's heart is through his groin" She said out loud, testing the phrase on her tongue as she picked up her purse and keys from the kitchen counter.

_Yup, sounded good to her, and she'd sure to pull that one off._

Or at least she hoped.

…

Unable to concentrate on his work, Killian buried his head in his hands, his elbows on the desk, his hands rubbing his skull back and forth, gazing at the pile of paperwork on his desk as his mind drifted to the previous night.

_God he was an idiot._

He remembered the warm fuzzy feeling that took over his body, looking at her flushed cheeks and her beautiful sated smile (_God he missed that smile_) after he had rolled off of her, and his hands itched with the need to pull her to his embrace as he had used to do (_how he wanted to hold her_), but he stopped himself from doing so. He wanted, no, he _needed_ her to make the first move. He needed to know that she sought his touch, his warmth, his love.

He needed to know that she wanted it as much as he did, cause this time he wasn't willing to settle for a one-sided love.

So he asked her _'now what?'_ in hope that she would ask him to stay, in hope that she would come closer, that she would rest her head on his chest, that he could kiss the top of her head, run his fingers through her hair, inhale the scent of her lavender shampoo and they would fall asleep in each other's arms.

'_This is the part when you go home' was all he got, serves him right, fucking idiot. What exactly had crossed his mind? Did he really think that she'd ask him to stay? Did he really think that a few books meant love? How dared he to even think that she loved him? _

_This is the part when you go home idiot._

It was like a kick to the gut, a slap to the face, and everything else that he just didn't expect, so he leaped up from the bed, discarding the condom and scrambling for his clothes, pulling the jeans up, the shirt down, all at the same time.

_He had no idea he had the ability to dress that fast._

Not even bothering to put on his shoes he just grabbed them and a second later he was already slamming the door of her apartment shut behind him.

He felt hurt all over again, his barely healed wounds reopening as her words sent him more than four years back, sent him to relive that moment when he stood outside the airport after he had asked her _'You don't love me?'_, waiting for her answer in vain, looking at her as she just walked away with his heart in her stretched out hand as she crushed it slowly, the grains of his crushed heart slipping out from between her fingers, leaving a long trail of dust behind her as she walked away from him, not once looking back.

_Why was he being such a fucking masochist again? Why couldn't he settle for someone like Belle who had loved him and treated him with nothing but love and respect? Why did he want her of all people? Why did he want the woman with the unobtainable heart?_

He felt that he shouldn't have gotten involved with her again, that he had only set himself up for another heartbreak.

_Did he really think that she had gone and changed? _

He had made love to her, putting his love in every gaze, in every touch, in every kiss, and even though he hadn't said it with words, he was still convinced that she had known how he felt about her (_she had to be blind not to_), so in his mind there was only one explanation to her words.

_She simply didn't feel the same. She was just looking for some fun between the sheets, nothing more, she had said so herself, casual sex, meaningless sex, all of the above, but he was the idiot who refused to listen, refused to get it through his thick skull._

And with that he realized that everything remained exactly the same.

_Nothing had changed. Nothing. _

_She would never give him her heart. Never._

_And he was the dumb fool who still loved her regardless. God he hated himself._

"Hey" Her silky voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts as it came from the doorway.

"Hey" He replied a bit surprised as he raised his gaze to glance at her.

_Damnit. Why did she have to be so beautiful?_

Lowering his gaze back to his paperwork, he pretended to be busy as he cleared his throat before he asked dryly "Why are you here?"

"I thought you could use a break" She said, closing the door behind her and approaching his desk.

"You came here for lunch?" He asked in wonder, his eyes following her as she walked around his desk, coming to his side, standing so close that he was able to smell her shampoo.

"Actually I had something else in mind" She replied in a playful tone, smiling mischievously at him as she lifted herself to sit on top of his desk, loosing eye contact with him when he averted his gaze back to the pile of binders on his desk.

_Great. She just came for another round._

"Actually I'm kinda busy here" He replied without looking at her as he picked a binder from the pile and leafed through the pages, pretending to be reading something.

"I'm sure it could wait just a little bit longer" She said in a seductive tone as she slowly closed the binder and their eyes met, her mischievous gaze trying to soften his harsh one as her ankle slid up his calf.

_Would she leave him alone already? He didn't want to do it. He just didn't._

…

He gritted his teeth, feeling the blood boil in his veins when he suddenly got up from his chair, his hands anchoring at her hips as he pulled her roughly to the edge of the desk, her body falling back with a thump "Take off your panties" He ordered firmly.

_What the hell?_

She propped herself on her elbows, staring at him wide-eyed in surprise. She knew he was capable of being passionate and sometimes even rough (_in a good way_) when it came to sex, but looking at him she couldn't ignore the feeling that there was something else there, she wasn't sure what, but it just didn't feel right.

"Well?" He urged, raising his brow at her "You want me to do it?" He asked and she gave him a weak smile and half a nod of agreement, blinking nervously when his hands reached under her skirt and ripped off her panties, he then shoved them into the front pocket of his uniform shirt before he said "Now turn around"

"What? Why?" She asked quietly, her eyelids still flickering rapidly before she pushed herself off the desk and back to her feet, her face only inches from his, swallowing hard as her eyes met his piercing gaze.

"Isn't this what you came for?"

"Kill – "

"Turn around and bend over" He cut her off with determination, gesturing with his chin to the desk behind them.

She was at loss of words, didn't know what had gotten into him, but then again she was the one who came to _him_, she was the one who tried to seduce _him_, she was the one who suggested they'd do it in his office, on his desk…

_If she couldn't stand the heat then she should have stayed the hell out of the kitchen._

She still hesitated because it wasn't exactly what she had had in mind. It was obvious that he was mad at her about something she had said or done, and it made her think that maybe she should just let him do it, maybe she should let him fuck her like that, let him take his anger out on her.

_If it was what she had to do for his smile to return to his face then so be it._

She did as he said, gathering her hair to one side as she turned around and bent over, feeling the cold wood of the desk against her forearms, feeling the hard edge of the desk pressing against her stomach, her heart pounding fast in her chest when she felt his hands running up her stockings, up her thighs, scrunching her skirt up around her waist, suddenly feeling the cold metal of his belt buckle against the exposed skin of her behind, his hot breath on her ear, his body hovering over hers as he leaned in and whispered "Now wait for someone else to come and give it to you, cause you ain't getting it from me"

It took her a short moment to take in his words before she pushed herself off the desk, pushing him off of her in the process, causing him to stagger back, her hands immediately pulling down the hem of her skirt.

_Asshole._

He didn't laugh, smiled or seemed pleased with himself in any form or way, he had obviously done it out of some kind of anger tinged with frustration, but still she couldn't help feeling humiliated and hurt to the bottom of her very being as tears began to form in her eyes.

_What did she do that was so bad? What did she do that caused him to think she deserved to be treated that way?_

All she wanted was to be close to him again, to touch him, to kiss him, to see him smile. She wanted to be near him, she wanted his company, and to her it seemed that he just didn't want hers, and even if he was rightfully mad at her, it still didn't give him the right to treat her the way that he did.

_There was just so much that she was willing to take, even from him._

"Well don't look so disappointed" His voice filled the space again, spewing venom in his words when he spat them out "If you had just stayed like that I'm sure I could have arranged a line of volunteers out the door" He barely finished the sentence and her hand already flew through the air as she slapped him hard across the face.

_Who was he? And what exactly did he think she was? Some harlot?_

She just couldn't believe his behavior, at that moment he was not the kind man she had once met and loved, at that moment he was no better than all the other jerks she had had the 'pleasure' of being with.

"I guess I deserved that" He said in acceptance as his hand reached to rub his cheek when he cocked his jaw to one side.

"You bet you did" She exclaimed in anger, snatching her panties out of his pocket before she took a few angry steps towards the door then turned around to look at him as she yelled with tears of anger in her eyes "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"You're what's wrong with me" He yelled back, his voice completely changing its tone as he suddenly sounded hurt more than anything else "You're _everything_ that is wrong with my life"

She was taken aback by his reaction at the same time that his desk phone rang and he turned to pick it up, nodding at the tube before he put it back in its place.

"It's the chief, I gotta go" He said briefly, walking past her as he disappeared from the office, leaving her to try and figure out what the hell had just happened, tears blurring her vision as she gazed at the panties in her hand.

…

The next day on the way to his lunch break, Killian passed by the front desk, glancing towards the group of officers who were gathered around August as he bragged about his latest conquest.

The mention of blonde hair and the memory from last night caused Killian to stop dead in his tracks.

He reflected on the previous night, reflected on that moment when he stepped into the bar after his work day had come to an end, his eyes landing on her long golden hair as he watched her sitting on a barstool, chatting with August, who had been standing next to her, leaning pretty close.

_Why was he surprised? He practically pushed her into his arms, and now what was he supposed to do? To try and convince her to take him home instead again?_

The way he had treated her earlier that day caused him to doubt his persuasions abilities, and even if he knew that he would succeed, even if he knew that she would agree, he just couldn't bring himself to go after her anymore.

_He had had enough._

He was tired from the cat-and-mouse game, he was tired from her doing the running and him doing the chasing.

_He had had enough and that was that._

Feeling despaired from the whole situation he had traced his steps out of the bar and back to his bike, leaving the two, who hadn't even noticed his presence, behind.

…

He felt sick to his stomach, listening to August go on and on, sharing all kinds of sexual details, telling everyone in hearing distance how they barely stepped through the door of her apartment and she was already on her knees giving him head (_and boy did she know how to give one hell of a blow job_), how they were completely naked before they even made it to the bedroom (_his hands all over_ _her velvety-smooth pale skin_), how he hauled her onto the bed and they fucked for hours (_and_ _hours_), exploring the best sex positions her Kama sutra book had to offer.

At that moment he just wished to be deaf, he wished he wouldn't have heard any of it, and he wished for the images of their naked bodies and sexual deeds to be erased from his mind (_as if it was possible_).

_Goddamnit. The hell with everything. He was so done with it all._

He saw Smee tensing when he had noticed his presence, the amusement leaving his eyes, immediately being replaced by pity.

_Great. Now he was also being pitied on? What was next? They'd throw him a loser party?_

He walked towards the front door, ignoring the horde of emotions that ran through his body, ignoring the countless torturing thoughts that rushed through his mind, and even ignoring the sharp excruciating pain in his heart as it clenched in his chest.

_Just walk away._

"Hey Jones" August's voice stopped him halfway to the door, and he could feel his body seething, all the emotions being pushed to the background as anger bubbled to the top "Where are you going? You're going to miss the best part"

_Just walk away._

He knew he should have walked away, but for some reason he didn't, instead he stepped back towards the group of officers, crossing his arms across his chest as he asked with a sneer "Oh yeah? And what would that be, _mate_?"

"The part when she moaned your name" August said as a matter-of-fact, gaining chuckles from the officers around him and a hate glare from Killian, but August just kept looking at Killian with a straight face when he continued calmly "I told her I don't care whose name she screams as long as it's my dick she has inside of her"

Before anyone had gotten the chance to blink Killian's right fist had already connected with August's face as he punched him square in the jaw, the unexpected blow knocking August down to the floor, Killian jumping right after him, the unmistakable rage in his eyes piercing August's widened eyes when his hand latched onto the collar of August's jacket, his other hand being stopped in mid air before he had gotten the chance to throw a second punch as two officers grabbed him by the arms, pulling him off of August and back to his feet.

Not saying a word and ignoring all the commotion around them, Killian just shook the officers off of him as he stepped back towards the front door.

"Captain" Smee called after him, and he barely glanced back as August scrambled back up from the floor, holding his split-up lip, muttering some kind of an apology when Killian stormed out of the station with one thought on his mind.

_He was really done with her._

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**A/N:** I really appreciate you bearing with me, I know there has been a lot of angst, but I assure you there will be an end to it.

And as always, thank you so much for reading / favoriting / following and of course reviewing! You guys are awesome!


	26. Only if you mean it

**A/N: **After last week's chapter I have the need to thank you all for the vote of confidence, I hope you won't be disappointed.

* * *

**Chapter 26 – Only if you mean it**

The previous night.

They were in her bedroom, the dim light making it hard for her to see the shade of his blue eyes.

_Or maybe it was due to her haziness?_

He worked on the zipper at the back of her black skirt, letting it fall to the floor, and then peeled her turtleneck white sweater off of her body before she stepped out of her heels.

_Wasn't she wearing her black and white checkered blouse that day?_

He guided her to sit on the edge of the bed as he kneeled before her and slid down her black stockings, one after the other, his face a bit of a blur when he gazed up at her.

_Why was his face a blur?_

She didn't notice when and who removed her bra and panties but she was suddenly lying completely naked in her bed.

_How could she have missed that?_

He set his gun aside before he crawled on the bed, still fully dressed in his officer uniform, only his fly was open when he positioned himself between her legs. She pushed her upper body off the bed, her hands reaching to unbutton his shirt when he scolded playfully "Hands above your head where I can see them" He took her wrists, one in each hand, gently pushing her to lie on her back as he pinned her wrists above her head.

She felt like she was being arrested for stealing the watches all over again. Only this time she was naked and the officer was pushing himself into her.

_What the fuck? _

He let go of her wrists, leaning back and anchoring his hands at her hips, pulling her to him. She watched his _deep_ blue eyes focused on her body while he drove into her again and again in a steady pace.

_When did that happen?_

She wanted to push herself up to close the distance between their bodies but it was as if her brain didn't function.

_Or was it her body that refused to follow orders?_

She wasn't sure, but it was a strange feeling, one she had never experienced before. She wanted to tell him to lean in closer, maybe even kiss her on the lips.

_How come they hadn't kissed on the lips yet? It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. She didn't even remember how they had gotten to her apartment._

And then she was suddenly on her hands and knees and he was taking her with fast thrusts from behind.

_When was it that they had switched position?_

She wanted to tell him 'August go slower' but the words didn't come out of her mouth. It was like she was mute, and he was blind to her discomfort.

_What the hell was going on? _

Unable to take control on her own body, she felt as if she was having an outer body experience, as if she was a puppet on strings, she opened her mouth to speak and she could actually hear her voice mumbling incoherent words but none of them formed an actual sensible sentence.

_Something was off. Way off._

Sweat began to bead on her forehead as her eyes flung open and she sat up quickly in her bed, pressing a hand to her pounding heart as her eyes roamed around her semi-dark bedroom.

_Oh thank God it was only a dream. A very bad dream._

…

She jumped out of her bed, dressed in a night shirt and shorts, thinking on her way to the kitchen that it was all August's fault. His and the advances he had made her way when they were at the bar, filling her mind with unwanted nasty ideas of them role playing 'the cop and the thief' and when she rolled her eyes at him, he whispered that 'the bail bonds lady and the perp' would work too.

_Idiot._

A moment later she blew him off. After all, she had visited the bar for only one reason – Killian.

She opened her fridge, taking out a bottle of water and gulping down half of it.

_Jesus she was thirsty._

She reflected on that moment in Killian's office.

_He had lost it. _

There was no doubt about that, it just wasn't like him to behave in that way.

But she remembered that after he had yelled that she was everything that was wrong with him and she was left alone in his office to ponder on everything that had happened, the pieces in her mind slowly began to fall into place.

_He was hurting. He was hurting really bad._

She had heard the pain in his voice, and his actions were his bizarre way to scream 'I want more than just sex', and even though it still didn't excuse the way he had chose to say it, she knew she just had to reach out to him, she knew she had to push through her own pain and tend his.

_He needed her._

She knew it, she felt it, and suddenly it all made sense. The way he had pushed her away when she stepped back into his life over a month ago, the way his relationship crumbled only a few weeks after, the way he couldn't let her go with another man, the way he had made love to her (_God he still loved her, there was no way he could have faked that_), and the way he had asked her 'now what?' with that hopeful smile of his, a smile that reached up to his beautiful bright blue eyes, same eyes that went cold only a moment later when she gave him her stupid answer.

_God she was an idiot. Did she really think that she would win him over with sex? It had never been what he sought…how could she forget that? How could she forget what he had always been after?_

Her heart.

There was nothing more that she wanted to give him and there was no one else that she wanted to give it to.

It was not that she really forgot, she just found it hard to believe that he still wanted her, that he still loved her after all those years, and after that rattling, eye-opening moment in his office she was suddenly sure that he still felt something for her, and she was determined to find out what.

Submerged in deep thoughts, she almost forgot herself on the toilet, reflecting on how she had waited for him at the bar but he never came.

_How come he didn't show up?_

Marian had told her that he usually stops for at least one drink after work, so she couldn't help but feel a tinge of disappointment when she eventually gave up and went home alone.

She climbed back into bed, slipping under the covers, thoughts of him not leaving her mind as her breath gradually evened out and she sank back into deep sleep.

…

Stopping by the station at the end of the following day only affirmed what she had already thought.

_He was falling._

Marian filled her in with everything that had happened, including the fact that Killian hadn't returned from lunch that day. Ignoring everything else (_she'd deal with August the lying bastard later_), she focused on the one and only important fact, Killian wasn't being himself. Lashing out, beating people up and skipping work wasn't like him, she knew that, she knew he was always calm and collected, she knew all about his work ethic too, it was one of the first things she had learned about him back in prison, and if he had skipped work without letting anyone know, without answering calls it could have meant only one thing.

_He was falling. And he needed someone to catch him._

…

"Jones open up" She said repeatedly, knocking impatiently on his apartment door, eventually thinking he was simply not at home.

Deciding to get some fresh air she stepped out into the street, the building front door closing behind her, not realizing it was a problem until she felt the strong wind whipping her golden locks against her face and she wanted to go back in so she tried the knob.

_Fuck._

She rolled her eyes at herself, remembering that earlier she had entered the building exactly when another tenant had stepped out and the door had stayed open long enough for her to catch it.

And then lightning flashed and thunder rumbled as the heavens opened and rain began to fall.

_Great. Just her luck._

The overhang of the building entrance was barely enough to protect her from the light rain, let alone the heavy one that stormed in only minutes later, add that to the whirling wind and she got soaked to the bone.

But she didn't falter. She was determined to wait for him until he returned, and since her car was parked further down the street and she was afraid that she'd miss him, she just hugged herself tightly, shutting her eyes and trying to fight the shiver that took over her entire body as she waited. And waited. And waited.

…

A long hour had passed until he arrived, and she watched him stopping dead in his tracks when his eyes landed on her, they locked eyes for a brief moment before he approached the front door, wedging his helmet under his armpit, closing his umbrella and pulling his keys out of the pocket of his jacket, jabbing and turning the key in the lock without saying a word. She was about to follow him when he got inside the building, but he just let the door slam in her face, her eyes closing tight at the sound, then widening in shock.

_Seriously?_

She sighed in despair and her shoulders dropped a fraction.

_Of course he was furious. He practically pleaded her yesterday to tell him that he was more than a one night stand to her. _

She realized that when he had told her to find someone else to have sex with, in a reverse psychology sort of way, he had actually begged her to reassure him, as if he had said 'tell me that I'm the only one, tell me there's no one else, tell me that you want me and me alone'.

_And what did he believe that she did? Went and slept with someone else. _

She figured that he must have thought that he meant nothing to her.

_She wouldn't blame him. She hadn't told him otherwise._

Her body shivering, her cheeks burning red from the cold as her desperate eyes wandered from the street to his back, gazing at him from the other side of the glass door and she couldn't help but feel like an unwanted puppy at the pound, or worse, like the orphan girl that no one had ever wanted to adopt.

She wanted to turn around and run away from the extremely familiar feeling, but she reminded herself that he was hurting too, that she couldn't succumb to her own pain and pride, that she needed to tell him once and for all how she felt about him, so she stayed.

…

Able to feel her gaze on his back, he stood still at the other side of the glass door, his hand reaching to pinch the bridge of his nose as he let out a heavy breath.

_Fuck. He couldn't stop loving her. He wished he could but he just couldn't._

At that moment all of his pain and frustration had been pushed aside as his heart overflowed with concern for her.

_Maybe she found out that August had told everyone and everything about their shared night and she came to him looking for a friend's shoulder to cry on? _

He was her friend once, back in prison, before they ever touched lips, and even though he knew that it would hurt like hell to be near her, loving her from afar, and knowing she would never feel for him what he felt for her, he couldn't turn his back on her, he just couldn't. Not to mention that she was soaking wet and he was worried that she'd catch pneumonia.

_Whether he liked it or not he still cared._

He held the door for her, stepping aside, avoiding her gaze, and waiting for her to come into the building. She hesitantly stepped through the door and he glanced her way for a brief moment as he said "Come on, let's get you out of these clothes" She gave him a small smile but he kept avoiding eye contact as he turned to lead the way to the elevator.

…

Most of the elevator ride went by in silence, his eyes fixed on the lighted numbers above the control panel as she gazed at the back of his neck.

_God she wanted to bury her hands in his hair._

It was probably just her brain which had turned into a popsicle that was talking nonsense, it couldn't be that she still wanted to jump his bones.

_Could it?_

Anyways, she knew it wouldn't solve anything, it was not why she came there, and she knew it would only send the same wrong message all over again.

The only time he looked back was when her teeth began to chatter "Are you okay?" He asked and she nodded fiercely in reply, unable to stop the chatter and form a verbal answer. He set his helmet and umbrella on the floor, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders.

"Thanks" She managed to say through the chatter as she smiled up at him, their eyes meeting for a brief moment and even though his lips didn't even twitch, she was able to notice his eyes sending her a small smile back.

_Thank god, he still cared._

She smiled inwardly at the thought as the elevator doors opened and they began to pace down the hall to his apartment.

The moment they were inside, she froze, surveying her surroundings in complete shock while he began to bustle around the apartment.

_Nothing had changed. _

Everything was exactly the way she remembered, exactly the way it had been more than four years ago.

The memories from their shared night in his apartment, paralyzing her body as they slammed hard into her mind, and all of a sudden she felt this dark cloud hanging over her head as sadness filled her heart, remembering how happy they had been together, remembering his genuine joyful smile when he had made her breakfast, and now she had to settle for a hint of a smile in his eyes, which she was suddenly not so sure that she hadn't imagined as well.

"Emma?" He asked firmly.

"What?" She shook off the thoughts when her eyes met his concerned expression and she turned to look around her, noticing she was standing in a small puddle, courtesy of her dripping clothes "Jesus, I'm sorry, I'm messing your apartment"

"Don't worry about it" He waved a dismissing hand "It just seemed that you were somewhere else and you really should lose these clothes already" She smiled at the innuendo, which turned out to exist only in her dirty mind as he didn't smile back and just gestured with his thumb towards the hall behind him as he asked "You remember where the bathroom is?"

_God she was such an idiot. He was just being nice because she looked like such a mess._

"Yeah" She replied quietly as he walked around her, relieving her of his jacket before she made her way there, grimacing at the trail of footprints she was leaving behind.

…

Blessing the heater he had turned on for her, she took off her black sweater and plaid pants, picking up his sweatshirt he had left for her and bringing it up to her face, inhaling his scent as she closed her eyes, praying that her hunch wasn't wrong, praying that he still loved her, praying that he'd let her back into his life, into his heart, praying that she'd get to smell that scent every night before she fell asleep.

A glance at the mirror letting her know that she needed to comb the mess of a hair she had on her head, so she went through his drawers in search of a hairbrush, smiling to herself when she realized that none of them contained something which could have indicated that he had ever had a woman living there with him, and even though he had already told her that he broke up with his girlfriend she felt relieved to see it with her own eyes.

"Emma?" His voice and a weak knock on the door startled her as she smacked the drawer shut and hurried to pull his sweatshirt over her head.

"Yes?" She opened the door slightly and peeked through the narrow crack, her green eye meeting his blue one before he turned his back to the door and cleared his throat.

"Give me your clothes so I'll put them in the dryer" He said and waited while she picked up her clothes from the floor and handed them to him through the crack "Where's the rest of it?" He asked as he looked at the clothes, noticing her bra and panties were missing from the pile.

"The rest of what?"

"No, nothing" He replied, scratching behind his ear as he felt awkward talking about her underwear after what had happened between them in his office.

_Jesus. He was such an ass._

…

She heard his shuffling as he walked towards the laundry and she closed the bathroom door, fingering her damp black and purple bra and matching damp panties, shrugging to herself before she slipped one leg after the other into his boxers (_apparently she felt uncomfortable taking off her underwear as much as he felt talking about them_).

She stepped into the living room, noticing the cup of hot cocoa with cinnamon that was waiting for her on the coffee table when his voice suddenly came from behind "I didn't know if you still like it" He gestured with his chin towards the table after she turned to look at him.

"I do"

"Good" He said as a small awkward smile tugged at the corner of his mouth "And about the clothes, sorry I don't have something more fitting for a woman…"

_Oh thank God for that._

"…but yours should be dry in about thirty minutes"

"Thanks" She smiled at him but he just scratched behind his ear and turned to leave.

She took a seat on the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest as she sipped from her cocoa and sighed.

_Exactly the way she liked it. He remembered…_

…

More than twenty minutes had passed and there was no sign of him, avoiding her like the plague she assumed he was probably hiding in his room, she got up and approached the TV cabinet, her hand trailing over the books, same books that occupied the two shelves in his prison office.

_God it was so long ago._

She wasn't the same person that stepped in through the prison gate, and even not the same one that stepped out. She went through a lot in the last couple of years, she became much more confident and independent, and it made her wonder if it was all worth it, if achieving everything that she had, was worth everything that she had lost.

_Was it worth losing him?_

"Your clothes are ready" His voice rattled her out of her thoughts as she turned to look at him "I put them in the bathroom"

"Thanks" She said quietly, her heart clenching in her chest when she watched him turning to leave again, her eyes closing tight, wishing that she had some kind of a magical ability that could have turned the enormous wall between them into dust "You didn't have to defend my honor you know" She said and watched as he froze for a moment before he slowly turned around and cocked his head to one side.

…

_What was she talking about?_

"What are you talking about?" He asked, watching her as she walked to close the distance between them.

"Marian told me what happened"

"Oh" He replied, averting his gaze and sulking at the brought up subject.

"Why did you skip work?" She asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

_Cause if his eyes were to land on that sonofabitch again he probably would have killed him with nothing but his bare hands._

Preferring to keep his thoughts to himself, he didn't reply, telling himself that he shouldn't repeat the details for her sake.

_Probably for his too._

It was bad enough that he couldn't take the images out of his mind, he didn't need to say it out loud as well.

"Killian what's going on?" She asked, noticing that the wheels in his mind were working overtime.

"You're killing me Emma" He sighed in despair, slowly running a hand through his hair "Why can't you see how amazing you are? Why do you go for men who treat you like crap?"

"I don't" She was quick to reply "Although, the one man I am going for did behave like a total jerk yesterday" She said in a scolding tone and he swallowed hard before he lowered his gaze, immediately knowing that she was talking about him "I can assure you I'm no longer the type who would let something like that slide" She said firmly when he forced himself to raise his gaze back to her, his dry lips parting as he looked her in the eye "But" She paused, eyeing him carefully before she added "Since it was his first offence, then maybe just this once" She said and he blinked heavily "I actually know him pretty well to say with confidence that he _won't_ do it again" She finished in some kind of a warning as he closed his eyes, nodding slowly in agreement at her words.

_God he was so proud of her. _

He loved that she stood up for herself. It was clear to him that she wasn't that insecure eighteen year old anymore, that was why he suddenly looked confused when something didn't add up, and as if she had read his thoughts she said "He lied"

"What?" He asked, looking at her in bewilderment.

"August lied" She elaborated "I didn't sleep with him" She added and he raised his brow in surprise as she continued "Why are you surprised? You are the one who said he is a bigger liar than Pinocchio"

"True. But why…?" He asked hesitantly in confusion.

"Why I didn't sleep with him or why did he lie?"

"Both"

"I didn't sleep with him because oddly enough I want you" She said, finishing with a sigh before she shrugged and added "And I guess he lied cause he hates your guts?"

"Yeah well the feeling is mutual"

"But…" She hesitated before she continued "It is possible that I also had something to do with it" She said, guilt writ large on her face as he listened intently "I think I might have added a little bit of fuel to that fire when I told him the truth"

"Which is?" He raised an intrigued eyebrow.

"That the only reason I came here is you"

"You mean the bar?" He stated more than asked.

"That too, I was waiting for you, I thought we could talk..."

_God he was such an idiot for jumping to conclusions._

"…but what I really meant is here, Boston" She gestured with her hand towards the city view out the window "You are the reason I came to Boston" She said when they locked eyes for a long moment, studying each other's gaze before she continued "And after I told him he muttered something about you always stealing his girls" She said and Killian rolled his eyes, thinking that August was a delusional prick as she went on explaining "So I guess it really pissed him off, hence what happened at the station…I'm sorry I shouldn't have – "

"Don't worry about it" He cut in as he shook his head, still trying to digest everything she had said, and as if he wanted to make sure he had heard correctly he added to ask "So all the things that he told – "

"Oh, he didn't do those with me" She chuckled slightly, her face scrunching up in disgust at the thought.

"He painted such a vivid picture…" He said, his voice trailing off as he averted his gaze, his hand reaching to rub his stubble, trying to figure out why he didn't pick up on it earlier.

"Well I did see him leave the bar with this blonde, so I guess he didn't lie about everything…"

"And you don't have a Kama sutra book" He stated, looking somewhat relieved.

"Nope" She said simply as she shrugged and looked at him "But maybe we should get one"

"We?" He asked carefully, raising his brow at her in surprise.

"Yes we" She said on a soft smile, her voice going down a notch as she took the last step that separated them and continued "Who else would I want to make love to?"

"Emma" He whispered, her name coming out on a sigh of relief.

"Killian, I lo – " She began saying when his hand reached to cover her mouth, the memory he had tried so hard to forget hitting him like a ton of bricks, the memory of the last (and only) time she had said those three little words to him, the memory of how he drank them as if they were water to a man in the desert, the memory that had been tainted the moment she said that he made her say it, the memory that managed to bring him to tears every single time he had thought of it, his heart clenching, aching, bleeding as he realized every time anew that she had never meant them, that she had never loved him.

_It hurt._

"Don't say it if you don't mean it" He pleaded, his voice comes out a bit wobbly as he shook his head.

"I love you" She was quick to say, her voice coming out muffled as she said the words against his hand. She took his hand in hers and he let her slowly move it aside as their eyes locked, mesmerizing blue sky staring deep into the wild green sea when she repeated, clearly and slowly this time "I love you, I've always loved you"

His eyes fluttered shut as he pressed his forehead against hers, taking in her words carefully this time, afraid he imagined them, terrified she'd take them back, feeling overwhelmed with emotions as a lump formed in his throat "I love you too" He managed to whisper when his voice threatened to crack.

"Does this mean that you're not done with me?" She asked, her voice beginning to shake as well as he pulled back to look at her, noticing the few tears that streamed down her cheeks.

His hands reaching to cradle her face as he wiped away the tears with his thumbs "I'm never going to be done with you" He said passionately before he crashed his lips against hers, his hands moving to bury in her hair as he slowly took two steps backwards, pulling her gently with him, their lips not parting once, when he sank into the couch and she followed to straddle his lap. The love he felt for her washing over him like a soothing wave, chasing away all the other emotions as it flowed through him, calming his body and mind. He tilted his head, wanting to taste her mouth and kiss her passionately but she suddenly broke down against his lips as a loud sob escaped her lips.

"Why are you crying?" He asked softly when she broke away from his lips, burying her head in the crook of his neck and sobbing uncontrollably against his skin "Emma love?" He asked in concern as he tried to pull back to look at her, but she just clung to him even tighter, not letting him pull away, wrapping her arms around his neck, holding onto him so tight as if she was holding on for dear life.

"I just…" She tried and failed to hold back her sobs, tears streaming down her face and wetting his skin, the cries racking her body, making it hard for her to let the words out "I just missed you so much" She finally blurted out incoherently through a sob.

He wrapped his arms around her, pressing her to him as he kissed the top of her head "Believe me I know the feeling" He whispered, which caused her to sob even louder, thinking about what she had put them both through those last few years, thinking about them being physically apart and emotionally together in the hell of longing "But you came back to me" He tried to soothe, gently caressing her hair as he gave her all the time that she needed to cry in his arms, whispering in her ear over and over again, repeating the words like a mantra "But you came back to me, you came back to me"

_It wasn't a dream anymore. _

_She came back to him._

_She really came back to him._

* * *

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So…now that the angst is finally over I'm going to quote Taylor Swift "You can tell me when it's over if the high was worth the pain…" So what'd you think? Are you feeling sated? Disappointed? Happy?

Anyways, more fluff to come ;)

And as always a huge thank you!


	27. The want to be loved

**Chapter 27 – The want to be loved**

He scooped her into his loving arms and carried her to the bedroom. She looked at him through red and puffy eyes as he eased her down onto the bed "Love, you look exhausted, try to get some sleep" He said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear "And lose the panties, they're wet, and I know it's not because you want me" He whispered on a tender smile before he got up to leave, feeling her hand tugging on his arm.

"It's not, but I do" She said quietly "Want you" Their eyes locking when he opened his mouth to speak, but she didn't give him a chance to counter as she pleaded "Make love to me Killian"

He gestured with his head towards his nightstand as he smiled in slight embarrassment "Only thing I got in my drawer are the books you gave me, and I highly doubt they can provide the needed protection"

"I already told you, I'm on the pill"

He tensed as he reflected on her reaction back at Granny's when she realized that she had forgotten to take her pills, remembering how appalled she had been by the idea of having a baby with him, and remembering too well what had happened afterwards…she had left him, she had left without looking back.

"Still you can – " He began to object firmly.

"I won't" She said in determination.

"But if you did… " He said carefully, a hint of warning in his tone of voice as he looked directly into her eyes.

"Then I'll have your baby" She replied nonchalantly, leaving him mouth agape as she pushed herself to the edge of the bed.

"Where are you going?" He asked in bewilderment.

"You just reminded me that I need to take my pill" She said as she got up from the bed.

"Let me get it" He quickly got up after her, wrapping his arms around her waist from behind as he whispered "Get back to bed"

He guided her back to the bed, tucking her under the covers, planting a soft kiss on her forehead.

"Thanks" She said, looking at him as he turned to leave, thinking it would be a good opportunity to finally get rid of her damp underwear "It's in my purse"

"I'll be right back" He said from the doorway, a soft smile lifting his lips as he lingered a moment longer to look at the beautiful swan in his bed before he stepped out of the room.

…

Pressing a glass against the fridge water dispenser, he filled it with water as his eyes wandered around the space in search of her purse, spotting it a short moment later alongside her keys and phone on one of the barstools. He set the glass on the counter as he picked up her purse, unzipping it and taking out the half-used blister pack, his eyes stumbling upon a slightly wrinkled yellow paper before he set the purse back down, taking the glass as he began to walk towards the bedroom.

Halfway down the hall he stopped at his tracks, scratching his head as he looked back over his shoulder towards the kitchen, mulling over the paper, shaking his head and taking a few more steps towards the bedroom before he abruptly pivoted around and retraced his steps back to the kitchen.

…

"Killian what's taking you so long?" She stepped out of the hall and into the living room, turning around to find him standing by the kitchen counter, watching him staring at the folded slightly wrinkled yellow paper in his hand when she made her way to him.

"Is this…?" He asked, his mind drifting to his last day as a prison officer, to that day when he hoped that the note will bring her to him.

"It is"

"You kept my note" He stated, sounding surprised.

"I did" She replied, looking at him as she gulped down the pill with some water.

"Can I?" He asked, gesturing with the note and she nodded in reply, raising her brow and looking at him as if she were saying 'of course'.

A smaller piece of paper fell on the floor as he unfolded the yellow paper, realizing as he picked it up that it was the note with his phone number on it "Good thing you've kept this one too, wouldn't want you to lose my number" He joked on a smile.

_As if she had ever called him._

"Actually I know it by heart" She said simply and he blinked heavily, a mix of surprise and disbelief taking over his face as he held the two notes in his hands, watching her when she took half a step towards the hall, extending her arm for him "Coming?" She asked softly and he took one last look at the notes before he folded them together, slipping them back into her purse as he took her hand, letting her guide him to the bedroom.

…

Standing only inches away from each other, they studied each other's gaze, her eyes flickering to his lips then back to his eyes, his eyes doing the same before she slowly pulled his sweatshirt over her head, revealing her naked body, their eyes meeting again as she let it fall to the floor. Her hands then reaching to the hem of his polo shirt, helping him in slow lazy movements to shed all his pieces of clothing, one by one, until he was as naked as her and she sat on the bed, her eyes not leaving his as she slowly pulled herself backwards to the middle of the bed, watching as he followed and crawled on top of her, their naked bodies radiating heat as they pressed against each other, their eyes locking for a long quiet moment before their lips met in a tender kiss.

He trailed kisses down her neck, murmuring against her skin "God you're so beautiful"

Her hands reaching to bury in his soft thick hair, tugging on it and stopping him when he began kissing his way down her body "Don't" She pleaded quietly and he raised his head to look at her, his gaze meeting her tired eyes as she whispered "I just want to feel you"

_She didn't want to come. It was not what she needed._

He hesitated for a moment before he leaned to kiss her softly on the lips as he positioned himself between her legs. His mouth hovering over her jaw line, his fingers threading through her hair as he slid his hand under her head, hers reaching to anchor at his shoulder blades, shivers of anticipation running down her spine when she felt his warm breath on her ear and his tip at her entrance "I love you" He whispered in her ear when he slowly and gently slipped inside of her, her fingers digging deep into his flesh, her body arching into him, her eyes rolling to the back of her head as she let out a soft cry of relief against his broad shoulder.

_Yes, that was exactly what she needed. _

_She needed to breathe him, to touch him, and feel him as close as possible._

He stilled inside of her, giving her time to adjust to his size as her hands reached to cradle his face, pulling him back just a little so she could look at him "And I love you" She whispered back, swearing to herself that never again will she let him say the words without letting him hear them back, without letting him know she loved him too.

A hint of disbelief in his eyes when he looked deep into her beautiful green eyes before he leaned in to catch her lips in a slow deep kiss as he began to move lazily inside of her. His chest pressed against her breasts, their hands in each other's hair, heads tilting, lips parting, tongues colliding as they groaned into each other's mouth when they kissed again and again and again until their breaths grew so short that they reluctantly broke apart, foreheads pressed together as they panted against each other's curved up lips.

"I never did thank you for the books" He said on his short breath as he caressed her cheek "Thank you, I love them, and I love you for thinking of me on my birthdays"

She shook her head fiercely and swallowed "Not just on your birthdays" She said avidly in her soft voice and he stopped moving inside of her, looking at her intently "Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought of you" Her fingers reached to trail his stubble as she looked into his mesmerizing blue eyes, the truthfulness of her words causing his heart to swell in his chest.

The storm was still raging outside, and a bright burst of lightning illuminated her features for a brief moment, right when a realization hit him like the thunderclap that sounded in the distance.

"Why did you leave if you felt the same?" He asked on a whisper, the confusion distinct in his tone of voice when he reflected on the moment that she walked away from him, now realizing that he wasn't the only one who was hurting, that he wasn't the only one who didn't want to say goodbye.

"I don't know" A flare of the insecurity she once felt flashed through her eyes as his question sent her to that insecure woman she once was, to that woman who deeply believed she wasn't worthy of his love, who truly believed she wasn't worthy of anyone's love.

He looked at her, trying to figure out what was on her mind as she averted her gaze from him and fiddled with her bracelet. He inhaled and closed his eyes, the sudden tension that filled the bedroom too achingly familiar.

"I wanted to prove you right" Her voice suddenly broke the tension as she averted her gaze back to him, the woman she once was releasing her grip on her, departing her body at the same time as the insecurity vanished from her eyes "I wanted to prove to you that the only one who can save me is me"

He was proud of her, he really was, but he couldn't help feel disappointed that she needed to leave him to achieve it.

He ran a hand down her arm, lingering to feel her bracelet before he intertwined their fingers together, pressing her hand into the mattress "And you did an excellent job I must say" He sighed heavily, trying to smile through his sorrow "I just wish you could have done that with me by your side" He whispered when he placed a kiss under her earlobe, his stubble grazing her cheek as he resumed thrusting slowly.

"I know, I do too" She said in a strangled voice, thinking of the nights (_too many damn nights_) they had spent apart, sleeping in separate beds, waking up in separate rooms, the painful thought bringing her to tears "I missed you so much Killian" She sniffled and he stilled inside of her again as he raised his head to look at her.

"I missed you too Emma" He wiped the tears that rolled down her cheeks with his thumb, shaking his head slightly "Love, I don't want to do this when you're crying"

"Please" Her hand reached to his hip, stopping him from pulling away "Being with you like this" She said quietly as she ran her hand slowly up his body, clutching onto his bicep "It makes me feel whole, you make me feel whole" She sniffled again, a small smile tugging at her lips as she wiped another tear with her hand "Besides, I assure you these are happy tears, I'm happy to be here with you"

"I'm beyond happy" He smiled at her, caressing the hair at the top of her head as he moved to kiss her lips.

"Promise you'll never leave me" She suddenly said, their lips almost touching.

Taken aback by her words, his eyes widened in shock as he pulled back to look at her "Did you ever doubt it?"

_She did. She really did._

"Did I ever do something that made you doubt it?" He asked, his voice hardening, ready to hang himself if she were to say that he did.

_He didn't. _

_It was her, all her. _

_She was the one who couldn't believe that he truly loved her, that he really wanted to be with her for the long haul._

She shook her head fiercely "You didn't, but promise me?" She looked at him with hopeful eyes.

He held her chin, fixing his gaze on her, making sure she was doing the same "I swear" He said firmly before he crashed his lips against hers, growling against her lips, tilting his head to deepen the kiss when he gently thrust into her again, claiming her body and lips, making her moan into his mouth each time he drove into her, bruising her lips with his as he caught them in one searing kiss right after the other, not giving her time to breathe.

"Now I think it's only fair that you'd promise the same" He said breathless when he finally released her lips from his captivity.

His lust-darkened blue eyes bore into hers as a smile crept onto his lips, but for some reason she couldn't see the true expression on his face as his words sent her to the memory of the hurting man she had left outside the airport, the man who pleaded her to stay, the man with the desperate voice and aching eyes, the broken man who despite his pleas she had walked away from, leaving him to bleed and gasp for air.

"I promise" She said, her voice thick with emotion as her bottom lip began to tremble "I'm sorry I did, I promise I never will" She said as she burst into tears, her hand reaching to cover her eyes.

"Bloody hell, I made you cry again" He muttered, his head dropping to her shoulder when he breathed heavily, her hands then reaching to engulf his head, locking it in her tight embrace as she tried to control her crying, taking deep breaths, inhaling his scent with each one she took, her body slowly relaxing as she reminded herself that he was there, she was there, they were there together.

She was exhausted from the long emotional day, the fatigue starting to take over her body, her eyes almost surrendering to the weariness, but she did her best to fight the tiredness as she wanted to feel him a little bit longer, her hands on his hips encouraging him to move inside of her, then moving to trace the lines of his face, his eyebrows, his cheekbones, his lips as he gently thrust into her, every movement of his making her feel as if she were being pulled from the bottom of the ocean, as if she were brought back to life, every stroke making her acknowledge his presence, reassuring her that he was really there with her, in her.

He eventually stilled inside of her, and she was unsure when he had reached his peak as she was too dozed to notice, her body finally giving into the slumber, and so did his as they fell asleep joined in each other's arms.

…

The morning after.

She was sitting on a barstool, listening to music on his phone as he whipped around, sliding a mug of hot cocoa across the counter, her heart skipping a beat when she watched him shoot one of his dazzling smiles her way before he turned to the fridge, taking out a box of eggs to prepare pancakes. She brought the mug to her lips, a smile spreading across her face and her eyes beaming with joy at the familiar sight as she looked at his back over the rim of her mug, watching him as he prepared them breakfast, feeling that nothing had changed.

_Nothing except her._

And apparently his playlist too as none of the songs on his playlist were the ones she had used to listen to more than four years ago.

_None but one._

"Why do you still have Ed Sheeran on your playlist?" She asked a bit loudly, couldn't hear herself over the music as 'kiss me' played in her ears "Have you been playing it on repeat for the past five years or something?" She teased, her soft chuckle filling the kitchen as she took the earphones out of her ears and fixed her gaze on his back, noticing that the cup of flour in his hand froze in mid air for a long moment before he dumped the flour into the bowl "What?" She asked and he reluctantly turned around to face her, his hands reaching to lean against the countertop behind him. Her smile slowly fading away as her eyes met his expression that let her know she had just hit a nerve.

"It reminds me of you" He said, thinking that she wasn't far off from the truth. He had actually made a habit out of listening to that song, and it had been only yesterday on his walk when he had listened to it as his mind filled with thoughts of her.

"Why?" She asked as she studied him, her question making him reflect on the time they had spent together years ago, remembering how he had used to whisper the three little words in her ear over and over again, especially when they made love, only to have her heart reject his love time and time again, realizing that she simply didn't want to be loved.

He took a deep breath and exhaled before he said "Cause what I wanted is that you'd kiss me like you want to be loved"

A soft gasp escaped her as they locked eyes and she swallowed hard, realizing he had known all along, realizing he had read her like an open book, and she was amazed that he had tried to love her regardless.

And then it happened, she pushed herself off the barstool and made her way to him, lifting herself on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pressed her lips to his, both of their eyes fluttering shut, and he was finally able to feel it, he was finally able to taste the want to be loved on her tongue as she kissed him again and again, her kiss letting him know that she wanted to be loved.

_She wanted to be loved by him._

* * *

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**A/N:** Thank you so much for being here, I hope you enjoyed the fluff, I've been thinking about wrapping up the story next week with an epilogue, feel free to let me know what you think.


	28. Happy Ending

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay, first I was busy writing a CS one shot and then life got in the way…anyways, the epilogue is here, and as you can soon see I was in a smut writing mood...

* * *

**Chapter 28 – Happy Ending (aka Epilogue)**

"Where exactly do you think you're going?" Killian asked from his place on the couch as he watched _his girlfriend_ picking up her keys and purse from the kitchen counter, his eyes roaming over that smoking hot tight pink dress she was wearing.

"I already told you, I have a date" Emma teased as she headed towards (once his, now their) apartment door.

_She was going with that dress?_

"Not so fast" He was suddenly right behind her, leaning a hand against the door.

She turned around to face him "Seriously? You're gonna do this now?" She directed her gaze to him, noticing his eyes were drawn to the strap of her dress as he reached a hand to toy with it "Killian, I'm going to be late"

"You can't do this to me love" He whispered, his lips hovering over her neck as his body pressed hers against the door "This is murder..." His husky voice trailed off when his hands ran up her thighs and under her dress, tugging on her panties, pushing the material down and letting them fall to her ankles.

_She already tortured him once with that dress on his twenty-eighth birthday. He was definitely not going to let her get away with it twice._

"Oh Jesus…" Her murmurs of surrender echoed through the room, followed by the sound of her keys and purse dropping to the floor as she reached to work on his fly, their lips locking in an instant, his hands roughly pulling the straps of her dress and bra down to her elbows, revealing her soft breasts just before he hoisted her up and penetrated her body in one long decisive thrust "Oh fuck!" She cursed when her back crashed against the door and she latched onto him "I'm going to be – " She gasped for air before she cried between thrusts "So. Fucking. Late"

In the last couple of weeks since they had found their way back to each other's arms they had been going at it every chance they got…when they met after work, with the break of dawn, and sometimes even passing on lunch in favor of a hot make-out session.

They just couldn't get enough of each other.

But this time something felt a bit different and it made her wonder what was on his mind.

…

_Truth be told. He was jealous._

Yes. He knew it wasn't a real date, he knew she was going after a runaway client of hers. And still, the mere thought of another man thinking he was on an actual date with her, thinking for even two minutes that he stood a chance with her…it drove him insane.

_Deep down he was still afraid to lose her._

Her green eyes flung open when she felt the couch under her back "Killian" She purred on the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, her eyes shining with excitement when she watched him pulling his light blue polo shirt over his head and tossing it to the floor. With each stroke his weight pressing her deeper and deeper into the cushions, her dress scrunched up around her waist, allowing her to spread wide for him, taking him as deep as he was willing to go, his hands fondling her exposed breasts, his thumbs grazing her nipples, working her into a frenzy, making her moan and writhe and bite her lip as he drove into her again and again and again "Oh Gods Killian don't you dare stop" She cried, feeling the tension building fast inside of her.

"Wouldn't think of it" He growled hoarsely as he maintained a perfect rhythm with one thought on his mind.

_She would walk into that restaurant and 'Killian Jones' would be writ large all over her gorgeous sated body._

"I'm going to be so la – oh fuck" She exclaimed when he suddenly pushed all the way until the hilt, her fingers digging deep into the flesh of his hips "This is going to cost me a fortune" She hissed between gritted teeth while he held still at the deepest point, her neck arching, her eyes popping out, feeling like a tidal wave of pleasure was going to swallow her whole any second now. "Killian please" She whispered desperately, pulling him by the neck when her walls began to quiver around him, their foreheads touching, their noses brushing at the same time that his thumb brushed her clit, sending her over the edge and making her whimper his name again and again as she came around him. Her thighs clenching around his waist, her vision turning white and her eyelids fluttering shut as the orgasm violently ripped through her, wave after wave coursing through her trembling body, each time she thought she was coming down, another practiced roll of his hips set off a fresh wave, leaving her helpless, leaving her with no other choice than to sob out her release until she fell into utter oblivion.

…

After a few moments she came to when she felt his lips pressed on hers, his tongue then licking across her bottom lip, asking permission and she sluggishly opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to dip inside, explore and taste her mouth as he kissed her tenderly just a little bit longer before he slowly pulled away from her body, their lips parting with a soft sound.

Her vision was hazy around the edges when she watched him buttoning his jeans after he stuffed his still erect length into them "What are you doing?" She asked confused staring at the way his biceps contracted when he leaned to tuck her breasts back into the cups of her lacy bra "Why did you stop?" Her eyes moved to study his soft gaze as he pulled the straps of her bra and dress back up over her shoulders, then swiftly pulled down the hem of her dress to cover her thighs.

Back on his feet he picked up his shirt from the floor, quickly pulling it over his head "Come" He extended his hand, helping her up "We wouldn't want you to be late, would we?"

"Technically I'm already late" She glanced at the clock above the kitchen counter, fixing her dress, then fixing the collar of his shirt.

"Just show me his car and I'll take care of the tire lock" He told her, glancing back over his shoulder when he made his way to the apartment door, picking up her keys and purse from the floor "So you can go straight into your…_date_" He teased, quirking a brow, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he handed her the purse and keys.

"Sounds like a plan" She smiled back before he turned around to fetch her heels and panties. She stared at his back, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding as she thought just how much she loved that man in front of her, wondering how she had managed to live without him, without his love, for so long.

He kneeled in front of her, the matching lacey panties in his hands as he looked up at her, taking in her beauty, her flushed cheeks, sated gaze and disheveled hair bringing a smile to his lips as he watched her stepping into her panties, one leg after the other. He then slid her lace panties up her legs and thighs, placing them back where they belonged, his fingers lingering a moment longer, running along the hem as he whispered in her ear "Did you think of me when you got dressed today?"

She pulled back just a little so she could look at him, frowning at the hint of insecurity in his eyes "Seriously, what is up with you?" She smacked his arm lightly with her purse "I always think of you when I take my clothes off" She lifted a suggestive brow and gave him a flirtatious smile as she stepped into her heels and headed to the door.

"I said dress not undress" He called after her, grabbing his jacket before he followed her footsteps, pulling out his own set of keys and locking the door behind them.

"I know" She shrugged in fake innocence, walking backwards and giggling as she watched him shaking his head on a smile.

While they waited for the elevator she leaned in, her warm breath on his ear as she whispered "Are you going to make me return a favor once we get back?"

"What?" He asked, pretending not to understand, enjoying the game she was playing.

They stepped into the elevator, her back to the control panel as she added to ask in a playful tone of voice "Are you going to charge me for your services?"

He leaned to press the button behind her, grinning as he said hoarsely "For you, we have a free services policy – " He got cut off by her lips when she pulled him by the collar of his jacket, tilting her head to deepen the kiss, making him groan into her mouth as the elevator doors closed behind them.

…

It was their one year anniversary, and she was biting her nails all through dinner, she was sure he was going to propose that night. After dinner they visited the theater to catch a play that she had wanted to see for ages but instead of enjoying the show she spent the entire time shifting in her seat, nervous as hell, sure that at any given moment one of the actors was going to call Killian to come up to the stage so he would be able to declare his desire to take her hand in marriage.

On their way back to their apartment she got immersed in her own thoughts, feeling surprised more than anything that he hadn't proposed, wondering what was holding him back.

She knew he loved her; he used to whisper the three little words in her ear every single day, and she felt his love in every little thing that he did.

She also knew that he had absolutely no fear of commitment; on the contrary, he had the tendency to rush into commitment…

_He proposed to Milah after six months.  
He was going to propose to Belle after ten.  
So he was bound to propose to the love of his life after a year, right?_

_Wrong._

…

She followed him to the bedroom, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe, crossing her arms over her chest as she watched him unbuttoning his shirt, then discarding it on the dresser as he sent a devilish smile her way "I hope you've prepared yourself for the weekend" He said in a low teasing voice, making his way to her with nothing but a pair of jeans and his damn good looks.

"You're the one who needs to prepare" She replied on a playful smile when she stepped out of her heels "I'm going to wear you down…you have no idea…"

"You can keep telling yourself that" He whispered when he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her body to his, their lips only a breath apart "But you know it's going to be the other way around"

"Wanna bet?" She teased, slightly pushing him back so she was able to peel off her dress, revealing her gorgeous body in a sexy white lace slip with a flyaway front that showed off her flat stomach, and matching cheeky lace panties that hugged her curves perfectly and put her buttocks on display for his hungry eyes.

"Bloody hell…" He hissed, biting his bottom lip and sucking air between white teeth as his eyes roamed over her body "Well that's just not playing fair" He leaned to whisper in her ear when he took a look at her behind over her shoulder.

"Afraid you're gonna lose?"

"You're stunning in white…" He took a step back, his eyes beaming with awe, thinking how beautiful she was "You look like…"

_A bride?_

"…an angel"

_Yeah, not exactly what she was going for…_

"But I'm still gonna win" He said in conviction, his voice low and husky with desire.

"So are we on?" She said, her eyes narrowing at the challenge as she extended a hand for a shake.

"You got yourself a bet" He took her hand, using it to pull her to him as he spun her around and locked her in his embrace, pressing her back to his chest, her behind to his groin when he slid his other hand down her flat stomach and into her panties.

"You're not wasting time" She writhed with need when his fingers circled her wet entrance.

"I never do" He whispered hoarsely in her ear when he pushed two fingers into her, making her gasp and jolt against him "Gods Emma you're burning up" He slid out his fingers only to push them back, deeper this time, eliciting a needy whine out of her mouth "I can't wait to be inside you" He tightened his grip on her, pressing her body closer to his, if that was even possible, making her feel his bulge between her cheeks, his warm breath on her ear as he whispered "Do you feel how hard I am for you?"

He waited for her answer but she was too far gone to reply, instead she just moaned and writhed in his embrace, trying to hold off an orgasm while his fingers kept drilling her and his thumb circled her clit with consummate skill, making her cry out her release in no time, despite her wishes to make him work just a little bit harder.

"You can still quit" He whispered on a content smile, slowly pulling out his fingers as he nuzzled her neck.

"Not a chance" She said with determination, her voice a bit breathy as aftershocks suddenly spiked through her body, grateful he was still holding her, thinking that otherwise she would have probably tumbled to the floor in a quivering mess.

…

He eased his grip and she turned around, her hands reaching to anchor at his waist, his burying in her hair when their lips met in a passionate kiss.

He took a few steps backwards, beckoning her to follow when he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands pulling her to stand between his legs, hers moving to lean on his shoulders "So what are we betting on?" He asked when he planted a soft kiss on the velvety skin of her stomach "What would you like me to do if you win?"

"Marry me"

"You don't need to win a bet for that" He whispered, his warm breath puffing out against her navel when his hands slid under the lace fabric of her slip, slowly roaming over the sides of her body "Just say when and where and I'm there" He added before he pressed another tender kiss to her stomach.

"I'm serious Killian" She said, her tone serious as her words and he pulled back to look up at her, his eyes slowly widening with a realization as they flew back and forth between her eyes and the white lingerie she was wearing.

…

His mind drifted away as he reflected on the argument they had before she left him years ago.

'I can't keep doing this with you' she had told him 'It's obvious that we want different things, you want a new wife…'

_And she? She didn't want to be his wife._

He carried her words in his heart ever since that day, remembering them every time he dared to think of proposing, which was basically every time she gave him her breathtaking smile, causing his heart to skip a beat, making him wish he would get to see that smile everyday for the rest of his life, then forcefully shooing the thought away, reminding himself it was not what she wanted, reminding himself not to pressure her, not to scare her off, to be careful not to do anything that might make her run off on him again, telling himself that _he'd rather have her like this than not have her at all_.

"I don't want to lose you Emma" He said, his voice just above a whisper as he looked up at her, his flickering eyes revealing the depth of his fear.

"You won't" She said softly as she cradled his face, her thumbs grazing his stubble "There's only one thing that can take me away from you"

They locked eyes and there was a long moment of silence as he realized that she meant it, that she wanted it as much as he did.

"Till death do us part?"

"Exactly" She said on a soft smile before she leaned down to press her lips to his.

…

He soundly tore his mouth from hers before he got up abruptly "Wait here" He said, looking into her eyes, his hands on her waist holding her in place as his face lit up and a smile spread across his face before he turned to the dresser.

He opened the top drawer, rummaging through his socks and boxers, his hand reaching to the back of the drawer, pulling out a small burgundy velvet box before he made his way back to her.

"You bought me a ring?" She asked in surprise, her eyes going wide as her hand reached to cover her mouth.

"Not exactly" He replied on a slightly nervous smile as he looked down at the box in his hand.

_Fuck. Why did he look nervous? Was he going to give her another woman's ring?_

"Is it the one you bought for Belle?" She asked, fighting the frown that threatened to take over her face.

"No…" He replied, his brow furrowing in confusion as he wondered "How do you even know about that?"

"I have my sources" She shrugged.

"Marian" He muttered under his breath, his gaze wandering around the room.

"But it is a ring" She wondered, her voice making him cast his gaze back to her and nod in reply.

"And it did belong to another woman" She stated more than asked.

"Yes"

"Milah?"

"No" He shot unequivocally, looking mildly offended at the thought "It was my mother's" He said softly as they both glanced at the box before they looked back at each other and he continued with a certain amount of insecurity in his tone of voice "I can get you another one if you don't like – "

"I love it" She cut in, answering without hesitation as she smiled and her eyes sparkled along.

"But you haven't even seen it" He smiled back, looking a bit dumbfounded.

"I don't need to" She said when she took the last step that separated them, feeling tears of joy pricking at the back of her eyes "I would be honored to wear your mother's ring" She looked into her favorite pair of blue eyes as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a long loving kiss.

…

As the kiss heated they scrambled their way towards the bed, her hands unbuttoning his jeans at the speed of light, her fingers curling around the hem of his boxers as she slid them down along with his jeans and he stepped out of them, her eyes shining at the sight of his hardness.

He got back to his previous position on the edge of the bed, setting the box aside and pulling her to stand between his legs, his hands running over her buttocks before he tugged on her panties, peeling them slowly and revealing her sex to his lust-darkened blue eyes.

She climbed on top of him, her hands around his neck, his on her waist when she sank down onto him, making him gasp at the feel of his length sheathed within her warmth "Killian Jones, will you ma – "

"Bloody hell Emma" He exclaimed hoarsely when his eyes widened "What are you doing?" He asked and she gave him a look that said 'what do you think?'

"Shouldn't I be the one proposing to you?"

"Old fashion, are we?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"And what are you going to tell our kids? That you proposed naked with me inside of you?"

"_We, _are going to lie…" She captured his lips with hers, her knees pushing her body up so she could sink down onto him again before she said in a seductive tone "We'll tell them that you proposed over dinner"

"Ah ha" He murmured when her movements and her voice distracted him, causing his head to spin as he let out a desperate groan and his hands trailed aimlessly along her thighs.

"We'll say that you hid the ring in the dessert" She began moving on top of him in a slow steady rhythm.

"Cheese cake?" He managed to ask, his body tight with yearning as his hands tightened on her hips.

"Double chocolate"

"I got down on one knee…" He said, ending on a groan as she took him a fraction deeper and he could feel her stretching around him "And you said yes…" He groaned louder when she took him even deeper, almost feeling the end of her "And then I kissed you…" He hissed, staring at her lips, his hungry mouth slightly open, only a breath away from its craving.

"You're getting the hang of it…" She whispered on a content smile as he watched her mouth forming the words.

"And the chocolate tasted so good when I licked it off your lips" He leaned in, his tongue darting out, slowly sliding along the seam of her lips "And on your tongue..." He reached a hand to bury in her hair, tugging on it gently, tilting his head and surging forward at the first sign of her lips parting for him, their tongues meeting with lust as they kissed again and again, their mouths moving in a rhythmic pattern that matched the increasing tempo of her body movements.

…

He flipped them over, her back pressed to the bed, his length still buried deep inside of her when he looked deep into the green sea of her eyes "You know there's nothing more that I want, right?" He asked softly as he caressed her cheek, wanting to let her know that he would have proposed if only he knew that she wanted him to "This past year with you was the happiest of my life, you know that right?" She nodded slightly and kept looking at him intently "And there were at least three hundred sixty-five different occasions that I've wanted to ask you Emma Swan will you marry me?"

"Yes"

_Bloody hell…that wasn't him proposing…was it?_

"I ah…I don't think that was me asking" He said hesitantly as he cocked his head to one side.

"I think it was, and I just said yes, so where's my ring?" She asked on a devious smile, making him shake his head and smile as he bit back a few curses that were on the tip of his tongue, not wanting to ruin the moment. He reached for the box, taking out the ring and sliding it on her finger as he looked at the beautiful face of the woman he loved so damn much "It's perfect" She held up her hand, her eyes shining at the look of the ring on her finger, wrapping her legs around his waist, pulling him a little closer and making him sink a little bit deeper "Now wouldn't that be a moment to remember…" She arched her back in pleasure, her eyes fluttering shut as a huge smile of triumph took over her face "You'll thank me for this memory when you'll be too old to get it up – "

"Not gonna happen" He said, his voice strained as he began thrusting slowly, his hot breath on her jaw line "I'm always going to be hard for you"

"Then I guess I'll have to keep you away from the other women at the nursing home, otherwise they'd be all over you like vultures"

He hooked one of her legs on his hip as he drove into her, saying "You know I only have eyes for you" Ending deep inside of her, pulling out to thrust again "Always have" He said before he thrust again "Always will"

"I love it when you do that" She ran her hands through his hair, licking her lips.

"Do what?" He asked as he continued to take her with long deep strokes.

"Own my body" She said seductively, ending on a loud moan when he drove into her again.

"Do you now?" He paused, drawing his bottom lip between his teeth and raising his brow at her "What else do you love me doing?"

"I love it when you hold me open for you" She teased on a shy smile, spreading her legs a little wider for him.

"Like this?" He asked, splaying his hands on her inner thighs, his grip firm yet gentle as he held her open and pushed into her again.

"Yes" She cried, pleasure pushing through her body when he rotated his hips against her before he pulled out to pump deep into her again "Oh God yes" She whined shamelessly, her body arching into his.

"And when I take it out?" He asked, pulling out and leaving only the tip of him inside her.

"Oh, I'm not happy about that" She pouted, then slowly parted her lips when she noticed his eyes fixed on them.

"I wouldn't want a displeased fiancé" He thrust his tongue deep into her mouth at the same time that he thrust his length hard into her body, his mouth muffling her cries as he drove into her again and again, claiming her body and lips, their breaths growing shorter and shorter "Do you want me to make you come again?" He asked on his short breath.

"Yes" She was quick to reply, her cheeks flushed and her eyes beaming with anticipation.

"Tell me love, what else would you like me to do to you?"

"Touch me" She guided his hands to her lace covered breasts "I love it when you touch me"

He was keen to please, slowly pulling the center tie of her slip, opening the lacy fabric as if he were opening a Christmas present, his hands cupping her breasts, squeezing gently as he asked "Like this?"

"Yes Killian" She bit her lip, placing her hands on his as she pressed them to her body "These are the only hands I want on my body"

"Say it again" He pleaded, pushing until the hilt and filling her completely "Say you're mine"

"I'm yours" She swore and he pulled to enter her once again "All yours" She moaned helplessly when he thrust "Only yours" She moaned again when he thrust again.

"Forever" He grated, his chest sheen with sweat as he kept delving into her.

"Forever" She repeated through a sob of pleasure when he reached a hand to where they were joined, giving her body what it longed for, making her walls spasm around him as she neared her peak "God Killian you feel so good"

"I love you my beautiful Swan" He leaned to whisper in her ear when the orgasm seared across her nerve endings, causing her to lose touch with the world as her body shuddered and her mouth cried out his name.

Her walls tightening around him, and the words 'soon to be Jones' she whispered in his ear, pushed him over the edge with her as he climaxed violently inside of her, his jaw clenching, his head dropping to her shoulder when he filled her with his release.

It took them both a moment to catch their breaths before he rolled off of her and pulled her to his embrace "You'll always be my Swan" He said when he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

…

The next day he proposed again, properly this time and exactly the way they had agreed they'd tell their kids. Distracting her with his lips, he slipped the ring off her finger before they stepped into the restaurant for a late dinner. A pleased smile lifting his lips at the sight of her surprised expression when she found the ring on top of the double chocolate cake…

…

One year later they got married between the oak trees on the banks of the breathtaking Mississippi river. It was a beautiful spring day and when they made their vows Emma burst into tears even though she had promised herself that she wouldn't, and Killian thought that even with her runny make up she was the most beautiful bride in the world (_and he was the luckiest man alive_).

Their long-lost friends attended the wedding, Mary Margaret and David, Ruby and Victor (_"Did you really bring Whale to our wedding?" Emma grimaced at her friend who promised he had changed_), and Robin who apparently hooked up with the evil queen, brought Regina as his date. Even Killian's brother Liam and his family arrived to the states especially for the wedding, whom Emma was thrilled to meet.

They held the reception at the river hall of the Mississippi river inn across the street, same inn they had stayed in years before, on their road trip. Consummating their marriage in the same bed he had entered her body (in more ways than one) for the first time.

'We'll always have Memphis?' He kept asking firmly as he tickled her mercilessly for saying that to him so many years ago, making her cry with laughter until her stomach hurt and she begged him to stop, getting back at her for thinking back then that she'd get rid of him that easily…little did she know that this would be the place where she would conceive their first born.

…

Five months later, during her second trimester, they said goodbye to Boston and moved to Storybrooke Maine, where she gave birth four months later to their first child, a beautiful, dark haired, blue eyed baby girl named Lily.

Aside from her husband, Emma had Mary Margaret, a mother of a two year old boy herself, whom she could lean on, and who could advise and share baby tips with her.

When Lily turned one year old Emma began working alongside David at the Sheriff's station.

Killian, who was working as the school consultant, met Henry, a short while before the boy lost his mother to a fatal accident, the same way that Killian had lost his parents, and when he heard that the cute ten year old was going to be transferred into the foster care system, Killian came pleading Emma to adopt the young lad, not that the pleas were really necessary, as she agreed without a thought.

They purchased a house by the water, not far from the Nolans, who had become like a second family to them.

When Lily turned two, a second baby joined the Jones family, a healthy smiling baby boy, whom they named Davy after Killian's father, and who also had dark hair and Killian's mesmerizing blue eyes.

David teased Killian that in the rate he was going at it with his wife they would have another baby before Emma would blink, and he wasn't that far from the truth as the youngest member of their family was born only eighteen months later; another beautiful baby girl, only this one had her mother's looks, blond hair, green eyes, and Killian was already in love with the little princess. They named her Ingrid.

…

Thirty years into their marriage.

It was thanksgiving again, and like after every thanksgiving family dinner for the past thirty something years, they washed the dishes together (she rinsed, he dried), before they turned to a quiet corner (this time it was their back porch swing), taking a moment for themselves as the ritual repeated itself, every year in this quiet moment he would say 'I'm most thankful that you let me into your life' and she would answer 'I'm most thankful for having you in my life'.

Only this time was different as she added "It was my eighteenth birthday wish" He turned to look at her as his bright blue eyes widened in surprise and she continued in her soft voice "I wished to have you in my life"

_After all those years she still had the ability to take him by surprise._

He looked into the wild green sea of her eyes, same eyes that flung open to look at him after she blew out the candle on her eighteenth birthday when they sat on the hardwood floor at his prison office. His mind drifting to that day, drifting to the young lost girl, with the long golden hair and the big green eyes, who didn't feel comfortable in her inmate uniform, who didn't feel comfortable in her own skin, the memory of the most beautiful eighteen year old he had ever laid eyes on, still fresh in his mind as if it had been only yesterday.

That young woman with the sad smile and the sky-high walls had gradually opened her heart to him as she became _his love, his girlfriend, his fiancée, his wife, the mother of his kids, the grandmother of his grandkids. _

_The one and only. _

_The love of his life._

He pressed a kiss to her temple, intertwining their fingers together when they looked at their kids and grandkids playing softball in their backyard, reflecting on the last thirty something years, thinking that he couldn't imagine his life without his Swan, thinking on what he was most thankful for…

_That her wish had come true._

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So this is it…It was one hell of a journey and I want to thank each and every one of you who read / favorited / followed.

For those of you who took the time to review…I can't thank you enough…you truly managed to put a smile on my face with each little thing that you wrote, thank you so much!

A special thanks to my two besties, Jare and Cris, for being there through the good and the bad…I love you guys!

And to my best friend Google – thank you for your constant presence, I couldn't have done this without you ;)

Hiatus ends today! I hope you enjoy 4B. *fingers crossed for some good CS moments*

I would be more than happy to see you again in the near future :D


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